This is one that's fine for what it is, but just not my personal cup of tea. I don't mind a vampire story, but if it's in a sci-fi setting, I'd like to see sci-fi twists on the standard tropes. Either the vampire or its enemies using technology in a way you wouldn't see in a classic vampire story, or a science fiction explanation for how someone becomes a vampire, etc. As it is, it feels a bit like you wanted to make an adventure for a different game entirely, but there just happened to be a Mothership Jam going.

The cover art and colour scheme are nice. The vampire is well-characterized. The interior map seems less polished than the rest... I think the gradients on the city, in particular, are what make it feel that way. I'd do away with those.

I like that you weren't afraid to be minimalist, but I think we're a little short of environmental detail in a way that makes things difficult for the Warden. The players will expect more location granularity than "you're in the city" or "you're in the cave," so I'd like to see minimaps for each location. Not necessary with much text to describe the sub-locations, but just a layout with e.g. "Lair," "Pool," "Bone Pit" indicated or whatever. It'd be much easier for the Warden to flesh out the detail from there than improvise the navigational choices on the fly.

Thematically, the vampire's powers are good, but I worry about a couple of them mechanically. Appetite of Terror seems like a lot of bookkeeping for the Warden without much upside in terms of gameplay complexity... tracking stat increases every time the players take stress just for a small % chance of affecting the outcome of her rolls. 

More importantly, Bewitchment is going to be unfun for players if they only get a single roll to resist and, on failure, are completely out of the game for a day. Which, for a one-shot, probably means the rest of the scenario. In terms of player agency, it's equivalent to an insta-kill. I'd include rules for how and when a "strong-willed person" (i.e. a player character) can try to break out of the spell, or else allow them to retain control of their character while doing the vampire's bidding, allowing the chance for "malicious compliance" (i.e. doing literally what she asked but not how she expected them to do it).

Excellent outing! Most one-shots require FAR less written content than a pamphlet can hold, so it's great to see one that intentionally leans into empty space vs. packing the space to excess. This is a lean and engaging adventure with great focus and a superbly readable style. Big fan of the two-tone colour treatment and the creepy art!

Critically speaking, the line spacing on the text bothers me with how tight it is. I feel there's room to increase it a point or two to keep lines from overlapping. I was also thrown off a bit by the second statline in the "Vampire" section. Is it for a swarm of bats? Wasn't incredibly clear to me. I also wonder if a second weakness might be good to include since "Weaknesses" is its own header with only one entry.

Excellent showing all around. Reminds me to check the rest of your catalog out!

Hiya, here are some notes i took while reading this one!

Colors look great here. those pops of orange on side b! gorgeous.

i found this very easy to follow -- the conflict is immediately apparent, the threat is well-defined (in ability, motivation, and reactiveness), the space is well-illustrated (both literally and... literarily? pictures and text you know what i mean haha)

I wouldn't think to do a vampire in mothership but I think you've done a great job of presenting one in a way that feels JUST unfamiliar enough for it to work! good stuff!

This was a fun one to read! Your writing prose gave me strong gothic horror vibes and I really like modules that mash together two seemingly contrasting genres to make a memorable concept. My scoring is a bit tough on this pamphlet admittedly, but it boils down more to personal preference for what I like in trifold pamphlets more than anything. I still think it looks and reads really well regardless.   

Polish - 4/5   

Simple but visually appealing formatting, love the purple color scheme. Writing comes off as almost like an old horror story sometimes, not what you'd typically expect for Mothership but it's a fun juxtaposition that would make it very memorable if hard to place in your average game. Screams to me to be used as a Halloween one-shot! Points knocked off mostly because the writing that's present is a bit dense and difficult to parse for information relevant to running it, and while I feel the spread art that takes up the inside looks great, it seems like you're trading a lot of usable space that'd be more useful for providing scenario relevant information that I think is lacking in other sections.

Favorability - 3/5 

Admittedly it comes off a bit too slow burn for my tastes, but I like how fantastical and mythical the concept feels in comparison to the usual expected influences for sci-fi horror. This relates to usability issues, but my favorite trifolds tend to be ones that are easy to parse at quick glance and could be run relatively easily as-presented in a pinch.

Usability - 2.5/5   

So the core concept of an ancient vampire who is trapped in a pit and is terrorizing a sci-fi mining colony is great. Love it. I get a good feel for how I'd play this tone wise just from the style in how it's written and how you describe events leading up to the eclipse. The big reason I rated it low for usability is because to run this I'd have to do a fair amount of prep on my own prior to play for the average trifold in order for it to feel satisfying I think. A rough timeline of events is definitely there but leaves a lot of questions and space that'd need to be filled:

• Players are stuck here for a month while they wait on ship repairs. Seems a bit long since the adventure seems like it'd take place mostly across two days, but it's a good excuse as to why players would be looking for work/get involved.
• They hang out in Emerald City and notice how superstitious and paranoid the locals are, probably end up hearing rumors about the Hell Pit and its monstrous inhabitant. Part of me wants to ask, "well why do they get involved?", but the Warden in me usually just says, "because this is the adventure I decided to run tonight, get involved" so that's not really an issue imo.
• They meet the scientists at the Observatory and learn about the eclipse happening in two days. I get from Kyle's Testimonial that presumably the song sang by the vampire is very intense during this period, and a swarm of bats attacked them during it, but it kind of sounds like what the vampire already does normally when it's night-time? It just doesn't feel like a strong enough ticking clock to have much pay-off as written unless modified.
• They presumably join the scientists on their expedition, run into bat/rat swarms, maybe catch a glimpse of or get to talk to the Vampire. I'm assuming the path of a crew who decides they want to fight her somehow, limping away back to Emerald City to come up with a plan.
• I feel like blowing up the hell pit would be an immediate no-go for most crews, the stakes don't feel high enough that potentially destroying the colony to kill the vampire is worthwhile. Outside of the miner's sleep walking towards the pit, it doesn't feel as if the vampire is a terribly active threat. I could see bewitchment being used to make miners attack the players, but there needs to be a bit more implied in the text in my opinion. The vampire will grow stronger and attack other settlements, it'll create more of its kind, there will be a permanent eclipse, etcetera.
• This more or less forces a direct confrontation of some kind. Her weakness is ultraviolet radiation but the description present implies the entire society lives in a subterranean cavern. I suppose I could describe cracks of sunlight breaking through, but it feels like it'd be tough for a crew to figure out a solution unless I gave them a lot of leeway in the resources they had available and was very transparent about this weakness after they finish the expedition.
• Alternatively if the crew decides to sympathize with her, I have a hard time seeing where the adventure would go. Either the players do it without realizing initially she just wants to eat everyone, then end up trapped by their new "friend", or they could become vampires I suppose?

Theme - 3/5   

The subterranean mining colony mixed with the hell pit concept does a solid job at reinforcing the theme of the game jam, although I feel like more flavor could have been added in regards to the colony itself and what the Hell Pit is physically like to traverse through. Feels mostly focused on the vampire, which by itself doesn't mesh with the theme as well.

Praise: I can't express strongly enough how happy I am to see that you were brave enough to leave empty space in your trifold. It's really tempting to make a wall of text, but you didn't. You came up with enough interesting stuff to play a fun game of Mothership, and then you stopped. Well done.

Criticism: I noticed the vampire is variously referred to as "her" "him" and "it" throughout the description. The text blocks on the interior spread are placed on page folds, but there is plenty of space for them to be inside of the fold columns. That, combined with the very low contrast on the text, guarantees that some of the text will be unreadable after the page is creased and folded. 

An interesting mashup of a fantasy style horror into a sci fi setting. 

+ The narrative details feels like a great setup for a slow burner to build up curiousity 

+ The horror feels very detailed that it could be used to be put into any setting, like a UCR page

+ The small amount of locations feel like a good compromise to give a lot of information about the narrative.