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Ooh, great idea!

I really appreciate your feedback! It's true that deaths causing resets really causes some issues with mood and stakes. I've been thinking about ways to compensate for that, but I might just have to allow people to die. The main reason I didn't is just because I felt that I'd have to put a content warning about child death on the module. Lots of tweaking to do!

Thank you!

Thank you for the feedback! It's definitely not as scary and grim as other modules, but I wanted to do something with a different tone. 

Since terraforming specifically means to make a place more habitable for humans, I decided to use the sci fi term . I had S4vant use terraforming though, to hedge my bets. Another reviewer suggested I provide a definition, which I plan to do.

Genetic Memory is a real psychological theory, but it deals more with things that are scary or traumatic. Not specifically stories, but I guess a scary story could count. It's really just a sci fi way to use a bunch of myths. If I flesh out the module, I plan to include environmental changes for each myth as well, but I ran out of space.

There is no active myth at the beginning just for gameplay reasons, but the first reset happens after players talk to S4vant. At that point it would be a random roll. I thought about having a myth already be happening, but I wanted to give players a bit of time to get their bearings first.

Another good point! When you're fighting the Curator, it is immune to all damage. There is no clear way to know that attacking the pillars stops it, but I tried to hint at it by having the pillars all rise just before the Curator appears. In playtesting, attacking the pillars was the first thing they tried after a direct attack had no effect. Definitely an area that could use a bigger hint.

The Curator is just the intelligence running the system and it's been around so long that it's no longer working correctly. I say in the intro that "it worked as intended for a time," but it's only implied that its malfunctioning is why the planet is barren.

This is a fun, comedic shore leave module with a cool diagetic design and solid art. Lots of stuff to do and a sinister undercurrent. I don't really have any critiques. I think it all works and players would have a blast.

Hey, you used Morrow, my pitched planet! How fun.

I really like the topographical background, but I think it clashes too much with the text, even with the translucent boxes. maybe it should be mostly black like the first panel? Or the boxes can have a higher opacity? The items being silhouettes against the background also makes them hard to see, but a white stroke/line around the items would fix that. 

The second panel mentions "remains beneath the ground" but I don't know what remains that's referring to. Is the special mineral compound the remains? (I realized later it's the giant mommy.)

You define Silphium in the section What Is Silphium, but didn't use the term before that. Maybe the timeline should mention the offspring, previous inhabitants becoming nymphs and introduce the term silphium

When you mention the moTERM.GEO before defining it, that could be briefly confusing. You could just add (see below) after that line. 

Using the cord as the path on the map is genius.

I find the map a little confusing. It says the temple is in a gorge, but it looks like it's right next to Old Town. Oh, nevermind. I now see that the two gray triangles are mountains and the actual temple is between them. I would still say that's a little confusing though. It also says the temple was "built into" the skull. Are the mountains horns of a skull? They seem to be disconnected from the skull I see outlined on the map. 

Really good layout, design, and concepts here. Locations, like the womb, are well done and have evocative writing. The adventure seems like it'd be a lot of fun. 

Oh interesting! That didn't even occur to me. There is actually no in-universe reason for the first reset happening after talking to S4vant, I just thought it would be good to give players a little time before things went crazy and maybe get a bit of guidance first. Maybe the first reset could just occur within a certain amount of time. Do you have any suggestions?

Great, immediate motivation and hook. I love the horror elements. This isn't really a criticism, but I would like to see them fleshed out a bit more. How do the sludge and Father of Suns relate? How does the sludge meld metal to flesh? Or rather, why are people touching so many metal things after seeing what happens? Do they become magnetic? That could be a cool explanation. Or does the voice tell them to touch metal? it may be a good idea to just drop the sun theme altogether and make the guy the Father of Iron or something metal themed. 

I really like the layout and a lot of the design. Great art. I can see what you're going for with the gradients, but I think all the different colors and the variety of methods for keying made it hard for me to identify when a color had meaning or not.

•  I think the brighter room text means there's a story item there, right? Since you already list the item, I don't think you need that. 
• Does the lighter shade of green used for the room text and one of the enemy colors in the key mean anything?
• I don't think you need the enemy tier system at all. You already have the associated symbol next to their names. You could remove the tier key at the bottom and even the lines extending from the enemy description boxes. I would even consider maybe giving all enemies the same symbol but in different colors. As it is, the symbols are hard for me to differentiate.
• Whatever symbols you do end up keeping and using, I would put every symbol in one box in a list. Having different symbols in different places makes it really hard to quickly get the information I would need as a warden.

All that said, there is a lot to like here! The design, layout, and art are great. The module itself is fun and well thought out. Overall, the biggest issue (in my opinion) is just that it's over-designed and could be pared back and streamlined to make it shine.

Killer cover art, and I like the title a lot. Good design and keying. I like the map aesthetically, but found it a little hard to identify doors. The bioforge is such a fun idea! I'd like it if all the information was a consolidated and how it works is made more clear. I'd explicitly say it allows you to make pills with the listed bioforge properties. "Will produce product from any combo of chemicals" is pretty vague.

Some other small issues. The ancient myth portion of the intro felt tacked on, and I think it would be even weirder for people who don't know the theme of the jam. I would say you could just remove it entirely.

I think an editing pass to focus on defining terms and clarifying language would really help this one shine. Good job!

Thank you for your comments! I have some ideas to work on the resetting being frustrating that I'll be implementing.

Thank you for your comments! Is it the rules for the Apotheosis Engine that require close reading? I wonder if it needs more plain language, if that's the case.

Thank you for your feedback! These are great points. You're the second person who suggested moving S4vant to the top of the NPCs. I think Warden notes could include an explicit explanation of what happened with the polyhedron. Is that what you meant? Or, what information was hard to find/what threads were hard to follow?

I like the design and concept and that you present two ways to tackle the investigation, though I would like a little more info on each method. The way you handle the swarm mechanically is solid. I think you incorporated skills well and areas have decent interactivity. I also like your art and would like to see more of that, maybe with a little more polish. The red herring of the marks on the walls is fun, but may be mentioned too much, since it's ultimately a dead end.

I think most of the criticisms of the module would be resolved by more proofreading or editing. There are some misspellings and some issues rearranging the text would resolve.

As I was reading, I kept feeling like I was missing pieces of information, though I was able to put the pieces together afterwards. Some examples:

• The very first sentence says "The Ohm 64 mining site lies near the slums," but I don't know where this is. I see under warden's notes you say it can be set in any location, so maybe this information could be rearranged to avoid confusion.  Since the slums don't seem to come into play at all, you probably don't need that part.
• Then on panel 2, you say the player can approach the investigation in two ways "discrete or official. Officers have more authority if they go the corporal way." I am assuming that officers are the official way, but do you mean to say "corporate" instead of "corporal?" This could be tightened up to be more clear.

I'm not sure what the end condition of this module is, or how players would know they're done. There doesn't seem to be a final encounter or proof of the cause of the productivity decline that can be taken to the corporation. I can see the players encountering the swarm once and assuming that's enough proof.

I was worried given the subject matter, but this is tastefully done and the theme mostly serves as interesting set dressing. I think it is realized well and this is a solid module, but I think I would have liked maybe a twist or subversion. Though maybe it's better for a shore leave setting to be a little more straightforward.

Also, the collar puzzle solution may be a little too obscure. Maybe I missed a clue, but I think it may be hard for players to know to take the collar off. 

All-in-all though, this is well-executed. I agree that the second page needs more of the personality of the first page, but it still looks good.

I love the report-style design. It feels sci fi but working class, which is perfect. I think it works really well, though I'd like a smaller palette used. It seems to be using 3 different shades of red and three of blue. If you're going to add red to the jam palette, I'd stick to just one shade of red and the two jam shades of blue. 

Mechanically, it's hard for me to know how it would work in practice, but I really like the variety of options and how you've presented everything. I like the red diagetic metacommentary. It's a solid package with intriguing variations and new concepts. 

I think the sponsor as a roleplay-heavy class is a great idea for those who don't want to be in combat or just want something different. Having to protect them to get paid provides the other PCs a fun complication. Good work!

First off, this is great design. The colors work well. I love the map and the asteroid as a text box. What did you use to make the map?

The concept is fantastic. I love the boring 9-5 nature of it. The world-building is excellent and well thought out. Are the character nicknames their call signs?

Really good hooks, guidance, and thought-provoking ideas for continuation.

I liked the sudden and classic body horror. Keep players on their toes.

The major and minor malfunction tables work well. Lots of good ideas for complications. Does the Lighting failure major malfunction mean that the only lighting comes from the hatch markers? 

I like the map, but I feel like the map and the room descriptions, while perfectly functional, descriptive, and well-done, could focus more on interactivity, provide options to more clearly serve the gameplay, or be more flavorful. I can see the explanations of the spaces not figuring into the session much. 

I think this is really solid and well designed.

I like the concept of The Archive a lot, and I think you have a lot of room to expand on it. The Settlement panel and the last panel with the past and present Archives seem to be rephrasing a lot of the same information, so i would remove one of them or combine the information. I also don't think you need the Archive Eggs section. You could just add a line to their mention in The Settlement section that a Curator comes if they're damaged. 

And I don't know that The Curator needs its own panel, since some of its behavior is rephrased elsewhere and I don't know that it needs a communication section outside of something like "teal lights indicate approval and red lights indicate disapproval. You could probably pare it down a lot. 

I like the traded miracles section. It could be combined with the Settlement section. 

This does feel like science fantasy, as someone else said, but I think that could be fun. I like the tone of it, I would just like the concepts here expanded more. Use the space to flesh out some townsfolk. What is their culture like? Why are they indifferent to all the bizarre happenings? Does the Archive extend into any other times? Could the PCs go there? Good work!

The design of this is just great. Lots of visual interest without feeling cluttered. 

Some thoughts: 

• The "CRW" section has some minor contrast issues, at least for me. The white highlight blends into the top of the letters and the background writing impacts legibility a bit. Maybe the whole thing needs to be as dark as it is in the center. 
• The real villain is the insurance companies! Too real. 
• I didn't realize the albatross even had an associated myth. TIL!
• What is the purpose of the wake commands, either evolutionarily or as a conscious act on the part of the albatrosses? I see how it complicates decision making for players. 

This is a really fun creature/encounter and I wish there was an adventure here too. It's also disappointing the players won't see the in-universe documents that are part of the module.  They are so good.

I love the interaction between day and night versions of the world and the concept of the star time travelling to feed itself. Crazy! I think the design and art are great.

Some questions and feedback:

• Is this pamphlet supposed to be a z-fold? I ask because the Landing Area stretches across what would be the back of the pamphlet to the second panel of the pamphlet if it was roll folded.
• I understand the stylistic reason, but when I saw the front panel I immediately thought I had misread and the module was titled "Like Day." That said, it is a cool conceit. 
• The minimaps alongside area descriptions are a great idea, but I had trouble reading them.
• Depending on how this is intended to be read, this may be moot: I am assuming the far left panel of the first page was the second one that would be read. If that's the case, the first time I see the Relic mentioned is when discussing how the observatory shapes the effects of it, but I don't know what it is yet.
• I won't talk much about the complexity, since I see others have. I do think some of it could be solved with some rearrangement of information, again depending on how it's meant to be read. For example, I didn't understand why building a dam would accelerate the cycle. Maybe adding a "(see Power Station & Factory)" would help?
• I'd also like to know the relationship between the fruit and rifts. Do the fruit emit energy that repels the rifts? 

This is so dense with creative ideas. It sounds like you're planning to flesh it out, so I'm excited to see where it goes.

Great suggestions, thank you!

This is a solid module with a great premise and a tough choice at the end. 

Here are some questions/suggestions/feedback:

• The use of the term "Trojans" on the first page was confusing, since there was no explanation then for how they were trojans or what effect them spreading in the system would have. 
• I legitimately laughed at the idea of using a torn-off titan's fingernail as a sled and pictured sliding down a snowy hill before I got the intent. Not saying you should change it though. I thought it was imaginative.
• What benefit would affixing the antigrav ring to the Orpheus provide? The way it's described, it sounds like it only affects itself.
• It took me a moment to realize that the second page is a map, and I may have missed something, but I'm unclear on whether the image of the titan is part or apart of the map. 
• I would also like a diagram of the core. Does being 'high' in this context, i.e. at the zenith of the temple mean close to the center of the core? Is the temple floating in the center of the core? It seems to operate like being at a high elevation on earth where air is thinner, but I am having trouble grasping how it works. 
• The comparative scales of the locations and different titans are also unclear to me. Can all titan enter the temple? Are all "lesser titans" just several times human height and all "titans" of "impossible scale?" Does several times human height mean 3x or more like 100x? Unless it's intended to vary greatly, i might suggest just choosing a specific number. 
• The king being a "lesser" giant also didn't seem intuitive. I immediately assumed the lesser was not the king and that the king would be one of the greater titans. That's more just my preconceived notions though. Maybe you could make it explicit that the greater titans/giants were servants or something, or just more information about the hierarchy. 

It would be fun to know what the titans do after they are freed. Would they help the PCs? Would they escape the planet? Are they dangerous? 

Fun, evocative ideas. I appreciate the tables and statted ship. My brain just had trouble with the spatial aspects. Good job!

That's very true. I felt like a d5 (d10/2) was too few. I then thought about doing 1-8 for each of 8 myths and then 1-2 for reroll or something else, but it felt inelegant. Maybe I should just do 5 myths and really flesh them out and make them multifaceted.

I appreciate that you really leaned into A Sol of Our Own. Lots of good background info included. The breadth of the module is impressive, as well. A setting, NPCs, a statted ship, a plague, weapons, and a player class all in a tiny package! My only criticism is that I would like to see the more interesting concepts fleshed out. I want to know more about how Our Quantum Lady works, if the fungus is related or what its origin is, etc. 

Very cool stuff!

Oh, and I was curious if you had any suggestions for making the resets less frustrating for players, if that's even possible given the nature of them.

Thank you! Someone else mentioned that as well. Do you have any suggestions for how to make groundhog day scenarios less frustrating for players?

This is great feedback. Thank you so much. I agree that S4vant may be doing too much work. I originally had a Warden note that his lines can be given to any other characters, but I decided to cut it for space. Sounds like I should re-add it. 

Interesting point about the health. In my playtest, players killed the Bulgasari after it ate the lava tube door away, but killing it caused a reset, putting the door back, so maybe I shouldn't have reality reset if a myth is destroyed. Or I could just simplify it, get rid of stats, and make it clear to players that they're not going to kill any of them. 

The myths do take up too much space! This is honestly due to d10s being the standard die lol. I really didn't want to remove the flavor text for the myths, but maybe that is necessary to free up some space for the actual adventure. 

Thank you for taking the time and providing thoughtful criticism!

Thank you! This is exactly what I'm looking for. I really appreciate it.

Regarding the deaths, I was thinking that it would be better to have a delay so that the resets occur just after a death, and in fact that's how I ran it when I playtested it, but this creates a problem where I need to have a content warning for child death, which i think would turn off a lot of people. I would remove children from the module, but the youngest being the only remaining conscious colonists is important for the explanation of the "illness," that it's caused by forming too many memories and that children have more space to form them. 

I think my wording for Baba Yaga might be confusing. It just means that of the PCs and colonists that remain conscious, she goes after the youngest. Most likely that will be the 12-year-old, but you never know who people will play as. 

I don't know if I've prevented the groundhog day scenario frustration, but I've tried to put in multiple ways to solve problems. For example to get into the lava tube, you can disable the power (it's a power-locked door), have the Bulgasari eat its way in, (it's metal), or convince Kwame to let you in. I was going to also give Jedda a key to the door, that she presumably got from the mayor, her dad, but didn't have room. 

For getting up to the greenhouse, I did a worse job. You can use the fabrication machines to build something, which is what my players did. I also thought you may be able to have the Sluagh pick you up and drop you there, but they're going the wrong way. You couldn't just get the repair tech to fix it, since I described the cabling as snapped and coiled on the ground and they'd have to climb up to replace it. And because the polyhedron is in the greenhouse, you can't yet combine myths to have the rain cool the lava flow enough to climb it, say. 

Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time! Lots to work on and tweak after the jam.

Thank you! Yes, I used up a lot of room on the myths, which was really because the standard die is a d10 lol. Previous drafts had hooks and more guidance. It makes me think I should expand it after the jam.

I mean, this is a professional work, by three of the biggest names in the Mothership/TTRPG scene. I wouldn’t be surprised if this one won. It’s unsurprisingly excellent. No notes. 

This module has solid setups for fun gameplay and explosive combat. I like that you could have two or three distinct phases, getting the TCU from the mine, hiding in the asteroid field, and ship-to-ship combat. Very cool. I also like the mechanics for powering and moving the TCU.

Some questions and feedback I had:

• The "Thermal Containment Unit" panel and "Why Are We Here?" panels could be swapped, since the former will be read before the latter and it's an entire panel about a device that the front panel doesn't mention, but then you'd need to explain what "TCU" meant in the Why Are We Here panel.
• The screen effect over the text made it hard for me to read. I had to zoom in.
• #20 on the fault table may be too extreme. You could lose the whole module with one die roll, which may be frustrating for some.
• I don't know if you need to note that the captain of the Promethean Flight is unknown. I also found the layout for the last two panels to be confusing. The Promethean Flight panel says the captain is unknown, but then Cpt. Faust is listed under its description. I'm also not sure which ship would have the corp marines vs merc marines. I'm guessing that because Cpt Faust doesn't like pirates, the Eagle Gallant is the corp ship, right? 

I like the tone of the module. It would suit a more grounded military man/working class campaign.

First off, I said this before, but I just absolutely love the design. The colors and art are fantastic. Everything about the module is very polished and I could see it being sold. The writing and mechanics are really solid. 

The questions under Implant Insights are a great mechanic for defining the visions, encouraging roleplaying, and keeping things fresh.

I wonder if the room descriptions could be arranged to roughly follow map layout and still have logical numbering. I got confused for a moment because the text blocks seem to line up well with the map, but reactor core and chrysalis are swapped, for example. Wait, I just noticed that the reactor core is 7 on the map and 8 in the description.

I also had some questions about how things worked:

• How did she or could she change her mind/programming over a prolonged period of idle maintenance? Maybe there was an external factor that was the catalyst?
•  How does she make the planet wintry? And, if they gave her the ability to change the planet's climate, I wondered why they wouldn't just have her make it warmer.
• Does being in the cryopod make Raz immune to the visions? If the Cryohalls are immune to her influence like the Wellspring, I missed that.
• Where do players get the data chip? 
• How would players know that the terminals in the Wellspring do different things?
• Why does using a different reactor (power source, right?) power Morana down?

Great job, though! I love it.

I really like the visual design of this, there are great concepts at play, and the enemies and tone are frightening. 

There may be too many quotes and too much descriptive writing though, which feels weird to say, It really works as an evocative, experimental piece, but reading as a warden wanting to be able to quickly get a sense of how to run it, I hit some snags when trying to distill the content into actionable information. 

Some questions I had:

1. What do you mean when you say the module is a "tragedy witnessed through Unconfirmed Contact Reports?"
2. Can you describe the Cassette Cache puzzles and how they're used/played?
3. What do you do with the Astronav Cartography Feed? Do people watch it and report if there are issues with ships approaching the watchtower?
4. Is the Fort Lot a play place for children? 

I liked the note about cults and faith. TTRPGS too often treat cultists like faceless cannon fodder. I think you could remove the "be respectful" part though. It feels a bit like an admonition, which could rub some people the wrong way.

Ultimately, I think this module is a flavorful and effective artistic statement. Good job!

This has a really fun, funny, and unique tone, especially for a mothership module. The juxtaposition between the goofy professor and what you need to do to him is pretty funny. 

The art is great, but the layout needs more polish. I think the readability suffers a bit because terms are used before being defined. The Sacrifice and Lightning Curse are mentioned before they're explained, for example. Some minor rearrangement of the text would resolve that.

I also think you need to shrink the pyramid so the text doesn't have to go over it. Maybe shrink it to the bottom middle, put some numbers in the rooms and then have room numbered descriptions arching over it. Like this:

This is so ambitious and it's a shame that you didn't have time to finish it. The gameplay seems really fun but it's a bit hard for me to wrap my head around without actually playing it. I am a visual/kinetic learner. 

I hope this gets expanded into a zine with lots more art. I've already said I love the map and the cover art is great, but more spot art and diagrams would really help me. I also would love more descriptive text and world-building. What is there is very cool and evocative, but so much of the space needs to be devoted to rules. 

Or, you could turn this into actual card game!

To be clear, you did a great job. The keying is well thought out and clever,  it’s just dense.

Your art is good. I really like the art for the masked people (I’m not looking at the module right now, so I forget what they’re called). 

I hope you continue making modules. 

I like the minimalist design and layout. Classic look. I think it's easy to read and is a solid adventure. I'm always a fan of memetic hazards/infohazards. I think the psychosis may be too strong though. Losing eyeballs in level 2 is a lot. And if blood and bile are pouring out your ears, that seems immediately terminal.

I like the tables and diagetic hinting. Also I love that you also used the word "organometallic" in your module. 

Having alcohol delay the effects is fun. This could almost be a drinking game.

What do you mean by "Give them a juicy clue from this one," exactly?

Great job!

Thank you so much for your kind words. You've made my day. 

I should have said "the first reset occurs immediately after meeting S4vant." I'll have to fix that. Or, I'll just change it to "while" as you suggested, since I don't have the space.

It was my intention that it wasn't time that's being reset, just how reality is currently structured. In my head, the remaining colonists are just resigned to their fate (except for Phin) and have kind of just shut down. They've all seen hundreds of bizarre and horrifying things happen and they've even been hurt and may have even 'died' before.  But, now that you mention it, I think 3 weeks is probably too long, so I will shorten it. 

Thank you again!

This is such a huge work in a small package. I think the effect of that however is that it's very dense. A single area has many symbols and text formats that need to be kept in mind. Some small tweaks could be made to improve the readability, but overall I think it's excellent. If you had room, one tweak I might make is to just say "to B2" after the "Type" symbol. That way you don't even need to mention "To" in the key. 

Everything has had so much thought put into it. It's really an impressive accomplishment. I could easily see this being published and sold. One thing that is more of a personal preference, but I think it could use different cover/main art. Everything else is so polished, it just doesn't feel like it's up to the level of the rest of it. Not that it's bad, the rest of the package is just so good.

I said this in the discord, but I love this concept and execution I hope you can expand it more after the jam. This could be something really special that I don't think we've seen much before, if at all. If you drew the sketches, I hope you really go all out with art. I'll be following you to see how this develops.

Old-school essentials is a system that uses a specific style for presenting information for their modules. They use bolded words and then explanations in parentheses for example. I just noticed that and was curious. 

Oh, that is all great! Maybe expand it to a zine after the jam so you can include it.