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I enjoyed reading this. I love how you have the fig rhyme and the creatures along side it. Super cool and inspiring. The intro paragraph is really cool, but it did confuse me and was wondering if that’s supposed to be the player characters falling off the cliff because it says “you”. But I understand now it’s someone else possibly being tested on for this flesh golem stuff.
I really like a lot. I just was having a hard time how I would run this and what part in the story the my party would play. It’s pretty spelled out how the story moves along between the acts and feels complete.
For act two I wasn’t sure why they would be venturing out along the paths outside the village in the first place. Just had a hard time placing the party in the story since it felt so complete as written.
Art and look and feel of the whole pamphlet is great. I really like the the cover and I would definitely be a player in this and have it in my collection for inspo!
This looks great! Great writing, well laid out, very strong art. My two relatively minor complaints are that a) the mottled background makes it hard to read the delicate font in some places, so maybe either increase the weight of the font or make the mottled grey parts lighter, and b) it would be really nice to have a brief paragraph up front that gives the GM a high level overview so we know how to contextualize the information we're reading more easily. Great job!
Beautiful art. The cover with the falling, burning figure is particularly good! The prologue is compelling and would prompt people to pick it up for sure.
Excellent, great colour pallette, awesome art, looks fantastic. Descriptions are vibey and the overall plot is a cool take on the inspirations. The format is a little linear for my taste and that many stat blocks for a panic engine game is daunting but it has the fairytale of Fatherfog all throughout which feels harder to achieve. Great layout too, very clear and engaging.
For the printer friendly version, I suggest removing the gray speckled texture, or dimming it further. The font size, in combination with the serif font with ligatures, plus the textured background is challenging for me.
I see in another comment you've broken up the interior blocks of text, which is great, and I also suggest avoiding nesting paragraphs/multiple sentences within singular bullet points. Some kind of summary breakdown that the Guide can quickly reference for the basic premise might also be a welcome addition. Nice ideas!
Absolutely love the prologue and the art! Instantly thematic.
There is alot going on in this module, and I feel this will stretch quite long in gameplay. I feel this module would serve really well by being amended into a small booklet to allow things to breathe. If that is done, this will be absolutely fantastic.
There are some elements that I'm not sure i've parsed correctly or had to infer. The reference of vulture I assume to link to the psykier being able to shapeshift - but this may be distracted by referencing the sherrif and prince as animals also. I also think the location of the gorgeous vulture image (linked with the jackal) confuses this a little. Also, I think VIKTOR is the Psykier but I don't know if this is ever directly spelt out to the Guide.
Overall - I think this module out of all of the modules would benefit the most to be expanded, and then it will/should be a hit!
I really appreciate it. I agree that there is quite a bit of game packed into a little package. So much so, that I didn't envision this game being played as a one shot. The acts were written to provide enough beats to each fill a single session and provide a nice stopping point between. But well received critique!
Also, I never thought that a shapeshifting physiker would be an interpretation, though I see how that could be. The animal references are more to draw characteristic metaphor than to imply a secondary form. But, tbh, leaving the question of, "wait, did the Physiker shapeshifter?" at the end doesn't bother me at all. Maybe he did...
Thanks for the kind words!
The combination of the diversion and the large bird shape at the end completely has it "canon" to me that the Physiker escaped and is a shapeshifter. Not matter what you say, you cannot convince me you didn't write that deliberately!!! :)
I completely appreciate this isn't a one shot - and would agree its probably 3 sessions. Thats fantastic! and I think I'm raising the idea that this should be a booklet because i really want to see it!
I really love the art and atmosphere! Like others mentioned, the text is super interesting but pretty dense for a tri-fold. My only real suggestion would be to throw in a quick “what’s going on” summary so the DM can get the gist of the story at a glance.
Olen, thank you so much!
I really appreciate the time to leave feedback. I agree that there is quite a bit of game. I think if I were to add a "what's going on..," or a "last time on..." summary, it would likely have to take the place of the Act thematic descriptions that are there currently. I think that might work, as I would just need to change how the intros are written to be more for the Guide, and might have room to leave some more etherial descriptions. I like the idea! Well received critique!
Beautiful entry and Robin Hood x Frankenstein is a wild combo lol
right?!
Lots packed in here! Possibly too much for a pamphlet but I dig the art, concept, and the writing.
THIS LOOKS FAB! I really love the use of the limited colour palette here. The 60/30/10 colour ratio has been handled really effectively, giving the design a strong visual hierarchy without overwhelming the page. The colours feel purposeful and help draw attention to the right areas.
It’s also very easy to read, navigate, and understand what’s happening, while still feeling straightforward to run and implement at the table. Everything feels clearly presented without sacrificing the overall aesthetic.
My only small quip would be the table in the Whispers section. I think introducing one of the other colours from the palette there could help it stand out a little more and add some visual variety. Beyond that, everything else is absolutely brill!
Thanks homie!
I'll take a look at the Whispers section and see if I can't find an interesting solution.
Having experienced your work before I might remark that it goes without saying the art and presentation is top notch. There's really no arguing that this isn't pretty to look at, harmonious in the layout, and also has that intrigue factor on seeing the NPC portraits, among other cover elements.
The hook is super evocative and reminded me of an HBO intro or "last time, on" section of a show.
The story itself is quite dense and as a Guide I'd expect to prepare this pamphlet well ahead of time and be sure I understood all the moving parts. There's a lot of meat on the bone especially for big roleplayers. I could easily see this fueling a session per act at least.
The only thing I feel is worthy of mention for critique here is that the interior page, the amount of text, and the (mostly) monochrome presentation is a little fatiguing to read. Your red spot color might be nice for some of your bolds, maybe a drop shadow on text or something to pull the body away from the background. It's a minor issue if anything.
I believe I see some basic spelling errors to clean up for a full release but that would be to nitpick.
Thanks for the kind words. I'm super pleased with how it all turned out.
The first line of the hook was actually one of the first thing that came to me. I knew that if it were in the second person as well, it would cause the players to lock in and think, "wait, what? I was just thrown off a cliff???". at that point, the details of the hook could dig in more to their minds as there's a lot of allusion to things that could help them along the way.
Agreed, this is meant to be more of a small arc than a one shot, and you are right on how the acts are structured. Each one has its own beats and provides a nice climax to get you through to the next session.
I took your advice, and found an interesting way to use color and text to help visually break up the interior page a little more, and also provide some visual queues for the Guide to understand links throughout, where certain saves would be necessary, etc. This was a great piece of critique. Thanks.
Finally, you're right on there being a few misspelled words. Those have been fixed and will be released in a new version post judging.
Cheers!
Pleased to have been any help at all. This is a great entry and it deserves to sing!