Congrats on making a vn! Considering you did this in the span of 6 days it's alright!
There isn't much that I could say that you needed that you probably already know, so I'll just give my opinions on the story.
The concept behind this was interesting, and it could be a pretty good story! Throughout the story I saw we were switching perspectives over and over again, but there wasn't much to notify the reader that we had switched perspective, except for being able to listen to their thoughts. Maybe you should incorporate something like resizing the text, but on that topic I did notice you used a different color text and underlined it. That is what helped me realize that, that is when we were supposed to be changing perspective.
And now I want to talk about how well you implemented the theme. I think I understand how you implemented the theme, but we only get to catch a glimpse of the darkness part of it before being shown the light. And we don't even know about it until we are basically done with the story. I think if you wanted to keep the perspective changes you could have the character's backstory happen before they each have their moment where they start to change their lives.
I enjoyed the idea of this though so I'm excited to see how the story will change if you are able to update it!