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Thanks again for sharing Orboboros with me! The scope of the doc is really impressive and it's clear that a lot of time and effort has been put into it. 

For starters, I really like the conversational tone of the introduction. Your personal journey with gaming is a really nice touch in explaining what drove you to create this and defining who your target audience is. I also enjoy the world building in establishing the world. It has a nice light-hearted tone that definitely gives the Hyrule vibe you're looking for, especially the last sentence on page 3: "To return joy to a wondrous land" is super evocative and does a great job of selling the types of stories people can tell with this supplement. 

Including  the three elements that the supplement is designed to support, Seeking Treasure, Exploring the World, and Facing Calamity, is another great way to communicate to GMs and players what types of stories will be supported. 

I really appreciated how detailed you were in how you restated the basic system rules. It clarified a few things that I didn't totally understand from them myself. 

The list of species is evocative and I really like how you included information on culture like food and music for the Rablin, Goblin, and Mothmof species. That's a very nice touch. 

Cool addition to the game. Looking forward to trying it out in play to see how it impacts balance. I like how each type of armor is customized to the stat that it's protecting. I do worry that the D4 armor could significantly negate interesting consequences of conflict, but it feels like you thought ahead by giving them substantial XP cost increases to balance out the benefit and the resources expended to acquire it. 

I really like the theme and presentation. I really like the Camp Lore trait especially, it has the vibe of some Powered by The Apocalypse moves where the action has some built in world building opportunities. A potential idea I had while reading it was to have the game start with the characters each telling a spooky story, which is then brought to life in the game, either by pulling the monster straight from the story or by pulling some other element of the story in a critical moment. The purpose being to allude to the fact that this place has some metaphysical relationship with scary stories. 

The text is flavorful and evocative. Creating a team tracking/reporting system is awesome. This is a very cool project, I look forward to seeing where it goes.

I like the inclusion of Team Traits. I had Organization traits in my notes that didn't make it to the final doc. My intent was that when an organization trait was shifted, it would basically be explained in the form of a major event in the narrative that explained why the shift happened, that also might be cool to work in with your team traits. 

I am struggling a bit to digest the match rules, but I think it is probably just something that I'd have to play through to really understand. If you've had a chance to playtest it, how long did the matches tend to last? 

Ahh that makes sense. I had looked through your other work to see if I was missing that it was a smaller piece of something larger.  I must have missed that during my first read.

My feedback on this submission is much the same as the other one, though I will say, I love the Blighted Buffalo plot hook. I can envision a great story in finding the true cause of the blight and solving it. 

I'm a big fan of the use of the four archetypal character classes as your focus traits. I think that helps set the tone for the types of stories you plan to tell. I do wish there were some more description of what makes Pine Key Landing unique and what types of adventures/stories happen in the city. A lot of the World Sparks I've seen are referential to other media, which helps fill in some of the gaps. I think adding in some of those references more directly (by adding a list of existing media inspirations) and/or building out the city's established fiction would go a long way in helping GM's set their adventures here. 

Thanks for the feedback! I'm looking forward to taking some time in the future to polish it up and add a few missing elements that didn't make it in for the game jam (like travel/rest rules and art).

The presentation is fantastic. It pairs really well with the way you've written the text. I really liked the brief adventure structure you've supplied. I think it's a great example for what's possible with the system. Most of the supplements I read while writing my entry focused less on the traditional "meat" of the adventure in favor of evocative world building (which is also nice), but I appreciate you giving some more focused direction on how to present the scenario to the players at the table. That's something that really helps new GM's and players.

There's a really impressive level of detail in your submission. The text is really well written and consistently evokes the dangers of the alien world the characters find themselves upon. I like the way you structured the campaign arcs and the smaller adventures. There was clearly a lot of thought put into what interesting stories can arise from a setting like this and lots of effort putting the work into build out so much content. 

I did not get as ambitious with my submission and still didn't even manage to complete it in the month we had to work on it. Massive kudos to you for putting something of this magnitude together. 

Thanks for the feedback!

Frankly, Kozel was lacking those things in the submission copy because I ran out of time when trying to finish the game up and get it submitted. I'm working a new version in which he has his own flaws and personal quest just like everyone else. He is a bear, but he's also a person and I don't want to deny him the roleplay opportunities that everyone else gets!

Thanks for the detailed feedback. I really appreciate it!

I definitely need to go through and look at the personal quests. They were a fairly late addition to the character sheet. So late that I didn't even have time to get Kozel's done before I had to submit. Just ran out of time on a few items there (running theme for a bunch of what you highlighted to be honest), and I've been working on some revisions to try to get everything buttoned up. I definitely felt the issues with Patches' and The Mist's quests, and I'll make sure to tweak them. 

I had the same thought regarding injuries after reviewing some other games' injury systems. I think I might test injuries giving -1 to a specific stat. Though, I do think that if that doesn't feel right, I should consider removing them entirely. I had initially wanted to keep them in the game because I had envisioned Kozel being able to heal injuries but not flaws. But that's not the direction I went with Kozel in the end, so it feels like an artifact of an earlier idea that didn't get ironed out. 

I think I've landed on removing Omens as a stat and instead using it as the reroll mechanic and maybe beefing that up. 

It's funny that you say that about Heat, because that's exactly what I've done in the latest revision. Instead of rolling on each player's turn, the GM now rolls one big heat roll, equivalent to all players' heat added up at the top of the round. Players then have to decide how they're going to address the heat throughout the course of the entire round, rather than on each individual turn. I'm going to rework the captured mechanic to reflect that if X number of successes are left in the heat pool at the end of the round, the GM captures the player who generated the most heat that round. Need to playtest it though to figure out the right number of successes. Right now 5 feels right to me. 

My latest revision has lots of notes on how to improve major and minor objectives and show GMs how to use them. That was a huge takeaway from reading other submissions. I like the idea a lot, but I need to do a much better job of explaining how to use it. 

Adversaries + stats were cut for time. I had three ready to go in my notes doc, but I just couldn't get them polished in time to include in the submission. I will definitely be pulling some in though because I want to put more emphasis on the different types of adversaries I had envivisoned, between party guards, party guests, and house staff. 

Thanks so much for the feedback. It help reinforce a lot of the things I was thinking needed to change in the doc and let me know for sure that my focus is on the right places!

Thanks for the feedback!

I'm working on a revised version that addresses both pieces of your feedback. I still like the idea of getting the characters in front of the reader early, but it will just be a small bio section & some notes on playstyle for each character, like I've seen in other submissions. The full character sheets will be moved to the end.

I was running low on time and wasn't able to do as much for the presentation of the doc. I'm working on fixing that now, completely redoing the layout in affinity to improve readability and make the doc more interesting overall. You do have a great point regarding using a Serif font though. I almost always go Sans Serif because I personally like it better, but a Serif Font would aboslutely be more evocative. I'll take a look into distressed fonts for headers.

Thanks again!

I'm revisiting this one, because I felt like I could have taken some more time with it and give some more detailed feedback. It was one of the first submissions I reviewed in the Jam. Now that I've gone through them all, I wanted to come back and reread it with all that I've learned over the course of the last week and half about the Havoc Engine. 

My initial thoughts are similar to when I first read it. I really like the little bit of intro text we get regarding the setting, and I also like that you've kept it concise. One of the really nice things about the Havoc Engine is that the world is the players' oyster. You've given enough detail to give them a launchpad, but not so much that they're rereading your doc to make sure that what they invent is still in line with the fiction they started with. 

I had highlighted that the characters were my favorite part of this submission, but I didn't give enough credit to how much I love the idea of performers being center stage. There were a handful of games that made that choice in this Jam. The others mostly stayed in the Punk genre, which made it really easy for them to explain why these performers were willing to engage in violence to meet their goals. I think you had a much tougher path to walk in that sense & I think you've done well. I can understand how the act of performance in this setting is an act of rebellion and how that can escalate into further acts of rebellion as the imperial powers work to stop it. 

The Charmer is one of a handful of wholly unique characters I've read so far in the Jam. I love how well it ties into the fiction. The charmer is not someone who can be anywhere. They're someone who comes from this place and their uniqueness is exactly what makes them an interesting and fun character. 

I think the stats have a ton of character. As generic stats, I do wonder if they have enough spread to cover any action. It helps that they tend to address the why instead of the how of the actions characters can take. Here's how I read it:

• Shade for when they're trying to do something in a way that obscures their actions. 
• Smith for when they take an organized approach
• Skew for when they're trying to change reality
• Spirit for when they're trying to project force of personality
• Swift for when they're trying to get something done quickly

I like the stats a lot, but I do feel that it may feel a bit awkward to determine which attribute fits some actions. An example of an action that I wouldn't know how to classify is: A player looks to make up a bunch of secret pamphlets containing anti-imperial messaging and providing instructions for the occupied peoples to reclaim their heritage and rise up against the imperial forces who have stolen their home. Would that be:

• Shade - because they're making the pamphlets in secret
• Smith - because they're trying to conduct a coordinated information sharing campaign with lots of people at once
• Skew - because they're changing hearts and minds

This is an occurence that every TTRPG has and I'm sure something like this would be resolved at the table quickly, and probably the stat used would be the one the player is highest in, but I do feel that these stats probably have a higher likelihood of overlap. I have been trying to think of actions that I think don't have a clear stat to use, but I don't have a very clean example, which maybe just goes to show me that it's not as big of an issue as I think it might be.

I really like the relationship between stage as a resource and the interruption pool. I think the spendable resource being the performers ability to gain audience and that being the thing that the GM targets, rather than the performers themselves. That all feels very thematic to an imperial regime more interested in choking out competing power rather than stomping it out, in order to avoid creating martyrs. 

I think you did a good job of putting all the storytelling tools in the toolbox for the GM, without holding their hand or forcing them to tell the story you thought would be best. I think you could definitely write a more direct adventure if you'd like, but you've done enough to let GM's tell their own stories with the system. 

Great job!

The one positive thing that came out of this submission is Joe's super cool racing game posted in the discord. 

Yeah, this submission was the last one I hadn't rated. I really enjoyed it & had a lot of thoughts about it. I didn't intend to turn it into a novel, but here we are lol. 

First of all, I don't know how long the setting has been brewing or if you've ever used it before, but this is a Havoc Engine adventure that basically has an entire campaign setting book strapped to it. I think that's really impressive for a game jam. Even if this is a setting that you've had predeveloped, it's really tough to slot in a specific engine and feel like the game mechanics reinforce the setting and premise. Speaking of premise, I'm in love with wizard city fire fighters. I saw your comment below about postal workers and I also feel like a Kiki's delivery service flavored game about postal workers could have worked really well in this setting too. 

As I go through the doc, I'll be taking some intermittent notes below. I'll try to wrap it all up into a cohesive review at the end. But the big thing I'm looking for is: does the game reinforce the setting and vice versa. As much as I appreciate the world building, Havoc Engine games are often not designed to be played for more than a few sessions. However, I could really see the appeal if someone were playing a different game in the city and wanted to have a short interlude as firefighters in the same city. Sort of like how firefighter shows will have crossover episodes with cop shows / medical shows / etc. 

The first thing mechanically that I want to comment on is the decision to tie the attributes to how successes get spent during success allocation. It's a decision that I'm not sure how I feel about until I play, but in general, I think is fine. It's definitely a way to help ensure players are picking the right attribute for the scene they're narrating & I can see it helping to increase narrative cohesion what the player says they're doing and where their successes go. However, I often tend to get frustrated with systems designed to remove player decision making. This one seems relatively minor though, so I'm willing to give it a shot. 

I don't love the resource being named Elemental Power. I just feel like there's something catchier and thematic that could be used. Some abilities are themed toward elemental energy, but most of them aren't. To me, most of them feel themed around a character's internal will to continue doing hard stuff. I think I'd prefer a name that's punchier and more thematic. The first thing to pop into my head is something like Moxie, Courage, Sacrifice, Control, Calm, etc. The alternative could also be to rewrite some of the abilities to be more thematically linked to the elemental nature of the characters, but even then, I think something a little punchier would have more flavor. 

I'll point to Heroism as a perfect foil to Elemental Power. Heroism feels exactly like what I think Elemental Power could be. The name is punchy. It fits the theme of completing secondary objectives, which often means taking more risk than just focusing on the main objective. And it gives you the ability to dig deep and try again if you have a dice roll that just isn't going to cut it.

I feel like the difference between Fire Threat and Fire Damage feels sort of contrived. It feels like the damage done by a fire is about half of the threat it poses. The threat it poses can be reduced with successes and the damage can be mitigated with successes. It seems like you've taken out the GM dice rolling to reduce crunch, but what was left was a harder system to understand. I think it could be handled one of two ways: 

1. GM rolls a pool of dice equal to the fire threat each turn. Every character in the area will take 1 damage for each success at the end of their turn. They can reduce that damage with successes rolled on their turn. They can reduce the fire threat as well on their turn with successes, meaning next turn the fire will have less possibility for damage. This feels super thematic, but is a bit more crunchy than the alternative.
2. At the start of their turn, each player faces damage equal to half of the current fire threat rounded down. They can reduce the damage they take by spending 1 success for each 1 damage they want to reduce. 

The second option has less rolling for the DM, but there's math involved. I think it's a little bit cleaner than the way it's explained on Page 12 though. Also, I do like how the threat goes up by 1 every turn to reflect that fire wants to grow. In the same vein has my comments on Elemental Power. I think Harm Mitigation could use a punchier name to sell the fiction a little better. 

Note: I wrote a lot of this out before reading the Sample turn at the end. I think I'm not really understanding how damage works. So the fire does roll its threat. When it succeeds, it deals damage. It appears that maybe the damage stat is the # of damage it does for each success? That feels overwhelmingly strong if it is. It also appears that players need to put points into Harm Mitigation before they know how much damage the threats will do. While I do like the risk/reward behind that, I also feel like it could dramatically slow progress if a group spends way too many of their successes in Harm Mitigation. That makes it take a lot more turns to complete objectives and slows the game down a ton, with no realy way for the GM to interract with it. I feel like Threat damage should definitely be rolled at the beginning of a round, so it can be reduced by each player as they wish. It may make the story feel a little more predictable, but I think it'll definitely let the players feel like they were given a chance in the event that they are killed by a threat. 

I do really like the Environmental effects table. This is a really great way to marry the fiction and the mechanics. 

I really like the two types of harm and how they impact the characters. No notes. 

I think it was a great choice to include a plethra of competing secondary objectives in each scene. I do think there are a lot of very linear scenes, but I appreciate the options to pick one scene or another at times. I think maybe it'd be a good idea to map these out and determine if you think it could/should be flattened a bit (maybe go from picking between 2 areas, to picking from 3). Here's the progression order of a normal playthrough (I'm going to pick the option that feels interesting to me each time):

1. Intro (Interlude - RP Only) - Each player describes a normal day at the station
2. Entryway - Objective Successes 8-21
3. Riddle Door - Objective Successes 8-14
4. Oubliette - Objective Successes 5-10
5. Summoning Circle (Interlude - adds to clue tracker)
6. The Menagerie Objective Successes 8-17
7. The Aviary - Objective Successes 6-14
8. Omnidirectional Lab (Interlude - adds to clue tracker)
9. Musical Stairs - Objective Successes 10-14
10. Fleshworker's Lab - Objective Successes 7-13
11. The Room Out of Time (Interlude - Experience Advance)
12. The Yawning Chasm - Objective Successes 8-12
13. Upper Kitchens - Objective Successes 5-20
14. The Staircase (Interlude - special rules for healing using only elemental power as the cost)
15. Faculty Lounge - Objective Successes 4-9
16. Reliquary Room - Objective Successes 6-16
17. Near The Top (Interlude - experience advance)
18. Reception Hall - Objective Successes 12-30
19. Aftermath (Interlude - read conclusion)

This means that the minimum number of successes to get through the game, if you spend zero time fighting fires/threats, healing yourself, or taking any action other than driving the story forward is 87. At a 50% success rate, that's 174 rolled dice, just for objectives. Then you need to also consider the other things the group is doing & ask if potentially the game could be flattened to reduce the number of scenes & interludes.

I think a good way to slim it down would be to present interludes as either always optional rooms that don't progress the story forward (i.e. they'll have to backtrack to keep fighting the fire) with a cost of additional fire threat in the next scene, the party will then have some decisions to make. Alternatively, if you want to keep each interlude on the main path of the game, I'd try to reduce the total number of interludes and then alternate between scenes and interludes 1:1. 

I think what you have here is very cool, but I also think it's intimidatingly detailed. There's a ton of background stuff that doesn't actually play into the core adventure. I fear that this may be a case where you can kill your darlings, pull out some of the highly detailed lore that you've built in, and focus in on the experience of these firefighters as they fight this one fire in this one tower. The lore could be an addendum. Hell, if you wanted to keep it in the doc, that's fine. I'd just put the gameplay details first, then the adventure, then include the lore as an appendix.

good luck with this one. I can tell you put a lot of time, care and thought into it. That's why I wanted to give you as much detailed feedback as possible! 

This has some phenomenal writing, great art, and I really enjoy the premise. 

Mechanically it feels like a pretty straightforward reskin of ETR to incorporate new fiction. But the details are where this one shines. Most of the work in creating new stuff feels like it was very focused on the fiction & narrative side of the game, rather than adding new game mechanics. Personally, I think that's just fine. Creating a well polished game out of a reskinned engine and making it feel totally cohesive is really tough, but I think this submission nails it. 

I particularly like the encounter design. The encounters themselves feel unique and true to setting (they're also extremely well written and witty). My favorite encounter is Pity Party. I really enjoy how the description evokes imagery at the table. I feel like these prewritten encouters really give the players something to work with at the table. The enemies are varied and interesting (and again, very well written and humorous). Including loot for each one is definitely a nice touch, as is the random equipment table in the back. 

It's clear that there was a lot of effort put into making this feel like a useable game. Everything seems very well rounded and well executed. Amazing job!

What you've managed to convey in 20 pages is really good. 

The characters are so good. I especially love the creativity in their abilities (Sharing is Caring, Transmutation, Smoke Trail, Golf Caddy, Fingerguns, and Foresight are all such good additions to the characters). 

I like the structure of the adventure. I agree with the comment below about rewriting some objective descriptions. I do wish there were maybe some more optional or side objectives (like stealing the UFO in Act 2 & Saving the Alien in Act 2), but that's something that can be thrown in on the fly by a GM. I'd maybe try to build them, so they're available during any scene in an act and maybe even repeatable, that way they feel reflective of a Detective processing disparate clues learned in different spots, rather than specifically and exclusively tied to a single location. 

• Act 1 side objectives could expand on the "build a profile" and "what do the police know" objectives in Act 1 with more details. Example below:
  • (Repeating Objective) Build a list of people who had frequent interractions with the victim. 3 successes. Roll 1d6 or pick one each time this objective is completed. Maximum of 3-5 potential suspects
    • 1-2 players learn that just the other day at the grocery store, the local librarian publicly berated the victim for overdue library books (pushes players to the library potentially)
    • 3-4 players learn the name of a red herring. A coworker or someone from the victim's personal life who held a public grudge against them (limit 2 times) 
    • 5-6 players learn the names of a stooge who visited or called the victim's home in the days before their death. The interactions were short and tense. (These were stooges from the cult who were threatening the victim) (limit 2 times) If the players get this reward at least once, they recognize the stooge at the cult meeting in Act 3. 
• Act 2 side objectives could revolve around vetting alibies from red herrings and narrowing down connections between the cult members that the party has identified so far
  • (Repeating Objective) Vet an Alibi (5 successes)
    • One red herring says they were at the UFO trinket shop at the time of the murder and the owner could validate it. 
    • One red herring says they took their family to the Roswell Museum on the night of the murder. They lost their ticket stubs, but they had willcall tickets and the people at the counter should still have their name on a list somewhere
    • One red herring says they were out to eat celebrating an anniversary at the extra terrestrial diner and the waitress who always serves them was working that night and should be able to confirm they were there
    • One person who is involved with the cult but didn't commit the murder says they were up at the old radio tower after they got a call to fix something. They're sending the party up to get trapped. 
• Act 3 side objectives could revolve around taking out cult leaders permanently to stop the evil once and for all. The town hall and police station are key targets, but they've learned the names of lots of stooges who need to be dealt with
  • (Repeating Objective) Deal with a Cult Stooge (5 successes)

I do think that maybe the cops/men in black are slightly overused as the adversaries. I'd like to see a little more variety here, especially in ways that a gumshoe can deal with without direct violence. Some ideas:

• Victim's home already mentions nosey neighbors. Maybe rather than active cops at the scene when they get there. It's a nosey neighbor who will call the cops if they don't leave immediately. Maybe that's a side objective.
• I love the idea that the town librarian is in the cult and actively tries to misdirect the players during their search of the town records. She'll send them down the wrong path unless they deal with her. 
• The mortician is not just going to let the party look at the body while they're in the morgue. Someone needs to get rid of him. 
• Tourists who keep getting in the way of the party at the trinket shop, diner and museum while they're trying to look around and interrogate leads
• Cult members seem like a pretty clear choice. It seems heavily implied that most of the cops are in the cult, which is great, but I also think there should be other cult members just acting as nuisances. This is also a great place to source side objectives. 

I also think there's a bit of heavy lifting on the GM/Players part in terms of identifying and naming interesting characters to act as the Victim, Suspect, Red Herrings, Witnesses, etc. I think it's good you left that vague, but I do sort of wish it was addressed in the text at the beginning to let a GM know that they should try to have a list of names handy. In the same vein, I do sort of wish there was a very simple map with the objective locations and maybe some others thrown in to allow for players to come up with creative solutions. 

It feels like progressing through the adventure can go one of two ways. With a very invested group and a good GM, the players do a lot of the leading (as Havoc Engine recommends) and they start identifying locations they want to go to. The GM then is maybe dropping hints/breadcrumbs to the locations the objectives take place at or just picking up objectives from the text and dropping them into the places the players actually choose to go. With maybe a less invested group or an inexperienced GM, I worry that maybe the GM just runs through the areas like a checklist and the narrative doesn't really string together between them very well. I think that's what the side objectives that I have above could help with. Give the players freedom to roam and plot hooks to pull them back to where the story is taking place. 

Sorry for the novel. I really like this submission!

Menace is excellent. That drives home the classic "teenagers scare the living shit out of me" vibe. Not because they're inherently scary, like terrify implies, but because they can be unpredictable and violent. 

10/10. The idea is brilliant. The execution feels great. The visuals are exceptional. 

The only note I have is somewhat nitpicky and it's regarding the stats. This does feel like a good candidate for reflavoring the stats, rather than using the ETR base stats. The ETR stats, particularly Shoot and Terrify, don't really feel like they match this game's flavor. The bully does have a paintball gun, but other than that, the preexisting loot doesn't have anything that feels like you'd use Shoot. Terrify doesn't quite have the same impact when it's kids at a mall and not vampires. You'd have a decent set of stats if you just dropped those two. 

• Brawl - I actually like this one for this system, but you could reflavor it with Fight, Attack, Clash, Riot, Assault, Quarrel, Scrap, Scuffle, etc.
• Con - Again, another one that I don't hate. But I think it could be replaced with Prank, Dupe, Fake, or Fib
• Fix  - Not the worst, but I'm not sure how much "Fixing" kids in malls are doing. I feel like this could be dropped or replaced with something like Patch, Mend, or Fiddle
• Search - I think this one is probably fine as is, though I also like Find, Scour, Hunt, Chase, or Pursue
• Shoot - This one I think could be dropped entirely and lose nothing. Anything using shoot, could use Brawl in this game. Alternatively, maybe things could be added to make shoot feel more applicable. 
• Sneak - This one is good as is. You could use Hide, Creep, Slither, Prowl, or Skulk, but I don't know if any of them are better than Sneak.
• Terrify - Again, this one feels like it could be dropped entirely and use something like Con instead. If these kids are scaring anyone, it's probably by deceiving them into thinking they're a bigger threat than they actually are. I don't think any of these kids is going to be able to terrify someone in the way a vampire would. 

Again, that's kind of a nitpicky piece of feedback. I think everything else is really good at the surface level. I would really love to try this out sometime!

I really like the introduction to the game. It does unfortunately make me want to fail spectacularly on purpose because why would I do all this work just to let some lazy wizard take the credit? (Note, I wrote this before I read the failure state on page 29. Still kinda think it might be worth it to sabotage the bastard though). 

This almost feels like a GM-less system, so much so that "Game Master"/"GM" only appears twice in the doc (once in the turn order section stating GM may choose turn order and once on the final page. I see that the GM rolls the dice for patrons, but because the patrons all roll at the start of each turn, it does feel like this could easily be converted to GMless. 

Using the havoc engine for a cozy kitchen manager game was not on my bingo card for this game jam. Kudos for a unique take on how to use the engine. 

I think the stats make sense, but I do kinda wish they were a little more whimsical in flavor, although I really like Craft as a stat. Right now, they seem like very generic rpg stats, and for a whimsical kitchen ghost game, I would like something maybe more thematic. Adjectives feel sorta right to me for some reason, so I think I might have tried something like: 

• Craft -> Crafty
• Speed -> Swift
• Muscle -> Buff
• Grit -> Hardy
• Present -> Aware

Alternatively, maybe something to drive home the ghost theme with actions, but stuff associated with ghosts

• Animate
• Haunt
• Frighten
• Linger

Lastly, maybe refocusing on stuff you do in a tavern:

• Cook
• Serve
• Tidy
• Clean
• Soothe
• Mend

Those are just some examples off the top of my head of maybe ways to reinforce your theme by flavoring language differently. The ones you have are perfectly serviceable, but I think it could be next level if you had something truly unique to the theme. 

I really like the team huddle mechanic. I'm picturing a moment where all the characters come together and whisper in a little group in the middle of a chaotic tavern while the patrons just watch and wait for their food. It's full of whimsy and I think fits perfectly in the game. The mechanics behind the huddle are great as well. 

I do like the way the shift runs from Afternoon -> the next morning. The doubletime rule feels really difficult, but hey that's what optional challenges are supposed to feel like. I think the round clock is a really good way to pay some homage to kitchen manager games. 

It took me a second to understand the relationship between the order stat and the satisfaction stat for the patrons. Though, now that I do understand it, I really like it. One thing that I think is still a little unclear to me is how & when patrons enter the restaraunt. Here's how I see the game flow going based on what I've read:

1. New Phase Starts (Afternoon)
2. Some amount of patrons enter the tavern (not sure how many)
3. Those patrons build a dice pool equal to all patron order stats combined
4. For all results 4-6, the patrons put in orders (there's mechanics around what they're ordering, but it also doesn't appear clear to me how you adjudicate who is ordering what at this step. I would probably try to run it that players can state that an order has whatever food they want, so long as it's one of the foods that one of the patrons currently in the restaraunt is interested in eating. However, Lokka's ability The Gaslight was always here tells me that's probably not how that works and it's probably the GM's job to determine what the patrons are ordering. That likely means that the GM cannot roll a dice pool at all and instead rolls sequentially for each patron in the restaurant.)
5. Each player takes turns, spending successes to clear orders and ticking up satisfaction appropriately
6. Once all players have gone, tavern renown is adjusted
7. At some point the phase ends (maybe when all 6 patrons have been served?)
8. Start next phase

I know I wrote a novel for this one, but I do really enjoy the system and I think it sounds like a blast. Great submission!

I like the character concept a lot. I think you executed well. I particularly like the Oh, There It Is & the "Ah, The Help Has Arrived" abilities. They feel useful mechanically and they add some levity to the character without sacrificing the tone of the game. Great stuff!

Wow! The premise is great. Getting it all in to a 1 pager is amazing. Players rotating in and out of the various roles is such a cool idea. 

The head octopus taking turns repeatedly until they either choose to give up the position or the other octopodes start giving their dice to the crucible of doubt to force them out is an inspired piece of design that feels really reflective of a chaotic bunch of cephalopods. Alternatively, finding a way to negotiate between the various players what the head can do to take actions that move multiple octopuses closer to their goals seems like a natural progression of play. Either way, giving all of the octopi dice on every turn is a great way to alleviate any frustration that might come if a player stays too long in the spotlight as head octopus. 

Great game!

I love the title, especially the subtitle. The premise is absolutely ridiculous in the best way.

The character sheets are so well designed. The details (like the spots to mark resources and the ability/gear descriptions) are incredible The map is the most bonkers shit I've ever seen. The pages for each location are also so well designed. 

This was such a blast to read. 

Marie's character concept is easily one of my favorite characters I've seen in this entire Jam. What do you mean this old sweet grandma summons fairy tales to slaughter evil bastards as a hobby? Her having an injury that's just "Disappointed" is brilliant. 

I second the comments the others have made regarding the grotesques and really like the suggested changes in your responses. I'd like to see them act as more than just swarms of hitpoints. Looking forward to see where you take it.

Also going the extra mile and including hand drawn art on every page is absolutely insane...

A very well put together sequel to Eat The Reich. Everything in here feels really polished and authentic to the original vision of ETR. It's not trying to reinvent the wheel. It gives us more of a great game and that's enough for me. 

The character art is so good... I cannot get tactical gear sasquatch out of my head. I both hope and fear that I will see him in my dreams. 

It would be nice to get single page versions of the map and the defcon tracker, as they're tough to read right now in the way they're split in half. 

Great job!

This is one of the more unhinged games I've reviewed in this jam (in a good way). Magical alligators breaking free and attempting to escape a corrupted palace that represents the corrupting influence of extreme opulence? Sounds like a good time to me. 

Like the other comments have said, I do wish this had been edited a bit to improve readability. As much as I enjoy the vibes that this game is being explained during a semi-coherent rant from a friend after a long night of drinking, I would like to actually play it. I think right now, the core gameplay loop is definitely playable, but I think with about an hour of editing work, it could probably be extremely playable and very fun.

Good luck with the game! Excited to see if this idea goes somewhere!

The setting is awesome. The way you used the havoc engine feels really solid. 

The mechanics feel really solid. I particularly like the heat mechanic on the weapons.  I also like the injuries table.

The characters are great and each has a very distinct identity. I really like the inclusion of the name/look/trait choices to personalize the character to the player while still keeping the options tied up in the identity of the character concept. 

Good job minimizing crunch by reducing the foes roll to just 1d6, while also preserving some of the scaling by including mutliple attacks under some results but not others. As it exists, I do wish there were either a few more foes or each foe had more swings to help increase variability of confronting foes. 

For a 7 page submission, there's a surprising amount of depth packed in. Excellent job distilling the game to its most simple components and running with it. 

I like this a lot. I like the game's premise and the execution of the Havoc Engine integration. The art is so good, it absolutely sells the character concepts. 

The stat spread suits the tone really well. The skills and abilities are also very well written for each character. I love the decision to have two separate condition types, physical and social. 

I LOVE the heat track. I love it so much that I almost wish that rolled 1's advance the heat track to make sure more heat events happen throughout a session. 

The ability to buy skills and guns using Cash was a great decision. I see the other comment about the interaction between heat and cash. I think you could definitely limit the ability to spend cash at a certain heat threshold, but that relationship could also very easily go the other way. Being seen spending a bunch of cash on guns and bulletproof vests is probably a good way to get heat. 

The player secrets are a super interesting design choice. Giving an unused secret to Autumn is such a phenomenal way to increase the drama in the story. 

I really enjoyed the read. Great work!

The final product is really well done.  It feels concise and polished.  The Havoc implementation is super straightforward.  The art is gorgeous. 

I think it was a good idea to add responsibilities.  Not only is it a great reference to the side inspiration source material, but I think that not adding it may have left the game feeling more like a reskin than an adaptation. But giving each character story complications pulls them into the narrative is a great way to give out a unique spin. 

Lastly,  the tables at the end are really good. 

Great submission! 

This game is so simple and pretty. I really like the way players compete for objective successes with the GM. 

Personally, I think I would like a bit more crunch in the system, but that's a personal taste thing. The mechanics here are very straightforward and easy to understand, which I'm certain would be a strong draw for a different type of ttrpg player. 

One thing that is partially related to the lack of crunch, but not entirely, is that I feel like there is a bit of a loss of player decision-making that comes with the Havoc engine. With only one trait, one skill, and one place for successes to go, I feel that the game would often boil down to finding a way to describe every single action in a way that incorporates your trait and skills and then just hoping that the dice are on your side.

I do think that maybe there are ways to increase player choice without adding crunch by adding more objectives and/or things to spend your dice on. I don't think you'd have to go crazy with it. Maybe it's just a system where you can bank successes for future objectives or some narrative reason if you feel like you're likely to succeed on the current objective. I could even envision adding something like:

• Pigeons may choose to spend successes to increase the objective counter or they may choose to bank as many successes as they wish into their personal collection. At the end of the game, the pigeon with the most successes banked is the wealthiest pigeon around. If the pigeons have successfully earned three claims, that player describes how their pigeon transitions to a life of decadence after the events of the game. If the pigeons failed to earn three claims, that player describes how the powers that be seized their assets and that pigeon transitions to a life of destitution. 

That would offer some risk/reward and maybe be a way to drive drama and conflict in the story. Just a thought!

Great submission!

I'm still digesting the system, but the Flow mechanic is an extremely elegant addition to the system in lieu of stats. I'm already thinking of several submissions I've reviewed so far that chose to forego stats and could have used a mechanic like this in its place. It works both thematically and mechanically. 

I really like the idea of flipping between the classic fast-paced havoc engine scenes and downtime scenes. If I were to play with the system, I might also try to use downtime scenes to drive advances or gain additional tricks for characters because I like how that feels thematically. 

I do think the evasion mechanic is a little bit muddled. I understand why you're treating it as a "buyable" resource, so you can spend it on tricks. But I think that it could be communicated a little bit more clearly in the document. 

The tricks are great thematically. I like that they have varied costs, but I do wish the effects were a little more diverse. I also think I'd like to see some tricks that lean into narrative impact vs. the very mechanical effects that they currently have. 

Very cool system. Excited to see where this goes. 

This is a super interesting concept. I feel like I see people who try to build their favorite characters into their favorite RPG's all the time and it sometimes causes friction between the world-building and the character concept. I like that this throws all that out the window in favor of telling exactly the kinds of stories that you can find when you don't worry about dissonance in the genre. The movie Pleasantville demonstrates similar examples where the character's actions are in constant friction with the genre of the TV show they're in.

I find the canon events and in-character meter particularly interesting, though I don't love the GM taking control over the player's actions as the result of falling out of character. I think I'd find it a little bit more interesting if the player still narrated the character's actions, but the GM specified that the results didn't match those actions, almost as if the universe corrected itself to stay in-genre. 

For Example: A superhero with eye lazers stuck in a pulpy noir might narrate that track down the villian using xray vision and then they blast them with their eye lazers. However, if their in-character meter is at zero, the GM may intercede and say something like, "After following your hunch to the villian's location, you see them shaking down the dame who came to you for help a few days ago. The revolver is still clutched in your  hand after firing off a warning shot. You watch as he grabs the woman and runs through the closest door in the alley."

Effectively, the end result is the same as narrating the character's actions for them, but I think this way offers more agency. I think players would enjoy watching the GM try to twist their actions to suit the GM's purpose more than having to skip a turn entirely while the GM plays their character for them. It feels like when a GM offers a character a monkey-paw style wish. Watching the wish get twisted is the fun part. 

Just some thoughts. Thanks for the interesting read!

What a premise. I suddenly feel compelled to hack this game into "magical horse girls ride their pretty ponies into the afterlife." The art is fantastic and weird. I love the surreal vibes. 

Some thoughts:

• I love the petrol gauge mechanic. In my game it will obviously be oats. 
• Driving formations are rad. I wonder what formations you can ride horses in. It feels like it should be the same as motorcycles but maybe not because horses don't like each other probably. 
• I want to run a game where you meet up at a local pub and have to journey to another local pub, but for some reason the journey is longer and weirder than it should be.
• Why do these nuggets of wisdom feel so personal? 

Great submission. I think my horse girl hack will definitely need to include some sort of magical horse girl training competitition where the horses have to jump over increasingly tall obstacles that become less grounded in reality and more like conceptual thought experiments design to reflect the idea of a tall object rather than reflecting the actual nature of a tall object. 

The concept is very interesting. I think there's definitely some work to be put in to make it a playable prototype of a game. But the idea is unique and fun. 

It has the feel of a Foddian game. You can lose all of your progress in a moment. Most of the time spent playing the game is actually replaying the areas you've already been to. At some point, you learn the game so well that you can work through areas that were super tough like it's nothing. Eventually you know the whole game inside and out and you can beat the entire thing in moments. 

If you're looking for story inspiration, maybe take a look at The Outer Wilds, which also plays with a very similar premise. 

When you have time to build this out to a playable prototype, I'd happily test it. It looks like a lot of fun. 

My first impressions with the game are that I love the cover art, including a glossary of terms right up front, and using the title Den Mother (DM) for the person running the game. Just reading the glossary actually gave me a decent idea of how you're structuring the rolls in the havoc engine, specifically as it pertains to rolling successes, failures, fumbles, and conditions. 

The character concepts are great starting places for the players to take something and run with it. I like that you've included a list of the major scene goals for the DM to accomplish to set the tone of the game you built. I also like that they're vague enough that most of the time, I feel like players will naturally push the game in that direction, and won't feel like the DM is hamfisting in encounters. 

The thematic opening is a great way to seed in some information about the area and give the players prompts for action. That actually might be a thing I steal. Also love that it's in letter form. 

I think you've included some interesting addiitions to the rolling system, though some I'd be worried would be overtuned. 

• The help mechanic is definitely interesting, though with a fully party, it would potentially offer 5d6 to rolls. I think that'd be something very cool to work into the game but with some limitations. I really enjoy the idea of a group going around the table and everyone saying what they pitch in. But I worry that it would slow the game down too much. I would maybe consider limiting help to 1 other scout and then trying to give the players a single use group roll where everyone contributes a piece. There was a mechanic like this in the JAMS submission that you might find interesting.
• I really like spending grit to reroll the entire dice pool, successes included. I like that you add the limitation that 1's can't be rerolled. I think that adds a little bit of risk. I like that you can do it repeatedly until you run out of grit. I do think that depending on the availability of grit, I might consider increasing the grit cost. But until I run the game, I couldn't be totally sure that I'd even want to do that. 

I really like the Call Bullshit action. I think that's a really clever way to give the players a tool to have a really big impact on the way the villian works. I also like that the havoc pool will end the game if players let it get out of control. That is a great way of pushing players to use their resources to pull dice out, which is also a benefit to them. It feels like rewards compounding rewards. 

The merit badge system is so good. I think that it might be my favorite thing in the game to be honest. 

I think the map is really well done. It probably has too many locations to visit in a single game, but I do think that it's got enough variety to prompt the players to pick places to go based on what action they want to take. everything included on the map feels right for a campground, although I've never been to one that had a library. I might have taken that out and put some sort of a free little library near the office where players can grab books to research folklore surrounding the villian. 

Picking the villian based on the scary stories told by the players is such a great way to use what your players give you to drive the game. It also fits so perfectly into the genre of scary camp stories told in the dark. 

The resources you add at the end to help the DM run the villians, adversaries, and locations are great. 

Overall, I think the content you have is really good. I can tell you spent most of your energy sharpening the game's mechanics and content. The simple presentation is obviously secondary to making sure you have a good game at its core, which I think you do. If I ran this, I think one thing I might try to tweak is to spread the action out over more than just 1 night. I like the idea that during the day, the campers are trying to act normal while also trying to plan and prepare for confronting the villian. Then at night, they're alone and have to put their plans to the test.

The premise is great: anthropomorphic animals try to navigate a wacky world to get to a local joint that's offering free food. The art style is very fun. The writing is clever and cute. I really appreciate everything that you put into making the game really reflect the fun, cute premise that you started with. 

The gameplay is simple, maybe a little bit too simple for my taste, but I can definitely see this appealing to a crowd that's much more into roleplay than crunch. I think it does lose some of the fun of the Havoc system in the decision making that happens when you choose to allocate successes. In this game, there's only one place for successes to go, which is the current scenario's objective. Therefore, the measure of how long it takes for the scenario to be wrapped up is really just dependent on luck. Despite this, it replaces the fun of allocating successes with the fun of roleplaying a little guy in a big world trying to get some cake. 

The easy scenarios seem like they'd be over quickly, so quickly in fact that I imagine most of them will be over before everyone in the party has the opportunity to have a turn, especially if you have a medium-large group. This isn't necessarily an issue, as the group will likely prioritize specific players acting if they feel their character has something fun and interesting to contribute. I would probably try to avoid using easy scenarios because if the fun is in encouraging roleplay, then I'd like for everyone to have the opportunity to act. Maybe I'd rule that an objective cannot be completed until each player has acted, but that feels arbitrary. I would probably try to find a more elegant way to convey it in game. 

The only real choice in the game is the ability to crash out a single time and automatically succeed at the current scenario. I do like that crashing out changes your character and hopefully refreshes the gameplay a little bit. I could see myself crashing out not because the rolls were bad, but rather to keep things fresh as I played. I also really like the heart to heart mechanic and its implications for roleplay. I think that ruling any player can automaticaly end a scenario unilaterally may leave some folks frustrated if they don't get to participate in a scene, so again, maybe I'd rule that you can't crash out until round 2. or that crashing out gives you 4 successes instead of ending the scenario. That would mean that some progress already needs to be made before someone can crash out at least. That still feels inelegant. Maybe I'm overthinking it. 

Personally, if I were to run this myself, I would probably try to work in at least a little bit more complexity to the system, but in a way that doesn't feel like it ruins the magic of what's here. Here are some thoughts I had:

•  I might try to add additional objectives or even competing objectives, so players can choose between multiple options when they allocate successes. The more I think about competing objectives, the more I like it. The GM could present several options and then players can roleplay trying to get each other to pick their favorite. I think that would organically drive roleplay in a way that also lends itself to increased mechanical complexity / decision making opportunity. 
• I also think that I would try to work in some form of an equipment system. Given the theme, maybe everyone gets a single kitchen gadget/utensil. If they can work it into a scene, they get +1d6. If they don't get any successes when they use it, it breaks and maybe they need to spend some successes to fix it again. 
• I might give the heart to heart just a little bit more mechanical weight. Maybe each player writes down a favorite food on their character sheet at the start of the game and if they eat the food after crashing out, they can choose to unlock their true self. This would allow the rest of the group to take them on a sidequest style scenario where they go hunting for their favorite food. 
• I might try to add some time pressure to scenes using the Chaos ensues mechcanic (which I love btw). Maybe another way to activate it is a clock equal to the number of successes required to complete a scenario where each failure ticks it up. If the players are failing more than they're succeeding, something bonkers happens and maybe adds a few more successes required to complete the scenario or adds a new objective they have to complete before they can finish the scenario. 

Overall, I can see how this would make for a fun time goofing around with friends but also providing a decent framework to help identify success vs. failure. Even if I would like it to be just a bit more crunchy, I think it's a great game and it was very fun to read and think about. 

The layout is well done. The scope of the project is clear and well executed.  Moving from area to area seems pretty straightforward, but maybe a little too direct.  Perhaps consider adding a map, even if it's just a line diagram showing an outline of how each named location is connected to avoid it feeling like a straight line through each zone in the adventure.