Yeah this is great fun. Others have made very good points, but I’ll just say this is probably the most lucid in terms of how to run - it’s like a one page RPG and I can imagine just picking this up and running it without any problem - kudos for that, it has a winning simplicity and a deceptively rich mechanical depth. It’s very visual too, which I like a lot - it would play as a kind of space Twilight Zone episode - would be a great palette-cleansing one-shot between campaigns.

I think this is the only one with the "MS Word aesthetic" (for lack of a better term) that's getting four stars for Polish from me, and it's largely because you got an immediate laugh with the opening diagram. I also like the way you embraced that aesthetic with the tickboxes, etc. and just made it look like a doctor's office form, since that particular brand of un-design is indeed typical in that context. I'm almost tempted to give you five stars, but that might be a little unfair to the few people who actually did manage to have pro-level writing, cartography and illustration/design in the same entry. You're getting five for Favorability, though.

But anyway, good work on that, it's a great example of how you can play to your strengths and work around the gaps in your skill set with a little thought and creativity. You also stayed away from trying to get too fancy and making the module hard to read in the process. It's all very functional, even the map.

I'm not sure this is at the top of my list for modules to try running, for reasons I'll get to in a second. However, it was one of my favorites just to read. The worms-worms-worms diagram was perfect in both setting the tone and conveying what the whole thing is going to be about... another thing others could take note of. There are lot of technically "better" pieces of cover art that don't communicate nearly as much as that does, and communication's really the thing.

And yeah, that same tendency to be simultaneously funny and clear was seen throughout the rest of the module. You've got a gift for that, and it helps that "grimly humorous without being silly, and while still being horrifying" is my personal sweet spot for Mothership. I think I would enjoy roleplaying the Skin Suits as a Warden.

The only thing that might stop me from running it is that I'm not sure about the setup unless it's a one-on-one one-shot with a PC designed to suit the scenario. Delivering the divorce papers doesn't feel like something a diverse crew of Mothershippy characters would be sent to do. And yet, the story does need them to start off twiddling their thumbs in the waiting room while things gradually get weirder and more disturbing until they feel the need to go investigate.

I might try running it for my son on our camping trip this summer, now that I think about it.

Hiya, here are the notes i took while reading this pamphlet!

oh my GOD you're making the PCs serve papers. already laughing then i'm seeing "worms: yes. worms: yes. worms: yes." 

i really like the inclusion of the info on some "high-value" patients/potential victims -- plenty of hooks to carry forward in a campaign if any of them are saved (and the PCs aren't wormbags)

i often have a hard time tracking lots of moving parts on a map over time, but the sort of factory line style movement of patients through the process makes it a lot easier to wrap my head around here.

i like the acid/base weakness for the worms, it'd be cool to bake in some more clues about this weakness into some of the rooms (maybe the aquarium worms are dead and there's a bottle of... uhh... aquarium deacidifier nearby? i don't know much about how to write clues. or aquariums for that matter.) (also i might have missed a clue somewhere tbf)

...just got the "right as rain" thing. HAH

wicked sense of humour, novel setting, worms: yes. great work! really makes me want to house a bottle of maalox.

"Who Will Get 1 MCR and Who Will Die" cracked me the fuck up! Really good showing here, I feel there's a good balance of time pressure, NPC interaction, exploration, and Worm Confrontation. I think this antagonist is really cohesive (not to mention horrifying) and most groups will have a great time finding a way to evade or fight back against them (especially the acid blood/basic solutions weakness; easy to extrapolate and discover in this setting). Visually, I think it could be better in a few ways across the board, and I noticed a number of grammatical errors throughout. Totally understandable for a jam setting, and easy to refine after the chaos has settled. If you'd like some specific bits/pointers on the visual side, I'm happy to expand here or in DMs.

Either way I do really like the heart of the writing, the pacing, the tone. Anyone who likes The Thing, medical dramas, or the idea of a Smart Worm will vibe with this one hard! Great work!

A classic horror premise and setting, executed solidly to a TKG standard - proposed alternative title: Would you still love me (if I was worms)

+ Lots of NPCs to utilize with a good mix of infected and non infected people for a slow burn to unveil the chaos

+ Great timeline table to keep the game going in an eerie way only possible in a hospital

+ Good amount of details about how the worms behave, giving enough inspiration to build on them.

If you're looking for feedback, let me know and I'll expand further.

• Creepy premise. 
• Space worms are a classic.
• No idea what the medical terms mean.
• I feel it could do with a lot more polish and consistency in the editing, layout and art style.

First off, love the concept of the skin suits and a job being centered around delivering divorce players to the patient zero of the infection. The layout/writing on this is a little clunky, but there's a really fun adventure present here to run that could easily take a player crew off-guard. I'd personally make a few modifications if I ran it at my table but it's very solid as-is. Also, I just generally hate bugs and parasites, so maybe there's a few extra points in there for being something that'd personally creep me out!

I rate with half stars to give more specific critique but round down for the gamejam rating system fyi!

Polish - 3/5

The blue color scheme and general medical paperwork aesthetic it has going on is great, I honestly think you could have leaned into the "patient charts" style even more tbh. A background texture of some kind could do a lot of work here too I think. As far as information presentation goes I think there's a solid order of presentation that helps me understand the general direction this adventure takes once the players arrives.  

Small nitpicks:

• The Y/N Worms section feels a bit redundant if only one staff member isn't infected. Maybe these could be better used for the patients section so a warden could physically keep track of who is/isn't infected during their run of the adventure? Maybe different color formatting in the background or text for the staff could be used as an indication of infection or not without having to take up more space?
• I would have liked more information about the personality of the staff now that they're infected. The players will be interacting with them a fair bit prior to the full reveal, so having some weird quirks on top of the 1d5 details could help reveal the horror a bit more gradually.
• Patient table feels a bit cramped. Some area indicating when on the timeline they'll be infected and/or try to escape would be useful here. If I'm running this anything involving patients I'll be jumping back here to scan, so if I have to then go back to the timeline to double-check what's happening to who, it takes a little bit more time mid-game to clarify.
• Map is functional, but how you label locked doors is a bit hard to read at a glance because the doors themselves are pretty narrow.

Favorability - 3.5/5

Seems like it'd be a fun side-job to throw to players and frame as an easy milk run. "How weird can it get, we're only serving divorce papers!" The only thing that lowers my personal rating is that it'll require a bit of legwork on my part to come up with how to pressure the player crew into getting involved versus being a bit more passive. I'll expand on this a bit more as it's related to my concerns in the usability section. 

Usability - 4/5

This module essentially has everything you'd need to get players involved in the scenario and a timeline from start to finish of what the monster is getting up to. The Skin Suits as a monster as written are immediately usable as foes, the inclusion of their life cycle and how they initially infect someone on their home planet is a nice touch. Room keys are straight to the point and informative, I just think there needs to be a bit more usable equipment, gear, or items you'd see scattered around a medical office included because if players are coming in with a light loadout, they might have difficulties dealing with the Body Suits once they try to convert the crew.   

In regards to the timeline and the "end state" of this adventure, while it's obvious the players would want to stop the worm colony from expanding, if they have a hard time putting things together quite a few of the patients might be dead before they have a chance to investigate. There isn't necessarily anything in the timeline that immediately presses the players into action or imply a sudden tipping point. The biggest way as written I think I could set this up would be putting roadblocks on allowing the players to meet the doctor and serve him papers, then using that time to let them poke around/interact with employees and show them how weird everyone is acting. A potential work-around I'd suggest is making the mission be serving papers to one of the patients in the clinic, maybe Don Johnson or Jane Dough because they're sedated/unconscious and not immediately available (requiring the crew to wait and witness others being carted off.) Even if they get turned into a skin suit, I could foresee some crews forging paperwork or just tricking the worms into signing it anyways, just so they can get the hell out and maybe still get paid.  

Theming - 5/5 

I think the "beneath the surface" theme is being used for a lot of underground-themed content (my own submission included), but it was really clever of you to do something centered around a creature that's literally living and controlling you from the inside. Making them worms is very immediately visceral and gross on top of that, great choice.

Hey Molgannard Press, I just got a word from TKG letting me know they haven’t received a submission for 3rd party licensing approval. Make sure you send your module as well as your contract in to 3pp@tuesdayknightgames.com

Thanks!