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This was excellent! I liked the art and your layout and design were great. It really feels like you've read a lot of modules and know how to convey information.
I only had a couple small issues with the content where I was confused, but I think that was mostly on me. It took me a moment to realize that "mainline solarian mole" meant that he was a spy from the other branch of the religion and was caught somehow.
I also wasn't quite sure why the pilgrims needed to be ground up. I get that the cycle isn't perfect and they burn more than they produce. Are resources so tight that they can only survive here by producing more energy/calories than they take in? Maybe I missed something.
While reading this, I just kept coming back to how well-executed the information presentation was. I think you're using the OSE house style, or a variant of it?
Thank you Deadnought! I take usability (how well concepts come across as well as general readability, pick-up and play) seriously. We play-tested the game twice and incorporated general feedback as well. I am happy it worked out even though I packed it with concepts. I will also look to make your feedback more clear in the pamphlet after the jam.
Regarding your question about the pilgrims, then it is also something that unfortunately got cut. Damn tiny pamphlet word count! But the idea is that the bloodletting and spinal tap is quite invasive and would lead to bodily decay regardless. The reason why the priest do it is because of their religious beliefs being exacerbated by the fungal growth in their body from genetically modifying themselves with the bioluminescent fungus from the planet. The fungus craves decaying material to "feed on" (decompose) and uses the priests as a kind of religious Angler fish light to lure in devoted but gullible pilgrims.
Regarding your question of OSE, then Mothership is actually my (almost) first experience in playing role-playing games. It's at least what got me hooked. And I do lean more towards the narrative end of the role-playing spectrum, which may be why I favored some more "theatrical" parts in the module, like the rite of passage. When running it, it was fun to ask the players what their sun-name was and have them whisper it in my ear, then putting a gene-gun to their foreheads. "MY CHILD. DO YOU ACCEPT TO LET THE LIGHT SHINE UPON YOU AND THROUGH YOU?!"... fear save.
Actually thinking about your OSE house rules question. Maybe it's something I don't know about Mothership. Is it a certain style that one can adopt in the way it is played? Personally I do Player Facing Rolls.
Old-school essentials is a system that uses a specific style for presenting information for their modules. They use bolded words and then explanations in parentheses for example. I just noticed that and was curious.
Oh, that is all great! Maybe expand it to a zine after the jam so you can include it.
And to add to the layout being clear, the actual visual layoutting and feedback on text was given by my collaborator tim4242. He also did the visuals which I am grateful for.
I think I saw this was your first time writing a mothership module? You can’t tell. This is a very solid entry. Great care and attention on layout and design, you used very effective artwork that conveyed the themes without distracting. There are a number of concepts delivered all at once, as someone else pointed out, but I think that’s largely fine. There isn’t so much going on here that a warden couldn’t keep it sorted with a dash of book keeping. It feels very active, like this is happening on a clock and I can see where the players are start freaking out, stacking stress, and searching for the exits. The only thing I don’t really feel was super strong here was the Ancient Mythology theme. I guess the Solarian church and the remnants of the 500 year old civilization were the lead in on that? Didn’t feel super ancient, but I got the mythology from it. Either way, great job, solid entry.
Yes. My co-designer did mention that this is what comes through the least. The module is already so packed that this is one of the things that is not fleshed out and left a bit between the lines.
Let me explain the ancient myth inspiration:
Certain Nahua cultures and Aztec peoples had the creation myth of the five suns. They believe that the world has gone through five distinct cycles of creation and destruction. This is also what I think the mainline solarians believe as they are called The Church of the Fifth Sun. The Sol Incarnate (this Solarian Schism) on the other hand is the Church of the Sixth Sun believing that the previous world has ended and this is the new world. A world which will also end either through destruction (sunslayer) or through the natural course of the binary sun where one sun is consuming the other, and out of this they will be born anew.
That is what the cryptic Solarian prayer in the module is about:
When the Unconquered Sun is consumed by its twin, and the sky forgets its name, the faithful shall be the only light. They shall carry the sun in their flesh. And when the consummation ends, they alone shall remain — and from them the world shall be seeded anew.
The art and layout are fantastic. Phenomenal use of the black and white in service of the theme of the module. The logo is great as well.
In terms of writing, The Rite of Passage throws a lot of new concepts and jargon at us in a short space. There were several sentences that I had to pause and reread, the search back through the previous text to sort out what is happening.
I feel like there are so many great ideas, but they are lost a bit in the lack of clarity by not having enough space to get fleshed out more and this impacts the "utility". For example, the "Sol-mates" is very clever and add flavor, but I spent time trying to determine what the importance was Sol-mate vs Enlightened and I don't think it impacts the game play. All the priests could just be sol-mates or Enlighted and it would be fine, unless the players are expected to rescue their specific sol-mate during the long night. It would probably be best to stick with just one term for simplicities sake. I can identify more examples if you would like, but I don't want to belabor the point.
That said, I love the concept, the monsters, the church and priests, all of it really. I think to take it to the next level, you'd have to make some tough choices on cutting down material to simplify and make it more accessible or expand beyond the trifold format to flesh it out more.
Yes. I did jam pack this module. I was just so inspired. There's a virtue in being concise and cutting the fat. As the writer I believe all of it is necessary to be there, but that's not always true!
Regarding the Sol-mates, though, I would be hard pressed to remove that as it underlines a big motif in the game about codependency being an unhealthy relationship. The pilgrims physically and emotionally yearn for their sol-mates while the sol-mates feed of off their literal life essence. That's why you are "assigned" a sol-mate and mechanically get the "bonded" condition where you have do a sanity save to resist them calling out for help during the Long Night.
The enlightened is what this religion calls their priests and is the false promise for the pilgrims' transcendence that ultimately brings them to their demise. So both terms are needed in this case.
But I do take it seriously that the module can be dense and hard to quickly pick up, read, and play. I will look into ways to cut some fat after the Jam!