Very awesome art, cool vibes all around, interesting final combat!
I’ll agree with others in the comments and say I’d love to see this a little more fleshed out, give me an adventure getting to Billy and I think this would be first rate! As is I will certainly be dropping this in as a possible bounty for my crew to hunt down, or might have to try to flush out what story needs this as an ending!
great work!
Okay loved the lore, love the utility, loved the vibes! I’m torn on the Art because it looks really cool and gets super vibey in all the right ways (gives me major Peter Max meets Lisa Frank vibes… which is something i never thought i’d say haha) BUT the art unfortunately works actively against readability which is kind of important haha. The lack of contrast, the shift in fonts… again all deliberate and helps to build the vibes of a pseudo simulation drug trip… but its very hard on the senses and distracting.
I only have one nitpick (other than overall legibility) is in location 3 “The climb is slippery (Body Save or gain 3 Stress from a long fall)” i would change long fall to “Bad Trip” you know for the drug pun…
This review sounds more negative than i want it to sound… i honestly love this module and rated it in the top 10 of the Jam for me personally! i think that my issues with the art sound stronger than they are because I don’t want such a good module to be held back by anything… even if the thing holding it back is that it looks rad as shit!
Very nicely done! I think there is a lot here to offer and probably the module i like most for Utility as i can see myself fitting the Seven Sigma (7Σ) into a lot of places. Some nitpicks to hopefully help you polish up a post jam version:
and there you go, thats my 2¢ hope it helps!
Very fun, love the touchstones/Appendix N, always love a good vibe to have in mind while prepping a module! also one of my favorite things was how you have a lot of the NPCs not as singular but as groups… very much the way you sometimes get to “know” the people around you on a long vacation “oh Robin and Remi are running off to their room, classic honeymooners… oh there’s the divorcee Francis she really is the life of the party!” Feels very real and easily understandable!
I like the sort of fairytale meets Mothership of it all, very fun.
Small nitpick: the license agreement sitting at the top of the panel makes it look important to the module itself (i know obviously its important to have but tucked away will keep things easier to read for the warden)
all in all, great vibes, great art, certainly a lot here to enjoy!
Very Fun, Very polished, just a few notes and nitpicks:
All of that said a very nice module, i think with a little work (from either you or the Warden) it would be quite a bit of fun at the table!
Doc, you have another banger on your hands… even with giving you a 1 in theme (the lowest you can give) you still managed to be among the higher scores i’ve given in my personal notes (where i can rate things with .5s as God intended!)
I will sit down and give you detailed notes as promised once the Jam is over, but my quick note is, you currently have a few points of “Blank” space that look a little odd, and i think with some creative reworking of where things are located in the layout might be able to fit together to actually give you a little more writing space.
And to that point, the extra writing space could be used to create some suggestions on how to journal, or maybe some rules as to gaining integrity via journalling or some such…
regardless you’ve made another fantastic module! congrats!
Love it, easily one of the best of the Jam.
one very small point, i feel like you should underline the letters in, “SEND NEW WARES SOON. SOULS SPENT.” so that the clue is a little more apparent for the Warden. I noticed it right away and rejected it because i missed that the letters were in fact all there… so essentially make it SENd NeW WareS Soon. Souls spent. SENN W WSSS (Can’t underline in this text box for some reason)
Love the simple utility of this module, very nice, creates a great setting guide while also offering some new and inventive items!
my only major gripe is that this wonderfully evocative line of text “[…] yet recent upward trends in the popularity of crust-thrift and neo-grunge have allowed Tubes to ferment.” doesn’t line up with the style of art on display. I think that you did a solid job with your art overall but I want to see the writing and the art reflect each other… show me a module that is neo-grunge and crust-thrifted!
Regardless, lovely little setting guide that anyone and everyone playing a campaign on Prospero’s Dream should have in their back pocket!
Really enjoyed this a lot! I have a lot of very small notes, please take these as the nitpicks that they are and in the interest of helping to make the Module as good as i think it can be!
for the Print at Home version, it might be nice to change the colored Access Level markers to something that could be printed on a B&W printer. not the end of the world either way, but you could easily make Lab Access into A Grey Highlighted text and the Executive access into a Black Highlighted text. small thing, but i think it would be a nice touch.
to that end, right now you have room 13 listed on the map as Lab access but didn’t list it in the text block.
Additionally I think that access should be listed on the doors to get through not on the room itself. again small change but one i think would make more sense over all.
you have several things that you repeat in total a couple of times in different places, you could save some space in the module by making things like the anesthetic gas into a stat block that is referenced elsewhere. this would be a small hit to overall utility, but seeing as your module is one of the most pick-up-n-play i’ve seen so far i don’t think it would be a big detriment, and it would offer you a fair bit more space for other things (which i’ll talk about in a later point)
small thing but you go back and forth between some things saying “you have a 50% chance that 1d5 scientist are here” and in other places you list things as a 1 in 2 chance or a 1 in 5 chance, i’d just make everything a % chance to happen. Also to this end i think that the 50% chance would mean the warden rolls a d100, and anything 000-49 is this happens so now roll 1d5 for how many there are, but its not specifically stated… thats okay but might be worth thinking about.
you have a lot of “Orphan Words” (single word or maybe 2 which have wrapped around to the next line ) this takes up a lot of space and i’m sure with a touch of editing you can reduce these to a minimum!
You have fairly large Gutters which you could probably reduce by a mm each (not a lot, but it all adds up!) and additionally you have thick boxes around the WHOLE of each panel which again reduce useable space. I’d much rather see thinner boxes that were more individualized to break up the text block, personally…
Okay the most important for last, I think you have a very fun heist on your hands, and the one thing i think it is missing is part of what makes heist (at least in film) good. You need the Planning Phase! part of why Heist work in cinema is we get to watch a bunch of smart people plan out what they are going to do, recon to get info or ask the guy who used to work for (you know the guy sending you on this heist in the first place) and we watch all of that so that we can TWIST have those plans get messed up and then have to improvise in the moment. its this storytelling arc that makes heists super fun to watch/play. I think you could, with some saved space from the points above, make a nice block about the planning phase, how Richilieu might think to tell the PCs that his recipe was on his terminal in room 12 but then maybe there is a 33% it is in ANY of the labs (which will force the players to improvise). how he suggests you might be able to override the freight elevator, but then due to upped security (Salvator is maybe expecting something since he let Richilieu go) this could easily become a choke point/blood bath… Give the players options, choices of the way they should get in, and for each choice there should be a trigger for the warden that says X% chance that this part of the plan goes tits up… maybe even X% +10% for each time the plan DIDN’T already go tits up so as to guide it to happen later in the plan…
okay that was a lot, but honestly its just because i think this has so much promise! Keep on making rad things!
A very fun module! I think you use random encounters to good effect here, and I think that the Hyperspeed gameplay is an interesting idea! (i’ll have to see it in play to know my thoughts on it, but it seems positive!)
A small “me” thing is i’d love to see the map redone in a bit more of a “Sci-Fi” style… i don’t know why we can’t have sensible room shapes in sci-fi but we just can’t, okay!? haha jokes aside just a bit of sci-fi texture on the module could help to set the mood.
There were a few typos, the one that comes to mind was on the phone calendar you have Tuesday twice (Tuesday and Thursday are both listed as TUE). I think there needs to be a little bit of polishing, but overall I think you have a smart module on your hands!
Really great submission!
My one real problem with it (and thing i’ll have to figure out when I inevitably run this) is Sarah. on the smaller side i’m not huge on child endangerment, but that i can get past… what I have real trouble with is why on earth she is here? I get that the Trillionaire doesn’t care, sure, I get that she is needed as a “Key” to the too small vent puzzle, I get that she ramps up tension because there is a child present… but in what world are we doing an experimental testflight and we have the Trillionaire and his Daughter on board… I can sorta get there for Gil Reed himself (classic Elon style nonsense) but it just feels like one step to far for me.
This makes it sound like i didn’t like the module, quite the contrary I think the module is great, which is why this one point that I see as a flaw sticks out so much to me…
A really strong contender! Can’t wait to see what you write next!
Chef’s Kiss!
This is a fantastic mix of form and function! my only knocks were:
again those are the TINYEST of knitpicks, and its honestly more to have something to say than anything else.
Congrats, Xiaofang! you made something very Rad! and a very good contender for my personal favorite that i’ve seen so far, and a high bar to overcome! (about 1/3rd through reviews at the time of writing)
A couple quick notes (sorry for similarities to my notes on Contingency Crew)
Okay i know that was a lot of knitpicks which isn’t fun, but honestly i pick at this one because i think its very close to being quite good/useful for generating some quick fun!
Hope you polish this one just a bit more, I know it can be awesome!
Cool idea, doesn’t really fit the Jam but an interesting idea all the same. A few quick thoughts:
the Kerning/Tracking are WAY too tight, I understand you were trying to fit it all on one panel but you have so much more room than that (you cover 1/3rd of one side of the module with an image and one that isn’t really needed.) you have the room, use it! let the thoughts breath!
with the added space you just made for point 1, you can now also add some headers and sub headers to help give some visual development to the ideas here in the module.
it might be worth giving some extra thoughts on how to do some of the points. For example “Choose an NPC by their utility to the situation, or who is likely physically closest to the team.” maybe talk about what could make them have utility to the team, while yes this can be obvious, its also possible that there isn’t really someone who would have the most utility… maybe talk about how to make useful NPCs as well? just thoughts.
small point but this is Mothership, we don’t really use D6’s just have them roll a D10 to determine if they are moving towards or away
“decide where they ended up on the map and any obstacles that they overcame.” again, you have SPACE so lets see a d10 random table to tell us some obstacles? or maybe even a multi d10 that lets you sort of “Mad-Libs” an obstacle out of a few ideas…
This is a good idea, but you have plenty of space to really flush it out into something a lot cooler than what you have sofar. Good luck!
I think there is a lot of good stuff here to enjoy, but I think the overall package could use some work in getting across your intentions for the module from an earlier point. Laying out for the warden who is running it, a quick and concise “Here is what is going on, Here is how it will likely effect your players, think about running this in this way” would go a long way to helping the readability of the module as a whole.
Again some very fun ideas, love the use of genera shifting to make things unsettling and weird in great way!
thank you kindly! and I agree that the readability is the weakest point of the module. I think (or at least hope) that once you have read it through once and understand it that the structure should make it something you can use to prepare several sessions of play.
As for your suggestion on the Boss fight, I think you are right and I’ll certainly look into refining it for the post Jam version! thanks for the suggestion on Fractured Reality as well I think its a very good point! Do you have any thoughts on Gravity Well or Time Wave? or did they make more sense as is?
Loved it, would write up a critique but essentially everything I would say has been said (and quite well i might add) by other reviewers. Really hope you take the time to do a post Jam version of this, it is great as is but with a little push it will be something truly excellent! Also I agree with one of the commenters below (can’t remember who) that this could easily be a prelude to a larger zine module or perhaps expanded itself into a Zine. I’d love to see some small reasons/hooks to come and “get to know” Sumu-7a so I could pepper it into a campaign a few times, make the PCs want to come back or be invested in some way (maybe they spent some money on a “get rich quick” diamond mine asset or something) and then run the ecological disaster scenario you have here…
anyway I’m rambling and I’ve got many more entries to rate, but I had to say your submission was great! easily amongst my favorites of the Jam!
Truly a fantastic submission! I have only a few nitpicks but otherwise I basically loved everything.
the nitpicks:
This is such an excellent module it deserves a full “Map” (I put map in quotes because I think it should be like one of those Disney Maps where its less a representation of the space and more artistically illustrated images of each location in rough proximity to each other.)
there are a few places on the map as is that aren’t described, if they are there more for vibes I would replace them with Icons on the map (like the Lifts and the Mezzanine could both be icons super easily)
I think you need a little more of a hook to keep the players here. as you have it now they are waiting essentially next to the Exit until things go down. I would change this to something like Daws needs them to finish up paperwork in the office as the tanks fill, then as the PCs are “Done” with the job and leaving the office things start breaking bad they see it in the relaxation cove and have a full view of the pandemonium in Paradise Island. This still lets Daws barricade herself in the room, puts the PCs in the middle of the action and forces them to engage even if their plan is just to head directly back to their ship and fly off… it also gives Hinch time to arrive.
Again sorry for only including things I think need fixing, its only because I liked everything so much that I’d just be writing a massive essay that all amounts to “this is great, I love this, I love the love triangle, I love the guest, I love the vibes… I WILL be running it for my PCs, and I WILL be supporting you once you do a post Jam version!”
Thanks for making something so cool to be a part of this Jam!
I think others have hit on the major points I would make, but one thing i’ll add to the conversation is I would love this module to have more of a “Turn” i think you should write up a little beginning adventure where the crew get the pearl and make it to where its upon getting said pearl that Doris’s full sentience is awakened and her attempts to destroy the ship/save the pearl manifest.
that said this module has great vibes and I think with some effort could be super cool. Also bonus points for Akuma’s excellent Pixel art!
The Vibes here are excellent! I think that some reformatting of the layout and information could really help this to sing! in particular I would swap the panels 2 and 5 (top of each page read Rising Tide, Rules for Escalation and REM-86 “THE DEEP SLEEP”) this would put the section explaining what the PC’s are here for/doing up front so all the other info can be read with that context in mind!
additionally, if you plan on this being a print product I’d certainly add a bit of a margin and bleed.
This is a super cool concept and one I’d love to take my players through, so I hope you do a post Jam version and really bring it to its full potential!
First, congrats you made something hella cool! love the vibes, and the overall polish is on point!
I think others have hit on a lot of good points as to where this modules shines and where it could use some work, but my one bit of added advice is to look at things in terms of what Justin Alexander calls “the vectors of play” what ways are you helping the PCs engage with the world/adventure, what obstacles can you put in their path to keep them from just hopping back on their ship and GTFO… I think you have a grade A setting guide, with some interesting adventure ideas. This keeps things from being easily usable but it is GREAT when it comes to giving ideas for things to do with the world.
All that said, you made something cool, be proud! hope ya do well in the comp!
Thank you so much for the kind words!
to answer your question about the Dive mechanic, the PCs would start in room 1 and then when they leave the the first chamber they “DIVE” so you would roll a d5+ current depth which would be 1, so rolling a 3+1 puts you next in 4 the Petrified forrest. You also roll a Detail and an Event each time you Dive unless told otherwise by the new location (which somehow was missed when we put the Jam version together, will be better explained post Jam haha) additionally you will sometimes roll an Encounter when directed, or it will specifically tell you to encounter what is in the room… for example in Medusa you wander through the rooms in the “Future” with all the traps/enemies ravaged by time, but then once you collect the [Key] in the Looking Glass you then have to make your way back through “Active” rooms as time has been restored, so you might have passed a bunch of Ephra Guard Husks in a room, and now on your way back you find the Ephra Guards are quite alive and capable of hurting you haha.
On the Gorgon’s Head’s attacks it would roll against all targets like it was a sentient enemy and should hit roughly 2/3rds of the time for any attack that isn’t canceled out for the PCs.
First, a quick typo, in the block “Who Are You?” you have written “posess” instead of possess (missing the first double s) note - I don’t knock points for typos haha
Okay that out of the way, I enjoyed reading Lookback and I think there is a lot to like about the general vibe and ideas there in. I do think it would take a bit extra prep for a warden to get the most out of this in its current state but I think you are close to something super cool.
One thing to think about is how Agent X has become swept up in the “Game” of it all and is hostile to the characters… what if instead of one agent there were two, and they have both become integrated into the game, each on a different side of the war, not only do you need to find them but you have to bring their sanity back to them… The PCs could try to join one faction and help them “Win” so the game will be over, or they could learn about the factions and have to “Talk Down” the Agents, or learn about the agents and bring them back to themselves… there are a lot of cool ways i think you could use the pieces you have to make a cooler end result.
Regardless, I had fun reading this one and hope you do a post Jam version from the notes you are getting because this is an idea that deserves you going the extra mile to bring it to its full potential!
Okay so others have pointed out the formatting and execution issues so I won’t harp on that (although as a former graphic designer I’m happy to chat with you in the future as you bring this up to a more readable/pleasant to use level); what I want to focus on is story (which is my day Job) and ultimately I think you have a bunch of good pieces but you have missed a trick or two by the end. The most important of these in my opinion is why the Calypso was shot down in the first place… to keep the truth of the planet hidden… so if thats the case the realization of the secret should bring with it a dread of the players own ship meeting the same fate! This could be as “Epic” as having an ending The PCs are assaulted by a secret Cabal, or as simple as the mere existence of said Cabal creating a ticking clock for them to get out/away in time (and maybe Hunted into future one shots?) there is a lot you can do with this story thread.
Second is the Kraken, as it stands now its interesting flavor but you could easily use this as a mechanism to screw with the ship/flood areas etc. (i know the whole ship is flooded but you could easily have some rooms that flooded while others sealed off… just moving through the ship could create massive water movement etc…). I feel there is a way to tie this in better which i’ll hit on in just a second.
Last is the “Ghost” itself, This is a fun premise as it stands but again I feel like you missed a trick. right now you have the ghost like creature being (if i’m reading it correctly) a link between the ship and a long dead host who has been kept alive somewhat artificially. So to take this aspect (and a few others) up to 11, I think you need to focus on what makes Ghosts Ghosts… it is a resonance of strong emotion that can’t let go. So right now you have the “ghost” and the body it will possess if it needs to.
So my proposal is this: diving into what a Ghost is, It appears that the Ghost is the Ships AI, gone “crazy” being without people for years… Lets use this. (this next part is me spitballing something take or leave it as ya feel!) Before the crash the ship was transporting incredibly important cargo, the incredibly sick daughter of some Hypercorp CEO frozen in a cryopod - being sent for life saving treatment in what was, at the time, a state of the art ship… its AI’s one overriding command was “Protect my daughter at all costs” and even after being shot down that is what it has been doing for hundreds of years. It has kept her pod safe. The others, the crew, have been possessed and sacrificed time and time again in an effort to keep the one important cryopod working. So instead of the ship “…[doing] everything in its power to prevent crew from leaving.” I think its the opposite! I think the Crew arrive and almost immediately the AI “Appears” to them in holograph form, telling them to leave… they don’t they plunge into the depths of the craft to find their treasure, and as such the ghost moves from warning to hostile. it has limited resources, the mutated crew are now more shambling mounds of flesh than anything with thought… so it reaches out with its cyber-pathic link and calls forth the Kraken right as the crew find their prize the Warp Core that has been altered to power the AI and the Girl’s Cryopod for a Millenia or more… now the crew are in a bind. they have a large object they are trying to pull from the ship as the Kraken starts to rip at “non vital” parts of the ship (an escape sequence) and then whats worse? in desperation, the power source being stolen, the AI sends out a signal and has called the Cabal, the PC’s might have the Warp Core but it comes with far more than they bargained for…
Thats my pitch for what to do with the super cool story pieces you already have there, obviously its a lot, but i think its all very doable if it sounds like the direction you want to take things.
Again i think you have great “bones” of the story, really cool ideas here, I just want to help guide them into the coolest story I think possible with what you already have. Hope this helps in some way! and feel free to contact me anytime if you want to chat story ideas here!
This module has vibes out the wazoo, haha. Its the kind of thing that you read and just want to run something in this space. My only real problem is that this sits somewhere between a Setting Guide and an Adventure… if its a Setting guide it needs just a bit more setting (what you have is GREAT, just give me more!) if its an Adventure it needs to do a better job at helping the Warden know how to run it.
Top marks for Polish, Great use of Theme, needs work for Usability!
Really enjoyed this one! its got good vibes and a clever double use of the theme (Both Mining, and whats going on inside people/how to tell them apart from their doppelgänger.) I think as it stands there are a few usability issues, although you make up for that by offering a lot of plug and play “Mods” which I think could really change up the vibe of the adventure; and what is more i don’t think any of the Usability issues would be hard for a Warden worth their salt to overcome.
Congrats on making a cool thing!
