Firstly, great name! (Not biased, I swear ;) ) This was a really fun one to read. Here is my feedback:
+ Very good and readable layout! Sections are distinct and easy to read.
+ Usage of trifold format feels strong
+ Icons for NPCs and colour-coding for maps are nice touches.
+ Warden notes are nice and helpful.
+The timeline is useful and gives an idea of the pace well.
- Some of the colour choices feel a bit disparate, colour-coding works nicely, but I don't know if the simplicity of the maps necessitates it (this is probably just a preference thing on my end, though)
- I don't know how useful the wider-zoom map is, as most of the relevant information is repeated by the lettered locations on the earlier section.
- Timeline is a bit too granular/prescriptive. I think including the key actors would be better, as it puts a lot of impetus on the Warden to spin a few plates at once.
- Would take a fair bit of prep to reduce mental load when running this, not necessarily a 'plug and play' adventure (not a bad thing btw, just a thought)
Viewing post in Skin Deep (Mothership Module) jam comments
Thanks. There wasn't room for a lot of art, so I tried to use color and design elements to create some visual interest, but the point is taken that maybe it's too much.
Definitely agree with the timeline being too granular. I was trying to reduce mental load by having it step-by-step, but having playtested, I came to the same conclusion as you. I think in the final version, I'll just have a bullet list of important things happening in each Act and leave the exact timing and sequencing to the Warden. Aside from being less to keep track of it allows the Warden to time things so as to keep all players engaged and make sure they have at least an inkling of what's going on, e.g. you can have Camilla and Daphne pass by as a player is leaving the library, so that when they later hear the Governor asking if anyone's seen his daughter, they've got a clue to work with.