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Thanks for the encouragement and I appreciate you saying that I shouldn't feel the need to apologize.

I'm glad you're interested on how it'll change! It's going to be changing quite a bit, but I can guarantee you that the president's speech will be mostly unchanged. The more I thought about this story the more I realized I could improve it and also make it part of the lore of the world that I'm building. That's all I'll say about it for now, but I just wanted to thank you for your encouragement!

This was a really great read. I always enjoy stories that use an underutilized part of ren.py. What I'm talking about is the use of multiple playthroughs to get to the ending you want. And the story was really nice as well, but I think some parts of the story didn't quite hit for me. Such as the ending of the third ending. Other than that, everything else was really good. Great job!

Like the other before me I agree this is a very interesting start to the story. It helps that we don't get much visuals besides the color of the background, because it allows the readers to form what they think the monster looks like in their head. At least that's what I did. And I'm also thinking on what kind of an apocalypse this is! I don't know if it's an apocalypse, but the vibes make me think it is, kinda like a quiet place sorta deal. Which begs the question, what are the conditions for the mutations? Or are there wendigo(?) type creatures that can consume the people and take their voices? Looking forward to seeing how the story goes if you decide on continuing it!

This was definitely one of the most unique entries for the game jam even though you withdrew to update it. The premise behind this intrigued me, but didn't do much else beyond that. I think that's fine though because you said that this should be considered a tech test and that (from what I understand) this is from further on in the story and not the beginning. I enjoyed the 3d models and how some of the scenes are done,  and I don't know if it's just my computer not being able to keep up, but sometimes the models take a moment to change from their stances and you can see some of the props being loaded into the scene before they should be. Also the transition between the cutscene with what's going on inside of the MC's brain to the gameplay seemed to take a while to load. Anyways, I know how hard it is to get an ambitious project like this going so I think this is a good start! Can't wait to see how this develops!

This was a really good vn in my opinion. Were there some issues with it? Yeah, but I think that it's fine. The main thing I felt in this was the passion behind the story. 

Well done!

You're welcome! I hope this doesn't discourage you at all though. I think it's absolutely fine to have mistakes like this, and it's just a part of beginning as a new writer!

I really enjoyed this! The whole story is just a fun time, with a neat premise, nice characters, and some good comedy. I really liked the glitchy sprites as well. And like the others before me, I agree that the ending is the only flaw I could find. Great job!

This was an interesting read! A nice little story that combines both intrigue and coziness. It was also paced nicely as well which is always nice to read. Good job!

Alright, here's the list (I am going line by line in the code.):

1. Line 1, "Free Cheers!" - Is this meant to be "Three cheers!", "Cheers!", or a "Here Here!"? Because I personally haven't  seen that phrase used for something like this.
2. Line 15 & 17, "Hello, everyone! Uhh... I hope you all are having a good evening tonight!" and then afterwords goes to "Well, I'm very glad, and I do hope the rest of the evening will get better!" - This is a very little issue though, because I looked in your code and you mentioned that there was meant to be a sound clip where there would have been cheering, but it's not there. I'm assuming you didn't have time to put it in, so you could put an observation that the crowd cheered the MC on. I think that would make it feel a bit less disconnected, but it could be solved by putting the sound clip in and having a pause while the sound is playing.
3. Line 23, "And create newer and stronger bonds with each other!" - I think this is grammatically fine, but it sounds a bit off. Maybe changing it to something like, "And I hope we can all grow closer and forge new bonds!"
4. Line 28, "But it's ok, all is ok." - Again, I think it's grammatically correct it just sounds a bit off. Changing the all to everything sounds better.
5. Line 32, "You know, quite many people at my house, I'm not used to such." - This could be changed to something like "I'm not used to having so many people in my house."
6. Line 38, "You're doing well! A cute face such as yours can't always look so gloomy now..." - Change the can't to shouldn't or get rid of the always.
7. Line 46, "Onwards to the kitchen at the far east!" - I get that it's supposed to be the indicator for the reader to know where to go, but it could flow a bit nicer.  You could change who is saying it and make it sound like the MC is directing Eddy where to go. For example, "The kitchen is to the east of us." or "The kitchen is to our right." Then again, you are only able to go that one way so the line could just be taken out entirely and the dialogue should still be fine.
8. Line 78, "I can feel the savor and sweetness that I'll be having soon enough." - This could be changed to "I can already taste the savory and sweetness of the food that I'll be having soon."
9. Line 81, "If you want to talk more, I'll be at the dining area here having some of this adobo." - Just need to get rid of the "here".
10. Line 93, "Well, heya there! This party is quite so nice." - Having two adjectives that do the same thing make it sound strange, so I would change it to "Well, heya there! This party is quite nice!" or have them say "This party is nice!".
11. Line 100, "Well... It's not like I dislike him either, and since I offered to set up the party from our office, he is also a guest." - I would get rid of the either and change the second part to make a bit more sense. Something like "Well... It's not like I dislike him, and since this was a party for the company I thought I should invite him."
12. Line 103, "Oh! Then it might be a good time to get to know him better, then haha! But if I do have to say something, he noticed your lack of energy lately and thought you couldn't handle the prep for so many people, but he was proven wrong." - The second sentence doesn't make much sense. I'd change it to something like, "Oh! Then it might be a good time to get to know him better, then haha! Before you go though, I should tell you that he had noticed how tired you looked recently. He was worried that you weren't going to be able to prepare for the party. Obviously he was wrong! Haha!". Or, you could have him say something a bit meaner which would help with how apologetic Francis was later.
13. Line 108, "It's ok... I might talk to him then and know what he thinks of the party." - I'd change the know to learn or hear.
14. Line 139, "Buzzing, I can't really hear her..." - Maybe change it to, "I can't hear her over this buzzing noise...".
15. Line 146, "On some other time we can talk about it more! I'll inform my other friends too!" - Change the "On" to either "Or" or "And".
16. Line 225, "I enter the chill room and witness Francis berate Jerome. He notices me and walks over to my direction." - Just need to change the berate to berating.
17. Line 227, "Laine, I would like to apologize for what Jerome and I have said. I did not mean to offend you, I was concerned for your condition before the coming days of the party, as you seemed to have been tired from work a lot lately." - The second sentence needs to be tweaked a little bit. "I didn't mean to offend you, but I was concerned for your well-being. It looked like you were running yourself ragged.".
18. Line 233, "Other than the good food, enough and even more for the people here, I say you make a great atmosphere, and it's nice that everyone has been such a good chat to be with." - I would get rid of the "enough and even more for the people here", and the "to be with."
19. Line 234, "I'm very much glad." - Get rid of the much.
20. Line 238 & 239, "Did you hear something?" - Same thing as with line 15 & 17, if you put in the sound effect or if you put in an observation in the MC's mind it will feel nicer.
21. Line 246, "Is it not from the speakers downstairs having mic issues or something?" - I'd change it to something like, "Could it be from the speakers downstairs?" Make it sound like more of an observation/question.
22. Line 268, "That was... Weird, right?" - Get rid of the "right?", because it makes it seem like Laine is breaking the fourth wall a bit. Trying to get the reader to agree with them. (Now we get to the different routes. I'll do the Conq route first.)
23. Line 338, "I don't find that you hurting yourself for your work as the commendable thing." - It sounds a bit broken, so I would change it to, "I don't commend you overworking yourself, you need time to rest."
24. Line 370, "I steel yourself and head into the room." - There are two different perspectives written in this sentence, you either need to pick first person or third.
25. Line 375, "A not so loud scream as other guests are also nearby." - I'd get rid of the "also" and change "A not so loud scream" to, "A quiet yelp".
26. Line 390, "Do still put on some clothes... I'm a little uncomfortable..." - Change the "Do still" to "Please".
27. Line 418, "Sprawled out like that, I can see the definition across the crevices on his body." - Change the second part to something like, "I could see the definition of his muscles."
28. Line 424, "Wow is he pretty..." - I'd change it to a thought, and say "Wow, he is beautiful." Or whatever descriptor you would like to use.
29. Line 425, "Hehe, say bud, you seem to be gawking at me for a while there." - Change the "you seem to be gawking at me for a while there" to "you've been gawking at me for a while."
30. Line 439, "Ok, no, this is getting too far." - Change the "getting" to "going".
31. Line 452, "I gulp and come closer to him, I can feel the radiating heat from his body." - Switch radiating and heat.
32. Line 875, "Ahh... Laine, it's you, haha, I thought it was some other spirit I'm chasing. Aren't you quite the romantic?" - Take out the "quite".
33. Line 885, "No! You can't tempt me from taking me!" - Change the "You can't tempt me from taking me!" to "You can't tempt me into giving you my soul!".
34. Line 919, "But I still want your soul, you get a head start." - "But I still want your soul. I'll give you a head start."
35. Line 922, "What a tease you are... Getting you will be such joy!" - Change the second part to "Catching you will be fun!"
36. Line 934, "Here in this locket holds a deep emotional weight to me." - Change it to "This locket is really important to me."
37. Line 935, "I physically don't have the locket, of course, but..." - Change it to "I don't have anything in it right now, but..."
38. Line 949, "Haha, I don't know if you would believe me but I was worried for you." - Add a comma "believe me, but".
39. Line 952, "Would you consider that I also tempted you with my body?" - I don't know exactly what you were talking about with this line, but I'm interpreting it as Conq wanted to use his body to get MC's soul. So I would change it to something like, "I tried using my body to tempt you as well."
40. Line 953, "I think that was when I did want to try and get you to me." - Change this line to fit a bit better into the line before. For example, "I think that was when I was determined to get your soul."
41. Line 994, "Honestly I was able to be in this realm through the things I find out with blood sacrifices in my line of work, and such so..." - You just need a comma after the "Honestly". (That's all for the Conq route. Onto Sarah's route.)
42. Line 516, "Well you see what we do is on an agreed time me and the rest of the group gather some books that we have read over the last time we made a meeting." - This can be cut down and split into different sentences. For example "You see, we agree on a time to meet up and bring books that we have read since our last meeting."
43. Line 520, "Oh, a book I recall we once talked about a story of a human woman in a majority human world who has had an encounter with a mothman." - get rid of the "I recall", add "was" in between "about" and "a", and change the "human women in a majority human world who has had an encounter with a mothman" to something like "human woman who encountered a mothman, while the world was predominantly composed of humans".
44. Line 536, "And due to how accepting the world is, more and more genres like such are free to be read by the public." - Change the "such" to "it".
45. Line 541, "I think I have some in my room, some of them are books from old though." - Change the "some of them are books from old though." to "some of them are really old though.".
46. Line 566, "I was hearing that these are pretty good, so I bought them at the time." - Change some words "I heard that these were pretty good, so I bought them at the time."
47. Line 578, "I can very much agree on that, it was not a good read on that part." - You could change it to "I completely agree with you, it sucked reading through that part.".
48. Line 1033, "Oh this is great then this will be quite easy, how about you offer your soul to me wouldn't that be nice?" - add a comma "soul to me, wouldn't that be nice?".
49. Line 1039, "What if none of the foot rubs?" - Probably should change it to "What if I'm not good at foot rubs?"
50. Line 1067, "It may sound selfish, and I know you care more about my soul, which is probably more selfish..." - I would change this a bit because it makes it seem like the MC is calling Sarah selfish. Maybe to "It may sound selfish, and I know you care about my soul, which makes this even more selfish...".
51. Line 1068, "I don't really get all this death stuff, But I want to live, and be alive, not just survive." - Remove the "I don't really get all this death stuff."
52. Line 1072, "And in such destruction, I lose myself, I lose things that I care to love." - Remove the "care to"
53. Line 1080, "The side of war might lean you to come for that, but if you are going to fight, at least fight for things that could help others too!" - I don't really understand the first part of the sentence, but I think you could remove it and just have "If you are going to fight, at least fight for the things that could help others too!"
54. Line 1083, "I think... You're pretty right with that, Laine. Haha!" - Remove the "pretty".
55. Line 1119, "I rub my temples in cringe while smiling." - I would put the cringing part as one sentence and then after that sentence, have the MC smile. (Now onto Francis.)
56. Line 620, "If you entering the office looking like plant becoming brown attempting to get some light..." - I would change some of the phrasing, like "looking like plant becoming brown attempting to get some light" to "looking like a plant wilting due to a lack of sunlight."
57. Line 621, "Drinking so much coffee and jolting awake then getting back to working." - Same thing as above, "Drinking a lot of coffee and passing out in the office, just to jolt awake and get back to work."
58. Line 631, "But next time we come back to work, be aware of your health, ok?" - Change "come" to "go".
59. Line 638, show famiCasualHappyIThink - The sprite cannot be found
60. Line 641, "The food choice is great, enough water for everyone, and the music is just right." - add "there" before "enough".
61. Line 642, "That does make me feel quite better..." - Change the quite to "a bit".
62. Line 1131, "But I'm telling you I've been living well all because of the abundance of these that I collect, so I can buy so much food." - needs a comma before the "all because".
63. Line 1169, "A swing of this and it's lights out for either of us, some joy and whimsy in our lives for once in a while." - Change "swing" to "swig".
64. Line 1182, "You told me to take care of myself and finally enjoy myself after all this time, a peace between 2 entities." - the second part doesn't make sense, unless you are talking about the MC's body and soul. If that is the case then it should be changed to "a peace between my body and soul."
65. Line 1210, "You better not lose quick after I get you back to your body, and as far as I know, you still need something good to eat!" - I'm assuming when you said lose, you meant die. So I would recommend changing it to "You better not die after I get you back to your body, last I checked you still need something to eat!"
66. Line 1218, "Haha! I do alright, we're gonna be having the best time of ur lives!" - forgot the o (Onto death.)
67. Line 1240, "Which is why when you are so close to it, I am here to get you soon." - I'd rephrase this a bit, something like "Which is why I am here now, your body is failing you."
68. Line 1250, "You speak truth, unless you do enjoy your job at least." - add "the" before truth.
69. Line 1251, "You are not wrong in that there are those who would experience grief over their loss of you." - I'd just add a "And" at the beginning of the sentence.
70. Line 1252, "I don't mean it to be egotistic or anything, I just, still want to be alive, I'm not ready to leave yet. - Remove the "it" and  add -al, to egotistic.
71. Line 1263, "It may not be how everyone goes about it, but to me, I also want to give this to someone I care about deeply and see a future with them together." - a bit too much for one sentence so either break it up into two sentences or make the sentence shorter. Something like, "It may not be how everyone does it, but I want to give this to someone I love and see a future with."
72. Line 1266, "Sentimentality keeps one grounded, as I do see in some cases." - Remove the "do".
73. Line 1281, "In this world, you may have died already, or possibly have some sort of good end come you by." - Remove the "come you by.".
74. Line 1328 & 1329, "Soon I'm at the hospital, there were others." & "It was poison." - I would change this a bit to flow a bit better, "Soon, I'm at the hospital looking at some of my coworkers that came with me." "We had gotten poisoned from something." (That's it for the Death route.)
75. (The prelude to the game section) Line 740, "They want your soul and damn it finally that you're here our body wont need much more effort." - I think I understand what is being said here, but I'm going to re-write it to what I think it means. "They want your soul, and now that you're here our body can finally move around."
76. (And now onto the script.rpy) Line 404, "You want to read the beginning again or get into the game?" - Add "Do" to the beginning.
77. (True end) Line 515, "And for all I know, nobody has left the house yet. - Rephrase it a bit to something like, "I know nobody has left the house."
78. Line 578, "Told me they didn't know what to do if I did, as I was still so young." - Add a they to the beginning of the sentence.

OK, I'm finally done with it. Granted some of this may be wrong and there might also be some other mistakes that I missed. Also, I didn't mention it on here, it's fine to use contractions (unless you weren't using them to make them have a certain voice.). Also I found the character thoughts at the end of the story file pretty funny lol. I hope this helps! And sorry this took so long.

This was an interesting read. I liked the idea of the whole community in the forest and the forest being alive, but the forest didn't really seem alive in the story. The only time we got a sense of it was at the end, everything else was written like it was done by the dead soldiers using the forest.

The characters were interesting, but I felt they all had a certain monotony with some topics. Such as, May glossing over what trauma she went through that caused her to hate the movement/outsiders, even though she was an outsider herself. And then the flashback was only to show that she was part of the movement and them Grams gave her a chance to desert the movement. All we know from what we got was that the movement started a war with the forest. Which I am extremely confused about, because what would cause a group of people to go, "You know what? Fuck them forest dwellers and their forest!"

There were also some grammar and spelling errors through the story, but those can be fixed, so it's not much of an issue. Either way, good job!

This was a nice story! I liked all of the characters and the twist at the end. Although I do have to wonder, where was Desmond after he confronted Faolan? He obviously thought that you were being poisoned and once he thought he got rid of Faolan, he just vanished? And then the only other gripes I have were some grammar mistakes and that we didn't get a CG for that final scene XD (Not needed though, you described it well enough for my imagination to make a good scene.)

Well done!

Honestly this was a hilarious entry. I loved the absurdness of it all. From the breakneck pace of the story to the enormous assets that every character had (I mean just look at how big the chief's tail is! XD).

I can't really give anything meaningful in terms of things like grammar issues, the occasional spelling mistake, and the floating sprites. Since a couple of others have already commented about it. 

A funny little story to put a smile on my face and some eye-candy to boot. Nice job!

I enjoyed this a lot! I always enjoy seeing works being produced that provide more lore to the world that they are working on right now, that isn't just shoehorned in somewhere in the main installment. And this was an interesting story to learn more about Liam and Patrice, granted I haven't kept up with the most recent updates so I don't know/remember if things that were mentioned here are already in the main story.

I loved the art for this a lot. The designs for the new characters are interesting and I loved the CGs. The animation at the end was really neat as well.

And there isn't anything I can find wrong in this that hasn't already been mentioned by others in the comments. Stuff like pacing, how the sprites sometimes default back to their neutral expressions, the unknowns like the croc, or what happened to Nia and how she is able to send that much money to both of them apparently every month, and the extreme horniness of the two.

Anyways, I just want to say I enjoyed this again and it gave me the urge to re-read Moonlight Castle and get myself immersed in the world again. Awesome work!

Yeah, I seemed to have a problem with the infestation counter never getting high enough to spawn them. I was seeing the locust swarms though, I just never encountered the famine themselves.

I can reread through the story and put what I've found on a list or something if you would like? If not I can just put them in a list on here.

I like the premise behind this and I look forward for the updates after the jam is over!

I like this, truly, but for now it doesn't follow the theme for the jam.  We just haven't gotten any background into what is the darkness and one could assume that the light would probably be Largo, but we don't know why.

It's always nice to get a new slice-of-life story, just something to read and feel good. Not much has happened,  but that just makes me think that the game is going to be pretty relaxed going forward, which is nice. I also liked the character sprites a lot!

Great work!

This was a banger of a vn. I was so immersed throughout the entire story, trying to figure out why he had done it (I already suspected it was going to be them >:)). I didn't expect what the real cause of it was though.

Now I have some gripes I should probably mention. While I liked the story I felt as if there were some key emotions that were left out of it. Say the panic and grief that would have consumed skipper and the MC. To the MC not having more of a breakdown after having major events happen back to back that trigger very different responses. And then some of the plots of the story that seem important, aren't really. For example, if you take the branch in the story where you take the flashdrive from the envelope, and then keep it, and from what I understand in the story it would essentially fuck the antagonists whole plan up. I say that because when they are explaining how they did it they said that they used that flashdrive to take over the electrical system. And yet, they didn't need it.

But again these are some very minor complaints and I really enjoyed it. Really well done!

Congrats on making a vn! Considering you did this in the span of 6 days it's alright! 

There isn't much that I could say that you needed that you probably already know, so I'll just give my opinions on the story.

The concept behind this was interesting, and it could be a pretty good story! Throughout the story I saw we were switching perspectives over and over again, but there wasn't much to notify the reader that we had switched perspective, except for being able to listen to their thoughts. Maybe you should incorporate something like resizing the text, but on that topic I did notice you used a different color text and underlined it. That is what helped me realize that, that is when we were supposed to be changing perspective.

And now I want to talk about how well you implemented the theme. I think I understand how you implemented the theme, but we only get to catch a glimpse of the darkness part of it before being shown the light. And we don't even know about it until we are basically done with the story. I think if you wanted to keep the perspective changes you could have the character's backstory happen before they each have their moment where they start to change their lives.

I enjoyed the idea of this though so I'm excited to see how the story will change if you are able to update it!

Hello! Thanks for the review!

I agree, I should have given the characters some more time to build them up and make it a bit more immersive. Thank you for the suggestion on how to remedy it though! I'll definitely take it into account when I rewrite it.

And thank you for taking the time to read this!

I like the concept a lot! I personally haven't watched any of these types of shows, so it's interesting to read through it. I liked how you made it so that everyone wasn't vying for the MC and that some are having their own stories away from our perspective as well.

Now this struggles a bit with the intro sequence, and how for some reason we are just a wolf magnet. And those wolves are snarly at each other because they're wolves? it's certainly an interesting thing to add to your story, but I'm just intrigued on how that came about. And sometimes you used the describing words a little too often, like the predatory eyes and the twitchy tail.

Also, for what we have in the story right now, I don't know where the theme is implemented in the story.

Excited to see this get updated, good job!

This was a beautiful story! I really liked the art and music that went with it! And the story was really well done as well!

There isn't much I could complain about besides having some typos here and there.

I also really enjoyed the mentions and the usage of the old ways of communicating back then.

Amazing work!

This was cool to read through! I wasn't expecting the gameplay at all and it was neat! 

Although main issue I had with it is that the story that you made to go along with it didn't hold up imo. I liked the concept a lot, but I felt as if instead of having the game part after you finish the interaction with one character you allowed the player to go talk with everybody and then have the chase sequence. I think it would allow the player to fully understand each character before deciding on what route to take. And they each are very lenient in their jobs, having 1-2 conversations with the MC before saying, "I like you, so I shall spare you". Maybe if there was some backstory between them and the MC it would be a bit better, but that's just an opinion of mine.

There was also a lot of grammar mistakes throughout the story that I paused at trying to understand what they were talking about. And I think there is an issue because I finished the conqueror and the warmonger paths and I just couldn't find the famine, no matter what I did.

This was really cool though! I feel like with a bit of polish this could be a very good vn! Especially with the gameplay element! Great job!

This was a nice read! There was only a couple of things I could complain about.

The writing needs some work too, for example; There are a couple of plot holes in the story, there are quite a few grammar and spelling errors, and the pacing of their relationship felt rushed as well. And we never got Charles' explanation on why he had joined the rebellion.

I liked the characters though and I liked the premise of the story (kinda want to see an epilogue for these 2). The art was also nice!

Great job!

This was an interesting read! I liked the bareboned look of the characters and the ideas that were brought forth in the story.

I think given a month or 2 more this could have been a really good story! I think it fell flat in some places personally, like how the cabin was there and just so happened to have things they needed for the night, we didn't get much more worldbuilding on the curse except that it had been spreading around the kingdom and the king has been ignoring it, and we never learned what the voice was that was speaking to the mc's mind.

I also felt like the relationship with the main two had no substance behind it, besides being a long-distance crush and being saved by them. And then at the end declaring their love for each other, despite having only spent one night together. Please don't take this the wrong way, but this feels a bit stockholm syndromey. It probably only feels that way because of how fast paced the story got at the latter half, and how you probably ran out of time, so you wanted to finish the story with the finale you had planned before.

All-in-all though, Great job!

This was an interesting read! I understood the plot for the most part, but the endings threw me for a little bit of a loop. I think I understand the message that you were trying to convey at the end of the story though.

I really liked the backgrounds and the designs of the characters were neat! I'm a bit confused by what I assume is the ribcage on some of the characters though. It kinda looked like another pair of pecs imo. 

And the characters were good as well, I liked the bantering between them, but I think it got a bit overused. But besides that, I liked how the two interacted with each other.

Great job!

A nice read, really liked the vibe of the story. Though, the times when we skipped through time didn't really make sense. Because we get a line where it's describing a scene with the 2 mc's 3 months back, and then another line afterwords saying that the relationship started like a month ago.

But other than some logistical queries, I liked everything about this! I like the character designs, the writing style, and good choices in music. Well done and I'm excited to see what other stories you are planning on telling.

This was genuinely a really intriguing premise and I'm curious about the world that you've created! From the idea that gods interact in this world along with various different magical phenomenon and they are able to interact with each other in various ways, to how the people in this world interact with these phenomenon. (Granted the 2 mc's were far from normal in their world I would assume.)

The theme was executed well for both of the main characters each having their own struggles and being able to have some sort of relief in the end.

The art for this is really nice as well, I loved the character designs for both of the mc's and the backgrounds looked really nice as well. And when there was music it was a nice addition to the scene.

Now the unfortunate part is that the translation isn't the best and I feel like I might've misunderstood/missed some pieces of the story because of it, BUT I think it was good enough! Also, I think some parts of the story don't make sense (could be a translation issue though). Like the beginning of the story where our Lynx was somehow in those shackles and we weren't given much of an explanation for it. The same could be said for the last bit of the game where the three cats are talking.

Either way this was a great read!

Hello! Thank you for reading!

Yeah, I've been getting that a lot and I find it funny honestly. I may expand on his lore a bit more when I rewrite the story later.

Thank you so much for the ideas for some backstory on the characters! I'll definitely take them into consideration (if that's alright) since I have been brainstorming some ideas for the story.

I'll definitely give it a read through! I'm curious now to try and guess what part of my story reminded you of yours.

Hello! Thank you for reading!

I agree completely, this needs quite a few things to be fixed. 

Thank you for telling me some things that I could fix for the re-write, and I'll make sure to try and resolve them.

Hope you have a good day/night and thanks again for the review!

Hello! Thank you for reading and giving a review!

I'm sorry, I might be a bit slow trying to understand what you said, but what do you mean that the character tags were used for narration related to the character?

Yeah, logically the highways would definitely be jammed with almost little to no room to drive through. That was an oversight on my part honestly, I wrote it and then didn't give it a second thought.

That's fair honestly, I should have thought about putting a conflict point in the story in that section, but again, I didn't think about it.

I agree completely that this is a very bare-bones story, although I am happy to see some people think it has potential! After the judging period is over I will try to add some more to the story to make it a bit better. Thank you for your suggestions and review, and I hope you have a good day/night!

Thank you for taking the time and reading this! And thanks for the review!

I'm glad many people are finding the humor in the absurdity of the situation, and it does make sense that it throws the seriousness and sincerity into question. (Probably should have leaned more into the comedic side looking back on it).  

I planned for both the moon debris and the loved ones in a time of peril trope to be used for the theme. I was trying to go for a metaphorical and a physical use of the theme.

Once again, thank you! I hope you have a good day/night!

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

I'm glad you found thumbnail hilarious! Despite it being unintentional it's one of those things that when you look back at it, it was a goofy product.

Yeah, I agree with what you said.  The story was built on a cheesy af plotline and I didn't allow myself to let the idea cook enough to make a more coherent plotline that would give more reasoning and depth to the story. So it was kinda destined to be a dumpster fire that I lit myself.

Thank you for your encouragement! I plan on trying not to make another story like this again, and focus more on ironing out the story and the character interactions.

Hello! Thank you for taking the time and reading!

Honestly the thumbnail was rushed, so the comedic aspect of it was unintentional lmao.

I don't find it disrespectful at all! I'm glad people found humor in it!

I agree completely with what you said, the story lacked many basic elements to make the story flow. Most of those elements I didn't include because of my own faults. So thank you for helping me see what this story needs!

I'm glad you had fun with the story and I'm definitely going to continue working on my stuff in the future! Thank you once again!

Hello! Thank you so much for giving my story a read through!

Yeah, I'm not going to lie when I thought of this and wrote it I was a bit delirious due to it being around 1 am and I had realized my previous idea wouldn't fit the theme after almost finishing it. So I just kinda said fuck it and wrote this. I plan to somewhat give the story a re-write which would include some new story behind the duo that would be set weeks/days before this all goes down, so I appreciate your review immensely!

I'm so grateful for Erebus for making the custom UI because it really expedited the coding aspect! Once again thank you for checking this out and giving me your thoughts!

Thanks for the props, my main objective was just getting something out there to help me get more knowledge for the future. Even if it wasn't great. And you reminded me I need to do some reviews for the jam as well lmao. 

I appreciate the help you've given me, truly and good luck with the rest of the entries! (The VN burnout goes crazy honestly.) Also, thank you for saying you'll give my other vn a chance!

First of all I want to thank you for such an in depth review! I'm completely fine with criticism and this really summed it all up nicely! So I want to give my explanation for each part of your review.

Spoilers

Theme:

I wrote this story focused on the more metaphorical implications honestly. I chose the world's end the way I did because I thought it was one of the more aesthetic ways to bring about their end.

Story:

Yeah, the characters are very one dimensional with no depth whatsoever. That is largely do to the fact that I am awful when it comes to spending my time. And then combine that with my college semester ending and you get the brain scrambling. Honestly I would be completely down to add a day or 2 before this all went down to get more background on the characters. I would just need to finish the promise of finishing the story I made for the jam back in February (Which is almost done).

I agree completely about the section for Death. I honestly wrote it and didn't look back (which I definitely should have for many reasons). So I would like to revise it after the judging sequence is done.

And you would be correct about that, but when I make the 2nd version I have an idea on how to make it make sense. Because I love to make things more complicated for myself.

Presentation:

I'm surprised that I got it to the way I did honestly, now could I have made it better? (Definitely) Like I made the background  for the death sequence in like an hour because I'm kinda a lazy fuck that didn't start making it until 3 days before the jam closed. 

Creativity:

Yeah, I agree completely that this is a pretty common idea and I made it have no substance behind it other than what's there. I actually had another story almost completed, but I realized after 11k words that it didn't really follow the theme anymore so I must've subconsciously stopped letting the creativity flow.

Finally I want to thank  you again or this wonderful review and I'd like to know your opinion for my other vn :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

Thank you! :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for your input as well! 

Honestly I wasn't thinking too hard about the president as a character, but I saw him as the speaker for the god. Like the god used him as an avatar and enacted their plan.

I'm happy that you're invested! I can guarantee you that I will finish at least the story in a month or 2. I've been practicing on drawing recently so I could make some sprites, bg's, and cg's, while also having them look somewhat decent.