I'm surprised this only as 8 ratings so far because the art on your cover is super eye catching and well done. For me, this was THE stand out art leading up to the deadline in the Discord chat. I remember someone suggesting using perspective lines on the scaling and positioning of the people and I see the benefit of that extra effort you put in.
The background art on pages 2-4 works incredibly well.
"Temperatures hover near 500°F in direct sunslight, 120° in shade, and cool to 100° during the 15-minute night that occurs once every 16 hours. " First, let me note that this is a clever, visceral game device, I think players will enjoy it and I would enjoy running it. Also, "sunslight" is very fun play on sunlight for multiple suns. I realize this is fantasy so scientific accuracy isn't paramount, but this doesn't seem realistically survivable. The hottest sauna is 195° F and you can really only hang out in there a short while before passing out (30 mins?). Also, if it's 500°, I think it would be much hotter than 120 in the shade. Again, I know this is fantasy and it doesn't really matter, but I was like, wait what? If they have to travel a mile and have a 25ft gnome movement that's 106 rounds of dashing that's 106 6 second rounds or ~10 mins 30 seconds. Anyway, it's a fun in game puzzle problem (I have scientists and engineers in my group so this is the kind of pedantic shit I'd have to litigate, lol). Misty step wouldn't get you far, I think teleport is too high a spell for 5th level, maybe you could cast a fog to in the sky to lessen the damage or something but your little magic guys might be on deaths door and using their healing potions just to get across without a combat encounter. Of course, if they solve waiting for night that's probably only a little bit of damage.
All of the encounters are really fun and flavorful. In general, I love this setting. The map and the canyon people are very cool.
I would maybe change "TO DEAL WITH IFRIT IS TO BURN" to "YOU MUST BURN TO DEAL WITH THE IFRIT" or something else with a bit more of a wink towards the solution. As written, I wouldn't make the jump to pressing burnt flesh to open the door.
Super tight, evocative adventure that would be really fun to play. I could pick this up and run it with one read through, which is impressive in and of itself. I think you've done a great job flavoring things while also supplying tons of information. Top marks!
Viewing post in Tutor of the Ifrit's Art jam comments
Thanks so much, for the praise and for the feedback!
I’ve received a few pieces of feedback regarding the temperature and I think I’ll probably tweak the numbers a bit once judging is complete. I did do a little research on the maximum-survivable temperature for a minute or so and it was around 500 (plus that’s a nice “oh wow that’s hot and will deal Fire damage” number). The shade temp was basically the hottest I felt I could use while still justifying people staying on the plane indefinitely and not just constantly taking damage. My head-cannon is a thinner atmosphere to justify drastic temperature swings, but that might be a little too crunchy.
Good call on the puzzle as well; I went back and forth on the wording a few times and frankly wasn’t super happy with anything. If I’d have had space I would have said that close inspection reveals some charred skin or something (because the robed figure just recently passed through), but I was completely out of space without shrinking the font.
Thanks again for the review!