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A jam submission

A Nest for the ChildrenView project page

A Mothership One-Shot
Submitted by Daily Ritual Press — 1 day, 14 hours before the deadline
Rated by 16 people so far

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A Nest for the Children's itch.io page

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

There is a lot of rooms and a lot going on here and I think you did a great job at communicating everything to the Warden. Very usable, lots of flavor, and the graphic  design and layout here is excelent. Nicely done!

Submitted(+1)

Very polished in every regard! My one comment would be some details on how the infection works on androids and AI and whether that's different to humans.

Submitted(+1)

Some really great layout and design choices here. I love the flow-chart map. The texturing and art is great; where did the faceless portraits come from? I really like them.

I may have been tempted to swap the NPC information with the 'Matron Destroyed' and 'Random Encounters' type blocks, but that's likely a matter of personal taste. My only other feedback is that I wish the Ancient-Myth of it all was a little more front and centre. All in all, this is a solid entry, strong on Mothership vibes and with great presentation.

Submitted(+1)

Excellently-delivered classic Mothership body horror/corporate resort goodness! My kind of comfort food! It's got the time pressure, a good variety of NPCs, and top-notch layout. Only real strong critique I have is the thematic connection which others have mentioned - it's notttttt really there, y'know? More means to discover the origin of these creatures, or a throughline of what element of culture has been influenced by their past exploits would go a long ways to strengthen that element. That said, it's already plenty cohesive outside the theme and is right up there with the best of them for "ways to introduce Mothership to a new crew," so once we're out of the Jam I reckon there's no reason to muck with it. Great stuff, well done!

Developer

Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate you taking the time! 

Submitted(+1)

- Intriguing and horrific cover art!

- Great colour choice and clean, well-balanced layout.  Really like the background texture. One thing that's hard to parse is the black boxes on black background of the rooms.

- The boxes to map convention is a bit hard to follow for this configuration. A mini-map would help! (extra material?)

- Mira broadcasts are great!

- Not clear, but implied in description of Dining Room - is the crew required to locate and save Harlan in order to get paid? (if so, include in briefing?)

- I'm not sure how the crew discovers they're meant to go to the Engine Room. Maybe some clues in the briefing (e.g. central heat signature detected) will get them searching for the maintenance key.

- Straightforward, easily to follow and implement, classic Mothership... but capitalising ANCIENT MYTH doesn't make it suddenly theme compliant haha

(errors: renowned xenobiologist = renowned xenobiologists; Vicky Baldren = Victor Baldren?)

Developer

Thank you for the feedback! I've taken note of the issues and will definitely correct those! 

Submitted (1 edit) (+1)

In general, I love a resort location. I feel like the conversion of stress to experience is a little onerous and stingy in Mothership, especially given that there's such a high chance of a character dying, so I'm always looking for adventures that can do double duty. As an alternative hook, the players could be resting/converting stress when everything goes to hell. 
Love the cover art, the color choice,  NPC profile pics and descriptions. With the NPCs I thought you did a good job giving them personality in a short space. Mira's broadcasts had me laughing out loud and were my favorite part. 
I thought everything was very playable and easy to follow. There is a bit of a video game quality to this where we're clearing rooms with guns blazing which is more "action-horror" than my personal taste and I think it would be a few too many rooms for a one-shot, not that there's anything wrong with that. This is just my opinion, but I think you have a real flare for dialogue and description and the space on the second page my be better served by fewer rooms with more roleplaying fleshed out. At the same time, you've done a great job placing all the necessary details for the wardens to run with it themselves, so I don't think changes are necessary as it works great as is. 

Developer

Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it! When I originally mapped it out, it felt appropriate for a one-shot, but I quickly learned that wasn't the case. I don't plan to adjust this one, but lesson learned for the future. Thanks, again! 

Submitted(+1)

Aesthetically this is fantastic and the adventure is really exciting. You've created a scenario relatively large in scope considering it's just the front and back of a single page, and without cramming too much text into the trifold. The map feels extensive but the descriptions are short enough that it also feels slick. I wouldn't be surprised if this a short campaign arc (2-3 sessions) but also wouldn't be shocked if you can get it done in one.

Developer (1 edit) (+1)

I appreciate the feedback. I ran a partial playtest (didn't have time to finish), and you're absolutely right. I thought I was designing a one-shot, but it looks like it's going to be a two session module. I didn't plan for that, but I'm okay with it. Thanks, again!

Submitted (1 edit) (+1)

That's not a bad thing, I'm impressed with the amount of content you were able to fit in while still maintaining a clean layout and good aesthetics! I generally try to cram as much content into mine as I can but those things usually suffer as a consequence.