Art: Really nice overall. The ship map is probably better than the pyramid but see Layout. 

Writing: Good overall, and you probably wouldn't have any issues in a longer format. I think in this format there's a little more planning required in terms of what is absolutely essential and what could be cut to leave room to make the essential stuff clearer, because it's a little hard to follow at times. 

Game Design: I really like the concept of a dungeon that's also a ship and exists in two places at once. One of the best ideas I've seen in this jam. Probably deserves to be a zine and needs that space to do it justice. I was going to say why does it seem like the players are destined to get bleeding wounds no matter which way they go, but then it all makes sense. Decoherence is a neat concept. 

Theme: Maybe it's not the most overtly mythological thing in this jam, but it has an ancient pyramid and the concept is good enough I'll just give you the full marks.

Layout: Some nice design flair but I will make two suggestions here: firstly, I would do the Warden a solid for their first read-through and spill the beans about the dual nature of the dungeon and the Immortal's need for blood early on, like at the top of the inner flap before anything else. Secondly, maybe we don't actually need two maps? Maybe one map with the locations at full opacity and then ghostly outlines of the temple and ship versions of the surroundings? That would free up a lot of space for the text and let you be clearer about the more unusual and potentially confusing parts of the scenario.

Utility: I don't know if I'd need to prep that much additional content, but I'd definitely need to read everything over several times to get it all straight in my head. And maybe still not get everything quite as you intended it. For more story-oriented groups, there's also the need to flesh out the hooks and build up the hype around the pyramid so it's not just "here's a thing, go adventuring."

Favorability: The Big Idea goes a long way here. It's cool enough for full marks even if the rushed and/or cramped aspects of the execution would bother me more in a more generic module.

Ok, this is cool.

I keep trying to find reasons to hate it because I have strong feelings about tossing around names like cathedral and Solomon and altar, but...you nailed it. I can't find anything to complain about. I'll try anyways.

The layout is a bit dense, and it takes 2 reads to understand what is actually going on and how it all works. Easy to miss key details that way.

You do have a typo in "Thrusters", though. Your version says "Thursters" which I now wonder if this was intentional...

The layout with the fold is obviously amazing! The decoherence table is a cool idea but might be a little soft compared to the wounds they are supposed to replace. The usage of blood to power everything seems a little gimmicky and is not really necessary to convey the vampire theme.

This slaps. No notes. Well done!

Nasty nasty nasty. Could do with a content warning for some players! Clever design and layout. I agree that this would really benefit from another page or so just to flesh things out. The decoherence stuff is cool, but takes up a lot of space for what it is - it's a big ask, but would you cut or simplify it? I appreciate it is currently functioning as a second axis of threat, but it's thematically operating in quite a different space from other aspects of the adventure.

I quite like the idea of using the ship as a more permanent campaign fixture, and you've provided the support for that. The red immortal adventure part could be spread over the course of various other adventures, and needing a constant supply of blood is a great and unusual motivation for the crew.

Love this one! Really excited to run it. There are a few points of confusion; I'm having trouble parsing the perspective on the ruin map, and I'm unclear how the red immortal attacks. How does she target light sources?

Still, these are pretty minor quibbles. I love the ancient aliens media company hook, love the decoherence wounds, love the phasing. I'm officially seconding the calls for a longer version.

Really enjoyed this one, trippy and evocative in all the right ways. I will agree with what others have said, this could be larger, its bursting at the seems and my biggest gripe with it is the layout of information on the first read… once you know what is going on the module makes sense, but the way its laid out you don’t get to that till the 3rd panel and that makes the first read hard. That said once you HAVE read it it makes sense and i actually really like the “effect” of the flap (panel 2) folding over and swapping the map for the warden… very very cool…

So yeah amazing job, you should 100% consider expanding this to an 8 or 12 page zine, it could easily fill that with what you have here and a few pieces of art.

Thanks for making somethign Rad!

This fucking rips. The decoherence table is the coolest thing I've read in the whole jam so far. Normally I'm not a fan of maps in trifolds, but I think it is completely justified here and adds to the adventure. 

My only criticism is the layout. After the title page, the "general mechanics" section makes sense as the starting place to read the rest of the adventure, but it's not in a place that a reader would naturally start at. I would definitely recommend moving that to the other side of the page, as that is where I would expect the orienting material to be. This would also allow you to put the Ruin and the Ship side by side on the same page, which would be much more user friendly imo. (Edit: ignore that suggestion,  just realized the maps overlap when the page is folded over. That is so cool!)

Rich setting that could bear a much longer adventure, and well presented in a visual aesthetic that supports the 'feel' of the huge Cathedral/Pyramid structure, Very cool complexity available with the various rooms, hooks, and random encounters. Decoherence mechanic offers an interesting new way to punish players :D

I feel this would benefit from spread out a little more over another page, I know that's not the competition etc, but I would definitely buy this spaced out with a bit more art to show the interiors or maybe what being decohered  does to someone. Good stuff.

Dang, quantum vampire is a cool idea. Evocative descriptions and exciting concepts.

Good integration of mechanics. I liked how different skills conferred bonuses or provided clues. 

I really like how you incorporated scientific concepts into gameplay. Decoherence is great. Being forced to essentially reroll your character as you play is really clever.   

I also liked how you used quantum superpositionality for multiple gameplay mechanics! But for defeating the immortal, I though that the clue may be a little too vague. Maybe instead of "Bullet through the head," it could be "Bullet through its head," since when I first read it, I immediately though it meant bullet through your own head.

You even specced out the ship so players can use it. This is just so good and well thought out. 

LOOKS SO GOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD. Really love the layout and design language/aesthetics of the overall design.