This is such a cool idea, I am a little jealous about coming up with it. The contents are great, the layout could use some work though. You have too little margins on the pages, you could probably decrease font size to accommodate for the margins. Also the submission could gain a lot by adding some dividers or boxes to break up the text.
MasterCrake
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05: This stands out as not being to soft, but rather too harsh. I think average stat for sanity is 31%, succeeding on a disadvantage check at the average stat would be around 10%. If you get this result you are very unlikely to recover. Perhaps moving this to lethal or even fatal injury would be better.
06: I do not find minimum stress to be a very interesting mechanic as you barely never go back down after starting to accumulate stress. Perhaps forgetting some major npc or even a pc would be more interesting.
07: I might have read this incorrectly. I was thinking items was just including consumables and such things and not weapons. My group do not use those kinds of items very often and the times they do dropping the item and having to pick it up again in a low pressure situation would not have any actual effect on the game. If it does include weapons it is definitely harsh enough.
08: Doesn't seem very impactful at all, perhaps move down to major injury.
09: Almost seems like a boon rather than a curse. The flavor of permanent decohere is good but it should be a terrible fate to be caught here.
In summary option A is switching 05 and 08 and adding something truly diabolical to 09. Option B is to move 05 to fatal injury, 08 to major injury, and add something a little softer than 05 as the final lethal injury.
The thing holding this submission back the most in my view is the chaotic map. You are not really able to read properly what is written due to overlapping objects. The map itself is very good but it is not clear where to start reading or what to read next. I would make the map a little smaller and move the text to the free space that has been opened up. Alternatively you could add some kind of background to the text so that it does not overlap with the lines in the image.
I was thinking about that movie Escape Plan when reading this. I think the colors are a little much, perhaps a slightly muted color palette would make it more pleasing to the eye. The pixel art is great as always.
Regarding the contents I am having a hard time figuring out how to run it and keep the gameplay engaging. I like the premise of a prison break but the module seems to at have very specific information about the keycards and at the same the door puzzle doesn't seem to lead to anything.
Extrapolating the cost of jump engines in the shipbreakers manual I would estimate the cost of just the engine to at least 640mcr, being class V seems to be another 500mcr or so. Perhaps the low battle score does warrant more of a discount than I was thinking. I went with 1bcr for the J2C-IV jumpliner in my submission due to its massive cryopod capacity, but perhaps I went a little overboard. My thinking was that there would not be much point in building the regular ships if you for just a little more could construct a ship with vastly superior capabilities.
Also I just noticed that the Mnemosyne is missing hardpoints and upgrade capacity. I am guessing no hard points? but no upgrade capacity seems like an oversight.
I am not that fond of the white/yellow text on black. Also the text blocks are a little long, nothing to rest your eyes on while reading. Breaking up long blocks of text into smaller sections with bullet lists etc does create a more pleasant reading experience.
The premise itself is however quite solid. The siren does seem like a touch deadly at least if it is set on killing the players.
Great premise. I do however have two major criticisms regarding the map. Having the (good looking) map being on the other side of the pamphlet compared to the map key seems like a big blunder. Secondly it seems to me like the big dilemma is between recovering the ship and rescuing the crew. The focus on the map makes it seem like the crew option does not exist at all and the exciting moral dilemma is replaced by a regular (less exciting) map exploration scenario.
Good looking submission. It seems well thought out. I like the fact that we have an act progression outline that is exactly the type of stuff that I want in a module.
Just spending one panel on the ship layout is good, most similar modules spend two or the full three panels for a map that isn't really relevant for the scenario.
A very minor comment I have is regarding the decompression levels table I would have put the title of the table and the O2 remaining in a header as part of the table itself. Also not sure if the sealed unsealed distinction is necessary, perhaps it could be kept by saying that sealed compartments keeps O2 for ten times as long as unsealed ones.
The obelisk mechanic is very good and gives a good reason to explore. I am a little concerned the players will not understand that they are supposed to destroy the obelisk when it starts activating.
Great looking map! I am however not sure sentient mantis works great with the atmosphere of the mosh universe, at least at my table.
Interesting premise. After thinking about it a little I believe this idea could work very well as a side quest recovering a dead player character personality if someone the players felt very emotional about died.
What I am not equally fond of is the centered alignment and the map.
The medusas are a little harsh unless the players are fully aware of the petrifying mechanic.
This looks slick! The front page illustration is great, the map could however use a little cleanup to make it come across more deliberately scribbly as the bug.
As to the content I agree that it could use some proof reading. Also I am not super fond of the bug mechanics, seems a little unrealistic. But on the other hand it does subvert your expectations.
Love the art style of the map! Not such a fan of everything just being a linear exploration. Not much room for any decisions from the players (or social interactions). My guess as to how this would play is mostly the warden describing environments for the players that they pass through. Also I am a little confused as to what text should be yellow and what should be orange, you seem to switch that up a couple of times.
Everything looks pretty polished. Good choice to not let the map take up the whole inner spread, it does however suffer from the same issues with most scenario maps in that the layout doesn't really matter. One interesting thing that could have been done with it is to allow the various factions to fight over it (area control) when things starts to go bad.
I think the submission is mostly well done even though the style of humor doesn't quite work for me. Also I haven't ran it but it seems like the specific numbers of the economy (high price to leave, small prizes, and a trick to reset what the players already earned) would make running it verbatim a slog.
The name Mythhunters seems a little tacked on to score cheap theme points. In my opinion the theme of the jam should never be an obstacle for the writer to overcome, it should be an optional source of inspiration.
Mechanically I like sponsors and ship, not as fond of the crew stuff. I think I would be more ok with the crew stuff if it was obvious that it is an optional thing that makes the players more powerful. It could perhaps be mentioned in the text on the front page.
This is amazing! I am not really in need of more adventure modules, I already have more than I can possibly run. I am however always looking for good easy-to-use supplements to throw into other adventures to flesh out the setting. I do agree with some of the other comments that the layout could use a little work to really nail it. For example the font looks a little boring compared to the main header and art.
I am not really that fond of map exploration modules. In my opinion you need a gimmick that actually makes the map relevant to spend this much real estate on it. Also the cult+security mech themes don't really gel with me. I am however not sure how this feedback could help you improve anything for this module.
Social encounters are the best ones for rpgs in general, I don't get why we default to combat so often. Yours I found intriguing. I think the characters could use a doesn't want entry for how to enrage them.
Your layout is beautiful, the portraits could however use some extra love. Perhaps something as simple as just giving them a round background would make them feel more professional. Why are some headers just lowercase, some just uppercase, and some first letter uppercase and the rest lowercase? I would have preferred a consistent casing pattern.
Great entry as a classic room exploration adventure. I do however think the scenario would work better as an experiment gone wrong situation rather than ancient artifact with magical properties. I know we have the theme of the jam, but the theme should not stand in the way of making the submissions the best they can be.
Great concept, but I found the map exploration aspect of it not matching the atmosphere that well. I wonder what fun things you could concoct if you did not have to spend most of the inner spread on a mundane map. Also on a more technical note I do not think the map connection lines work at all (too thin, too short, weird alignment with central image).
Its an open source mmo computer game anout performing mundane tasks on a space station while it is literally falling apart around you. It historically used a singularity engine (artificial contained black hole) to keep the station powered. The singularity engine had a nasty habit of escaping and bringing down the whole station.
