'Headlights' is a somber introspective musings on the difficulties of dealing with one's personal demons. The most stand out aspect of this visual novel is the aesthetic and style of the art. It's extremely contrasty, with just black, whites, and grays. The character design is simple yet extremely expressive, and adding in those bits of animation and screen flashes with the static, just helps immerse the reader into the mind of this character. The interesting part about the story is how interesting I felt as more and more details of this character are unveiled. I start to wonder if first this character might be homeless or from the verge of death, then I wonder if they're estranged from their family, since it paints such a bleak picture, but then when the reveal comes that it's actually not all that dire, but the internal demons are what's causing this breakdown is an enlightening moment. I will say it does feel odd that the game goes into a bit of a psychological horror, when it's meant to be pretty grounded in reality, but I guess it's going for a metaphor kind of thing. I think the piece has enough stylization that it could exist as just the self narration in the character's head without the more fantastical objects, but that's just subjective. It's short and personal, and is also very open-ended, to the point where it comes across more as a vent piece about spiraling. I hope that folks that come across this piece and can relate feel a bit validated knowing they're not alone.
Fuze
Creator of
Recent community posts
'Broken and Mended' is a short drama/cute story about coming out to your friends and having those feelings be reciprocated. It's a quaint little visual novel that does a lot of things right for the foundations of a visual novel. It has custom made sprites, it has music, and the writing also includes branching paths and choices for the reader to make that affect how the scenes play out. The characters are cute and each have some distinct voices, and it's neat to have a main character with a bit of backbone, and it does take an different angle of being the straight best friend that wants to go gay for the friend who came out of the closet. Maybe that might've been another choice you could've added on whether the main character returns the feelings or is just supportive. As a tip for future stories you pen, try to give the main character a goal or obstacle that he has to overcome, and that'll give your characters more to do, since in this one, it feels like the main conflict was between the main character and his dad on the phone, and the subsequent drama is largely self-inflicted. Having a character with a temper is a great way to insert some tension and conflict into the story. Overall, it's a solid entry into the game jam, and you can push yourself to do a bit more on the next go around.
'MR BIG' is a crazy wild ride, a unlikely fusion of erotica and body horror, where both genres support the other. Everything in this visual novel is really stylized, and I really dug the mash up of the photos to craft the sprites, it gives that vaporwave cover aesthetic while also allowing the body horror to be just a little bit more palatable for those that aren't into the full graphical fantasy. Also, this is surprisingly graphic, but in a really good way. The sex scenes are really well paced and the descriptions are both arousing and terrifying at the same time, I really dug them. The narrative and mystery that's in this visual novel is also really good too. There's the mystery of how Carter actually got so 'big', and peppering in all the subtle hints that you go back and point out is just really fun. The effect of changing up the text box when the deciphering the mystery was really effective use of the medium. I dig how you set up a few red herrings as well. There's also quite a lot of themes explored in this story, the overt ones like weighing the pros and cons of traditional masculinity and exploring the toxic elements of it. Even the subtle ones like Raleigh exploring non-conforming gender roles, I thought were really well done.
The few issues I have with the story are stuff like text box speed, where because of some stuttering I'd accidentally click ahead so I'd have to rewind to read what I missed. There's also the clunkiness of the view point switches, since I think that while Hartland is the main character for the majority of the story, I would get disoriented since Carter becomes the POV seemingly randomly or mid-conversation, especially in the opening sequence. Lastly, I think I got a bit confused at the mechanics of the dick growing 'mechanism' and how they were supposed to function in conjunction with the hypnosis tape. Like, is the 'mechanism' always attached, or is it only on some of the time, does he secretly have it on and if so, what is up with those times that he's in pain but there's no evidence of it there? Hartland's blackouts are also a bit too convenient for horror's sake, but I get that the story needed the convenience for the climatic reveal at the end. Overall, this is a really cool story, and I'm impressed with the concept and managing to get it almost to that tight script level (could tell that that time limit really kept ya from taking that one or two more passes). Still, amazing showing, I think you exceeded what you set out do to, looking forward to more from ya.
'Hiræth' is a short story about the sorrows of a break up. It does a great job of creating a cold and sad atmosphere, the literal weather reflecting on how bad a break up became, the use of dark and moody backgrounds, and the gentle acoustic guitar music. The two characters feel like realistic portrayals of immature adults who are still developing their emotional intelligence, so, as the story reads out like a train wreck happening in slow motion, I couldn't look away. While they act like real characters, it's hard to get a grasp for who the characters are, as both are kinda just generic young adult gay dudes and no distinct personality traits beyond that. The drama itself is unusually melodramatic, since what is presented is the aftermath of a shouting match between the two characters, and it's left up to the reader to fill in the blanks themselves for just how bad it must have been for a 5 year relationship to fall apart. There's also a big emphasis on the title of the piece which is a longing for the past, yet, the reader is left to fill in the blank of what the past is between these two. Small reminiscing at several points in the story could've helped to understand what the characters were longing for, or even during the weekend town tour to see how the two might've acted before the titular fight, and why one side doesn't see the worth in keeping it. Overall, it's a solid piece of work, with lots of care and artistry put in it, but a scope that feels like it should've been pushed a little bit more.
It's kinda funny that you mention the ending choice in 2nd Shift, cause as I digested this story more, the more I thought that if the story had set it up that you choose at the final moment which direction to start walking, that would've actually really worked well. Something not having the family fight prior to driving off and having it so Redmond calls both Grace and Jacob to pick him up and neither one coming, thus leaving it even more ambiguous which direction to go. Its interesting that you mention paranormal bits, cause I didn't pick up on those at all, I was experiencing them in a sort of 'liminal space atmosphere metaphor' kind of way, so if there was any intention of the space actually being paranormal, that went right over my head. I feel ya on the time constraint thing but this is still really well crafted and love the angle you were going for (Redmond and his little cap with antler holes is probably my favorite deer this game jam).
'Sex Witch No-Gno' is a short 'n hot erotica piece that features a few surprises in the sexy parts. What's the term, 'monsterfucker'? I think that's what this erotica's is aiming for as its target audience. There a bit of bisexuality in here as well, which is a fun flavor. I want to say that for a lust-interest, Barry is really well designed and adorable. He's got that nervous cute vibe, and the sprite art really appeals in making him both adorable and terrifyingly massive once the twist comes. The characters all have very nice voices. The twist being that this is a universe where transformation magic is a thing, and the timid deer guy has a were-gnoll side to him that comes out when he's hot and bothered. I enjoyed the casual flirting in the early part, and the sex scenes were fun and arousing as well. There's a bit of cleaning up in some of the writing to be done and I think you could've played around a bit more with movement animations in the three-way scene to make up for a lack of a CG. I kind of wish there was a bit more of a set up for the main character and her 'witch' aspect, since it didn't really seem to play that much of a factor in the story. I also wish that there was at least one more scene afterwards to have some resolution between the characters, since they were having such nice chemistry. But, I think it sets out what it aims to do, which is to provide a nice bite-sized piece of action with some very nice visuals.
'Crystal Lights/Lonely Highways' is a hot and steamy romance, with all the twists and turns of an emotional thriller. It's tough enough to do a romance from one POV, but swapping it up mid-story to get the other POV as well is just really well done in this story. The prose is colorful and emotive, the dynamic between the two characters is layered and intriguing, and the erotica is arousing and hot. I love how well structured it is, because a lot of build up is just straight up visual flirting. When the two start to converse, there's a duel of wits and emotions going on, each one trying to extract honesty, truth and vulnerability from the other one while not giving it up themselves. Each reveal a card from their deck that goads the other one to match their bravery. Leading up to the climatic showdown of straight up daring each other into an exhibitionist display, just to prove their sincerity with each other. Layered by the hidden underlying motives that they each shamefully hold. Oh yeah, the sex scene is just really well written and hot. The use of music and minimal art/backgrounds is a testament to how much heavy lifting the prose does to deliver on such an immersive experience. Aside from some slight pacing issues early on where days will pass in a sentence, I have little to no notes for this one. It provides a complete experience and does an excellent job showing how to do erotica right.
'The Mighty Ken' is a short drama vignette about the angst of being a teenager and the friends that make it bearable. The plot is short, getting a first person experience in the mind of an angsty teen dealing with the stress of moving, and his best friend just being a good guy. What I think this story does well is crafting the protagonist with intention. He's abrasive, he's got opinions, and he's expressive. I applaud the creation of your own art assets, they're bold and simple (very south park).
Good job continuing to make VNs, so here's some comments to keep in mind. While I appreciate the very descriptive settings and environment details, it gets really verbose at times. Try to use detail depth to highlight what's important to your story. If everything gets a huge description, it all blends together. While you've developed a really good set of characters, there's not really a narrative happening. Eddie's has an internal conflict associated with moving, but the reader is never clued into why he's so upset about it. He doesn't seem to like school, so is it only because he'll miss Ken? If so, then that needs to be brought forward more into the plot. Stuff like delving more into the friendship of why Ken likes Eddie as a friend. To have a stronger plot, you'd want your main character to need to be able to take some kind of action to overcome the conflict. For example, maybe Eddie hasn't told Ken that he's moving, and he's building up the courage to do so. The one action in this story that Eddie does make, is whether he gets coffee or goes to have a sleepover with Ken, and those results all have wildly different outcomes which are admittedly funny and absurd (getting taunted by the anxiety rats). You've started out with a good base of character ideas, try to push the ideas a bit further on what the characters are going to do and change over the course of the story. Give them some goals and obstacles that they can overcome. You've made some good progress, keep on finding ways to improve on the next one.
'Forest of the Deer God' is a straight up spooky text-based adventure game. It's got a simple premise of a paranormal investigator gets lost in the woods and a spooky deer god shows up, and he wants to investigate it. What follows is hours of wandering around a spooky forest, a spooky cabin, and unveiling the mystery of who the deer god is and just what do you plan to do about it? The aesthetic and vibes of this game are on point, perfectly capturing that old school retro text-based adventure game vibe. There's some super fun jump scares, and going in blind, it's very much an apprehension of wandering into the dark. There are several puzzles in this game, the hint document is very helpful with figuring out the solutions. It does get a little disorienting with all the directions being cardinal directions (maybe somehow making it so once you learn the room location, it's replaced in the options? might be tedious but would help with retracing steps and exploration especially for one of the major puzzles). The story and lore itself is pretty straightforward with a few tongue-in-cheek twists, so it services the game nicely. The feat of programming a full text-game is the impressive feature of this visual novel, and if you've got a few hours to dig into it, it's quite a satisfying to beat the game.
'The Interchange Off Exit 004' is one of those dramatic introspection/flashback pieces that's a bit too heavy handed on the metaphor and symbolism, but that's kind of the point. The strongest aspect of this piece is the characterization of the main character, Redmond. He's not the expected protag for one of these 'gay-centric dramas', as he's not grappling with his sexuality in a coming out sense, but more so actually living already out, but in the transitionary period in his life if he determines if he wants to leave the comfort of his hometown or not. The piece does a good job of living in the grey, with religious undertones and family drama having an undercurrent of Redmond's lack of a stable grounding and his potential escape being rife with culture clashes and fear of commitment. The sprite work is also really charming, and I love the expressions of the characters. Presentation is also really good with the mix of real life photos, drawn in art, and the soft ambience of highway noise.
However, I find this story is slightly misaligned with all it's symbolism it's putting down. Like, Redmond is physically stuck in the interchange, which is a metaphor for his in-between life stages of staying in hometown or going to college/elsewhere. But, as the story goes on, we find out that Redmond did make that choice to commit by deciding to leave the hometown to go try to be with Jacob (though is always called friend, which I'm not sure what the waiting of the reveal of the name lent to this story). It's just that as this happens extenuating circumstances happen and he callas Jacob to come get him. Jacob doesn't come to his rescue (though never revealed why), and thus Redmond is 'punished' for the choice and just goes back home anyway tail between his legs. Maybe it's trying to convey how Redmond waited too long, just like how he waited too long in the interchange? Or maybe it's about how you can't wait for someone to rescue you, you need to rescue yourself? Also, what was up with the abandoned car, that was there to just wake Redmond up (no driver, that's kind of unexplained)? This story opts for an ambiguous-ending (which I think is starting to be a trend) so it's hard to say if it was satisfying to read through or not. I feel like this would just be a chapter in a larger story with Redmond, and would love to read that. This snapshot of a story, succeeds in it's delivery, I'm just not sure what it's trying to deliver.
'The Fountain: Prelude' is a horror story/experience with mysterious lore and a disorienting psychological aspect to get a few chills down your spine. The best part I would praise in this visual novel is the presentation and the use of the UI to instill a sense of normalcy, only to then break through that preconception and give the reader a shock. The UI work, the sprite art, and the background art is just low quality enough to evoke a familiar sense of retro graphics in a video game, but that also gets played around with, as more horror elements get introduced to the experience. I say experience, because I'm guessing that this story is a "story-within a story-within a story", at least in the way that it's presented. The visual novel is presented like watching an old VHS tape, so the characters in the main story are all just characters in a movie and reader is supposed to be a separate entity actually only watching the movie. Thus, the story is disjointed and characters don't act logically because it really does appear to be just a scripted story, and that's on purpose to mess with the reader's head and get some scares in. There's even an additional layer of meta-horror by incorporating the visual novel page and a 'Dev-Blog' to make the game itself feel like it's a cursed media that contains a cursed entity called 'the fountain man'. The dev blog-element does feel like it doesn't hit the right tone or voice that a dev log should have when trying to ground this horror, adding in a bit too much 'fiction on top of fiction', if that makes sense (would've been neat if the game files had some unused assets or developer comments that could've tied the dev log to the game more). I think the cursed cryptid element also is a bit too vague, when it's essentially a generic boogeyman that takes recognizable phrases and twists them like "I scream but have no mouth", I would've appreciated a bit more set up of the titular fountain and how that ties into everything or maybe a cryptid that had a more distinct aesthetic. The 'stick to the script' angle was cool, especially as it alludes to a horror film specific cryptid. That being said, the OOC message does explain that this is all a prelude to a larger project, so I imagine that these details and questions will be expanded upon and developed in the future project. Overall, surprisingly chilling experience, fans of horror will appreciate the tropes and references, but since it's meant to be a lead in to the bigger project, the story does end up being a bit shallow and non-conclusive.
'Utter Rubbish' is an adorable meet-cute type story between a scrapy deer guy and a robot that he repairs. A lot of things really stand out in this one. The most obvious is the generous use of animations in the art. From simple stuff like the character walking and moving about, to the abstract flow of colors to represent the sensations that the robot is feeling, this presentation is top notch and truly immerses you in this unlikely romance between a robot and a deer. Did I mention that this takes place from the POV of the robot? It's kind of a novel concept, especially since the story does a good job of trying to put the reader in the mind-set of the robot. Through short scenes, Cal free spirited personality comes through, contrasting against Buddy's more rigorously practical thought process. There were at times I felt like Buddy was a little bit too human, which cut into what was I think was the appeal, which is the contrast of the two different characters viewpoints. The world building is light on purpose, though I think more of Cal's backstory could've been given out that wasn't just as a text dump near the end. There's a little bit of accessibility warnings, like tough text color contrast on the title screen, or the spinning room effect causing dizziness, but they're minor in the greater scheme. At this point I'm just nitpicking, cause I really have very few notes for this short, but enjoyable cute-rom experience.
'Hi, Farewell' is a cute short story about the struggles of a teen deer girl as she navigates the troubles of growing up ostracized. The stand out detail in the design is the expressive and almost coloring book style of the art, it gives of a very youthful and innocent vibe. The story itself presents itself somewhere between a storybook and a diary, since it feels like it's being narrated by the main character, but talking about herself in the third person. It feels like a storybook, because it starts off with the impression that the main character is going to overcome some kind of event or roadblock in her life, but then it swaps over to a few quick time skips as she makes a friend, the friend moves away, but it led her to be able to find the internet and finding an online community where she feels like she belongs. I would say, not bad for a first attempt at a visual novel, I think its cute.
Some tips for your next visual novel. Craft a narrative that presents an obstacle that your main character can overcome, and then explore all the questions and outcomes that come from your character's actions. Give your characters motivation or agency, even if they're shut ins who just read books, having them retreat into books and fantasy worlds is an action they can take. Make sure you try to construct stories that follow a structure, a [set up > conflict > rising action > climax > falling action > resolution] type of thing. During your drafting phase, try to figure out what are the major scenes or moments that you want to show off in the story, so you have a direction that you want to go in. Every project is a learning moment to get better for the next project.
'The Bygones' is a drama that explores an early 90s interpersonal rock band dynamic that deals with all the classic vices of money, sex, and drugs. The stand out feature of this visual novel is the visual presentation and effects mixed with the custom original soundtrack. It's one of those visual novels that's straight up inspired by a genre of music, this time being that late 80s/early 90s transition between alternative rock into grunge and britpop. The genre staples of being anti-commercialism, drug use, and other social issues of the time, all topics that are explored in this visual novel. The sprites are full of character, even if the poses and expressions tend to not always convey the character's emotion, having the text do all of the heavy lifting in that department. The backgrounds are service-able and the broad strokes and shaky style adds to that grunge aesthetic, same with the paper/pencil text box. The CGs are really well done, marking significant points in the narrative. The narrative itself tackles tough topics such as being gay in the early 90s, drug use, and financial struggles for music artists, and the songs themselves are meant to immerse the viewer into this trip into the struggles of a guitarist trying to make it in a band. I get the feeling it's not meant to be an 'enjoyable' experience, but more so a snapshot or preserving of an era that would be foreign to today's generations. Stuff like having to make calls via landline phones, when CDs were the new tech, and stuff like social justice and mental health were barely concepts.
I think the story does it's job well enough in portraying these flawed and immature characters, and I think it's on purpose that we never really understand why some of the characters are the way that they are. I will say, that this story employs a 'magic technology' for the purpose of framing the story for the reader's benefit, where the whole story is actually a recording of a memory that the main character can view though decades into the future, though I find that this is a pretty clunky and inelegant way of trying to reach a some kind of 'character growth' for the main character. Despite the whole story being about this guy who was such a major part of the main character's life, all the character development and self-reflection seems to be done in a montage of bullet points of how well and successful he was in the time since the main story. I think that it's supposed to be representative of how much the guilt weighs on his mind about how shitty of a friend he was and never got proper closure, but it comes off more as an epilogue, rather than a falling action to the big climax of the story. Especially since there's a new character introduced very late into the story, and yet becomes almost integral to the main character's life after the fact. Overall, I can tell that there was a real passion and view point for the main bulk of the story, but just didn't quite know (or want) to stick the landing, leaving immediate character reactions ambiguous, and relying on the reader to finish the story in their own mind.
The classic game-jam crunch, I know it well. Though with the extra information that this is your first attempt at an non-fanfiction original work, really solid effort I must say. You probably picked up on it, but the crutch of fanfiction is the characters come pre-made, so when moving to an original work, you really have to build characters from the ground up. Same thing with having a direction that you want to take the story and making tough choices on which aspects might need to be cut or further fleshed out, especially mid-way through the drafting. Don't knock on your smut writing experience though, tap into it, especially the wildly inappropriate stuff (I loved the gag of Bryne's censored sex talk, but man if I could hear what he actually said). I agree though, I think you completed the assignment and this'll be something you'll learn from for your next project.
'One Way or Another' is a comedic slice-of-life pseudo-romance with some anime levels of happenstance and plot devices. The character designs by PaperCrease are adorable/hot and I really enjoyed each of the wildly caricatured personalities of each of them. For a comedy, this visual novel does a really good job of playing into all the ridiculous anime tropes and dead pan dialog humor. Stuff like Bryne getting absolutely demolished by a motorcycle but showing up later in full hospital gown, or the twist of the two love interests actual motivations got a chuckle out of me, or straight up god showing up and having a conversation with the protag. Adding in the unusually specific hyper fixation details and pop-furry references is a classic sitcom move, the only thing missing from this visual novel is a laugh track playing to remind me where to laugh. I feel like you really tried to milk the central conflict (misunderstanding) of the two love interests that are falling heads over heels for the protagonist, but it does start to feel like beating a dead horse (maybe on purpose?) by the time god shows up. It makes me wonder if this is a thinly veiled mouthpiece to vent the author's frustrations about being asked about being aro/ace, or if this is venting 'about' aro/ace folks who vent frustrations. What I guess I'm getting at, is that I can't pick up on the author's intent with this work or if it's just a 'not that deep, bro' scenario. There's not really any kind of character arc for anyone, and the only reason that's given for why the two love interests want the protag is because the script says so (literally being assigned by the devil/god), and thus, it fully leans into being a comedy/parody rather than trying to make any kind of larger statement around bein' aro/ace. Overall, I had a pleasant time with it, and I won't fault the author if they just wanted to make something amusing and unserious just to have a fun time writing out of pocket scenes.
'Theatre of Life' is a deceptively dystopian short story that lightly explores the condition of living and our own perceptions of it. The thing that I like about this particular short story is just how much world building is crammed into such a short time. Everything here is deliberate, from the saccharine and overtly bright colors of the simple art, to the almost annoyingly storybook music, and then you get a glimpse of the illusion breaking, the way that more detailed and rendered sprites appear to show the reader that this is one of those stories where the character's perception itself is warped. It makes the reader contemplate large ideas like pursuing happiness, the nature of existence, and questions if all the different ways of biohacking our minds and bodies to the point of literally manufacturing happiness is the right thing to do. It poses a question of, "if we reach a point of 'solving' the struggles of life, can it even be called living anymore?" This is one of those wildly compelling concepts where you could really dig into it and create a full on epic with exploring Chappy as he moves through this world and grapples with the illusion. As a stand alone experience, this is really really good. It feels like an amuse bouche to what could be a much larger experience. Whether you decide to pursue that or not is up to you, but I think this is one of those concepts that feels particularly relevant and poignant in our current society.
'Earths Last Year: 1999' is a heartwarming slice-of-life dating sim/romance visual novel, with the flavor this time being that it's the Y2K scare, and why not sex your friends if it's the end of the world. Especially for a game jam time frame, getting two different routes done for one of these classic romantic 'pick-a-husbando' is quite good. I really enjoyed the custom art, they brought forth the emotional expressions and there's even art within art, with the custom graffiti scene, and I always find that charming. Props for doing two sex scenes, I thought they were both very hot, and you gave them each their own distinct vibe (the traditional doggy style in a bed and the kinky blowjob in the back alley). I think you achieved what you set out to do with this prompt and premise, especially with how you've incorporated the game jam theme into the ticking clock that moves the plot forward. The characters each were distinct and had their own voices, Flare being the gruff realist, and Cream being the rebellious idealist.
If I were to give any critique, I think you could've squeezed in a bit more establishing the scene prior to the branching path, since you only really learn about Cedar's friendship to each of them once you're properly in their routes. Cream's route also kind of comes off across as a little bit melodramatic, but I can forgive that for this type of story. All the characters are really pleasant, so don't be afraid to give them some rough edges. Also, I think because you've chose such a classic framework for the story, you've expected the reader to come in with a lot of pre-conceived details, like, how Cedar's gay for his friends/they're gay for Cedar but they haven't made any moves in order to not risk the friendship. The idea that because there's this countdown clock till the end of the world is what spurs them to take that risk, but there should be some kind of scene to show just what it is they're risking. As a tip for these type of route based stories, if you're going to do a self-insert type of character like Cedar, try to include a couple of flavor choices to help get the player immersed into the character. Like, say with Flare he asks you what you want for dinner, or with Cream what detail you add to the graffiti. If Cedar is his own character, be sure to have his personality come out a bit, with clear points of view, goals and motivations. Also, the vanilla sex is great, thanks for not shying away from it, really fun detail about reaching climax right as it hits midnight (and that Cedar's got them white undies). Lookin' forward to how you branch out with your future VN projects.
'Project Buck' is a romance/comedy/thriller about a jealous sentient AI chat bot. Checking the user page, this appears to be your first visual novel, congrats on completing one. Some of the things that I liked about this entry were that you took the time and effort to create sprites and background assets, giving you some extra creative control. You took some big swings with this one, doing some straight up sex scenes and adding in a creative twist turning this rom-com into a thriller with the sentient AI coming for the protagonist in a jealous rage. You used an unusual aspect ratio for this VN, which makes me wonder if this was done due to the program you used to make the backgrounds only having this small of a screen, or if this was an attempt at an old-school feel with a 4:3 aspect ratio. For your next VN, I do have a few tips: While it's noble to try and create your own assets, unless there's a specific visual detail that you want to reference in your writing and have it be consistent with your sprites, try to opt for the free to use sprites and common license backgrounds. It'll save you time and effort to focus more on your story writing. What you might try to focus on in your next story is how you can immerse your reader. Try to evoke the five senses when establishing your setting by creating a mood or a tone. Like in this story, your main character is a loner NEET, what are the things that he would pay attention to as he's sitting in his computer chair? Which leads to another thing to think about when writing a story, fleshing out your characters to make them feel more 'real'. It's one thing to have a character say or do something, but there's better thing of understanding why they say or do something. When you know the 'why', then you know the 'how' to describe how they would go about doing and saying things. It's an earnest attempt, so now it's just about trying to do a little more with the next one.
'Remnants of Nostalgic Fantasies' is a bit of a think piece/slice of life/blog-post about the mundane-ness of adult life and the longing for simpler times. It's a cute little story about coming home from work to your 'platonic' deer roommate and you guys play an old school NES game together. You get a couple of nice facts about Nintendo games, and some cute animations of the deer man bouncing around as he sets the table. Samel is also really well characterized, being passionate about tech and wanting to be your bestie. It's quite relatable, and a pleasant read through. When you work on your next VN, I feel you could challenge yourself more when it comes to the story. You've got the internal monologues and the atmospheric setting descriptions down, feel free to start having fun throwing in some interesting conflicts and plot structures, maybe even lengthening your story to have full on character arcs. You've got the fundamentals down, start having fun and experimenting.
'Christmas Spit' is a cute little comedy about a deer guy trying to prepare a nice Christmas day for his boyfriend, only for everything to go wrong. It's a pretty standard plot as far as holiday specials go, where the farce is that the guy trying to make everything 'just perfect' forgets the important thing of just spending time together. You get all the classic gags of forgetting to thaw the chicken, trying to compensate by cooking it at a higher temp, taking a shower and opening the door naked, and all the other kinds of unfortunate mishaps. I enjoyed all the extra furry-fied references too. The art style is charming in it's MSPaint simplistic stick figures with animal heads, and all the backgrounds done in MSPaint too. Overall, it's a quaint simple little story, and its a quick read. For your next VN, I suggest you try to push yourself a bit more creatively. Using the pre-made sprites and some common license backgrounds with some photo-filters will save you time in creating assets. When drafting a story, try to add a bit more conflict or challenges for the protagonist to overcome. Try to flesh out your characters a bit more, giving them goals and motivations other than just being a 'nice person'. You've proven that you're capable of finishing a project, now try to up the difficulty a bit.
'Cygnus Leapt' is a dramatic story about a relationship, one that was lives in the difficult balance between the fear of uncertainty and the desire for reckless abandon, and is cut short by fate. The relationship between the two main characters, Erin and Cygnus, really delves into a dynamic where both persons want the relationship, but one wants more commitment while the other is struggling to keep up. It's a surprisingly mature depiction of how difficult it is to make relationships work, especially when both sides have issues that they're dealing with. The titular twist being that it's cut short, not by either person doing something wrong, but by bad luck and a car accident. The plot device of there being a magical object that can project the last week of memories of the deceased, really only serves for the reader to understand both view points. It's a touching moment, since it allows Erin to work through his grief and learn how Cygnus felt, but it makes me wonder if there could've be other ways for Erin to find out about it or to get that kind of viewpoint to the reader. In such a grounded and realistic story, having a plot device like that feels a bit too much of a magic bullet solution. The art is beautifully done, from the sprites, the dancing scenes, and the intimate lovemaking. Visual novels that deal with the death of a loved one always are going to hit 'right in the feels', but I was more drawn in by the ups and downs of the relationship than the grief of it ending prematurely. This might just be my expected desire for happy endings, but I feel like the relationship deserved to reach a better conclusion, either one where it ended or flourished on their terms (one idea that has all the pieces there is a potential of Erin seeing Kosta being a better partner for Cygnus than he). Still, the story as is deserves all the high praise for how well it was written and put together.
'First Winds' (ididntknowhowmightythewindsweretonight) is something that I would describe as a sensory experience about living in the life of a current generation alt emo college student. I really dig these kinds of visual novels that are inspired by a genre of music, and with a genre as chaotic and unabashedly detached from adhering to convention as screamo, the nearly indecipherable font choices with the overuse of new-gen slang and involuntary text box changes seem to embody that style. The art style is also just really emotive, messy and raw, and I dig that for this project. The plot and characters of this story live in the moment, and don't seem to concern themselves with things like pacing, plot structure, or any kind of proper set up. That being said, it does mean that this story is just a slice-of-life with no real direction or plot movement. I can only assume that the goal of this VN was to eventually get into a romance with the deer with a strong chin, doing a classic "friends to lovers" plot, but since this VN only gets about 1/3rd the way in, I don't really know just how that would've played out.
Some tips that could be used if you finish this VN or go on to make other VNs. Give your characters different color name tags, so even if they are difficult to read with the font, they're still visually distinguishable via just a color. When crafting your narrative, especially with limited time, ya gotta do an outline to figure out which parts of your story are the major moments so can figure out how to get to them. While taking the time to write out the rapid fire conversation between your two characters is great to establish their relationship with each other, you tended to really over-indulge in it, and it became filler basically. While it's cool to have all the text be spoken through the character's voice, when you get to establishing setting and have more overview narration, you should probably have that be written out in a more plain spoken way. Makes it easier for readers and makes the dialog standout more, instead of it all blending together in slang and emojis. Overall, I think this has a great viewpoint and humor, keep working at it and focus a bit more on the fundamentals so your VN will have more meat on it's bones.
'The Album of Ransom Wilkes' is a full on emotional roller coaster of a drama novella and character about a young photographer dealing with the growing pains of figuring out his identity, dealing with the loss of loved ones, and finding the strength of will to continue to find happiness in spite of it. RhettoeRaven was a break out hit in the MayWolf Game Jam, and it's crazy that he's made another game in the following months, and then, creates a side-project of that new VN just for NovemBuck Game Jam. I know that Rhettoe's a fan of the horror genre, so this branching out into just a pure drama is newish territory for him, and the skill that he has is the ability mesh the introspective thoughts of his characters, while also keeping the plot moving and always with a twist and turn. There's always some kind of tension in the scenes, and when the tension finally breaks, there's always a new source of tension ready to rear it's head and keep the reader invested. I haven't read IMG_1697, so I don't have a reference point for this character or what would be in store for them in the original VN, but something that this VN does do is make me even more eager to dig into it (I was being patient for more art assets).
Rhettoe has also been improving on his art, especially stuff like the page banner and the sex scenes. The narrative/plot is a really fun ride, as you're getting chill vibes from holiday visits, to nervous first time gay kiss, to hot gay sex, then righteous indignation, then heartbreaking sorrow, to righteous indignation again, and back into a catharsis with a new found life-line. Characters are great and distinct, though part of me wishes that Elias had a bit more personality, but nothing wrong with having a solid rock of a deer boyfriend who's just a regular guy. In terms of 'plot stuff', I would say that the whole thing of Ransom tripping in front of Patrick to get him and Ryan together was a bit stretching it, maybe something a bit more direct to show Ransom's agency in finally choosing to act and do a good deed. Same with the confrontation with Ransom and his father, considering that Ransom has shown to throw hands and have a bit of a spine. Also, the sort of surrender that Ransom seems to have towards dropping out and breaking up with Elias, felt that was also a bit 'well i guess i'll die' kind of reaction. Just that Ransom feels like he's supposed to be a hardened self-reliant kind of guy, but he does seem to crumble a lot more in the narrative than I assume he normally would. But, these are just minor nitpicks and you've clearly got a character in your mind that you're staying true to, so I can respect it. Overall, a really great entry, highly recommend reading this one even if you've never read the source project
"Defenders of Neon" is full on 80/90s Saturday morning kids show homage, even with all the unusually hunky shirt-window characters and the author's barely disguised fetish. It's the exact kind of show that would inspire extremely lewd art to be made decades into the future and having fans clamor for a reboot. Filled with zinger one-liners, an neon vapor-wave aesthetic, and a cheesy monster of the week with moral lesson at the end formula, this type of story is right up my alley and these guys nailed what they were aiming for. Honestly, there's also some really killer music made for this VN, one of the few times I've gone into listen to the added cassette player to listen to them some more. Some of my favorite details were how you started straight up in the middle of a season, like the way you just randomly catch an episode and have to put together the cast dynamic on the fly. The way the audio would play off the text, throwing in some funny audio jokes in as well. Boost is just so fun for being the 4th wall breaker. All the allusions in the arcade to different video games. Character designs are great, love that we get torso shown in every costume design. The start with the comic style of intro was great. I feel like you could've pushed the innuendo and milked the desperation scenes with Limiter a little bit more, but that's just cause I could tell that the drone-ification and ooze stuff was someone's kink on the team. I think there's like, one line that got repeated but that's a quick typo fix. Might not be to everyone's taste cause it's a just a cartoon show episode, and thus, not particularly complicated or deep, but not everything needs to be. I had a fun time with it and would totally buy the collectors box set.
'Heavy is the Crown' is a tragedy told through the unlikely and mystical meeting of a prince from historical Persia (I hope that's the proper term) and an older immigrant in modern day Denmark. Looking at this dev team, it is STACKED with talent from several of the standout VNs from this year's MayWolf, and coming together to create this piece of art did not disappoint! PinkNarcissus' writing style comes though, especially with his penchant for using mirrors as plot devices, though this time the mirror acts as a window allowing two characters from different times to share a conversation. What is a fantastical set up betrays just how grounded and raw the conversations that these two characters share. The theme is in the title itself, where it's the burden of societal and masculine obligations that will end up crushing those that it is thrust upon who do not want it, but are indoctrinated to take them on. This theme is portrayed beautifully, comparing and contrasting the duty of a prince to marry for his kingdom to a modern man's duty to have a wife and kids. Both these men also having to ignore their hearts desire to be with other men. The tragedy being that despite the older man's plea to change the past with this magic mirror, to save the prince from a fate that he is living, this culture is not something that can be changed by an individual. Thus, the cycle has continued, and despite both men acting in good faith, they are destined to cause pain and be unhappy. Quite a sad story, and very effective at it. The art from PlantBearDanji, ImRikun, Kachayet, and WoundedRoar in this visual novel is SO good, the character sprites are extremely detailed, the background design and color story is great, and the crazy mirror and parallax effects just add to the immersion of this experience. The accessibility features included in this are also extremely helpful and considerate to include. The added definitions for non-English terms and phrases was appreciated (I did have to pull out the google-lens to find out the translation of the term when the mirror was breaking). I can't recommend this visual novel enough, but readers should brace themselves for a lot of heavy emotions and no happy endings here.
'Efforts' is like a fable or some kind of novella about a couple of witches looking for a cat. There's certainly a stylization going on with this visual novel, from the vertical text/paragraph box that's used to focus your attention on either a character in the background or straight on the text based on it's position and how much of a background is visible, which I think it a really cool way of adding in an additional narrative layer from the perspective of the protagonist. It's an interesting way of showing the aloof nature of the main witch and their attitude towards confrontation and conflict. It's kind of a neat portrayal of a motto of 'ignore the haters'. The character designs are also neat with each one showing some world building about this world of magic, requiring a sacrifice of the body to perform it. That being said, the plot is rather light, since it feels like none of the characters really want to be in this story, and with that it's hard for me to really root for any of them. There's some kind of conflict of ideals between pacifism and confrontation, but it just leaves it up to the reader to decide on the best mindset without giving too much evidence to either side. This one would be a hard recommend for others to read, since I think the story is trying to go for a cozy vibe, but it ends up more in the artsy vibe, and what it has to offer is very much like the protagonist, grey.
'Heaven' is a tense and eerie psychological horror with a dash of a family drama story. The presentation is top notch, and it's just goes to show how even with the pre-made sprites and a bunch of common use visual and audio assets can come together to really bring an experience to life. I'd say that's probably one of the great skills I've seen from burlapjoe, just his ability to pull all these assets from different places and put it together in a real cinematic fashion. The story this time around is also way more tight and focused, getting right into this mystery with the main character's mental issue and then catapulting into a religious horror that is visiting your boyfriend's religious parents and all the awkward tension that comes with a culture that preaches love and acceptance on one hand while condemning and shunning with the other. Incorporate a plot element of a long missing brother and weird hallucinations from an old retro game, and then an eerie underlying presence that emerges at the climax before the "to be continued" card, and you have a wildly compelling and crazy immersive visual novel. There's very little to easily critique in this one. There's a little bit of confusion early on when figuring out which one was Theo or Bailey (cause Bailey's sprite really makes you think he's the construction guy), but I caught on eventually. The transitions are great in keeping the pace moving, and cutting off scenes before they drag on too long. Plus, it's weirdly grounded in that all familiar queer storytelling of living in-between accepted and out, and keeping it to yourself to not draw negative attention (the church scene is just so accurate). This one's one of those game jam VNs that you wish the rules could be bent to let it be finished, but it's still a great read in this cut off state. Looking forward to the finished version.
To be fair, I think my play/read time was tripled trying to get to the bonus content (before I went hunting through the files), which I think colored my experience, in that the majority of my brain power went into solving chess puzzles, solving that genealogy puzzle, and looking up "mahjong score calculators" which overwrote most of my experience with the narrative itself. I think I only got like 6/10 of the puzzles in the actual main story and that was enough to progress (was worried that I needed 10/10). The narrative itself really seemed to be all about that world building since there was the history lesson in the first act and then lots of neat *authors notes* when it'd be like "they are not speaking english, this is just an approximation of english that you are reading" to help really sell the environment and setting. The romance(ish) plot of the main guy crushing on the robot deer was cute, but it's also like, 'well, i guess that's it' once you get to the end of it. It is quite funny in a lot of places so I guess this is more of a rom-com than anything. I still had a fun experience (challenge mini-games not withstanding).
'For the Love of Robots' is a straight up puzzle/brain-teaser game. Though, the story around the puzzle game is quite a fascinating practice in world building. It's well thought out and really out of the ordinary in terms of it being "furry visual novel adjacent" (think if it were planet of the apes met the matrix met fallout). The art is really great, the characters are likable, and there's even some fun bonus content where you get a classic visual novel staple of "beat the games, strip the character". That being said, temper your expectations of reading an expansive narrative, the story feels somewhat secondary to showing off how many cool minigames can be programmed into Ren'py. FdRstar once again showing everyone up by pushing the Ren'py engine to it's limits on what kinds of games and puzzles can be coded into the script. The selection of mini-games range from simple captcha's, hangman, a word puzzle, chess puzzles, and a 'calculate the number of points in a mahjong hand' puzzle (which, if you've never played mahjong, good luck). Is it worth it to beat all the challenges to get all the bonus content? Not really, I imagine folks will either go through the files to find the answers to avoid a few hours of tedium. Does the story have a satisfying ending or some greater theme? Also, not really. But, it's a great showcase of amazing art and coding, and I can appreciate it on those terms.
'Shedding' is a cute contemporary slice-of-life episode where cute deer goes on a trip to the mall with some friends. It's also a nice little view into the head of a character who's decided to transition, and the windfall of all the new possibilities and social dynamics that come with it. The characters are all fun to read about, and it's just a pleasant conversational atmosphere that this story brings forth. There's a little bit of drama and conflict that comes from usual friend bickering, but it all works out in the end. The shift between visual novel character text boxes and the paragraph boxes was an interesting touch, though it feels like they were used only cause there was a lot of setting information that needed to be given. It might be more beneficial to use those deliberately, maybe for flashback moments or moments of the main character going through a internal monologue. The story also does front load with a lot of backstory and set up, maybe also consider jumping right into the character interactions and conversation, and using that as a way to convey the main character's backstory. Overall, it does a good job at what it sets out to do.
'Proxima Protocol' is a tense horror thriller where it puts the reader in charge of a life or death situation, and there's no easy way out. The presentation is crazy good with details from the UI and text being reminiscent of old-school computers to all the color story being this creepy green tint in the backgrounds and character sprites. The story is a short vignette, a classic thriller movie set up where you've got characters stuck in a confined space with an unknown entity, and suddenly it's life or death as things hit the fan. You get enough time to get to know the characters just enough to care about trying to save them all, but you're forced to make a tough choice when someone has to make a sacrifice for the others to survive. The details are visceral, the reality is harsh, but it's a really effective way of telling this story. Details are sparse, but that's okay, cause this story focuses on what's important, and that's the interpersonal drama and the internal conflicts within a fight for survival scenario. For what this VN sets out to do, it achieves it very well. Great improvements from the last visual novel this author did for a game jam, and quite a different genre and feel from it too. Lookin' forward to seein' how he does with more character driven plot VNs.
'The Poet's Visual Novel' is a minimalistic and meditative story about the creation, collaboration, and analysis of art, and in this visual novel's case, about visual novels (very meta). By the writer's admission, this is heavily influenced by a director, Hong Sang-soo, and his film 'The Novelist's Film', and while I haven't seen the film, just one look at the trailer on youtube, you can immediately see the stylistic inspiration. The visual novel itself is surprisingly clever in it's repetitive and cyclical nature, softly but persistently beating you over the head on what this visual novel is about. There's almost a dull mundaneness to the entirety of it, though still managing to eek out a dramatic twist at the end, that somehow feels vicious yet completely fair. There's not so subtle allegories and metaphors being portrayed about the process of making art and putting it out to be judged and consumed. There's also a not so subtle reminder that collaboration can be as difficult and cutthroat, no matter what the size or scale of a project. The UI presentation is also really clever as well, especially when you consider themes in the VN, as well as the fact that a custom engine was used to portray the stock Ren'Py default UI. This visual novel has a lot to say, even if at times it comes off as pre-self-justifying. I can admit that it's probably not going to be to everyone's taste or attention span. This one is good for readers that have the patience to sit through some slow dialog and are in a particularly artsy mood to contemplate the nature of interpreting art.
'Channel 8' is a slasher horror vignette, that's a little bit meta and a whole lot of distinct design choices that immerse the reader in the final moments of a 'bad end'. The stark ambiance of the setting being the slightly red glow of the apartment, to the way that little windows pop up like comic panels, the stylization is what stands out in this VN. The dialog is tense, the references are cute, and there's a real dread that you feel while reading it. If you're into horror slashers with a side of cute boys dating, this is a fun and quick read.
'Hermit' is an evocative and sober story about the realities of survival and the paradox of living. The art and music do wonders to convey both the beauty of nature and the haunting isolation one feels when it's a fight for the right to live. While the story is short, the impact is significant. One part coming of age, one part man vs nature, this story portrays a young cat man as he grapples with having to kill to survive, and how he tries to maintain his spirit as he does so. If have a few minutes to spare, take the time to read this lovely short story and enjoy the lovely paintings.
'Conqueror is a fun and hot romp that fulfills the wishes of guys who want to romance the big bad of their favorite video games. This VN is the best kind of "I can fix him" plot lines, with a 'good boy' protagonist and a power hungry adversary with a dark past. The visual novel makes great use of the sprites, and the clever use of sprite animation to show the 'action'. I get a small chuckle every time there's a quick 'some time later' time skip, but it keeps the story moving at a brisk pace and lets us enjoy the developing relationship. I appreciate the complex portrayals of the realities of finding a path of redemption opposed to seeking justice and retribution. Definitely a must read for those that want that 'feel good' type of romance, and are into falling in love with gruff older men.
'High Score Hyrax' is a clever, immersive, and stylized approach to the classic date-sim romance visual novel. The chip-tune sound track compliments the pixel art styled sprites and UI amazingly to create a pretty unique experience, that takes advantage of the visual novel structure of branching conversation paths. The characters are fun and relatable, and the further you get into the first date conversation, the more that's uncovered from each of the character's backstory. Early on the mechanic of 'save-scumming' is incorporated into the narrative itself, which makes for a very strong plot-device as well as just immersing yourself into the role of the protagonist for the story. Highly recommend that everyone try this cute date-sim, as its another banger by chmron.
Small spoilers for more in depth gushing and comments: I was a little bit confused cause I guess I'm good at date-sim conversations since aside from the initial turn-back, I didn't use a coin until the game had to force me to for narrative purposes, so it caught me off guard but also, I could see what it was doing, so I had fun going back and reading all the 'bad end' answers. The plot is also really well woven, with the eventual reveal of finding out your date is actually the online bully and there being multiple endings based on how well the conversation is going. The little score counter in the corner is also a neat mechanic that helps visualize the protagonist's 'confidence' (the best guess I have). Very little notes, I thoroughly enjoyed this.
'3 Days to Live' is a melancholic introspection that blurs the line between furry romance and personal diary that deals with immaturity, wacky scenarios, and unmet expectations. The presentation of visual and audio assets are (once again) amazing quality from Phwog and Red Means Recording doing the art and music. The story itself is very conversational and you can tell it bounces between someone narrating a video essay and a casual discord call, a style identifiable to Boring Keith and Kah. The characters are all distinct and fully realized, and the expressions that Phwog can emote from the sprites is just the icing on top. For folks that are looking for a few good chuckles, some great character expressions, and the urge of self-reflection, this is worth a read through.
Since this ain't a competition (and this is an fresh reaction), don't read on if you don't want to be spoiled or care about unwarranted critique. I think it's a nice structure to have '3 days to live' coincide with the number of hookups that happened, but I have to admit, the reluctance of committing towards a full on sex scene during any of them leaves me wanting. Having the action get cut off before each one arbitrarily is certainly a chaste choice (seeing the cap flag right at the elevator/the big guy falling asleep right before action/the miscommunication with the nice guy/horse guy is just a dream). One aspect that I'd like to applaud is writing a flawed protagonist that's deceptively portrayed with a victim complex. It'd be easy, especially with so many internal thoughts, to have him as 'just a nice guy down on his luck', but there's subtle indicators that he's just as superficial and judgemental as those he looks down upon. Examples include how he's a sucker for big men and will excuse so much for it and the projection of the 'pity fuck', where it's obvious that he thought he was the one doing the pitying, not the one being pitied. Really good job in striking that balance. That being said, it's a shame that he doesn't really grow or have an arc as a character. With so many lulls in the story that are just the explanations and color commentary on common fur-con staples, to have the narrative payoffs be angst and self-pity is a bit of a let down (I would've even taken a fade-to-black). There's certainly a view point of this story being more educational/informational, especially with the 'gay-history-lesson' section, proper bottoming prep, and possibly a cautionary tale towards high expectations around dating and hook up culture. However, from a pure entertainment point of view, at the end of reading this, I'm left with a sense of low spirits and ambiguity. If this was the aim of the story, then it achieves it. My takeaway is that with such a wealth of creative and quality resources at this team's disposal, it intrigues me that this is the type of story that they wanted to pour time and effort into, and release out into the world.
'Buck Naked' is an charming introspection of the value of conformity and finding a place to belong, all within an silly premise of a society of nudism. Some of my favorite bits of writing in this visual novel were the combo of background images to the descriptors of walking through them, as that really was a great moment of immersion. The sex-scenes and the main-plot flowed well between each other, as the main character's condition was kept consistent through both. The bits of sprite movement to simulate characters walking about, or just hiding off screen were cute touches. I found the VN to be satisfying, as the silly premise that had been shown gets explored through different characters and viewpoints.