itch.io

I totally agree with a bunch of this critique. I'll say, I read BLIT by David Langford at the beginning of this jam and thought it would be a good idea for an adventure. What I didn't consider is that it's really hard to set up a cool encounter with an...image? an inanimate object? In a scenario where players have agency and you can't just write the story, you have to set up it up such that you hope something interesting usually happens, and that was the hardest part. I really wanted it to be the case that if the players rushed in they may not gain enough information to know what they were dealing with, setting up a scenario where players accidentally fall to infohazard unknowingly, but that's also sort of random and punishing. And if they do know what it is, they should handle it easily. So it was a tough line to walk, and I think I did my best given the short duration of the jam, but absolutely I think if I had more time to chew on this I would try to figure out a way to pay this off better.

I meant that the top looked too hard to read, this is great though! I know the header fonts aren't necessarily "on theme"for a menu but they wouldn't look out of place on a diner menu, plus the bloody font enforces up front that this is horror game and the contrast with the other elements adds a lot of comedy.

This is super weird, looks great and seems easy to use as a standalone or to slot into an existing campaign. I particularly appreciate that you have taken the time to call out "why cube" and "if cube then what," as these things are often skipped over in short settings and adventures. My only real note is that the fonts are both kind of hard to read sometimes--one of them looks very blocky in bold and the other has some wonky descenders. But all in all it's great, good job! 

Love this. Honestly I'm just taking this wholesale and sticking it into every shore leave and starting town. Very funny, very dark. I appreciate how even after your organs are stolen this guy is trying to not pay you, truly a great mundane horror scenario.

All of my droogs hate the Ludovico.

This is much less readable imo, I think it's great the way it is

This looks beautiful and the idea is really cool. I think my only substantive note is that I would call out the "object of the game" and mechanically what can happen in a separate paragraph early in the trifold (usually I use the cover or inner flap for sorts of key info like this). I find myself scanning around looking to see what is the relic, why do my players want it, how do they switch from day to night, etc. I would rather have that already in mind and then I can continue reading and simply soak in the wonderful setting and beautiful art and design!

Very silly, great writing and looks really good. I've mostly glazed over shore leave in campaigns but this has me thinking twice about the unhinged opportunities I've been missing out on!

Thank you!

Thank you! I think the log table is called out under the section about the scanner, but I could draw more attention to that. And agreed--especially since there are multiple other entries with actual, physical gorgons--that I should probably further  clarify that it is an image. I didn't think about capturing it besides downloading but it would be very interesting to see if a party had some instinct to photograph it or reflect it! "Psychic inception" is just that bonus attack, and if you lose you initiate the psychosis procedure. It's meant to be self-contained but I can take a look at it again to make sure it's as clear as it can be. Thanks again for the very detailed notes!

Likewise, it's just so much more of a joy to read something that was designed with the intent of immediate understandability.

thanks for the specific feedback. One save a round seemed too brutal so I went to two, but someone else pointed out it's just one save with advantage which seems more elegant so I'll probably switch it to that.

I'm going to give the writing a once-over after judging so I'll look at a lot of what you've mentioned here. Thanks! I also would like more random encounters but unfortunately I don't know how to fit any more text in this thing :')

That's great, touches quickly on the main mechanics while giving the GM a reason to care about them!

This looks amazing. It feels like it's almost bigger than Mothership because of it's ability to keep throwing the players into a new scenario within this one. I guess I would like a little bit more explicitly laid out, a scenario hook and some end states, but there's so much here that it's totally legitimate to ask a GM to do a little work to cobble this into a campaign. Really innovative and beautiful, fantastic work!

This is great! You get the highest possible marks for clarity; I really appreciate anything that I pick up and immediately know what the scenario is so I can contextualize further information in that framework. The scenario is very straightforward and classic, love a giant killer robot, would definitely run.

This looks really good; clean layout and relatively straightforward. I appreciate how much effort you spent exploring the theme. I think as a reader, it's helpful to introduce the myth before the actual stat blocks, as it can be hard to hold everything in mind without a broader context. I think you also might want to indicate on the trifold that this is more of a bestiary than an adventure or quest. All in all it's great, really interesting idea, really evocative descriptions and execution and lore, could definitely see myself slotting this into a bigger quest as a cool fight payoff!

Grading this with the fact that it's a WIP and assuming it will be completed with similar quality. This looks great! Visually nice, clean, intelligently laid out. I love the flavor and it's very mechanical which I also love. I think what I want to see as you finish this is maybe early on a paragraph that can quickly pitch me on how to mechanically engage with the scenario and how that relates to the "object of the game," so to speak. Other than that I would focus mostly on some minor editing for clarity and other proofreading.

Thank you!

I emailed you (I think?) about working on a webtool for this if you're interested, lmk if you want to chat about it, not sure how to DM here

Thanks! The "juicy clue" bit is meant to suggest that the GM should feel comfortable throwing the PCs a bone if they feel it will imrpove the experience. I think with random tables there is always a chance that a party will circle around something useful but never get the confirmation they need, so I want to put the idea in the watden's head that they can simply dispense info if it will really improve the experience of all involved.

I know this ties into a really embattled discussion about railroading so I won't take a stronger stance than that, just a thought that I had.

Looks amazing, great writing, gonzo premise. I appreciate that the lethality is such that this has got to be a one shot because no way my table is surviving a second session. Only real note is that I think it would be helpful to have a bit more explanation for Hatch up front; it wasn't really clear to me what to do with him until I read the spread as it seems like he is meant to die immediately.

I like the brochure look and the fact that you chose a serif font, which is very unusual in this game it seems. This looks great for a party that likes to focus on roleplay and any time a creator calls out NPC's motivations and needs, I really appreciate it as a GM.
I think the word you want is "hangars," fyi.
Great job!

This looks amazing, really cool premise and setting and detailed mechanics. On the game page (not in the actual PDF as far as I can tell) there is an instance of "THOT" instead of "THOTH" that, while humorous, should probably be corrected.

Ah okay, that's good to know, thanks! Maybe I'll just switch it to 1d10 and shrug it off if my players get one-shot lmao

This is really unique! Seems like a great way to draw players in and keep them invested in the adventure. Also, appreciate your devblog, it's always really cool to learn about people's experience creating.

That's not a bad thing, I'm impressed with the amount of content you were able to fit in while still maintaining a clean layout and good aesthetics! I generally try to cram as much content into mine as I can but those things usually suffer as a consequence.

Great premise and some interesting ideas! While I understand some of the aesthetic choices I would focus on readability, between the map and the dark marble background, or maybe just a clean printer-friendly version.

It's bad luck to kill a seabird! Love the flavor of this, seems like something that GMs can easily introduce and looks like it would be really fun to slot into an ongoing campaign.

Edit: forgot to mention my one piece of constructive criticism--in the printer friendly version, the white text with the gray drop shadow on the white and gray background is a bit hard to read. Maybe gray text with a black shadow or just black text would be easier, I don't know.

I think when I realized I don't have the layout sauce my personal quest is to make a clean adventure that's packed with as much text and GM utility as I can possibly fit in one page haha

I appreciate your feedback! a) Definitely could rewrite this to a save with advantage, I don't know why I didn't think of that. b) Is there any reason that 2d5s is better than 2d4? I could also just use 1d10 but I prefer  the center-heavy distributions two dice gives you. c) yea, I went with "bonus action" because I figured the already widely understood meaning might give me better verbal economy, but I understand how that's a double-edged sword since it's evoking rules from a different system. If this continues to be a nitpick for people I'll just take it out.
Thanks again for your kind words and constructive critique!

Not familiar with Eclipse Phase, I'll check it out. Thanks!

This is really unique! I think since it's more of a system for running depth crawls it has to be judged moreso as a warden's tool than as a self-contained adventure, and in that category it really shines. Ideal for any GM who likes rolling up his sleeves and building something to challenge his players!

Aesthetically this is fantastic and the adventure is really exciting. You've created a scenario relatively large in scope considering it's just the front and back of a single page, and without cramming too much text into the trifold. The map feels extensive but the descriptions are short enough that it also feels slick. I wouldn't be surprised if this a short campaign arc (2-3 sessions) but also wouldn't be shocked if you can get it done in one.

The art and design vibes are immaculate and the writing conveys the horror and hilarity with verve. 

I love the aesthetic, it's bonkers! The concept is really wacky and feels like it would be fun to run. My only real notes are that there is a handful of minor spelling and grammar mistakes that could be fixed to improve clarity.

This looks amazing and is mechanically very sound! I like how you've laid out useful information about the NPCs and called out useful clues and mechanics throughout.

This is a fun premise and setting! I'm excited to see how it comes together. Mostly just not getting full marks because of it's current level of completion but I hope to see it when it's finished!

Thank you!

This is beautiful, thanks for sharing! Now you've got me wondering if there's enough in the Met Collection to mine for a scifi tileset. 

Hi Pietro, I've reuploaded the .pdf without the crop marks/bleed. I was able to print this correctly by using zero margins so I didn't notice the issue, but the current version is correct. Please let me know if this works better for you!

Also, to thank you for pointing out this oversight I'd like to offer my next pamphlet for free. Follow me here or DM me on reddit and I'll send you a copy.  Probably later this summer or early fall.

Can you try to reduce the margins to zero when you print it? In the meantime I'll talk to the person who helped me with layout, thank you for bringing this to my attention!

Honestly this had no right to be as creepy as it was lmao