There are a few places where your wording stumbles, but it hardly detracts from the heavy and consistent emotion of the piece. It's a wonderful character study. Nice job!
Viewing post in The Wisdom of Violence jam comments
I'm always open to constructive criticism because I'm far from perfect. Do you mind pointing out some of my stumbles for me? There were a few I saw after uploading that I wasn't so happy with, and want to know if mine and yours align. Reading a few of these entries and thinking how not so far from perfect a lot could be with a professional editor.