Thank you! I was getting caught up on OPR lore before the jam, and the new-ish stuff around the Goblin Reclaimers really piqued my interest.
SupNerds
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The clarity of this piece is very impressive to me. You take a fundamentally disorienting premise - a battle, but during the battle things are being snatched out of time and devoured, and you've also got the Tt'arck hivemind you're playing with in the background - and you manage to display it to the reader in a clear, organized way.
This is one of the highlights of the jam for me. Great flow, well-paced, and well-organized: in a lesser story, the multiple scene breaks and the bold/colored text might have been distracting or messy, but here they work effectively and provide clarity. If I have any criticism for this story, it's extremely minor: I would have liked to see a little less exposition in the first column, to give you more space for detail as Graum sees all the past authors' mistakes.
I enjoyed this one a lot; the squabbling between Grekkag and Malach feels believable and the setup with the ritual is clever. The bits right after "How didn't we notice this sooner, Malach?" were real highlights to me. I can't help but feel let down by the ending, however. I understand what you were going for, with the surprise to both the character and the reader, and the subversion of your setup, but there was no foreshadowing - no slight movement of the vampire beneath the rubble, no previous mention of its one free hand, no slowly and ominously stepping closer, etc. - and the end result is an ending that doesn't quite feel earned.
Big fan of the tone here: it's somber, it's visceral, it does a lot to flesh out the Havoc Warriors and, in doing so, makes them surprisingly sympathetic. I am very interested in where you'll take the story from here - it feels like we got hints of a fun character dynamic between Bargotha and Druuk that one page is too short to explore.
Something something orbital mechanics waves hands vaguely. L1 is far enough away that it would be easier to just dump the Object into the star instead of doing a rendezvous with the planet, and it would have made more sense to just have the station be in orbit, but it's my right as a space fantasy science fiction writer to follow in the "parsec" tradition and misuse impressive-sounding terminology.
(The main reason I didn’t want to put the station in orbit is because then it'd be easy enough that I'd lose my justification for the Eternal Dynasty hiring a contractor instead of just dealing with it themselves.)
Anyways.
Big fan of this story. I like the character focus, and I think you do a good job navigating the frame story and the inner story in a way that makes the divisions between them clear on the page, yet gives them both the space they need. I do think that changing the way you tell the inner story (maybe by structuring it as a story being told, or in a voice that doesn't match the frame story as closely) would strengthen the piece as a whole; the space between them is clear on the page, but the tone and content is so similar that they begin to blur together in the reading.
I enjoyed this story a lot - your premise is clever and well-researched - but I can't help but feel like the actual story is slightly out of focus. The pivotal moment of this story to me, and the part that really piqued my interest, came in the final two paragraphs: the Vrix are human, almost. The Vrix are human, but not quite. Reading the story leaves me thinking intensely about the moment of first contact in your literal Uncanny Valley; I wish you'd given that moment more space.
I really wanted to like this piece, but it didn't quite land for me. I love the concept that you chose, and I like the structure of "increasingly desperate assassination attempts culminating in doing it yourself". But there was a vagueness here that stopped me from really getting invested in the story, and I think part of it is that your chosen concept/structure is simply too much for the one-page limit.
This one was an enjoyable read - the beginning of the story is very deliberately paced and very characterful. I was enjoying it so much, in fact, that Lucena's appearance felt very jarring and shook me out of the story. Just a little foreshadowing sprinkled through the first 2/3 of the piece would go a long way towards making the ending feel more "earned".
Thank you for your feedback! I would have preferred to take a lighter touch RE: Orsinia's interactions with her advisor, but I feel that in a story of this length it's hard to find a subtlety that works with the pacing and is still picked up on by most readers. I was waffling on the time skip myself; do you think it would have been better to leave it out completely? Would that have tightened up the story while still making the conclusion, well, conclusive?
Thank you for your kind words and feedback! Can you point out some places where you thought the flow stumbled? I'm not that pleased to include asterisk-breaks and time skips in a story of this length (I mentioned that in another comment, I think) and I'd like to know if those are what negatively impacted the flow to you, or if the problem lies elsewhere.
I really enjoyed the premise of this story; it feels like something straight out of The Expanse. I can't help feeling, though, that the technical details you include (normally something I enjoy very much, and in your story they do work to establish the credibility of both the author and the characters) took up space that you didn't really have to spare. The climax of the story, the destruction of the "ramshackle rocket" itself, didn't carry a lot of emotional weight; in this case, I think more personal information about Jar and his crew would have served the story better than more technical information.