I like the handwriting, but it’s a little hard to read some of it. I really like the facility and the snipe– it’s a cool idea! I do struggle a little bit to think of any reason any reasonable player would ever enter such a facility however, besides desperation…. and little motivation to do anything but immediately escape.

This could work as a drop-in in a campaign maybe?

I like the writing style, even if there isn’t much in the way of plot or motivation. The writing that is there is evocative, and the descriptions are vivid. The facility reminds me of a soviet nuclear bunker built by the people who made the CUBE from … CUBE.

The generator stuff is the strongest part by a long shot.

I feel like this should either be almost completely focused on the snipe, on the facility, or on the hunt, or the facility should be condensed to one or two panels in a table, the cover/a panel should be focused on how to actually integrate/motivate players to join, and the rest should lean more into the monster generation/behavior.

Art: None to speak of. The textures aren't great but they don't hurt my eyes, and I'm glad you went to the effort of making the pages of text not just look like a Word doc.

Writing: I try to grade for things like plot consistency and plausibility. I get that the point here is not to have those things, but I can't help but feel that's a bit of a cop-out to avoid engaging with one of the more challenging aspects of scenario design. On a technical level, no huge mistakes, but some inconsistency in whether you're addressing the Warden or the player, e.g. "You gain 2 Damage Reduction and lose 10 Speed [...] In 10, min. the player loses control..." (IMO you should always be addressing the Warden in this context, as the players should not be reading the adventure).  

Game Design: I imagine that some players will enjoy the randomly-generated snipe and appreciate the replayability, even though the usual expectation is that scenarios are single-use with a given group. As with the writing, using randomness and "it doesn't have to make sense" to leave the environmental design to chance feels like you're avoiding part of the point of the exercise. The only point of entering the facility seems to be to try to find loot, but there's not much to be found. Assuming the players are stopping to interact with the rooms at all, they'll probably trigger the Snipe in the first room or two, and then what? Just keep wandering until they meet it again or find the exit?

(As an aside, I take it that "Trespass" and "Slumber" are references to the TOMBS system, so it's worth noting that I'm pretty sure TOMBS is meant as a guideline for planning story arcs, not to be included in modules as if it was a game mechanic.)

Theme: I like the idea of treating this 20th century practical joke as an ancient legend. I wish the nature of the snipe hunt itself was integrated in more ways than just the beast's changing nature. Like, what if the players were sent here as a practical joke by someone who doesn't think there's anything there? Could lead to some funny roleplaying after they're almost killed, and the guy can't understand why they're so mad.

Layout: Error in panel order. You've got "Henko Aquisitions [sic] Spike-Caps" on the cover and your actual cover on the inner flap (if book fold) or back pleat (if Z-fold).

Utility: Would be easy to run as you intend it, but I'm not sure it would be much fun except for groups that just want a monster to chase or be chased by. 

Favorability: Aside from the creative theme, there's nothing much here that appeals to me, I'm afraid. Relying on the dice to tell the story is an aspect of RPGs I don't care for very much and you've removed everything except that, which probably just means we have polar opposite taste. We didn't have to make an adventure, so maybe this would have turned out better if it had been a pamphlet about rolling up a random monster... that's the strongest part of it and seems like the part you enjoyed most, so maybe it should have been five panels of Snipe and one panel of suggestions for incorporating a hunt into other adventures.

Ok, so first off this is very hard to read. The fonts, colors, and text density make this hard on the eyes.

That being said, this is a fun (if not entirely unexpected) little side-quest scenario I could see my players enjoying.

• I think the front panel is the one on the left (with the title)?
• Would love art of a crazy Snipe somewhere in here!
• Black titles on blue textboxes is too difficult to read. Maybe lighten the blue. I like that half is handwritten! However, it's unclear the thematic distinction between the different font choices, and the adaptations are hard to read.
• Is the map an example? It's not a square grid? Do you generate rooms at the start (how many?) or as the players explore?
• The company name, Henko, takes up a huge amount of space and attention for not being very significant (especially since it's a reference to a different module). 
• The mechanics of the Trespass are not described. Are they just potential ways the Snipe will manifest. Does it only manifest once? What happens when the crew leaves the room? There isn't much interesting in some of the rooms if the Snipe is already running around.
• I'm not seeing a good reason that the crew wants to explore this place. Is there rich salvage? Are they supposed to be rebellious teenagers?
• It's typically "event - save - effect if failed", but there seems to be a save without a triggering event in #5.
• What does it mean to "lock the facility into a single arrangement"? Should it be changing arrangements?
• Great idea that I think could be a cool module with some more work.

(errors: Single Stage to Liftoff Press = Single Stage to Orbit Press?; "On one of the tables" = "One of the the tables")

Modern myth is a fun take and is at the center of this adventure which is awesome. To take this up a notch, these are the things I would focus on:

• Readibility is tough: higher contrast between the background and text would go a long way, as would using fonts that are a little easier to read.
• Mechanics aren't clear in how to run this: Clear prosedures and reasons for the players to be there would go a long way.
• Colour palette is a lot; scaling it back and using fewer could really help.

Snipe generation mechanics are cool and another direction you could take this is a full monster creation tool kit, which would be dope as hell.

i didn't knew about snipe hunting , i think i saw it in some American cartoon once but didn't gave it more thought so learning its a real thing is interesting !
+ Points for using puffins in your intro.
- I had a hard time reading the hand written stuff, i do zoom in but the writing is so thin that it still is hard to read, i would recommended to use a bigger pen size.
-i was confused at first as i didn't saw a table for the body before i saw it was in the snipe adaptation under each number 2 letters each time. maybe this would need some rework as it doesn't read naturally.

The creature generation is novel, some of the adapations are sick as hell, and I like a number of the locations inside the facility! Some thoughts:

• I'd have loved to see some framework for hooks/contracts for repeat visits to this facility so that the same crew might have reason to run into new Snipes.
• I'm a little shaky on the prospect of actively pulling from other 3PP modules for items/procedures from a useability standpoint.
• I wouldn't be bothered if the rooms were placed in a static layout vs. randomized!

All told, I feel like there are a variety of improvements that could be made, but there's a lot of cool foundational elements here that I'd love to see expanded upon! Good work!