(+) A really engaging plot of tracking down a target and figuring out what happened, akin to an LA Noire

(+) Fun sketchy linework of key NPCs and the item people are after

(+) Great chase mechanic implemented to give guidance on running the chase scene

A diamond in the rough. It needs cutting. The tone is good and the revelation fits the story. I'd structure the NPCs a bit more, they kind of flow together. Give some gang tats or some other marker, change their characteristics wording to be more evocative and less judgmental, and finish their portraits, at least ink them. The investigation is linear, that tends to backfire when players get a clue wrong. Add some redundancy or ex machina pickups for wayward Crews. The text needs editing, there are small mistakes, a doubling, nothing major but it should be fixed. The Black Veil AI made no sense to me, it feels like a placeholder. I think the core of this scenario is great, but it does need a little polish.

A cool gang war module, where rival Doptown gangs vie for control of a dangerous piece of tech. A well progressing story with multiple exciting and well-described locations, and thrilling setpieces. It does feel a tad linear in its progression, with multiple unavoidable events.

I love the lineart character illustrations, and the drawing of the device. However, the layout is quite busy and feels messy, and there are some hiccups with e.g. text extending beyond its frame. It would a great to have a version with the visual bells and whistles toned down, perhaps in a way that better matches the grungy vibe of the gangs.

A cool gang war module, where rival Doptown gangs vie for control of a dangerous piece of tech. A well progressing story with multiple exciting and well-described locations, and thrilling setpieces. It does feel a tad linear in its progression, with multiple unavoidable events.

I love the lineart character illustrations, and the drawing of the device. However, the layout is quite busy and feels messy, and there are some hiccups with e.g. text extending beyond its frame. It would a great to have a version with the visual bells and whistles toned down, perhaps in a way that better matches the grungy vibe of the gangs.

Agreed that I think you have a really solid core here. The FSDD device is interesting, the initial mystery is intriguing, and the locations ooze charm. 

There’s a lot of info to digest here, but page 2 does a good job summarizing the backstory for the GM. That being said, I think there’s still a lot of details here. If anything you may benefit from cutting some locations for the pamphlet but you may also have enough to expand this into a larger zine/adventure if you flesh these out even further. For example the Hydro and Finkel’s Noodles are great locations that add to the gang dynamics and vibe, but may not be necessary for the core mystery. There’s even a whole chase scene and associated mechanic here that could be added on to!

Other polish item would just be some extra editing to catch some minor items.

Also wanted to note that I like the “Why are the Players Getting Involved?” options as it makes it easier to hook players. Once they’re hooked, I’m sure the vibe and the mystery will continue to draw them in.

Overall I think the module could use some polish, but this is a fun concept that could even be expanded upon as a several-session side adventure!

its a good device to add to a game. the concepts are ok. the writing is very rough, unfortunately. and, the gradients behind everything is eye-bleeding. with that said, you really cooked. i think there's a very solid core here, like i could run it and i think itd be ok. it needs more proof-reading. good show! 

• i like the idea of looking more into gang wars and whats going on there.
• the device sure is strong it clearly would freak out people with lots of cyber ware.
• like that you can go to different places and uncover different things.