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Hi! Here's my reaction after reading:

From the title, I wasn't expecting this type of scenario at all, but rather something more like insects crawling under the skin of their victims, as in The Mummy. In the end, though, it was a pleasant surprise.

+ I really like the idea of a mundane scenario because it allows us to offer our players more variety on the Mothership system. I could run it.

+ The locations and location headers are clearly presented. However, it's unclear how many security personnel are in each room. But this is a parameter that each warden can easily improvise.

± It's a complete and attractive scenario, but it requires a great deal of information to be assimilated. Errors in relation to the timeline are bound to occur.

- This is especially true since the time interval between each timeline event is irregular. Furthermore, the first event appears to be late.

Typo: "+2:55 — Mallion and Camilla take off with Phoebe aboard." Is Phoebe the new Daphne?

Typo: "Several broad staircases lead up to the Observation Platform." Isn't the Viewing Platform?

You say that, when chaos begins, the kitchen staff flees to the staff area. However, according to the legends of the staff area during Act III, this is not the case. Is this a mistake?

As for the theme, I understand your desire to give "under the surface" a figurative meaning. However, this interpretation seems more distant than those of other submissions I read.

Overall, this is a solid trifold that I enjoyed reading. However, it requires an experienced Warden to provide the best experience for players.

(1 edit) (+1)

Thanks for the detailed feedback! I really appreciate the granular notes about typos and such. You're right, I had waffled about Daphne's name and evidently forgot which version I'd settled on when writing that point on the timeline.

Likewise, good catches on the Observation/Viewing Platform. Those are the kinds of things that will be really helpful in finishing this up for publication. And I'll make the staff icon opaque for the Staff Area in Act III... the idea is that most go that way while some hide in the Kitchen, and you may or may not actually encounter them depending on what the Convicts are doing. But it's true that by default there should be some there to I'll make it a solid icon.

I'm planning on removing the timestamps from the timeline anyway. It seems to be more limiting and confusing than helpful. Instead it will just be a list of things that happen in each act, with some flexibility in the ordering and spacing.

Regarding the theme, my thinking is that it's there both literally and figuratively. Literally, there are people (and a Mulcher) under the surface of the statues. Figuratively, Camilla's beauty is only skin deep and she is in fact a monster under the surface. But I can see how the statues thing might seem too indirect if you were thinking of larger surfaces, like water or the planet's surface.

I agree that it's not the easiest thing to run for novices. My thinking there is that the setup is designed to be slotted in between other scenarios, so it's not going to be anyone's first time playing. It can still be a handful, though, as there are a lot of moving parts.