Play module
Skin Deep (Mothership Module)'s itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Overall | #13 | 3.645 | 3.645 |
| Favorability - how much do you personally like the submission? | #15 | 3.579 | 3.579 |
| Polish - How is the overall look/vibes/writing & design? | #16 | 3.737 | 3.737 |
| Theme - How well does it match the Jam's Theme? | #17 | 3.842 | 3.842 |
| Usability - How "pick up & play" is this for a Warden? | #17 | 3.421 | 3.421 |
Ranked from 19 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Judge feedback
Judge feedback is anonymous.
- I really like the layout, flow, and visual style. It may be a little dense for a last minute pick-up-and-play trifold. That being said, it doesn't feel like there is much in the way of wasted space. All of the information is something that I would find useful while running it. Great submission!
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
I love this entry! So much information and such a detailed adventure for such a short pamphlet. Very concise for newer wardens. Excellent layout and design. The only feedback I really have is the panel with the bugs in the background was a little distracting. Other than that really love the concept and the execution. Great Job!
And have you ever read Earth X, the marvel graphic novel? There is a concept in it that is similar to the concept of the conscious statues in your adventure, and it is a pretty horrific concept.
I have not, but it sounds interesting. I didn't have much hope that "statues with people inside them" would be a wholly original idea, but I am happy that it was at least the only occurrence of that concept in the Jam.
Thanks for the feedback on the bugs. There was one other comment that I went overboard with the palette and variation between panels, so I've been looking for things to cut, but you're the first to have given me a specific suggestion on that front.
Basically the deal there is I was concerned about not having left myself enough room for any illustrations, and although I am an artist, I'm not a sci-fi/fantasy artist, nor a portraitist. So I was looking for ways to integrating simple illustrations into the design. If they're distracting as a watermark, what I'll probably try to do is condense that panel slightly to leave some space at the bottom or in between sections and have a line of them crawling across.
Hi! Here's my reaction after reading:
From the title, I wasn't expecting this type of scenario at all, but rather something more like insects crawling under the skin of their victims, as in The Mummy. In the end, though, it was a pleasant surprise.
+ I really like the idea of a mundane scenario because it allows us to offer our players more variety on the Mothership system. I could run it.
+ The locations and location headers are clearly presented. However, it's unclear how many security personnel are in each room. But this is a parameter that each warden can easily improvise.
± It's a complete and attractive scenario, but it requires a great deal of information to be assimilated. Errors in relation to the timeline are bound to occur.
- This is especially true since the time interval between each timeline event is irregular. Furthermore, the first event appears to be late.
Typo: "+2:55 — Mallion and Camilla take off with Phoebe aboard." Is Phoebe the new Daphne?
Typo: "Several broad staircases lead up to the Observation Platform." Isn't the Viewing Platform?
You say that, when chaos begins, the kitchen staff flees to the staff area. However, according to the legends of the staff area during Act III, this is not the case. Is this a mistake?
As for the theme, I understand your desire to give "under the surface" a figurative meaning. However, this interpretation seems more distant than those of other submissions I read.
Overall, this is a solid trifold that I enjoyed reading. However, it requires an experienced Warden to provide the best experience for players.
Thanks for the detailed feedback! I really appreciate the granular notes about typos and such. You're right, I had waffled about Daphne's name and evidently forgot which version I'd settled on when writing that point on the timeline.
Likewise, good catches on the Observation/Viewing Platform. Those are the kinds of things that will be really helpful in finishing this up for publication. And I'll make the staff icon opaque for the Staff Area in Act III... the idea is that most go that way while some hide in the Kitchen, and you may or may not actually encounter them depending on what the Convicts are doing. But it's true that by default there should be some there to I'll make it a solid icon.
I'm planning on removing the timestamps from the timeline anyway. It seems to be more limiting and confusing than helpful. Instead it will just be a list of things that happen in each act, with some flexibility in the ordering and spacing.
Regarding the theme, my thinking is that it's there both literally and figuratively. Literally, there are people (and a Mulcher) under the surface of the statues. Figuratively, Camilla's beauty is only skin deep and she is in fact a monster under the surface. But I can see how the statues thing might seem too indirect if you were thinking of larger surfaces, like water or the planet's surface.
I agree that it's not the easiest thing to run for novices. My thinking there is that the setup is designed to be slotted in between other scenarios, so it's not going to be anyone's first time playing. It can still be a handful, though, as there are a lot of moving parts.
Howdy, giving this a read now -- my (v unorganized) notes below!
the description of these sculptures is really well done -- describing something that i CAN imagine but have certainly never seen -- and narrating how one would find it moving.
lol, vix. love how immediately they are going to become a liability here.
camilla's personification is great. i am already imagining a voice in my head.
the timeline is REALLY remarkable. like everything working like clockwork, things happening in parallel, plenty to give players as the situation escalates. and maintains excellent tone for each of these (exhausting and/or terrifying) party guests.
GREAT interpretation of the theme -- unexpected and v satisfying once it "clicked".
diabolically funny and thrilling. this is really great stuff!! definitely on my list of ones i want to run!
Awesome. Definitely give me a post-session report if you do run it. I don't know if you saw, but I did a recap of my playtest session on the Mothership Discord if you want to either compare notes after, or see how mine went to help prepare for yours. I found you probably have to mess with the timeline a little for the sake of pacing and having things happen when the players are most likely to notice something weird going on, but overall it worked really well.
Praise: This is a really fun and original idea for a module, and the timeline guarantees that the whole play session would stay lively. The icons indicating the presence of NPCs on the map at a given time is a stroke of brilliance.
Criticism: I think that the scope of this work is pushing the boundaries of the format. There is so much condensed 8pt type on these pages. I'd really love to see the work slightly expanded with more detailed area descriptions, and laid out in a more comfortable 12-16 pages
Agreed. Trying to pack as much as I could in was kinda my goal from the outset, as a personal challenge. But by the same token you're absolutely correct that as a product, the same story would work better in a longer format.
The question is whether I should do that and leave the jam version as a free PDF to support a more fleshed out zine, or just do lighter revisions on the trifold and move on to a zine as my next project, maybe something intersecting with this a bit. Still mulling that over.
I always vote 'move on to the next product.' It's easy to keep polishing forever, I think it's better to just take what you have learned and make a next product that's even kick-ass-er.
This one is really, really dense, and I found it a bit tough to read just visually but I love the contents. It’s a really great “rich person function goes to shit” scenario!
I really love the Warden direction given here on how to run the adventure. It’s not heavy handed but it gives lots of excellent pointers. I also enjoy having statlines for generic NPCs as well as named ones, giving me again lots of freedom to vibe out an encounter if I need to.
Maps are quite dense with icons and whatnot and I would be worried about how readable they are in print but it’s a lot of really useful info!
All told, very unique take on the theme and slick execution! It's not common that I am surprised by the twist after reading the premise. This was super refreshing and engaged me quickly. Awesome work!
Thanks. Glad to hear the twist wasn't obvious. I always like to present a few ways something could go so the players aren't as tempted to metagame and get ahead of the plot, so I'm glad that worked.
I was worried about readability too, but I followed Graham's guidelines for how much can fit, and was able to read my low-quality B&W test prints without my glasses, so I think it will be fine. I'll try to cut a little, especially in the timeline based on feedback, so as to give the final thing a little more breathing room. But this format is always going to be a tradeoff between the amount of content and its presentation and I'm a writer first and a designer second, so I decided to play to my strengths.
Appreciate the feedback!
Really enjoyed reading this, and whilst I think it could benefit from a bit of work on the design and layout, and agree with the timeline feedback below, this is one of my favourites from this jam. The flavour is great.
If you have specific things you'll like to see changed about the layout, I'm all ears. I definitely plan on tweaking things a bit before releasing it as a finished product. All I've got so far is the suggestion to reduce the colour palette a bit, which makes sense.
The timeline works wonders.
Firstly, great name! (Not biased, I swear ;) ) This was a really fun one to read. Here is my feedback:
+ Very good and readable layout! Sections are distinct and easy to read.
+ Usage of trifold format feels strong
+ Icons for NPCs and colour-coding for maps are nice touches.
+ Warden notes are nice and helpful.
+The timeline is useful and gives an idea of the pace well.
- Some of the colour choices feel a bit disparate, colour-coding works nicely, but I don't know if the simplicity of the maps necessitates it (this is probably just a preference thing on my end, though)
- I don't know how useful the wider-zoom map is, as most of the relevant information is repeated by the lettered locations on the earlier section.
- Timeline is a bit too granular/prescriptive. I think including the key actors would be better, as it puts a lot of impetus on the Warden to spin a few plates at once.
- Would take a fair bit of prep to reduce mental load when running this, not necessarily a 'plug and play' adventure (not a bad thing btw, just a thought)
Thanks. There wasn't room for a lot of art, so I tried to use color and design elements to create some visual interest, but the point is taken that maybe it's too much.
Definitely agree with the timeline being too granular. I was trying to reduce mental load by having it step-by-step, but having playtested, I came to the same conclusion as you. I think in the final version, I'll just have a bullet list of important things happening in each Act and leave the exact timing and sequencing to the Warden. Aside from being less to keep track of it allows the Warden to time things so as to keep all players engaged and make sure they have at least an inkling of what's going on, e.g. you can have Camilla and Daphne pass by as a player is leaving the library, so that when they later hear the Governor asking if anyone's seen his daughter, they've got a clue to work with.