Play game
Queen of the Zhar - A FatherFog Twoshot's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| THEME — How well is the jam theme used? | #3 | 4.231 | 4.231 |
| FAVORABILITY — how much do you personally like the submission? | #4 | 3.615 | 3.615 |
| LAYOUT — How well does the module get across information? | #5 | 3.846 | 3.846 |
| UTILITY — Is the module easy to follow? Is the prep reasonable for the payoff? | #5 | 3.692 | 3.692 |
| Overall | #5 | 3.780 | 3.780 |
| WRITING — How does this read? does it emanate with horror, humor, drama...? | #5 | 3.769 | 3.769 |
| GAME DESIGN — How good is the game balance or concepts there in? | #5 | 3.538 | 3.538 |
| ART — How good is the art/graphic design? | #7 | 3.769 | 3.769 |
Ranked from 13 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
Beautifully illustrated and designed, no notes there. I came away from reading this still a bit confused about how the lottery works, so for me it might be good if the sections describing what happens in this adventure mechanically were expanded a bit at the cost of some lore, but that's just my preference. Overall, great job, really cool idea and one of the most beautiful trifolds I've seen.
A great read from start to finish! The line to introduce extra trouble is a nice touch given the tight space we are working with. The NPCs are very memorable and tie into the situation nicely. Also, the skill check -> what it provides (Ashen Mill) is a good way to handle a more investigative place or adventure, I would like to see more of that for this system. I am impressed with how much you managed to squeeze in here and tie it together nicely, but it's true the layout suffers a bit. Overall an amazing entry!
i love the map I kind of enjoyed trying to figure out what was what in the map. I saw you posted an updated map version. I actually prefer the original :) but it is helpful. I had some comments before about the lottery and the chosen but you explained. I like it a lot. The only thing I’m left wondering is more about this queen. But that’s probably good.
Stellar job, as always. Game recognize game; love that we both opted for a game in three acts.
I appreciate your layout a lot. It provides a lot of information in a way that is easily grasped and utilized. The theme feels reminiscent of A24s Midsommar in all the best ways. The scene during Devotions where the NPCs are quietly brought to the ritual chamber is eerie. I can just imagine PCs talking to an NPCs and then realizing things are getting quiet, and when they turn back, the NPCs they were talking to has begun to quietly walk away. Love it.
My biggest concerns are honestly with layout. I'm concerned that you might be too close to the top of your page with your interior content, and too close to the bottom of the page with your exterior. I would hate to see any of your hard work get cropped or feel too cramped. I also recognize that your font is pushing the edge of being a little too small. Not there yet, but close. So finding a way to address the margins with a little more room might be an interesting layout puzzle to solve.
chef's kiss. nicely done!
This is a fun idea. I like the lottery setup idea and Act Three is a great goal/climax!
Overall - a module I really liked! Very evocative writing and sets a great tone for what I feel would be a really fun adventure to run. Another module that is slowly influencing more about how I want to play FatherFog.
Areas I feel could be improved (acknowledging that I see that some have already been discussed)
* The left and right paths confused me. Without reading below I'm not sure what they are or how to play.
* Visual - I really liked the Red Text for Characters in Act 3. I'm not really sure why those instances are red versus others throught the middle panels that aren't?
* Something I think i'm guilty of myself but I found the outer panels, especially the italisized text, a little draining to try and read. I suspect this is better when printed!
Overall - wonderful work and continued progress and excellence
Good notes!
The spot color bolding not being in Act 2 was just an oversight so that's definitely in for the final.
Adding on to feedback about the left and right paths being confusing as written; I think part of the confusion is that the visual map appears to only have one path. Reading your reply to Michael, I think I understand how the map and the locations text work together for Act 2; as written, it's a little harder to connect the map and descriptions.
Just to give specific possible advice to address this for the 1.0, emphasizing the possible path including and the path excluding the cliffside, and somehow making clear that sequentially running ALL the entries in the center is not the intended pathing.
I agree. Currently thinking about how to most efficiently do so.
I was hoping to get away with not doing a full key or marking up the map art too much so I'll work on some options.
Thanks for the feedback!
Yes, I should also add in that I loved the map (the entire interior is a work of art), and I totally understand wanting to not mark it up. I think having the text name of the location written upon the map would not detract from how nice it is, but that's just my two cents as one reader. When I first was reading, I didn't even realize the map WAS a map and not an illustration, until I was trying to read Act 2.
Just curious, is the cave meant to be visible on the map? I can't find it
Lots to love about this one. Packed with content, some nice art, and a cool little design. A pilgrimage feels appropriate for Fatherfog but not something I would have considered! Really gets my brain working!
Very cool
Really eager to try running this one. A cool little pilgrimage with just enough flexibility for multiple routes and outcomes.
I'd love to hear about it if you do!
I could see some tables not even leaving Gorsk for a session if they're big on roleplay, while others will probably find their way to the conclusion in one sitting. It's been tempting to consider whether this one wants expansion or not!
Thanks again Xiaofang.
This is awesome and the vibes are excellent with this one. Including the village and how it continues to exist as a part of the adventure is great and adds stakes to the outcomes at the end, which can be hard to do (I am looking at you Mass Effect 3).
Two points that I am a little confused on:
1. The lottery. The players need to be on the pilgramage, which makes sense, but the rolling 2d10 is a little odd since they will be going no matter what they get. Would it be possible to merge the lottery section aand the expand character motives section so that the first 13 results are drawn stones and the last 7 are rreeason they would volunteer to replace someone else?
2. Not totally sure what the purpose of the left and right paths are or how they interact with the locations in act two. Given that a lot of the adventure is about who you choose to help more than a question of where you are going, I think it would be reasonable to have it just be sequental. It could also be worth it to instead including what the dire consequences are for sleeping outside.
Besides that, though, this is a fantastic Fatherfog aadventure, it drips with fairytale vibes and is a dope take on the theme. Killer work all around!
We finished quite late so the opportunity for feedback was a little diminished which makes this helpful!
The idea of making the lottery a part of the motivations table is really clever thinking and I'll have to consider that for a release. It might be superfluous but the narrative positioning there was just one more opportunity to stratify the results players might end up with. There's a possibility of being a party of "Volunteers" with no Chosen, and (recognizing that these things are vague) other combinations of complicated feelings on growing up in the shadow of a cult.
If anything the weak spot might be there in general. It bears consideration!
Act 2 is intended to be a choice for players on a gentler, safer, slower climb to the right (however true that ends up being in practice) and a tougher one to the left. My hope was that this would be intuitive as the left path requires an explicit bit of rock climbing. The rest would rely on the Guide.
You're not wrong on the perceived weak spots as these are ones I want to revisit before the 1.0 as well.
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback!