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Chefs kiss, would write more but i’m trying to cram in a few more reviews before midnight deadline… i’m sooo gonna be thrown into the sun…

Very fun, i have notes but i’m rushing to get my last few things reviewed, DM me and we can talk!

Another favorite in this jam! love the twist on the myth, super simple and to the point in the best possible way, and good writing to make the system all work.

Killing it!

Easily one of my favorits from the jam. Simple but super useful, can be dropped in to any campaign in Barrow but also could easily hold its own oneshot for a warden interested in using it.

Small thought, As you have the space on the back panel with the stat blocks, i’d love to see a bit of art. I know that the graphic design (which is beautiful) is very minimalistic on purpose, but even just a “Shadow” in cerulean and orange. could be a nice evocative use of that last bit of white space.

Regardless, love the entry!

Easily one of my favorits from the jam. Simple but super useful, can be dropped in to any campaign in Barrow but also could easily hold its own oneshot for a warden interested in using it.

Small thought, As you have the space on the back panel with the stat blocks, i’d love to see a bit of art. I know that the graphic design (which is beautiful) is very minimalistic on purpose, but even just a “Shadow” in cerulean and orange. could be a nice evocative use of that last bit of white space.

Regardless, love the entry!

no sorry needed! you got a good module on your hands, just want to help it be the best it can be!

No worries! I always assume that people are doing their best! just wanted to point it out for the future!

You have got a bunch of great feedback so far, my small addition is that I think that you did well with your first draft using the tri-fold “Shape” to boil things down and recognize what is important, now that that is done i think this clearly should be expanded a bit… i think you could hit a 16 page zine with very little effort on this idea. Don’t get me wrong you still want to constrain the idea down, hit the most important things certainly! but now that you have the knowledge it will guide a tailored and refined Zine.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! and know the discord community will be here to give feedback along the way!

Love it! an easy home run for me! I wish i could offer some constructive criticism but i have little to no notes on this one… i might trade where the NPCs are and the progression of the infection? but honestly that could just be a lateral move when it comes to the readability.

An excellent entry, thanks for making something stellar!

This is such fun, has great Utility, funny writing, and overall good vibes. Very much looking forward to the post Jam version!

a quick note on some of the layout, others have already pointed out a bunch of great stuff, But one thing i didn’t see mentioned is that you reference the Microbiota Empire A LOT before you actually get to what it IS. it can help a reader to see something like (See Panel 5) or (See interior Right Panel) so that they know the info is coming and can hop ahead if its bothering them to not know what (ME) is.

Also I agree with others the jam theme is severely lacking. I am a benevolent Jam Host, but in the future, both for TripTech as well as other jams, its important that you include the theme when it is required as this is one of the ways we know you didn’t take something you already had written and just submitted it for the jam. Here I get a very light “Dr. Frankenstein” vibe which i’m choosing to believe is a very soft tie in to the jam theme as an “Ancient” myth haha. Again you are fine this time, but please stick on theme next jam!

Also maybe extend the Red block behind the “Bob’s Bigboy” / “Pipboy” so that it aligns with the edges of the table below!

I like the checkers, maybe just increase the stroke around the text so that it pops out of the checkers a bit more?

Hey there, okay so i think the idea behind this module has a lot of promise, and I really hope you make a post jam version! As others have stated the layout leaves a lot to be desired, you have a cool adventure here that unfortunately gets bogged down by not knowing the right information when you need to know that info, and have several points where things are allowed to become to wordy, and yet also places where you had to reduce the text size so much as to need to zoom in to make it out.

Please hear me, the module deserves more time! you have something good here you are just fighting against the format at the moment. Reach out on the Discord, i’m sure there will be plenty of good feedback on iterations and you can make this module really sing!

love it, art is great, vibes and writing are very nice indeed! probably some game balance issues and a touch of utility issues with how to make it really sing but certainly fixing those things would be rather small for the warden and quite worth the payoff!

another hit KingGeekus and Co.! keep up the great work

(Quick notes for post jam version: one of your map locations is miss labeled as you have two location 4’s, also in the random table on entry 7 you have a random 7 that made it into the text box which i’m sure was just a goof copying notes over to the documetn)

a very fair point. Not quite sure how i would adjust that but I’ll give it some consideration.

There are some really cool concepts here, i really like the double mechanic moving the story along and keeping things from the chance of too many repeats.

I do agree with others that the visuals, while not bad are lacking and adding some visual identity could also help with some layout and clarity.

Also i don’t know what size font you used in the box with the crews and their quotes but my old man eyes rebelled haha. I’d seriously consider finding ways to cut that down so it can match the other body texts (which is also small but readable)

all in all a very solid entry!

This hits for my brain in a big way, really love the visuals and overall more “Eerie” vibe than full out horror horror. I think you did an excellent job of both getting a story across through small vignettes and also creating something useful that warden’s can pepper in through their campaigns. Also i really like the veins of gold, it reminds of the art of Kintsugi which i assume was your intention, and making a sort of horror version of the rejoining of parts… well thats just fun.

Congrats on a cool thing made well.

Love it! great horror comedy vibes (which start from your killer cover!) this is pretty elegant in its simplicity.

I think others have given great advice so far and am trying to come up with anything to add… I think my only nitpick is that the map while cool doesn’t come off as Sci-fi as the rest of the module… maybe thats just my preconceived notions that sci-fi maps not be sensibly laid out haha, NEEDS MORE HEXAGONS!!!

No but jokes aside, one of my favorites so far! keep up the great work!

Very fun entry! and bonus points (not actual points haha) for the artbook! love that you did that again for this one!

I don’t think i have much to add as my points were already made on some of the ticket balancing etc, but I liked this one and was very happy to get to read it!

Really enjoyed this one, trippy and evocative in all the right ways. I will agree with what others have said, this could be larger, its bursting at the seems and my biggest gripe with it is the layout of information on the first read… once you know what is going on the module makes sense, but the way its laid out you don’t get to that till the 3rd panel and that makes the first read hard. That said once you HAVE read it it makes sense and i actually really like the “effect” of the flap (panel 2) folding over and swapping the map for the warden… very very cool…

So yeah amazing job, you should 100% consider expanding this to an 8 or 12 page zine, it could easily fill that with what you have here and a few pieces of art.

Thanks for making somethign Rad!

Thanks for your thoughts! the intention is that as there isn’t enough power to go around it forces all of the players to move through the ship. they might have things their characters are better at but there are times where you need that system and times where you don’t. Additionally the second set of Crew means that every 30ish minutes the PCs are changing up what they are good at.

i do agree that ship rules, fairly across the whole of the TTRPG space, are a mixed bag and typically lacking, figured i’d try my hand at it.

wasn’t trying to have you delete your post, was just trying to point out that others might have done toolkits/setting guides and to be weary haha.

Thank you!

Yes was certainly rushing towards the end (hence the only 95% of a first draft haha) i’ve now got the graphic design in a much nicer state so as to not just look like a block of text.

Also the post jam version I plan to include downloadable handouts which would help the Players visualize what each System can do, and to keep track of moving power around the ship.

The intention was sort of like “This one shot is mostly a big combat encounter” but instead “this one shot is a big cooperative puzzle” Also i wanted to tackle the constant problem i see with “Ship” based missions which is the lack of moving around and mostly boiling down to “i’m gonna take the guns while you pilot” and instead i wanted to make something where you yes have to shoot, but also the things that come up force you towards different places all over the ship and different solutions as to how to properly attack the problems.

Regardless thanks for your review! I genuinely appreciate your feedback!

oh also i should make a note for you that Toolkits and Setting Guides are both completely acceptable module styles for the Jam, not all need to be Adventures. I’m making this comment so that if you come across other modules this jam that are more aligned with this that you will judge them accordingly and not hold them to not being adventures. (i don’t mind being judged harshly myself, but I want you to know that others should be understood to have followed the rules even if they didn’t make an adventure.)

Thanks for your feedback! Not every scenario is going to hit for everyone, sorry this wasn’t to your taste.

One small note, in your rating of favorability you mention playing online and the issues this might cause, The only person pulling cards from decks is the Warden. It is a means of having “Custom Dice” essentially where results can be more tailored for slowly elevating tensions as the ship is falling apart. But yeah if you want to play this online the warden would need a simple battlemap app with tokens to show what was moving one range closer, but adjusting to online that is a normal problem that is already solved.

Again, thanks for your feedback, hope you find things more to your taste in other entries!

Stellar work as always! (pun very much intended)

I think you did an excellent job distilling down what is NEEDED to run what is clearly a larger idea. That said I would love to see you remove the section on how to run this as a campaign and instead just write the full zine as well! I think there is something to be said for “hey do you want this as a 5 session mini campaign? here buy this fleshed out zine!” — “Oh you’d rather do this all as a single action packed one shot, here is the trifold”

I like the art a lot, i think the graphic design could use just a touch more (but only because I’ve read your modules and hold you to a higher standard haha.) also the silhouette/map of the ship looks a touch blurry (just the outside, the rooms are crisp) if its intentional i think it needs to be more to give the “on a screen” effect if its not intentional get the full vector in there so it can be nice and crisp!

Regardless, good character motivations (villains who have ALREADY turned on each other who the PCs are trying to expose) nice change of pace from MoSh being just horror, to more action adventure, and an excellent use of the theme to make something fun that I immediately want to play when I read it…

You have a Gift!

Stellar work as always! (pun very much intended)

I think you did an excellent job distilling down what is NEEDED to run what is clearly a larger idea. That said I would love to see you remove the section on how to run this as a campaign and instead just write the full zine as well! I think there is something to be said for “hey do you want this as a 5 session mini campaign? here buy this fleshed out zine!” — “Oh you’d rather do this all as a single action packed one shot, here is the trifold”

I like the art a lot, i think the graphic design could use just a touch more (but only because I’ve read your modules and hold you to a higher standard haha.)

but regardless, good character motivations (villains who have ALREADY turned on each other who the PCs are trying to expose) nice change of pace from MoSh being just horror, to more action adventure, and an excellent use of the theme to make something fun that I immediately want to play when i read it…

You have a Gift!

thank you!

how does something like this sound for Mechanically engaging relating to the win-con:

“It’s a war of attrition to keep the old boat afloat long enough to get the job done. A race against time, crew members spend rounds running through the ship from System to System, using System Abilities to remove Obstacles from their path. Keep it up long enough and they’ll save the star system.”

Thank you kindly Deadnought! hoping to get a little more evocative text in the gaps that are on the file, and some graphic design to at least make the breakdown a little more visually clear!

oh thank you so much! yes it wears its FTL influence on its sleeve! (love that game)

Thank you so much PlibPlob! The full list of obstacles (as well as a lightly modified Map) is up on the Feedback page for the module on the discord!

Awesome! Glad to hear it!

should be all fixed and i solved the problem so the link won’t expire any more.

interesting i recently changed them, i wonder how frequently they “go bad”

I’ll fix it now.

Very awesome art, cool vibes all around, interesting final combat!

I’ll agree with others in the comments and say I’d love to see this a little more fleshed out, give me an adventure getting to Billy and I think this would be first rate! As is I will certainly be dropping this in as a possible bounty for my crew to hunt down, or might have to try to flush out what story needs this as an ending!

great work!

Okay loved the lore, love the utility, loved the vibes! I’m torn on the Art because it looks really cool and gets super vibey in all the right ways (gives me major Peter Max meets Lisa Frank vibes… which is something i never thought i’d say haha) BUT the art unfortunately works actively against readability which is kind of important haha. The lack of contrast, the shift in fonts… again all deliberate and helps to build the vibes of a pseudo simulation drug trip… but its very hard on the senses and distracting.

I only have one nitpick (other than overall legibility) is in location 3 “The climb is slippery (Body Save or gain 3 Stress from a long fall)” i would change long fall to “Bad Trip” you know for the drug pun…

This review sounds more negative than i want it to sound… i honestly love this module and rated it in the top 10 of the Jam for me personally! i think that my issues with the art sound stronger than they are because I don’t want such a good module to be held back by anything… even if the thing holding it back is that it looks rad as shit!

Thank you so much! and happy to chat any time! (you know where to find me haha)

Very nicely done! I think there is a lot here to offer and probably the module i like most for Utility as i can see myself fitting the Seven Sigma (7Σ) into a lot of places. Some nitpicks to hopefully help you polish up a post jam version:

1. the words breaking in line wrapping (split hyphenated words) is hard to read and is one of the few things lacking clean polish in this design. its almost more jarring because of how well everything else looks.
2. Orphan words, the other point against your polish, you have a fair few orphaned words (a single word that sits on a line alone) you can easily clean these up with some editing to tighten up the writing (or in rare cases add a little… you are already using the space, might as well use it!.. but in general tightening is the better way to go!) just for reference i quickly counted 8 lines taken up by orphaned words… that is essentially the size of “Carson’s Lockdown Procedure” on panel 5, worth of space that can be reclaimed here (which can be used for my point No. 8!)
3. Change the character’s name from Ram OR change how the drones attack (it states that small drones can “Ram” but are better as scouts) its a small thing but its a point of confusion that you just don’t need, especially when you can easily change one of these two things with little effort.
4. and on the subject of Ram the character, swap Lain and Ram’s numbers, so Lain becomes No. 6 and Ram becomes No.7. The reason to do this is that Ram’s description box specifically talks about Lain which while reading makes you go “who is lain?” which takes you out of the experience even for a second, where as if you read about Lain and then read about Ram you will not be confused at all. simple swap!
5. your highlighted text looks clipped at the top, just extend the highlight box up a bit (unless this is a stylistic choice i’m just not getting)
6. very small thing, but Mothership doesn’t really use d4s and d6s… its not a deal breaker but sticking with the d5 or d10 is generally the way to go! and i think 5 floors instead of 6 but with 5 rooms each works just as well… but again very small thing.
7. the module doesn’t NEED cover art, but its a nice enough piece that i think a little bit of cover art to give potential buyers a vibe of what lies within would be worth taking the time to make/procure!
8. okay most important for last, you worked so hard in making this plug-n-play that i think you removed a bit of the desire to SPECIFICALLY engage with it by not offering at least a specific story hook to start things going! I agree with Deimoscope in their comment with the plot hooks… i’d say choose one and write it up as a “HEY DO THIS” and then offer the others as options… i think you can fit that in based on the space currently.

and there you go, thats my 2¢ hope it helps!

100%! You can credit me as Graham Richardson.

Very fun, love the touchstones/Appendix N, always love a good vibe to have in mind while prepping a module! also one of my favorite things was how you have a lot of the NPCs not as singular but as groups… very much the way you sometimes get to “know” the people around you on a long vacation “oh Robin and Remi are running off to their room, classic honeymooners… oh there’s the divorcee Francis she really is the life of the party!” Feels very real and easily understandable!

I like the sort of fairytale meets Mothership of it all, very fun.

Small nitpick: the license agreement sitting at the top of the panel makes it look important to the module itself (i know obviously its important to have but tucked away will keep things easier to read for the warden)

all in all, great vibes, great art, certainly a lot here to enjoy!