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thebigtabletop

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A member registered Sep 23, 2019 · View creator page →

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There is a difference. The GM pdf has the killer profiles. The Guest pdf does not. You want to keep the killer profiles hidden from the guests.

Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun making this one and stumbled onto a lot of things that I want to try and transfer into a bigger project. And again, thanks for hosting this!!!

Copy! Both those makes sense!

On the character sheet, all of the "A"s are dashes. So Name reads N-me. -Spects instead of Aspects. M-x instead of Max. 

Feedback is an important part of this community. Folks put a lot of work into their games and that work should be noticed and appreciated!

Hello linkttp105!

Had some thoughts while reading your game:

1. I like the Monk / Disiciples relationship. Because they are called many different things throughout the system, it got very confusing. Stick with one term and call them that throughout.

2. Mechanically good. I like the Failures equaling jobs system... that's pretty funny.

3. The Retainers are great! I especially like the descriptions of who they might be beneath. All the flaws are very good.

4. I like that not all of the narrative pressure is on the GM. Nice.

5. Small note here, The titles of the tables need to be shifted down so that they connect to the table (not the bottom of the previous one).

6. The Tables on the second page are fantastic! I wish they were laid out intermixed with the text on the first page. That way we'd get more setting along with the rules. 

Overall, good job! You have a nice Wuxia setting with an interesting twist.

Hello usducktape!

Going through everyone's submissions and trying to leave feedback. Here are some thoughts I had:

1. Spooky... nice.

2. For the GM's monster, it might be nice to have a character sheet with things that could be revealed in the glances. Some folk might have problems coming up with those on the spot.

3. Oooo I really like the "everyone knows the order of the deck". It might be nice if the players have to close their eyes while the GM is setting up the deck. That would make it easier for the GM to set up the joker.

4. The Stress is SUPER COOL. Might want to reword the high to low section. Make sure we know 10 is high and Ace is low. Also the Furnishing section! Both of these sections you should be very proud of. It might be cool if the players had to put post-its on the cards to help them remember what the cards represented.

5. Love that the players have to step away on face cards. Thematically very cool.

6. There is the closed eyes bit (the manifestation)! The only thing that kinda bothers me is: the players either will have drawn the right cards or not at this point (slash key cards might not be at the table at the moment). It would be nice if there was a way for the players to have some additional pulls from the river (maybe at the loss of other things already out?) .

Overall, I was surprised. You designed a cool system and used the card deck in a unique and interesting way. Great job!

Hello Eran Aviram!

The intro had me in buckled in before I started... some thoughts and comments headed your way in 5, 4, 3, 2...

1. Must be said again, GREAT OPENING LINE! You managed to evoke a ton of tone and setting from a phrase we are all immediately familiar with.

2. The main story / headline generator is a lot of fun. One thing, I wish that the co-anchors were a bit more involved. Maybe have the co-anchors take the parts of relevant audio clips / the on the screen video clips. Seems like they might be sitting around for their turn...

3. Ok yes! All of the other sections are a lot more back and forth. Nice, nice, nice.

4. I would love a jingle generator haha.

5. The structure of After We Come Back - Commercial Brake - Welcome Back is well done. It allows the Anchor and VIP a moment to think about how to structure the next segment. One thought, perhaps all the roles should be planned out before the show starts? Maybe it could be a suggestion for groups that aren't as good with improv yet?

Overall, this is great. I could totally see running this with an improv group that perhaps did not have the most experience to teach those skills. Very nice job.

Hello James Lennox-Gordon!

I'm trying (not well) to give feedback to everyone in the competition! I've been stoked to get into yours so let's get into it!

1. I love the premise. It's very anime which is great!

2. The wording in the Resolve section could be clearer. Read it a few times and still not sure in regards to the setting it to a "relevant Aspect". I think it means that a character might be able to have more Resolve than another based on the Game Setting / Style? Not sure.

3. I wasn't immediately sure why we were using ranks for the dice... but then figured out it was the advancement system. Cool, I dig it. Is in theory, one could do multiple sessions of this? I'm just curious if that is what you intended?

4. Mechanically, I like it. And I see by starting with higher dice values and sometimes getting Major Setbacks, the probability of success would decrease across a session.

5. The Effect and Ranking Down the die is super cool! I like the risk / reward there.

6. Telling the GM to go beyond what they have ran before is GREAT! Excellent.

7. Bravo for including a NPC creator! You should be very proud of that. The balance in there is great.

8. A.. (I bet you know where I'm going with this)... Little confused why the A's are missing on the character sheet. Not in love with that because I couldn't see a reason why.

9. I wish there was a goal section! Like something all the characters need to do before they can go on their separate ways. We get a little bit of that in the Game Style. But you've done a great job with it and I think my desire springs from wanting to see more.

Overall, excellent job! I could see running this with just about anyone and fun being had all around. I honestly just wanted more... so kudos on that!

Hello GVR Games!

I wanted to pop on over and check out your game. You should be impressed with the work you did here! I had a few thoughts while reading that I'd like to share with ya:

1. This is a fun concept. Cause, of course, every fantasy world needs a science fair! One thing you might want to consider - who are these people? Are they people? To me, they sounded like goblins or gnomes through and though - due to the blowing up haha. The more specific theming you can paint for the the reader, the better we'll be able to get into your world.

2. A few phrases stuck out a bit to me. One of them was "excited (nervous)", I might change that to "nervous excitement". Little tweaks like that will just help the prose flow better. Also spell check on "catastrophe". 

3. LOVE that you can slot this into any other ttrpg. That's a very nice design consideration.

4. I'd move up naming the character in the order. Gotta know who you are to know what they would invent.

5. The drawing element reminds me of the board games Luck of the Draw & Telestrations. Both a lot of fun and I think it's interesting / fun to have players draw. Something to consider, what is the Judge judging on? A table of "The Judge is Looking For:" would be excellent here.

6. The Pit of Potential is absolutely great! The concept of creating things from a pile of junk excites me (also giving me major Junkyard Wars vibes if you know that TV show). It's great that you give the players Prefixes, Nouns and Suffixes on the character sheet, but I know I'd want to write in my own. 

7. I'm not sure you want to use the dice to represent the 2-12 on the Pit. Unless we have to get those exact dice combinations. If that is the case, I'd have it be so that if you don't get one of the results - then you roll a Catastrophe.

8. I'd love a prize table! What are the stakes of winning this weird contest beyond the glory?

9. The look of the game is sharp. I might recommend lowering the font to give yourself a tiny bit more white space to play with. Trust me, I know how hard it is to fit all the things on a single page haha.

10. All the player powers are funny and thematically interesting! I might avoid the, you can automatically chose to have yours be the winner cause that's too powerful. Maybe have it be something like for this round there is a second prize winner and the points are split 1st: 3, 2nd: 2 & if your character specifically isn't chosen you get 1 point. Just check balance.

Overall, GREAT first game. I'm excited to see what you do with all of these really interesting design elements!

Thank you! I'm glad it is Rusty approved!!! It's funny. This one started out as a typical humans attempting to find the eldritch corruption in their town... which just felt a bit flat. Then I thought, "huh, I wonder what the dogs are up to in this?" Haha.

Good luck on your journey. I'm humbled that I could be of inspiration!

Hey again Laguna! So I added another page for the Dog Master to generate scenarios. Enjoy!

Thanks Laguna! I might end up making an update or two to this one... a scenario generator perhaps? But thanks for checking it out!

I'm glad! I had a lot of fun writing this one.

If you like funny premises, check out my other game Lewd Grannies for an equally bizarre time. I unfortunately missed the chance to make the GM the Granny Master... F.

No no! The wild colors were a nice change of pace.  Totally gave me the vibe of a comedy fantasy novel.

And I revised my original feedback. I just missed something in the first reading of it.

Hello Thomas!

I've been intrigued to see how this one plays out... And I was not disappointed. So let's jump in with thoughts:

1. Layout and color coding works so well for this system. I also love the narrative of machine vs nature. Very Princess Mononoke.

2. The mechanical loops in this are elegant. As I read and imagined playing with another person, I felt the depth of how this would play out. And it's beautiful because Red and Blue would not meet until Blue's Last Time (in which they have never met). Just... Bravo!

3. My single note / question: I'm pretty sure both blue and red get to do each reaction once. But the 3. section is a little oddly worded. Cause it mentions "Red starts the next scene" which I initially thought meant that Red does the second time. But the next sentence seemed to confirm that Red was supposed to start from the top and do First Time again.

4. Might be nice if the sequence went Blue 1st / Red 1st / Red 2nd / Blue 2nd / Blue 3rd/ and so on. You could add it on the reaction table who is supposed to start / turn order for a time.

5. What's so clever is that you manage to evoke so much tone and setting with a minimal approach.

Overall, I absolutely love this. Exceedingly clever! Again, BRAVO!

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No problem! I know how much feedback means to me and am happy to help out where I can.

3. Just something to think on! Also OSR doesn't really mean much haha... it's really a grab bag.

5. Hmmm I tend to see think success should happen 55-60% of the time. In really deadly systems, like 40%. But try increasing the luck pools first!

Tokens: I think most folks will get it. But if you think it's important for your system (and can find the space), I'd include it. Answer as many questions as the reader might have before they ask them.

But for real, keep working on this! A solid first game.

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Hello Zadmar!

Right off the bat, I'm getting Mardi Gras vibes haha. But I love the use of color. Had a few thoughts while reading:

1. This premise is great! Forcing the players to help a bumbling NPC is one of my favorite things to do.

2. For the Rufus section, I think it's great that all your tables are linked into these long sentences. Just adds to the mad-cap-ness of this adventure.

3. EDIT: The base difficulty ends up being 55% with a difficulty of 5 for 2d6! Did my maths wrong in the first place. This seems much more even that I initially thought haha.

4. Having the Resolve is a nice design. Especially, given how punishing the dice are. I would toss the permanent elimination... a bit too punishing.

5. The Telling the Tale section is great and full of flavor. From that table alone, I understand how to run this game.

Overall, nice job! Seems like a fun jaunt with a bunch of fools. 

Hello WapoleLanguray!

As I stepped into castle Wolfenstein, I had a few thoughts:

1. Love the Wolfenstein meets League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vibe! Super fun already.

2. The monsters look like fun to play. There is also a bit of comedy to their banes which I enjoy. Two small things. You need a line return between Rules and Monster. You also need one for the Mummy's Banes. Otherwise, very nice.

3. Mechanics wise, I recognize the Honey Heist in this one. But you've changed it enough with the flavor that it is transformative. I like that you use d10s. A little confused about what happens to a character when they fail?

4. The entire page for Castle Damonstein... IS SO GOOD! All the tables are flavorful and tone setting.

Overall, great job! This looks like a lot of fun for fans of monster movies and classic Wolfenstein. Clear a few things up and I think you got it!

Dream Big! I have a few designs myself that require some more expensive components. But I think you could get away with a bunch of 3x3 squares that folks would cut from a piece of letter paper. Keep up the good work!

Hello angelawrites!

I've been excited to get into reading this one! Had a few thoughts:

1. I love the mixing of Greek myth and a Hunger Games / Battle Royale vibe. Already stoked.

2. Good job for making a group check easy. It's always a bit annoying to have to say this group passed, this group suffers. One thing, the characters are more of a mass than individuals... which in this situation, they would be. I'd love something that gives each character a little bit more of an identity beyond the chosen group. Perhaps a goal in the labyrinth or once out?

3. A bit confused on how Luck works... I assume it is a non-regenerating currency but can't find anywhere is tells the player that it doesn't come back? Also I assume armour soaks / subtracts from damage?

4. Love the Information section! Very flavorful.

5. Try and fix the column margins so there is some room between them! Maybe just bump the font size down a notch. Also move the Items heading on top of its table.

6. I like that the players have to encounter the minotaur to find the exit. Very nice.

7. I'd love it if the parts of the Character Sheet where in individual rooms of the labyrinth... just a thought. Works as is!

8. An idea to push this to the next level: Include map tiles! Like it would be super cool and thematic if the players flipped tiles to determine what the next room was. Rooms could disappear if they weren't using the Thread or had the Left hand info. You could design them like Betrayal at House on the Hill (board game). You'd only need one other token for the exit.

Overall, I think this is great and I had a lot of fun reading it!

Hey uselessowl,

Got eyes on your One Pager and had some thoughts while reading:

1. This is just a personal note for me, the word Slay in red letters caused me to read this with the Buffy the Vampire theme in the back of my head. And I loved that show haha.

2. The character creation is short and sweet. I like that the adults have more HP and the kids are harder to hit. Very thematic. And great job with the sentence constructor. The only thing I'd add... have the players choose their family last name together!

3. Some suggestions on the combat. Put physical boxes where the players can place the dice on the sheet to denote a space for Difficulty of Monster, Number of Monsters, and How Close with their numbers below. It'll just be easier to track.

4. I think you meant to flip the to hit rules. 1-3 no / 4-6 yes. Based on the levels to hit, I'm pretty sure.

5. I wish there was more of the social element but just because I'm enjoying this. If you want to fit more in, you could even drop the front down / go for a multicolumn setup. I think you could add some really cool stuff.

6. Your last note in the GM section is very on point haha.

Overall, nice job! I really want to re-watch Buffy now haha.

Hello BigOlBookofSpells,

Already liking the cover illustration on this one! Had some thoughts while reading through:

1. Really enjoying that you called them Mantles. Also good work on picking names that evoke setting. The Troubadour's ability might be a bit strong.

2. Jumping back to the top for a second. The title on the document needed a Return so that Ancient and Ruins weren't on separate lines. Would just look cleaner.

3. The rolling of stats is good but also allows for a lot of manipulation. In a lot of OSR games, I see the roll-straight-through approach. Perhaps consider a point buy system if you want players to have more control?

4. The Gear table is well designed and I love that you use HD (which is different for each Mantle) for an ascending table.

5. 2d8 for skill checks might be too high. I can see a situation where a player gets 1s and 2s on their character roll and would rarely be able to get any successes. Consider either making the dice 2d6 or raising the stats in some way. I'm worried that Luck won't mitigate this enough. But keep the Advantage / Adversity rules of adding the third die!

6. The two values for the weapons based on success - VERY NICE!

7. OK! The trading of luck between the players and the GM is the coolest thing in here. I love this. Would the players know that more luck to the GM gives him more power? Either way, that's super cool. Also good on you for including a GM section!

8. Need a space between ExampleMonster.

9. I like the knocked out rules - makes it more interesting than you just fall to 0.

Overall, great job! There are some really cool elements of design in here you should be happy with. I'd just check to make sure the rolls / stats will balance and I think you should be golden!

Hello Nameless Designer... IF THAT EVEN IS YOUR NAME!?!?

Haha, you should sign this cause it's pretty fun and good. I'm running around giving feedback to those who submit to the Jam and had some thoughts:

1. The layout is great! Super clean. Very good. And I love that we have a bullet list of what to expect.

2. The character design is great. Rising dice abilities are some of my favorite things to use. In 2 - 3, you might want to keep the terminology as Dice Levels. The Background Info is a nice, flavorful touch.

3. Mechanics are good. I like the +/- 10 critical / botch.

4. Minor thing: Having the tables on the one page and the rules on the other... I didn't love. But I understand that is part the one page formatting.

5. The match is super cool. Reminds me of this prototype board game a friend of mine made! I'm seeing how the actions and specials would fit in.

6. ALL THE TABLES ARE SO GOOD!!! You've baked so much theme / setting into them.

Overall, GREAT JOB. You should be super proud of your work here... and feel proud signing it ☺

Y'all did a GREAT job. Seriously, woke up this morning thinking about some of the things in this one.

No worries on the grammar and such! Just here to help.

4. I appreciate that you went for the hard theme. Just think your are going to reach more players by giving that fictional distance.

6. AH! That makes sense.

7. Very cool. Don't you love it when the players just do what they are supposed to haha.

Again, very awesome job! Keep up the good work!

Hello TheOtherRealm!

I'm trying to leave feedback for as many entries as I can and got to yours. Great job on finishing! Had a few thoughts while reading:

1. It's an interesting premise and exercise. I want more mechanics to help the players latch into / escape difficult situations. Perhaps more rules for helping players step into roles of a scenario. Maybe a random table of personality traits?

2. The blocks of text are hard to parse. I know one page isn't a lot of space but white space is important. Paragraphs are needed.

3. I love the consideration you have for the players. Very key.

Hey Laguna!

As one creator who loves bingo sheets, I was happy to see another! Had some thoughts while reading that I'd like to share:

1.  As stated before, 10/10 on the bingo sheet. It's super thematic and dark and I immediately know what I'm getting into. Mechanically, I love the bingo is death. And the Situation Table (almost like a board game board... maybe a rondel) is stellar. Again, all these beautiful parts!

2. So... I am struggling with the theme but we are supposed to. But I don't love the scenarios that it might force the players to enact. Which is exactly how you want us to feel. This is an interesting one for me because I love so many of the elements in here and I get EXACTLY WHY you created this which is clever. But can't see a situation where my group would enjoy it - based on theme alone. What I want to see is these mechanics carried into a different theme. Because mechanically this is ticking a lot of boxes for me!

Retheme suggestion - I'd love to see this re-themed to something like Grendel from Beowulf. A wretched monster who does all these toxic-masculine / monstrous things. That would allow some (I believe) needed fictional distance while still getting at the core of what you are driving for.

3. LOVE THE HOOK (born and dies). Again, two sentences that let me know exactly what I'm getting into. Yeah, the whole first page is great. Very nice job. I wish the Destructive Mechanisms were mentioned on Page 1. 

4. Check to make sure that all the Mujiks are spelled right and the grammar is correct. There is a "live" that should be "life" in the Others Play as Destructive Mech section. "Bonus Dices" should be "Bonus Dice"... 

Also might reword that sentence (situation cycle, part 4) to something like "After their roll, Mujik can spend Willpower to roll new dice. There is no limit to how much Willpower can be spent on a single roll. Once Mujik stops rolling, total all of their dice."

5. The one vs all mechanic is interesting! I wish more games did this.

6. A little confused how one would roll on the Consequence Bingo Table. I'm guessing its d5 on the x-axis and d5 on the y-axis? Table might need another label. Also what happens if you roll something that is already checked through?

7. I was wondering what happens narratively if Mujak wins a roll? Does he do good guy things? Wasn't sure. But intrigued...

Overall, I love this design. It is so thoughtful, balanced, and full of interesting things. For me, I think the theme is the only thing stopping me from really sinking teeth into it. But oh man, this one made me THINK and I LOVE that.

Hello P0rthos47,

Nice job! Got some feedback for your game:

1. Graphically, it's pretty pleasing to look at!

2. Mechanically, the d20 +d6 is nice. It's a way to have more critical situations that works. What does the Threat level do? Also, took me a minute to find the DCs (on the bottom of page 1). I'd put it on the first page for sure.

3. LOVE the character / ship creation. Also the Banes / Ailment. That's cool. And I love that there is a way to level up and multiple ways to level.

4. All the tables are good... but I wish they were a bit less generic. Like I want more evocative names / settings. Tables are a great place to bake in setting. EDIT: Ok got to the 3rd page and those tables are a step closer to where the other tables could go.

5. Your oracle is a nice design. A bit confused about the 5+, 10+, 15+... maybe use ranges or greater / less than? Like I think I understand what you are driving at but was not as sure as I wanted to be.

Overall, excellent job. You have so much packed in here! This may be because the game is on these cards, but the flow / connections between parts was at times difficult to follow. BUT all the parts are here and I really like this!

I was thinking the same thing about the font but wasn't sure if it was just me.

Hello Tedbob!

I'm trying to leave comments for everyone in the Jam and had some thoughts while reading your one-pager:

1. Nice table of powers!!! You need one more for 100 though.

2.  I like the premise. At first I thought the player didn't have any control over their power. Which is something you could introduce in another draft. But I like the idea of just being really great at a thing.

3. Well written GM section. Also congrats on including one. Maybe add a section here about what the goal of a session is. Cause I know who the player and GM are, but want to know what they are trying to do.

4. The mechanics I think would function well. I think you could probably condense this section to a table if you were looking for more space. But I understood what you were attempting to get at.

Overall, nicely done! 

Hello Alexander Tallman!

Going through the submissions and thought I'd drop you a few thoughts.

1. I'd avoid using docx files. Save as PDF/PNG/JPG and everyone will be able to open them.

2. I like that the goal is set by the GM. That's interesting. Cause you then might make a character that is not optimized for the job at hand. Neat.

3. As it stands, I'd add bit about how the setting can be just about anything. I was attempting to figure out where this is set (mostly based on the title) and realized that setting is whatever / whenever the group decides. The title threw me a bit I think.

4. I like the concept of election but it might feel like watching the elected player play while others wait to do things. I want a way for other players to interact with the action during the Play. Also, I'm intrigued to see how the playing of cards would unfold. Not sure I totally understand it but think it's a cool concept.

5. Mechanically, the hand / card manipulation at play here is pretty slick / cool! You should be proud of how the stats and cards interact! VERY NICE!

6. I kept looking for how race / job were going to fit into this... maybe consider cutting them?

Overall, I think you have a very strong stat / card mechanic that I think will work very interestingly. But I'd like a theme to give some of the more abstract parts of this more grounding. Keep at this one! I think you are onto something very cool.

Hi Craig_Dnd,

Congrats on finishing so quickly! Had a few quick thoughts:

1. Love the time jumping mechanics with the chrono-splitter. Very fun. Great use of having the player throw a word back to the GM. Good use of improv.

2. The Chance section could use a table for the GM section with Success on one side and Fail on the other. I eventually understood but took me a minute to understand what you were driving at. I also thought it a little counter intuitive that the successes / failures run in different directions (5-6 should always be succeed / fail with opportunity).

3. Was a bit confused by the end of the intro narrative... not sure why people are trying to stop the players?

4. I think it is interesting that in the narrative, Ms. Blue tells the player they might not want intend to return to this time. I want to see that play out rather than, you want to get home safely. But I do see the appeal of riches. I know there isn't must space left but I'd love a section on what you are going to do with the money.

Overall, great job! I think you have a neat one-pager with some interesting hooks.

Just read. Here are a few thoughts:

  • The cover art is great! AND ANOTHER BRANDON SANDERFAN! +1
  • Funny enough, the tone of this reminds me of Eric Scholes work. Nice.
  • Love the heroes and their illustrations. The description of the Death Oath is AWESOME and sets tone amazingly well.
  • Both your mundane skills, archetypes, and boons are GREAT!!!
  • The entire sample adventure... wow. Dude this is awesome. And the fact that you have one was a great use of your time.

I generally don't like RPGs that feel so railroad-esque but this is easily one of my favorite entries from the Jam. AMAZING JOB!!!

Just read, here are a few thoughts I had:

  • I like the criminal underbelly vibe you set up. Very much a mix of Spire and Elysium. I kept wondering how the people of Tantalus had gotten into such dire straights.
  • I'm glad that you included a map and the descriptions of the districts. I wish you had a bit more time for the illustrating of the map! BUT your districts set tone very nicely.
  • The d4 / d6 thing is pretty interesting... I am curious how it will play....
  • Pg 14-15 layout issue with the Crit Wounds.
  • YOUR WOUND TABLES ARE GREAT! Jeez you packed a ton in there. As well with the insanity one.
  • I love when designers use Action Points!
  • At first glance, the Firearm distance table confused me so much. I thought I would need a ruler. Then I realized what was going on. Maybe just preface how to read this table.
  • I really wanted a sample session!

All in all, well done! Just give us more setting! Cause the rules are 90% there.

While reading I had a few thoughts:

  • HOLY JEEZ the pixel art is pretty! Most of the text beyond the first page needed a well background to really be legible. And on the flip side, the tables take away from your art.
  • You set tone incredibly well with the intro.

Overall, I just wish there was more because I want to play around in this world! Nice job!

Holy moley! You guys put a  ton of work in! Two things I would add: more flavor for the player characters and another layout pass (There is sooooo much good stuff but it difficult to parse). Great job y'all!

  • What I really like about your setting is that I know it is in the future but I have no clue what kind of future. Feels very Rick and Morty meets Final Fantasy X Blitzball haha.
  • I might flip your Coin Toss. Got thrown by the inverted nature of it.
  • REALLY LIKE THE LOCKER. Great way to tell us about your characters.

So I gotta say, I was disappointed there wasn't more! Just because I was liking what you had going. You should totally finish this because it is interesting!

A few thoughts while reading:

  • I like the tone and world you set up in the intro. Kind of Better Off Ted.
  • I wish there was more to the handler creation. Only because I want to know more about the weirdos who are handlers.
  • Wish there was a bit more from the GM's end in regards to difficult charts.
  • Some of the mechanics I had to read a few times to understand. They make sense but could use a clarity pass.
  • The AFTERMATH phase is awesome! 

All in all, nice job. For a future edition, I'd love to see more about the corporation and the corporate culture there!

  • Interesting "Story so far" but the "Intro" took a different direction haha
  • LOVE THE MENTOR angle. That's clever.
  • I like the forgetting of skills mechanically, but I want it to make a bit more narrative sense. Don't really have a suggestion on how though...
  • Who is playing the Hero and the Foes?
  • The "Advice" is fantastic! Generally, I think cards can tend to feel a bit board game esque... but here not so! Good job!
  • The mentor classes are also great. As well as the items, foes, and allies sheets. Nice.
  • AND MENTOR CARDS! NIIIIIICE!

Yeah, overall, I really liked this one. Only suggestion would be to make the hero mechanics on the same level of polish as the mentors because you NAILED them!

CONGRATS ON FINISHING! Seriously, you packed a lot into a single page. I had a few thoughts while reading:

  • Love that your stats are all non-positive things haha!
  • SO the roll under mechanic took me a minute to get but is actually super clever. May want to clear this up a bit.
  • I was waiting for setting / tone and it came in the encounters and plot hooks. Now I want to know more about this strange little world you've packed into 1 pg.

Seriously, great job. If anything, lose the 1 page restriction and expand!

Congrats on getting something done in 48! I had a few thoughts while reading:

  • Interesting cover... not quite sure what is happening though. But it drew me in.
  • In the welcome to section... Tell me what I'm should be doing rather than what I shouldn't be doing.
  • Wow... you have a lot of setting in there. As someone new who does know the world, maybe bullet points to begin. Keep what you have but maybe move it a bit further into the document.
  • Character creation is interesting. I like that players can build their character how they would like. I wish there were drawbacks to building... purposeful negatives. 
  • I like the concept of the d20 rule... but I think you should encourage players to use different dice. In the example you give us, it would make more since to use a d6 or d12.
  • Nice descriptive rules for determining actions.
  • REALLY LIKE YOUR WORLD MAP GENERATOR! That is super great!

Nice job overall! I would say on the next pass, focus on layout to onboard players easier.