hiya here are some notes i took while reading this one!

first impression i am immediately in love with the art here. particularly the two riders on the front panel. 

ooh hell yeah... that's how you write a last sentence in a summary (off to the races section). i was following the story so far and that last bit hit me like a... well it hit me like rufus and amelia hit that curve, lemme tell ya. no joke, when i was a kid i had a nightmare i was playing mario kart and my ghost data could bump me off the track. haven't thought about that in a while!!

"sleeping with the stars, outside an airlock, with aluminum shoes" THIS IS SO GREAT. A++ space mafia one-liner, no notes

i love the whole setup leading up to the big race, and the twist once you're in there is satisfying and thrilling. 

because i am corny i would not be able to resist at some point having an NPC say "in the language spoken on G'Sliiiit, they call him... the lamborghini diablo." i already regret writing that out loud

would be cool to add "effects" to the types of bumps the devil does! like a tail bump makes speed easier but int harder, etc.

really enjoyed this read! your sense of humour is great on both this and it talks, im now looking forward to an entire suite of G'sliiit madness to read :)

I absolutely adore these kinds of genre clashes. Racing-horror is such a tantalizing promise, it really really hooked me in. The art is also absolute top class. I feel like the structure is a little too linear for a game like mothership though; I love me a great railroaded adventure, and this is a really well written one, but I think it might fare better in a game made with linearity in mind - If I'm running this I'm probably running it in Into the Blind instead ;p

Great artwork and an interesting premise. Good job!

I love the artwork here, it really gets a handmade zine vibe! Here is my feedback:
+ Initial D/Ghost Rider in space? Awesome.
+ The text is clear and readable
+ La Laguna seems like an interesting location
+ Mounting pressure and tension are really interesting factors to this
+ The Racing Devil (or...speed demon?) is a great monster and I like how it is used!
- Information given is clear, but the formatting makes it a bit tricky to parse at times; things could be a bit more concise.
- The map system for the race feels a bit clunky. I feel like some refinement for the race mechanics would go a long way.
-The  theme feels a bit light overall
- At times feels a bit too railroady

I think the art is perfectly Mothership and charming as hell, and the idea of a sci-fi racing horror adventure where I've been forced to participate because of debts to the mob is excellent!

Unfortunately though, I feel I have to recommend a page-one revision here. Too much is left up to the Warden to flesh out themselves (a map/layout for La Laguna would be very welcome for Episodes 1-3) and other stuff is rail-roaded too hard to be reasonable (mob debt/math of the racing checks/random nature of possession).

I've got lots of ideas on how you could tackle this one if you're open. Happy to jam on them (no pun intended) in DMs!

Racing and mothership aren’t things I thought of putting together. This is a really exciting and original concept ! I’m gonna jump straight to a few feedbacks I’d like to give you, some positive and some more towards what I feel needs more work.

The Looks

First of all, let’s talk design, layout and style. I’m very partial to punk doodle aesthetics, and I think it suits the illegal driving vibe you were going for. The fact that the map gives me nostalgia of PS1 racing games is also a big plus for the retro feel !

There is one thing I strongly suggest you change after the jam : currently, printing the module leads to the back page either being the monster, or the episode 5 page (depending on how you fold it. Check out Graham’s post on how to fold and layout your trifold for an example). Should you try and give this to potential buyers physically, this means that a) potential players will automatically be spoiled on pick up, and b) wardens have no way of knowing what content actually awaits them without opening and reading the module. Simply swapping the ghost page with the pitch page (which was probably intended) should do !

The Driving

How “pick up and play” is this ? Well first off, there is no printer friendly version. It’s a good thing that you use a white background, but still, a grey scale would be appreciated for the poorer players amongst us (such as I!).

Overall though, I think that the usability of your module is one of its strong points. I could see myself reading through it and running it the same day! Well done.

The Horse Power

So what about the game design ?

As casacerrada mentions in their previous message, there’s around 20 checks per racer per lap, totalling in the 100s if they survive the race.

I think this is a design overlook. It sounds good, until you realise how many rolls that represents, and how much Mothership encourages not rolling at all when possible. Remember, every roll in mothership means something dramatic and important is going down and the price for failure is high!

Here are the flaws I think need to be addressed :

• as stated, too many rolls in its current form. When people roll, make it count.
• Currently, there isn’t much control, mechanically or otherwise, for the PCs in the race. It’s a luck game heavily favoured towards the NPCs (due to PC stats usually being so low). Try and find ways to give more agency to your players. Give mechanical expression to your players by offering them checks using different stats and skills, for example !

There’s plenty of levers you haven’t touched yet in this design. it’s a promising idea, but I’m not convince it’s reached its desired impact.

The Drift

What twists and turns do you offer us on the writing department then ?

Setting wise, some interesting questions rise from your descriptions. We’re on a space station, but there seems to be a day and night cycle, implying that either the station has a built-in clock for its lighting to help maintain a working rhythm (probably a mining station of some sort, or maybe manufacturing), or that it is orbiting a planet that hides the sun at regular intervals. Maybe something else ? Also, this space station is big enough to have races take place inside it !

These little open ended questions are great in my opinion. Detail oriented wardens will feel invited to fill the gaps, making the station their own, whilst leaving enough space for this module to be easily picked up by more improvisational wardens, or even be grafted onto other setting adventures.

The episodic structure of your story line is great. I like the idea, and think it is pretty well executed. Episode 1 is a great hook as well, and gives it something I don’t see too often in Mothership : an adventure that starts during shore leave !

That being said, whilst the hook for the mystery is doing it’s part, more could potentially be done for the hook to the race itself. It’s not that using a mafia to force the players into racing isn’t going to work, it’s just that, like what I noticed for your racing mechanic, it doesn’t give space for agency. As is, should the players want to avoid racing, the warden is left either railroading them into it, abandoning the session all together, or improvise what happens if they escape. How do you even start confronting those annoying problems ? Here’s a few leads you might want to explore :

• A table of random reasons why a player wants to or has to race. This can also be used for the NPCs.
• Perhaps give them the opportunity to sign up for the race before the accident of act 1 ?
• maybe that friend at the beginning of act 1 is racing next, and his team chickened out ! Go save him on the tracks.

All in all, I think whilst its good to put some resistance into simply leaving altogether, if I were to run this, I would be looking to add hooks to make them want to race. Emotional stakes, not just money (though insisting on the money gained can also help too).

Mothership also likes to call to “SOLVE. SAVE. SURVIVE.” Right now, there’s not really anyone or anything to save. The surviving part is really well done, and the mystery is nice though left unresolved and for the Warden to figure out, which takes away a bit from that plug and play feel you had going for you. Not by much, mind you. Not every scenario should be a Noir movie about a cold murder case.

Finally, I’d like to talk about episode 4 and 5. I think episode 5 is awesome. It’s only issue ? It’s redundant. The ghost has already taken over one of the players a race prior. Should you agree, I suggest you make the ghost take over one of the NPCs instead on episode 4, to give episode 5 a much more unique feel and let it shine as it deserves.

Last Lap

Sure there’s still some work to do, but Ghost Data is a promising runner in this race none the less ! Hopefully, you’ll work on your trifold some more once the jam judging period is over, and cross the finish line in one peace, before the ghost data hologram crashes you into oblivion… Place your bets, every one. Personally, I’m betting on this one’s future !

I've been looking for racing on the Panic Engine for a long time. Your initial premise and opposing force are great, really plug and play, but if you ever expand on this I'd like to see more indepth driving mechanics. Just because if it's gonna be a main focus I know my players would like a bit more granularity and variety.

For example, the included map would have 20 checks per racer each lap. All of those int. The only variation being speed checks when you fail. If 4 players want to race that'd be a minimum of 80 int checks, up to 160 with speed, plus body saves once possesed. And I know that if I offer a race most will want to race. I think I'm fast and dynamic, but I feel I'd lose them with this.

It'd be a different story if they had strength checks on long curves, combat checks to hit the car in front, fear saves when the car in front loses control flies back, and so on. Making the race a full system experience with options and choices.

That doesn't change that I loved your work and I am gonna run it. It's just that if you come back to this I can see a ton of space to expand it and I'd like to see how you do that.