I think the tweet text looks good! I think a trailer would really add a lot to up the engagement and get people psyched about the game :)

Love the art. I'm left wondering what makes your game unique among the VN genre. If its the setting, what sets it apart from others? Could we add a call to action for the reader in the tweet?

Looks interesting and great artstyle! But I can't really rate as I can't find the pitch tweet :/

I LOVE your art and game idea!! I can't find your pitch tweet?

+ Dreamy art, color schemes.
+ Heart-tugging description and inclusiveness theme.

- But I need more to process how I feel about the game. It's a VN and about life partners, but I still got nothing much to go on towards investing in it.

Nice pitch and clear work.. But maybe in twitter you can focus to users than information about itch

The art is beautiful and the concept sounds really interesting!

Feedback: The description seems more like something for GameDev than for readers as it's quite technically oriented. 

Perhaps it might be better to grab people with the storyline and save the technical aspects of what you can do in the game for other sections?

To complete the PitchYaPitch entry, you could reply here with your links to your tweet and your press kit.

The pitch itself is really solid. The only thing I would add is a short summary of the general plot since it is a VN, which are heavily story based (though if you're not that far with the game & are still purely on concept stuff it's fine.) There's also a few grammatical errors here and there that may hinder your pitch in the actual contest.