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A jam submission

The 12:17 Fairway ExpressView game page

Stop a runaway train!
Submitted by Riley — 13 hours, 26 minutes before the deadline
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The 12:17 Fairway Express's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Originality#22243.0003.000
Overall#26922.6672.667
Presentation#31452.5562.556
Fun#37842.1672.167

Ranked from 18 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

How does your game fit the theme?
The game is a story in Twine involving an out-of-control train.

Did your team create the art for this game during the 48 hour time slot?

Yes

We created all art during the game jam

Did your team create the audio for this game during the 48 hour time slot?

Yes

We created all audio during the game jam

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

There were some nice metaphors in the text which brought it to life! I felt though that sometimes the characters didn't really respond to a few events that happened to them, after pulling Chip back into the train for example. Inventive use of text to squeeze in a little gameplay, a few graphics wouldn't have gone astray ;)

Submitted(+1)

Nice submission, I specially liked turning the brakes.

Submitted(+1)

Good stuff - more of a visual novel than branching paths game,, but I like the interactive links of the brakes and wheels, there's some great potential there.

My submission's also made with twine if you fancied giving it a go in return?

Developer

Thanks for playing! It's definitely more linear than Twine games typically are. I'm thinking maybe after the jam I'll do another pass on the premise and make it a little more open.

I'd be happy to take a look at some point! Honestly, I wasn't expecting a ton of Twine games to be submitted due to the slight emphasis on game design/mechanics. Though I know that one Twine game was reviewed and highlighted on Mark's stream the other day.

Submitted(+1)

I liked it. It was more story than game but the interactive words were a nice touch. More would have been better.

Developer

Thank you for playing!

Submitted(+1)

I think I share the opinion of a lot of other commenters: this is a really cool idea and it has a lot of potential, there's just not much to it right now. I'd love to see it built up some more with more interactions. Good work on the story though!

Developer(+1)

Thank you for playing, I appreciate your feedback!

With a consistent response, I'm getting a better idea of ways to improve in the future. Thanks again!

Submitted(+1)

No problem! Would love your feedback on our game as well. SpaceBus

Developer(+1)

Of course! I'll try to get around to that sometime in the near future.

(+1)

Well,I just think it's a little boring,too short;

Developer(+1)

Understood! Thank you for playing!

I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Hopefully next time I'll make something a bit more exciting.

Submitted(+1)

I like the story and the interactivity parts, as little as there may be (the interactivity). This feels more like a webnovel than a visual novel. It's missing music and sound effects to sell the "gamified" story, so it just feels like I'm just reading a regular story from the internet. If I were to just judge the story by itself, it was okay. Things kind of just happened. There's two types of writing, writing of the characters and there's writing of the plot. This one appears mainly to be writing of the plot, and for me I typically don't like them, so I'm bias on that. But if I were to judge it based on previous plot-driven short stories, it's OK. I the story suffers from not setting up the scene enough. The reader is thrown in this scenario before ever knowing why they should care about these characters, this train, and the world. Pacing is too fast.

I like how you used the fonts and colors to highlight speakers and important details. The font really adds to the complexity and depth of the character in how they conduct themselves, or how they should, anyways.

Developer(+1)

Thank you for playing! Fair point, classifying it more like a webnovel would make sense. I just got so excited at the prospect of getting images to work I went and called it a visual novel, haha. 

Thank you for your feedback. I'll be sure to consider your points in future works.

Submitted(+2)

I really liked the idea of a visual novel on a runaway train. I only missed some more interactivity. For example that the boss asks for the time, and you actually have to choose how much time is left by reading the clocks. Based on your answer the boss chooses a different strategy, if you're wrong his plan is too slow and the train crashes into town. Or for example give the choice to tell the passengers or not. If you do, there could be a chance of them decoupling some wagons and saving a bunch certainly, or some jumping off getting injured... Just a few alternative story lines. Then possibly at the end, you can have a few different endings based on the choices you could have a number of casualties, injured... This would make it interesting to play a second time to see what different choices would look like. But interesting story, nice job!

Developer(+1)

Thank you for playing! 

I get where you're coming from. The story is pretty linear and non-interactive as it is, and making it more variable could be pretty neat. Having a choice to tell the passengers or not would be a super interesting decision to make!

I found that I didn't quite have enough time to try everything that I wanted to with this game. Making the scenes and levels for the visuals took a bit more than I had hoped. In any case, I appreciate you trying my game!