itch.io

Thank you! I plan to add a printer friendly version once post-jam revisions are done!

- Making hazard icons a different colour than room titles would be helpful and/or making them letters instead of numbers to differentiate better from room numbers.

- Map needs a key!

- Would be helpful to have hardpoints mentioned in room descriptions too.

- Only some rooms mention the doors in and out. Probably should be consistent. Or let the map (once it has a key!) convey doors and locks.

- Does condition 4 mean double disadvantage on saves? To be clear, maybe word it "additional [-] on saves" or similar.

- What's the condition in the vents? Adjacent rooms are not always matching.

- Repetition of Sun Gremlin stats seems unnecessary?

- Footnote for Drago would be better in the same panel (at least the same page) as where it appears. Should footnote also appear on other mentions?

- Would appreciate an incentive to save the crew beyond 'it's the right thing to do'.

- Gremlins could stand to be more horrific or sanity-testing.

(errors: "as a massive" = "a massive", " Recover the ship, Retrieve" = "Recover the ship. Retrieve", Crew Quarters [5] = Crew Quarters [6])

- Such clean layout, and great colour choices. The light green on the white is a bit hard to read.

- Excellent guidance on how the events should unfold, and what happens after.

- I can't fault much! As personal preference, I'm missing the spookiness factor, but otherwise a well-executed module!

- The room descriptions layout could use some work to separate them for easier reading.

- Intro text could afford to be the same size as the rest of the module.

- Multiple spelling and grammatical errors to fix. 

- I like the style of the map, but the doors are too small. All the squares could be bigger, but keep the pixel vibes.

- Suggestion: colours on the NPC details could match the keycards of their rooms.

- It would be good to signal the 'mystery' part (figuring out the identity) in the intro text.

- Maybe drop a second light blue keycard somewhere, because if they don't find it in the corpses, everything else is locked off. Can these locks be hacked open? 

- I think the myth is panopticon? If so, it doesn't feature enough beyond set dressing.

- Layout is uninspired, but it's clear. Title font needs a better treatment (or better font). Some of the font (NPCs) is too small.

- In my opinion, d55 is an unnecessary break from convention. Just roll d20, or a d10 and alternate which table is rolled.

- How many random spaces before you get to the Argos? How many to get to the lab? etc.

- Random room generation is fun, but most of these are just forced save + additional forced save from complication. There's no a lot for the crew to do or problem solve. 

- How does the Labyrinth trap passing ships? Why didn't it trap our crew's?

- Will be a fun one-shot with some post-jam polish!

• Love the color choices and very consistent design throughout. I just don't know if it has the right vibes - but that's a personal thing!
• Cute art and use of CC assets. Every monster having a little illustration goes a long way!
• What does xenoform mean? (Terraform? It's called terraforming in S4vant's entry.)
• Jarring premise of stories being encoded in human DNA. This makes no sense to me. Why is the only thing the machine is changing is which beastie is active?
• Is there a threat active at game start? Should it also be a random roll?
• What happens when you're fighting the Curator? It doesn't have stats (just an attack). Is it immune to all damage? How do we know that the pillars are its 'health'?
• Also, what is the curator doing on this planet? Did it previously terraform it - if so, why is it so barren?

(There's an extra bullet on Baba Yaga's Savant entry.)

• Fun interpretation of the myth in sci-fi setting!
• Layout is reasonably clear and the headings create useful section distinctions, but it's not very exciting.
• Use of middle alignment makes things harder to read. Text touches the edges of textboxes in places. Inconsistent capitalisation of characters's names.
• I do kinda love the creativity in the map design! With some tweaking it could be great!
• The copy/paste bit, was funny!
• I would have preferred a table with examples of events in the Colosseum than random rewards from souls.

• I think the front panel is the one on the left (with the title)?
• Would love art of a crazy Snipe somewhere in here!
• Black titles on blue textboxes is too difficult to read. Maybe lighten the blue. I like that half is handwritten! However, it's unclear the thematic distinction between the different font choices, and the adaptations are hard to read.
• Is the map an example? It's not a square grid? Do you generate rooms at the start (how many?) or as the players explore?
• The company name, Henko, takes up a huge amount of space and attention for not being very significant (especially since it's a reference to a different module). 
• The mechanics of the Trespass are not described. Are they just potential ways the Snipe will manifest. Does it only manifest once? What happens when the crew leaves the room? There isn't much interesting in some of the rooms if the Snipe is already running around.
• I'm not seeing a good reason that the crew wants to explore this place. Is there rich salvage? Are they supposed to be rebellious teenagers?
• It's typically "event - save - effect if failed", but there seems to be a save without a triggering event in #5.
• What does it mean to "lock the facility into a single arrangement"? Should it be changing arrangements?
• Great idea that I think could be a cool module with some more work.

(errors: Single Stage to Liftoff Press = Single Stage to Orbit Press?; "On one of the tables" = "One of the the tables")

• I like the 1 day 1 night page gimmick! It might work to have one neutral panel on each side for the non-map info? (see next point)
• The title logo is fire! Looks amazing on the itch cover art, so a little sad it can't fit on the trifold (but totally get why!) If you're intending to print/sell this as a paper trifold, you might want to rework the front page to include it.
• The day observatory art is cut off on the left. There's a white line at the top of the night page that seems odd?
• Front page text is hard to read with how dense and small it is. "[Current core tenets in bold]" is way too small!
• The day layout seems like it needs to be read bottom-up which doesn't feel right (e.g. the crew landing is handled at the bottom of the page; the plateau references the entry underneath.)
• How often do Rifts make the check to disappear?
• I don't understand the Time Duplication ability. Whose self? What consequences?
• When does a Fighting Fate roll trigger?
• The map could afford to be bigger / more noticeable!
• I'm a little confused about why altering the future (night) affects the past (day) and not vice versa (maybe I'm misreading?), but I love the concept.

Thank you so much for the feedback! We are going to look at adding some detail for the Vesnians. And the interior spread is definitely due for some love. (Morena is the Slavic myth of a winter goddess, which is what this is based on)

It's a great idea! I hope we get to see you take the feedback you like and polish up those corners post-jam.

Thank you for the feedback! 

I agree with your comments about the rooms layout. I wanted more time to sit with solving that problem, which hopefully I'll get to do in post-jam polish.  

These are great questions! Sometimes you have ideas in your head and forget to put them explicitly in text, but here are our best responses:

• Morana changed her behaviour purely out of boredom. Her new goal to become written into myth is not explicity precluded by her primary directives. We will think about adding some spice to this!
• She is technically made to assist the reawakening period when the planet makes its way back to the habitable zone, but has instead chosen to prolong the wintry conditions. There's not enough juice to keep the planet alive during the zone transit, which is why cryosleep was necessary.
• Raz is not immune to the visions (he's crazy!), but Morana is required to 'preserve' organisms in cryo, so he's hiding there from hostile actions
• Fair question about the power sources. We will review bringing some clarity or adjusting language on that.

Thank you again for giving us some food for thought!

Thank you for the feedback!

- Intriguing and horrific cover art!

- Great colour choice and clean, well-balanced layout.  Really like the background texture. One thing that's hard to parse is the black boxes on black background of the rooms.

- The boxes to map convention is a bit hard to follow for this configuration. A mini-map would help! (extra material?)

- Mira broadcasts are great!

- Not clear, but implied in description of Dining Room - is the crew required to locate and save Harlan in order to get paid? (if so, include in briefing?)

- I'm not sure how the crew discovers they're meant to go to the Engine Room. Maybe some clues in the briefing (e.g. central heat signature detected) will get them searching for the maintenance key.

- Straightforward, easily to follow and implement, classic Mothership... but capitalising ANCIENT MYTH doesn't make it suddenly theme compliant haha

(errors: renowned xenobiologist = renowned xenobiologists; Vicky Baldren = Victor Baldren?)

The 5-8 result reads like it hits only #5 "The Temple", but I think it's meant to hit the location corresponding to the result? (1-4 is worded that way).  Do the Crumbling Effects AND the Body Save happen on 5-8 if the crew are there?

My bad on the crust! I think I am having trouble with that sentence.

• I'm not sure what the cover art is depicting - the ship? The NPC art is evocative!,
• Great colours! Front page is too loaded with text. Despite squeezing every bit of space out of this trifold, it's still organised well. Could use some breathing room.,
• The golden masks completely protect NPCs but only offer PCs extra help on checks?
• (Renegade?) <- is this meant to be a question?
• This scenario seems very labyrinthine (which seems to be the intent!), but not sure that will translate well to play, especially with PCs trying to track where they've been / where they want to go. More interesting/varied encounters might help.
• If PCs have a map of the ship, I feel they should be able to find any place they want, not still have to roll randomly.
• So dense! This definitely feels like a longer work condensed into a trifold - maybe too much to parse on one page. Lends itself to expansion (both scenario and space). But good work on getting it all on there!

(errors: emmits = emits)

• Cool painted art! Would have been extra good if the moon was in the same style.
• Layout is clean, great use of black and white. Could use more margins and space to breathe in places (e.g. around the art). Map element could be clearer.
• I don't think you've used the term Trojan properly. And only 1km of crust is nothing!
• I LOVE the vibes for this one! Epic visuals of the interior of a planet with crumbling ceilings and falling titans! If it was me, I'd push the giant body horror harder.
• The descriptions of locations are hard to parse. I'm not sure how to interpret some phrases (needs an editor?).
• The temple has a chance to get immediately blocked off when the funicular gets crushed - seems bad to cut the crew off from important stuff.
• Results on Crumbling effects table could be better described.
• The Transit Station feels like it doesn't belong. I get the forced choice (save the planet or save yourselves), but the means could use more thought and better integration with the rest of the environment.
• First paragraph in The Descent is unnecessary.
• I don't see the point of running the Descent with random events if you just end up crashing the ship anyway. Maybe this part could be rethought and reworked to better build the suspense.
• Need a few more hints about 'what's really going on'.

Thank you! <3

Awesome! Of course, anything I say is take it or leave it, and I trust you to know what's best for your work <3 Thanks for making something special!

• Art doesn't feel cohesive, but weird might fit the theme!
• Title is hard to read, it shouldn't need the extra title for clarification. Layout is clear but uninteresting. Change in fonts for one panel is inconsistent.

• I like that checks don't quite function the same way (on the Tower Tables) in this surreal place!

• Denizens are mentioned multiple times, they could afford to have their own box so the reader can easily find them each time they turn up.

• Really cool evocative language!

• The room numbering scheme is a bit overwhelming to follow - a 'number + letter' could be more clear, or using the layout to signal the level distinction instead.

• Seems like it could be punishing (altering stats and saves), but the weirdness of it will definitely appeal to some!

  (errors: discression = discretion)

• Art of the monster is cool, but so low res it must have been stretched, which is not a good look. The egg art seems like an afterthought the way it's cut off.
• Headings are relatively clear, but everything is bunched together. Tables look good, but the rest of the layout could use work to guide the eye. (get rid of the eggs for more space!)
• What are Atmospheric Anchors? Talons should be referred to by their full name.
• There doesn't seem like a lot to do here. Donate some weapons and leave? If they don't take anything can they just go when the timer runs out (nothing taken, nothing donated is still 1:1).
• The mission was to find out if they survived, which you know at the start of the module. Adding another lure to investigate the facility would improve the plot.
• The 'past' aspect seems tacked on to satisfy the jam criteria rather than being meaningful to the story. Why does an entity with time travel need ancient items?
• The Curator's behavior (beyond an unavoidable first interaction) could be better described

• Love the cover art! Monster and title and text box in one And can't go wrong with Kyle Ferrin NPC art.
• Layout is clean and readable, colour accent used well.
• Fun module! 'Find a way to escape' is a great motivation for the crew. It's written with a very cinematic style which offers a lot of support and instruction for a newer GM to get to the action.
• I don't really understand how trading Vivienne to Emil is an escape condition (doesn't he already have her?) or why he's even still interested in capturing her.
• It would help to be clear that the NPCs are part of the science mission - mission patches? And also clear who the 'her' in Pell's notebook is.
• Are the Metazymes stats individual, or do they act as a swarm? If you get through one stat block, do they just keep coming?
• I like the rolled encounters! Some juicy horror moments.

(errors: Vievienne's horrified = Vivienne's horrified)

• Awesome title font and colour scheme, but could really have benefited from some art.
• The layout is clean and clear but uninteresting. Though I don't think that orange is the one described in the story!
• I like the oral history part of the module, but it feels more like ghost story than ancient myth.
• The setup lacks a lure for the crew: if they hear the story, there's no reason for them to check it out; if they just end up on the moon, they won't hear the story?
• The idea for the monsters is really fun! But they need support from the rest of the module.
• The 'compoundness' of the creature could use some strengthening, as could the link to the name Iralos.
• Why do the spooky ghosts materialize pulse rifles and vaccsuits?
• They seem easily defeated. There's a monster here, but no interesting encounter. There should be some warden advice about when/how do drop them into a situation.
• I don't think most of the text in "The Iralos Myth" is necessary, just the parts with the little disc icon.

With a little fleshing out, this could be a fun module!

(errors: guant = gaunt, "move an ambulate = move and ambulate", "Chromatic: Succeptible" = "Chromatic: Susceptible")