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(2 edits)

"Who Will Get 1 MCR and Who Will Die" cracked me the fuck up! Really good showing here, I feel there's a good balance of time pressure, NPC interaction, exploration, and Worm Confrontation. I think this antagonist is really cohesive (not to mention horrifying) and most groups will have a great time finding a way to evade or fight back against them (especially the acid blood/basic solutions weakness; easy to extrapolate and discover in this setting). Visually, I think it could be better in a few ways across the board, and I noticed a number of grammatical errors throughout. Totally understandable for a jam setting, and easy to refine after the chaos has settled. If you'd like some specific bits/pointers on the visual side, I'm happy to expand here or in DMs.

Either way I do really like the heart of the writing, the pacing, the tone. Anyone who likes The Thing, medical dramas, or the idea of a Smart Worm will vibe with this one hard! Great work!

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Thanks for the kind comments! Definitely I agree that the visuals and overall polish was not up to my usual standard, I ran out of time towards the end. Any more feedback or tips is welcome. Thanks again! 

(+1)

For sure! High-level stuff:

  • Somewhat personal preference, but I'd look into actually handwriting the Title/Author name instead of using a font (scan it in or use a tablet, either would work). It'll just give the title more character. Break the margins of those boxes a bit, maybe even splatter some blood around?
  • I'd swap out the background image for a paper texture or something like that to further the "medical form" aesthetic.
  • Recommend vertically centring text in text boxes and giving them some interior margins wherever possible. Text is pretty cramped into boxes as it stands. Also goes for the Patient table cells.
  • Text is pretty small but I think it works fine, it's just the line spacing that is really tight. Headers especially could use some space below them to give paragraphs space to breathe.
  • Location names on the inside panels could be bolded or given a heavier typeface to increase readability and depth. Match the treatment for the numbers to the treatment of the numbers on the map itself so the brain automatically associates the two.
  • "!" and "?" lines could be colour-coded to help them stand out.
  • On the map, I'd make the line through locked doors a tad more prominent as it's a little tough to see at a glance.

Small things individually that I think will really punch it up! Thanks for listening!