In general, I love a resort location. I feel like the conversion of stress to experience is a little onerous and stingy in Mothership, especially given that there's such a high chance of a character dying, so I'm always looking for adventures that can do double duty. As an alternative hook, the players could be resting/converting stress when everything goes to hell.
Love the cover art, the color choice, NPC profile pics and descriptions. With the NPCs I thought you did a good job giving them personality in a short space. Mira's broadcasts had me laughing out loud and were my favorite part.
I thought everything was very playable and easy to follow. There is a bit of a video game quality to this where we're clearing rooms with guns blazing which is more "action-horror" than my personal taste and I think it would be a few too many rooms for a one-shot, not that there's anything wrong with that. This is just my opinion, but I think you have a real flare for dialogue and description and the space on the second page my be better served by fewer rooms with more roleplaying fleshed out. At the same time, you've done a great job placing all the necessary details for the wardens to run with it themselves, so I don't think changes are necessary as it works great as is.
Bckids1208
Recent community posts
To start with, visually the first page is great. The cover art is awesome, I love the menu design, the art on the front fold is killer. I love the names of the items on the menu and the build a nymph is very clever. You did a great job of integrating an ancient myth into a sci-fi setting. The second page is, I think less visually appealing, but is very playable. All the information you need is clearly laid out and on the page and the design is accessible and gives us everything we need to play a session. From a color, font and "feel" I think the second page could be revisited to make it feel more like the inside of an erotic club. Perhaps you could incorporate the curvy neon light lines from the front instead of the hard right angles and flat colors? Or they could be more cord like or S&M themed. I don't know.
I personally haven't run an overtly sexual adventure at my table (which is three couples), but I think the hook of rescuing someone from the testing chamber would completely work with my group without anyone being put off in any way. I think you've struck the right balance on a tricky topic where it would be fun for most people is what I'm trying to say. Great job!
This is really phenomenal, I'm super impressed by the density, clarity and flavor of all the information, y'all have really pulled off something impressive. The cover art and title are sick. It immediately makes me want to pick it up and dive in. I love the way you set up everything with the story items and timeline. Everything is super useful, looks great and is well thought out.
A few small notes:
1. I was a little confused by the back and forth between using Dr. Rollo and the Scientist. It made it seem like there were two separate people but I think after reading it is just one person?
2. I too have a villain with a syringe and scalpel finger in my adventure!
3. The ancient god tomb story hook isn't doing much for me personally. I know ancient myth is the theme and you did a great job integrating it, but just for my personal taste I would probably flavor it differently if I ran it.
4. I don't think the items table is worth the space (although I laughed at the descriptions!) but if you did want to keep it I would make it so you can roll for a random item and maybe swap out some of the weapons with things more directly plot related. Some hastily ripped open radiation sickness patches or keycard with limited security access or something. Alternatively, the radiation sickness table in the Player's Survival guide is pretty puny, I think developing something that is cranking up the pressure as the adventure goes on would be fun.
5. For the star in the legend it says Tier 1 NPC (1d10) I'm reading that as how many NPCs are there, I might change it from "NPC" to "NPCs" but I'm not sure what the proper way to do that would be.
Really fantastic stuff!
I love this module and would definitely play it.
The art is fantastic, the design is super useful, the writing evocative, I felt like everything was intuitive and worked well together.
Two small pieces of feedback:
1. The first location was labeled the crash site, I wasn’t clear why it was a “crash” and not a “landing”. If it is a crash I feel like that could’ve developed more in the ship description maybe, “as you approach the moon XYZ happens.”
2. I think the front page is less appealing than the back and interior. If I saw it in the store it wouldn’t “Jump off the shelf” at me. Maybe the moon could be shaking or breaking apart? Show the drill ship on approach?Something that conveys the urgency, mystery or excitement of the scenario.
This was my first time making a trifold and using Affinity and I definitely ran into a wall with what to do creatively (hence the blood splatter background). Perhaps I might be better served partnering with someone more experienced.
The art is hand drawn and lightly photoshopped, I’m glad you liked it! Making it was one of the most enjoyable parts of the process.
The art and layout are fantastic. Phenomenal use of the black and white in service of the theme of the module. The logo is great as well.
In terms of writing, The Rite of Passage throws a lot of new concepts and jargon at us in a short space. There were several sentences that I had to pause and reread, the search back through the previous text to sort out what is happening.
I feel like there are so many great ideas, but they are lost a bit in the lack of clarity by not having enough space to get fleshed out more and this impacts the "utility". For example, the "Sol-mates" is very clever and add flavor, but I spent time trying to determine what the importance was Sol-mate vs Enlightened and I don't think it impacts the game play. All the priests could just be sol-mates or Enlighted and it would be fine, unless the players are expected to rescue their specific sol-mate during the long night. It would probably be best to stick with just one term for simplicities sake. I can identify more examples if you would like, but I don't want to belabor the point.
That said, I love the concept, the monsters, the church and priests, all of it really. I think to take it to the next level, you'd have to make some tough choices on cutting down material to simplify and make it more accessible or expand beyond the trifold format to flesh it out more.