itch.io

- Intriguing and horrific cover art!

- Great colour choice and clean, well-balanced layout.  Really like the background texture. One thing that's hard to parse is the black boxes on black background of the rooms.

- The boxes to map convention is a bit hard to follow for this configuration. A mini-map would help! (extra material?)

- Mira broadcasts are great!

- Not clear, but implied in description of Dining Room - is the crew required to locate and save Harlan in order to get paid? (if so, include in briefing?)

- I'm not sure how the crew discovers they're meant to go to the Engine Room. Maybe some clues in the briefing (e.g. central heat signature detected) will get them searching for the maintenance key.

- Straightforward, easily to follow and implement, classic Mothership... but capitalising ANCIENT MYTH doesn't make it suddenly theme compliant haha

(errors: renowned xenobiologist = renowned xenobiologists; Vicky Baldren = Victor Baldren?)

The 5-8 result reads like it hits only #5 "The Temple", but I think it's meant to hit the location corresponding to the result? (1-4 is worded that way).  Do the Crumbling Effects AND the Body Save happen on 5-8 if the crew are there?

My bad on the crust! I think I am having trouble with that sentence.

• I'm not sure what the cover art is depicting - the ship? The NPC art is evocative!,
• Great colours! Front page is too loaded with text. Despite squeezing every bit of space out of this trifold, it's still organised well. Could use some breathing room.,
• The golden masks completely protect NPCs but only offer PCs extra help on checks?
• (Renegade?) <- is this meant to be a question?
• This scenario seems very labyrinthine (which seems to be the intent!), but not sure that will translate well to play, especially with PCs trying to track where they've been / where they want to go. More interesting/varied encounters might help.
• If PCs have a map of the ship, I feel they should be able to find any place they want, not still have to roll randomly.
• So dense! This definitely feels like a longer work condensed into a trifold - maybe too much to parse on one page. Lends itself to expansion (both scenario and space). But good work on getting it all on there!

(errors: emmits = emits)

• Cool painted art! Would have been extra good if the moon was in the same style.
• Layout is clean, great use of black and white. Could use more margins and space to breathe in places (e.g. around the art). Map element could be clearer.
• I don't think you've used the term Trojan properly. And only 1km of crust is nothing!
• I LOVE the vibes for this one! Epic visuals of the interior of a planet with crumbling ceilings and falling titans! If it was me, I'd push the giant body horror harder.
• The descriptions of locations are hard to parse. I'm not sure how to interpret some phrases (needs an editor?).
• The temple has a chance to get immediately blocked off when the funicular gets crushed - seems bad to cut the crew off from important stuff.
• Results on Crumbling effects table could be better described.
• The Transit Station feels like it doesn't belong. I get the forced choice (save the planet or save yourselves), but the means could use more thought and better integration with the rest of the environment.
• First paragraph in The Descent is unnecessary.
• I don't see the point of running the Descent with random events if you just end up crashing the ship anyway. Maybe this part could be rethought and reworked to better build the suspense.
• Need a few more hints about 'what's really going on'.

Thank you! <3

Awesome! Of course, anything I say is take it or leave it, and I trust you to know what's best for your work <3 Thanks for making something special!

• Art doesn't feel cohesive, but weird might fit the theme!
• Title is hard to read, it shouldn't need the extra title for clarification. Layout is clear but uninteresting. Change in fonts for one panel is inconsistent.

• I like that checks don't quite function the same way (on the Tower Tables) in this surreal place!

• Denizens are mentioned multiple times, they could afford to have their own box so the reader can easily find them each time they turn up.

• Really cool evocative language!

• The room numbering scheme is a bit overwhelming to follow - a 'number + letter' could be more clear, or using the layout to signal the level distinction instead.

• Seems like it could be punishing (altering stats and saves), but the weirdness of it will definitely appeal to some!

  (errors: discression = discretion)

• Art of the monster is cool, but so low res it must have been stretched, which is not a good look. The egg art seems like an afterthought the way it's cut off.
• Headings are relatively clear, but everything is bunched together. Tables look good, but the rest of the layout could use work to guide the eye. (get rid of the eggs for more space!)
• What are Atmospheric Anchors? Talons should be referred to by their full name.
• There doesn't seem like a lot to do here. Donate some weapons and leave? If they don't take anything can they just go when the timer runs out (nothing taken, nothing donated is still 1:1).
• The mission was to find out if they survived, which you know at the start of the module. Adding another lure to investigate the facility would improve the plot.
• The 'past' aspect seems tacked on to satisfy the jam criteria rather than being meaningful to the story. Why does an entity with time travel need ancient items?
• The Curator's behavior (beyond an unavoidable first interaction) could be better described

• Love the cover art! Monster and title and text box in one And can't go wrong with Kyle Ferrin NPC art.
• Layout is clean and readable, colour accent used well.
• Fun module! 'Find a way to escape' is a great motivation for the crew. It's written with a very cinematic style which offers a lot of support and instruction for a newer GM to get to the action.
• I don't really understand how trading Vivienne to Emil is an escape condition (doesn't he already have her?) or why he's even still interested in capturing her.
• It would help to be clear that the NPCs are part of the science mission - mission patches? And also clear who the 'her' in Pell's notebook is.
• Are the Metazymes stats individual, or do they act as a swarm? If you get through one stat block, do they just keep coming?
• I like the rolled encounters! Some juicy horror moments.

(errors: Vievienne's horrified = Vivienne's horrified)

• Awesome title font and colour scheme, but could really have benefited from some art.
• The layout is clean and clear but uninteresting. Though I don't think that orange is the one described in the story!
• I like the oral history part of the module, but it feels more like ghost story than ancient myth.
• The setup lacks a lure for the crew: if they hear the story, there's no reason for them to check it out; if they just end up on the moon, they won't hear the story?
• The idea for the monsters is really fun! But they need support from the rest of the module.
• The 'compoundness' of the creature could use some strengthening, as could the link to the name Iralos.
• Why do the spooky ghosts materialize pulse rifles and vaccsuits?
• They seem easily defeated. There's a monster here, but no interesting encounter. There should be some warden advice about when/how do drop them into a situation.
• I don't think most of the text in "The Iralos Myth" is necessary, just the parts with the little disc icon.

With a little fleshing out, this could be a fun module!

(errors: guant = gaunt, "move an ambulate = move and ambulate", "Chromatic: Succeptible" = "Chromatic: Susceptible")