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I actually really like the background textures lol

by texture i was referring to the flat colors in the boxes and stuff. Feel like you should go all the way with the aesthetic if you’re gonna do it– make it look metal! Brass as a flat color doesn’t work because the color isn’t what makes it metallic looking, it’s just part of what distinguishes it from other metals.

The only notes I have are that it may be difficult to communicate the horror of the heliophage to players without just ending the session vaguely. I’m torn though, because on the one hand, I really, really love the effect the writing has on the horror and tone.

Just not sure how well it translates to running the game. If you have suggestions, PLEASE: I’d love to know how to pull it off!

This is a fantastic idea and I will be stealing it when I run this.

holy shit

I like the handwriting, but it’s a little hard to read some of it. I really like the facility and the snipe– it’s a cool idea! I do struggle a little bit to think of any reason any reasonable player would ever enter such a facility however, besides desperation…. and little motivation to do anything but immediately escape.

This could work as a drop-in in a campaign maybe?

I like the writing style, even if there isn’t much in the way of plot or motivation. The writing that is there is evocative, and the descriptions are vivid. The facility reminds me of a soviet nuclear bunker built by the people who made the CUBE from … CUBE.

The generator stuff is the strongest part by a long shot.

I feel like this should either be almost completely focused on the snipe, on the facility, or on the hunt, or the facility should be condensed to one or two panels in a table, the cover/a panel should be focused on how to actually integrate/motivate players to join, and the rest should lean more into the monster generation/behavior.

First of all, I’m a huge sucker for historical/literary references, and I think yours is one of the most impressive takes on the theme. The writing is phenomenal and I love the poetry.

Something about the graphic design isn’t quite clicking for me– I love the glitched out visuals, and I like that it seems you’re going for brass, but I’m not sure it quite sticks the landing. Maybe some texture and slight color tweaks would help with that, as well as adjusting the lettering. Maybe try embossing the lettering into the metal, like an inner shadow/reflection and silver or black inlay to keep it legible? I do like the drop shadow though, gives it a sense of depth and really separates it from the background. I like the icons too, but they feel a tad redundant/out-of-place here.

I think the warden’s advice section could be integrated into other sections, or into it’s own little section– I feel strongly that if you’re asking a question in a module, unless it’s for effect, you should either answer it or write it out. That being said, I understand the rhetorical purpose of this section is to get Warden’s, especially newer ones, thinking about how to answer those themselves as it comes up in play. So take this with a grain of salt.

Overall, this is an interesting and unique module, and looks like a blast to run!

Oh, and the Jinni manifestation table is so good lol. If my players don’t roll the brass vaccsuit thing, I’d be tempted to just make it happen. So, so evil.

IDK I kind of like it. Also, it would seem it is an experiment gone wrong. It’s giving Half-Life.

So cool, this looks awesome. I love the structure– the cleaning goes well, and then someone ELSE fucks it up lol, very on brand. Makes you feel like someone caught in a horror movie, but not the protagonist.

I was expecting more psychedelia based on the (very eye-catching) design, but I’m very pleased with Cronenburg too.

I did notice that the Janitor seems to have their name mixed up with Honey in 5. HABITATION > HAZARD section.

Amigara fault reference is very apropos.

I could see this being run as gross-out splatter, serious horror, black comedy, or all three.

It’s also very plug-n’-play!

Great job!

Oozing with style, clean as hell. Love the literary references (Roadside Picnic / S.T.A.L.K.E.R. is lkjashdkja), I adore tables/generators/systems so I’m probably predisposed to liking this– I could see someone who isn’t having trouble making it interesting, or finding the nested processes a tad inaccessible. For what it’s worth, I think it’s very elegant. Another BANGER submission, I’m gonna have so much fun with these. This seems like it would work well in conjunction with a module called ZONE– my mind is already going to how I can incoporate this lol.

Fantastic work.

This one is SO rad, I love the politicking– it feels like an exceedingly well crafted puzzle in an immersive sim. The graphic design reminds me of tarot decks and old catholic stuff– I adore the color palette.

I also love the take on the theme– and I’m a sucker for this kind of stuff.

I’m a little lost on how to actually engage with the council, however– I can see cases for getting them to vote for Belle, and conversely, how to social engineer them into voting against them, but I can see feeling a little lost on what to do/where to go/etc.

I think with some prep time, what you already have is really fantastic foundation for a mini-campaign.

I also really, really love the conversion mechanic.

Overall, the style is tangible, the voice is strong, the writing inspires, and the layout is super functional.

I like this take on the theme, and the willingness to do a more social/political module.

Thank you for rating! You’ve given me a lot to think about, and some fresh ideas. We obviously have a lot more work to do on this, so it’s never too late to cut stuff and develop other stuff.

And yeah, the layout was one of the things i was rushing to do in the final minutes before the deadline lol– it could use some work. I tried to at least make it make sense as a trifold and to have some decent typography. The white on red was a mistake however.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply!

The third major NPC for Bio-Syn was going to be the monster, with the company staff itself being a mostly faceless shadowy force, and the corporate board being off planet. We didn’t get around to making the stats and mechanics for the monster before the deadline, and it’s the weakest part of the story, so we may cut it– the main purpose of Bio-Syn in this setting is

-A.) to apply more pressure to reuben -B.) to serve as a foil to and antagonistic force towards the church -C.) to provide a semi-plausible reason to build a giant pit that can be collapsed in the climax, and a more horror focused area.

However, all three of those things can be solved either without Bi-Syn, or more gracefully with a more fleshed out (by dum tsss) manuscript. I initially wanted to have a major NPC other than the monster– a lawyer, a corporate rep, the head of security, or a researcher– but we’d already cut an entire faction and plotline for time and space.

The main reason I feel the Godsblood stuff is necessary is because making ichor overexposure lead to the effects of the godsblood synthetic recreation would undercut some of the religious and mythological cues/themes. Part of the purpose is that the company, in attempting to recreate and commodify or even weaponize this substance, is fundamentally incapable of ever grasping the divinity that makes it what it is… they try to make godhood, and create cancer.

I could probably come up with a way to communicate those themes without it, but I think at that point we’d just cut the entire plotline and develop Reuben’s (unnamed lol) settlement and hospital more– that’s a part of the setting that personally compels me and feels underdeveloped.

Maybe we could take some cues from PLT and other political intrigue modules– and look further into some of the sources from which we’ve already pulled inspiration– and communicate something as compelling. Sacrifice some breadth in exchange for depth. It’s just… I kinda like the monster lol.

At first I was thinking this maybe just doesn’t work well as a trifold, but after rating some of the more high concept, dense submissions… I totally think we can make it work! We need to revisit some stuff, streamline some stuff (like, as much as I like spoken word, we really don’t need and can’t afford that much in this medium), and I need to do some deliberate layout work.

I definitely consider this a rough first draft, and I’m excited to work on it after receiving so much constructive feedback– that’s why I’m here!

Thank you so much for the detailed feedback! Yes, deadline panic definitely played a role here– it’s my first jam, and I’m hoping that by participating in these I will improve as a creator and as someone who can meet deadlines lol. It’s an incredible filter for meeting just, unfathomably cool and talented folks with loads of great feedback.

We look forward to refining this prior to public release, as well as maybe expanding it into something more befitting the story we are trying to tell.

It’s insane how much you were able to fit in here. The concept is so cool too. And I love the way it is communicated in the physical design of the pamphlet.

It’s maybe a bit overwhelming for the medium, especially with the amount of tiny text: feels like it would either do better as a full size or a simpler module… but I may just be projecting lol.

Can’t wait to see more of this setting.

Wildly cool stuff!

I really can’t stress enough how well written this is.

NOTHING feels like a footnote, or an addendum. Prose flows into warden info, flows into player info, into mechanics, all without interrupting the pacing or delivery of information or plot.

Love this, simple but very compelling on all fronts. Feels good too.

Really fantastic.

fuckin a

I’d love to be on here! I’ve popped up here and there in small roles for some other stuff, but i’m just getting started putting my own out there!

this looks sick as fuck. 

The discord links in the comments are expired (and the community copies all slurped up by FREELOADING ECONOMIC PARASITES like myself-- they probably don't even have a CEO mindset like I DO.

Any chance one or both of those could be rectified? If not I'll just try to find a couple of shithead friends to cough up a couple of bucks and we'll make our own discord.