Art: Really nice overall. The ship map is probably better than the pyramid but see Layout.
Writing: Good overall, and you probably wouldn't have any issues in a longer format. I think in this format there's a little more planning required in terms of what is absolutely essential and what could be cut to leave room to make the essential stuff clearer, because it's a little hard to follow at times.
Game Design: I really like the concept of a dungeon that's also a ship and exists in two places at once. One of the best ideas I've seen in this jam. Probably deserves to be a zine and needs that space to do it justice. I was going to say why does it seem like the players are destined to get bleeding wounds no matter which way they go, but then it all makes sense. Decoherence is a neat concept.
Theme: Maybe it's not the most overtly mythological thing in this jam, but it has an ancient pyramid and the concept is good enough I'll just give you the full marks.
Layout: Some nice design flair but I will make two suggestions here: firstly, I would do the Warden a solid for their first read-through and spill the beans about the dual nature of the dungeon and the Immortal's need for blood early on, like at the top of the inner flap before anything else. Secondly, maybe we don't actually need two maps? Maybe one map with the locations at full opacity and then ghostly outlines of the temple and ship versions of the surroundings? That would free up a lot of space for the text and let you be clearer about the more unusual and potentially confusing parts of the scenario.
Utility: I don't know if I'd need to prep that much additional content, but I'd definitely need to read everything over several times to get it all straight in my head. And maybe still not get everything quite as you intended it. For more story-oriented groups, there's also the need to flesh out the hooks and build up the hype around the pyramid so it's not just "here's a thing, go adventuring."
Favorability: The Big Idea goes a long way here. It's cool enough for full marks even if the rushed and/or cramped aspects of the execution would bother me more in a more generic module.