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Praise: This is a really fun and original idea for a module, and the timeline guarantees that the whole play session would stay lively. The icons indicating the presence of NPCs on the map at a given time is a stroke of brilliance. 

Criticism: I think that the scope of this work is pushing the boundaries of the format. There is so much condensed 8pt type on these pages. I'd really love to see the work slightly expanded with more detailed area descriptions, and laid out in a more comfortable 12-16 pages

Agreed. Trying to pack as much as I could in was kinda my goal from the outset, as a personal challenge. But by the same token you're absolutely correct that as a product, the same story would work better in a longer format.

The question is whether I should do that and leave the jam version as a free PDF to support a more fleshed out zine, or just do lighter revisions on the trifold and move on to a zine as my next project, maybe something intersecting with this a bit. Still mulling that over.

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I always vote 'move on to the next product.' It's easy to keep polishing forever, I think it's better to just take what you have learned and make a next product that's even kick-ass-er.