"Wild Antler FM" is a meet cute romance featuring a young strapping moose and an old grizzled pine martin, that definitely goes into the steamy category. The appeal of this one is straight up hot large older guys with a lot of body fur. From that aspect, I think this visual novel achieves what it wants, and that's to set up some hot scenes with bulky men and have some really good CG art to accompany it. It's a quaint set up that doesn't challenge the reader too much, and there's only a hint of friction that makes it tough for these two to meet. The conversation between the two of them is entertaining enough, where they both get to geek out about computer stuffs, before getting naked and enjoying each other's bodies. The art for the CGs is really nice, and I will compliment the way that multiple artists were able to all stay consistent between sprites and CGs. As for the criticisms, it feels like the whole background of the park ranger for Rene was largely underutilized or even irrelevant. There's a few too many lucky coincidences for this narrative, like randomly finding Martin two times in a random town Rene went on vacation, the hitch-hiker lady also being an expert computer tech, or finding a yard sale/farmers market that had so many vintage computer stuff. I feel like Rene as a character wasn't explored too much, which might be to make him a blank slate character to self-insert into (also how is he 24 with that sprite art). It also ends rather suddenly after the final sex scene, would've been nice to have some kind of tying up after the climax. Overall, I think it's a hot set up and story, and let's hear it for the hot old man representation.
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"Mundilactes" is a dreary, haunting, weirdly supernatural/sci-fi horror choose your own adventure game. The art work is beautifully done, especially that opening sequence with the black substance taking the form of a deer. I think the presentation is extremely well done, especially with the vertical text box mixed with the icons for the different characters speaking. I don't think there was much sound/audio design, but I get that, the focus was on the experience. The plot itself is reminding me of a little bit of alien, mixed with fallout. The way that there's this contained society in a human-like space ship/facility, but with all the humans gone and so it's just these goop creatures that take the form of animals and crafted a society that involves venturing out into the rest of the facility to gather supplies as the doors operate on a timer lock. It's such a well crafted world that I have to give props to it. The adventure and plot aspect were okay, since while there's some neat revelations and twists that happen, in the end, there really isn't much concrete truths that we end up learning, and there's a lot left to try and read between the lines with. I do think it's a bold choice that you can actively choose to have your main character die and the narrative will continue without them, though I do wish that there were more of a character arc that could've been given to them. Like, they're a meek cowardly character, and even if you try to pick choices that would make them try to be bolder, that's what ends up getting them killed, so it's like everyone is static in this narrative. It's also kind of a shame that so much time is spent setting up the world, that it resolves so soon after the big encounter with the 'monster'. In an expected story structure, the low point is where the characters have a change of heart so they can have their comeback, but instead this one just ends at the low point. I suppose that's the effect that was being going for, this sort of dreary depressing vibe where they're just postponing the inevitable. Overall, really haunting experience, lots of fun with the branching pathways, and a neat world building, kind of wish I could say the same for the characters.
"More than just Gold" is a fun treasure hunting action thrill ride. This one is definitely giving action flick vibes along the lines of Indiana Jones, Uncharted, and 007, but with an interesting twist of just casually throwing in some magic powers just for the heck of it. The plot and action sequences with the main buck character Vincent were really well done and paced. He's got this rugged every-man treasure hunter vibe that makes you want to root for him and his 'noble thief' motivation. This is contrasted with, what I want to describe as the "manic pixie dream fox-boy" character that is Sep, and his aloof and carefree nature. I think it's interesting to have the majority of the POV be from Sep, in this way, because I really dislike his characterization. The pacing immediately stops and this becomes almost a psychological thriller, but from the killer's point of view. He comes across as misunderstanding normal societal conventions at first, but then it's revealed that he actually deeply understands these conventions, he just doesn't care about them, which leads me to think he's got a cognitive dissonance about his own actions and thoughts. While I think that it's fine that a character like that exists, the story is appears to be trying to paint Sep as the 'good guy' while all this is happening, thus the narrative starts to fight with itself on just what kind of tone it should have. The plot itself is also not complete, so maybe this was all in service of providing an arc for Sep to have? At least I should hope so and its not just some kind of power fantasy character. The inclusion of magic into the plot also feels weird when there's text in-story about how power-dynamic changing the concept of magic is, yet the story is willing to make that leap into the absurd. All that being said, the plot is easily followed, characters are distinct, and the presentation is serviceable, with enough new art pieces and sprites to become immersed into the story. The slight change in how you can respond in the plot is a nice touch, especially for a linear novel. Though, I hope that the rest of the novel is able to figure out what kind of tone and thematic through-line it wants to portray, whether it just wants to be a light-hearted adventure flick, or a more character driven introspective thriller.
"Bucks to the Demon" is a good old fashioned smut simulator. I've got a soft spot for this type of game. There are some minor game mechanics like managing money and resources, collecting underwear, and playing rock paper scissors, and a contrived set up to justify all the different and varied sex scenes. It's a nice way to get invested into the story and feel a bit immersed. That being said, it's a really contrived set up with clashing themes and tone. It starts out with a witchy horror type vibe, then goes into classic gay fantasy tropes like the gay bar and gym locker room scenes, only to come back with a surprising twist ending reveal. I can't tell what genre this is trying to be, whether it wants to be seen as a comedy, horror, or erotica. The writing itself is serviceable and the scenes are hot in theory, but there's quite a bit of overused cliche phrasing and one too many funny terms for sex parts. The game can get a little bit broken, as if you click 'work', you can just keep getting money as the number of days dips into the negative. I think there's also a disconnect, since the story says the reader only has 2 weeks to get the ritual, but the game just gives you 5 days. While I'm glad there's some pretty CGs for the sex scenes, there's a surprising lack of other visuals in the game, like sprites or backgrounds, especially since it seems like you've modeled the characters after the community sprites in the CGs, so it would be easy to incorporate them into the conversation bits. The smut is indulgent (good), but the framing of those smut scenes is lacking. I'm not sure about the choice of making the 'bad ends' be the ones that reward the player with smut art, it's makes the overall story just a bit too disjointed. The money mechanic was also a weird game play choice, as it felt arbitrary for how much money it would take to buy the needed underwear for the 'true ending'. I'd suggest either matching the story to the game mechanic choices, or having the mechanic choices fit the story. Like, if you were trying to 'steal' underwear, an idea would be to steal one from each of the coven members and each section act as a 'pick the right path' type of plot maze. Just an example for how to think about smut games you might make in the future. Overall, it's a good effort, and remember you can always find ways to polish up your final product.
"Stuck in November" is a mystery tragedy wrapped up in a bit of amnesia ribbon. The neatest part of this visual novel is the art style, it's really good at evoking this haunting aesthetic. This story feels like one part mystery thriller, and one part self-fulfillment revenge fantasy, and one part saccharine catharsis fantasy, two extremes on a scale. As for the mystery thriller, I think that the structure and framing of the story is what hindered it the most. Starting off with the knowledge that the cop was the missing person's boyfriend, lessens the impact of his true motivations and in a roundabout way, undermines the story's own mystery. The memory loss reveal feels like more of an contrivance that also seems to go against the premeditation of it all. I feel like the framing of the mystery would've benefited without the knowledge of who the cop's true identity until the choice itself, when it really starts to take on a meaningful color to the cop's motivation. That being said, the two choices at the end lead to very extreme self-fulfillment fantasies. Personally, I found that the 'Pathetic' route made more sense in the grand scheme of things, as trying to create sympathy for the 'villain' in the final hour doesn't really land well. That being said, it's a well executed visual novel, with a lot of polish that went into it from the backgrounds to the sprite art, and the use of menus to indicate anxiety. Try to be a bit more mindful of your plot structure in future projects, cause it feels like all the pieces are there, they're just not in a very effective order.
"Let Lie" is a romantic horror, if that makes sense. It takes the question of 'Can robot's feel love', and brings it to a thrilling and suspenseful plot. The art direction is really stark and distinct. The gray-scale with bright orange accents really evokes this almost noir style. The contrast of this cold unfeeling setting with the warm glow of the expressionistic screen is ironic in it's ultimate use in the story. The story itself is actually quite intriguing. It leaves a lot to be read in between the lines and really makes the reader work for it. Something about over-reliance on technology to substitute for living connection. That being said, it gets a bit too difficult to parse, even in the opening poem of the novel, and it seems to get a little bit too ruminating as we seem to consistently circle back to Mal thinking the same thoughts, but never quite expanding upon them. I also don't get the ending. I'm guessing that this is overall a tragedy and the robots and their corporate overlords win? Mal decides that he's lived a lie and then it just ends? I think this is just a personal values thing where I don't understand creative decisions to have a story with an ambiguous ending without resolution. It'd be like if I finished my comment going "Overall, this visual novel-
"Mirrors" is a supernatural horror story, a classic ghost haunting. The thing that this reminded me closest to is like a Doctor Who episode. A colorful cast of diverse characters, dealing with a power greater than them, reality ceasing to make sense, and getting picked off one by one as hope is extinguished. A pretty good experience for those that are into watching and enjoying tragedy, the first chase sequence with Vic actually got me pretty good, the tension was really well placed with the audio stings. I will say, that the lack of agency that the characters had, and once the revelation that the characters had no chance, it became just morbid curiosity as to how the characters are done in. Its a little disappointing that there wasn't more to the ghost than what was presented, I was hoping it would be like a metaphor for something. By the end of the story, it was hard to continue caring about the characters when the horror is a bit too surface level and isn't all that fun. Like, what makes this kind of horror story fun is at least an illusion of being able to fight back, but this story just avoids any of that in the second act, preferring to indulge in the depressing tragedy of it all. The shift in chapters to the different points of view made it easy to follow who is experiencing what, but only so far as a third person perspective, as even when we get into their head spaces, there's hardly much revealed from it to add to the story. Overall, I think that there's the horror chops in here to make an effective scary experience, but it needs a bit more thought put into the character arcs to give it a bit more depth.
"Gravekeeper" is an action thriller visual novel, with a neat take on a supernatural plot. This one's got several fun details and ideas that play out like an episodic television series. I really enjoy how well the world building was done, the subtle mystery as to why this guy woke up dead in a morgue, the way the names changed from the protagonist's POV, the harsh attitude given to the protagonist from biased characters, only for said fears to be valid (even if they weren't justified). The action writing is also really good, I had an easy time following the movements and the descriptions kept the intensity. This is a really successful use of the provided sprites, the choice of having the smaller deer boy being an action hero is quite the fun visual. I didn't finish reading past the point of running out of visuals, because I think you did a really good job of crafting those visuals to enhance the action beats of the story, and I wouldn't want to rob the experience of the second half of the story with out them. That being said, I do wonder if there was going to be more of an overarching story plot, or if these were just going to be 'monster-of-the-job' episodes. The only negative criticism I want to voice is to consider your game's title. I get not wanting to give away a twist in the title, but also, for a premise as cool as this one, you should indulge in having the title reflect it. "Gravekeeper" is a bit mundane, maybe something cool sounding like "Wraith Hunter" or "Black Ashes". Either way, checking your profile, this looks to be your first VN project, and it's a really good showing, especially for a solo dev. I'm sure with this experience, you've built some skills in programming and time management to get to the finish line in better shape. I hope that you continue to update this project to let it get finished, and that you keep participating in these game jams.
"Home" is an impressive feat of coding and programming, a proof of concept for a VN in a game boy. It's really on theme for this NovemBuck with the whole "retro-tech" thing, which is to actively create a VN that you'd play on a game boy. I'm in no position to judge the quality of the programming, since it's functional, and there's a charming simplicity to it, in the form of the pixel graphics and dither shading. I do feel like the text moved a little bit too slow, and with no menu, it just auto plays with scenes advancing via a button press. The demo horror story is also really cute, reading out like a classic creepy pasta that gets passed around on forums of old. While I don't feel like this is going to spur a wave of copycat game-boy visual novels, it's still a really neat project, and I give ya props for completing it.
"Drowned" is what I would describe as an unnerving horror short story. Like most horror stories, when reading it the first time, not everything is as it seems, and there's going to be twists and turns until you find out what the metaphor for the story was all along. I'm starting to find that it's a matter of preference and taste on whether a visual novel should answer all the questions it presents, or if it's better to allow the reader to do the heavy lifting, and this is a story where I feel it leans more towards the latter. My impression is that this is one of those 'metaphorical mind palaces' that happen right before a character is about to die (or is dead), a way for the character to unpack any thoughts and traumas before either surviving or dying. And unpack traumas is what this main character did. Whether the drama unfolding based around high school teenage gay melodrama was substantial enough to warrant such a plot or conflict, is going to be up to personal taste again. Personally, I felt like the drama and guilt that the main character felt wasn't fully explored enough, though I wonder if that leads back to having the reader fill in the blanks. That being said, that might be on purpose for there to be multiple interpretations. The one room design of the art and the perspective backgrounds/doors are really well made and surprisingly detailed, that's the strongest suit of this visual novel. Overall, very unnerving visual novel, and I think that's what you were going for, so I think you got what you were setting out to do.
"In Memoraiam" is a spacey science thriller drama story. I've currently read the game jam version, just for authenticity's sake and I found the experience to be really chilly and immersive. It's one of those 'stranded in space' plots, with a mystery element, missing memories and an unexplained death. The art is really well done, especially for all the backgrounds, the sprites, and the CGs. The music is mysterious and haunting, and while I got chills I never felt too overwhelmed by dread. The characters all have really well defined voices, and there's enough science jargon and explanation to make it feel more grounded. The mystery presented is also really well done, cause just enough information is given to string along multiple theories, and as new details are uncovered, more of what may have happened comes into focus. Leaving the game jam on a really stark cliff hanger is also probably the best way to leave a game-jam intro plot, cause it definitely leaves me wanting to check back in for updates. At first, I thought some of the jank of the VN might've been mistakes, but then after reading more, I'm starting to think they're on purpose, like, going from a the different POVs, from the 1st into the 2nd for the dream sequence, maybe to even hide some more details in revelations down the line. Overall, I found this to be a really gripping plot, even though it takes it's time in setting up the setting and getting a little bit too indulgent in explaining how the ship is run. Extremely solid preview/demo/first chapter entry, look forward to seeing it finished.
"Ventral" is a horror drama novel intro that seems to maybe be a little bit meta. This is an cute start to a horror visual novel, and not one that I see much of. Instead of going for the spooky monster route, it's going for more of a liminal corporate space aesthetic, kind of giving me Severance vibes. It does a good job of giving an interesting hook once it finally starts getting going, the idea of developing a game in competition with other teams in order to survive an uncaring monolith of a company. There's a funny detail in just straight up turning into furry people, which I don't hate, since it's a fun fantasy wish fulfillment type of thing, but perhaps with some plot relevance down the line. It does take a while to actually get to the meat of the story, the entire set up of morning routine and breakfast is largely filler and you could've started right in front of the company building. I also wonder if this game is a bit of a meta-commentary about making games for a game jam, the whole idea of making games and having them compete for rewards. The sprite art is really cute, so I'm giving props for that. Overall, this a really nice intro that unfortunately had to contend with a time limit of the game jam, so there's not a way to see what the full vision would have been. Something that I had to learn quick is that writing the script for a visual novel is one of the top priorities if you want to get it done by the deadline, this'll give you experience for your next game jam.
"Nepenthes" is a horror story. This one is interesting one to review/comment on, because while I can acknowledge the artistry that went into the craft of this visual novel and the aesthetic and vibes that this creates are what I'm sure the author was going for, I'm left... disappointed. There was an mystery element, the unveiling of details, a goal that is set out and a main character who's inner thoughts are explored, plus all the obvious art choices that hint at what's really going on, and it all should've come together into some kind of... point?
My assumption is the point is the fascination and voyeuristic nature of this work to watch the unraveling of a character and their ultimate succumbing to powers greater than themselves. The main character is rather bland, so it makes sense that it's okay he's just another numbered victim to be ritualistically consumed by the antagonist/reader, but the antagonist is also fairly bland as well, unable to decide if it wants to be a force of nature or a mustache twirling mastermind villain. There's not much wit or cleverness in the plot mechanics, just a straight forward "you inhaled the mind altering spores". From a philosophical standpoint, there's hardly any back and forth about the nature of hunger as it relates to love and connection, and it's more that the main character just gets manipulated and coerced into being consumed. As pointed out in the text, there's only an illusion of agency for the protagonist, so this reads like it was always just a slow walk over the edge of the cliff. So, I can only assume that this type of story is for the type of reader who would take pleasure in a particular type of snuff fetishism.
I can at least say that this accomplishes what it set out to make. The scene transitions and the art reveals were really cool. This is a well made niche story, but it's not doing anything beyond that, nor do I see it bringing in any new fans to this particular fetish.
"Down the River's Edge" is full on western gay romance in one of the most complete delivery packages of a full experience. Every aspect of this presentation had been thought through, from the audio and music choices, all the custom artwork, the sprites, the UI, and even all the mixed media from the looped animations to a straight up cinematic ending, with classic western duel shoot out and everything. There were a lot of artists on this team, so I also give props for being able manage such a large team and handling all the coordination between them.
This is an amazing presentation, but the art, sprite, animations, and music are doing a lot of heavy lifting for this story. In fact, with the way that it was presented, the story had a mystery and intrigue to it (spoilers coming up). I really dug the format of doing the present day with flashbacks to get the bigger picture. It was really great to keep uncovering more facets of the characters and their relationships. Finding out just how passionate the two men were, followed by discovering why Javi pulled the gun, and learning why he'd be justified in pulling the trigger. I could feel the emotion coming through the story, from love and lust to betrayal and revenge. Unfortunately you lost me at the end. I'm all for happy endings, but it feels like there's a scene missing somewhere to help the reader understand why Javi would choose the forgiveness over vengeance (the dick was just that good). It's a western, so none of the characters are particularly saintly, but Nate gets little to no comeuppance for any of his actions while Javi has literally done all the suffering, so it doesn't feel like this happy ending is earned for the two of em together.
It feels like the story was headed in one direction, but the author knew what he wanted the ending to be, so there's a disconnect with the plot and the ending. Like for example, it's like you wanted a shootout duel at the end, even though there's no reason for the marshal to even humor the idea of doing a duel, or that Javi would even just not jump and run away. Also, in a western, the duel is supposed to be the ultimate clashing of values and ideology, where the winner is the one with the stronger/right values. I'm guessing the clash of values is love vs justice? Yet Javi loses the duel, but it's a fake out and still gets the happy ending? It just feels like the ending was for a different story with a different set of characters. It's quite unfortunate, because for how well the story laid out it's plot, I don't think it stuck the landing and that's going to affect how folks remember it.
"In the Pursuit of Something Greater" is another strange dream-like impossible world that explores life though fantastical circumstances. This is another crazy project by StrawberryNoodles. I feel like this is one of those times where context and knowledge behind the team's previous projects are going to inform just how this visual novel is received. My impression of the type of story this team makes is one where things are never as they seem, the world building is dream-like and doesn't follow conventional reality rules, you come to understand how the world works and you never really understand why, because it's not important. Super steeped in metaphor, you can try to read it straight up, but it really challenges the reader to figure out the hidden narrative. The previous project was more about fae-fantasy, while this one is a take on post-apocalyptic cyberpunk.
The plot presents itself a high-brow exploration of the nature of life and death, a desire for freedom and purpose, and maybe something about the duty of the individual in a greater society. There's some really cool visual spectacle and fantastical scene aesthetics. However, the prose, while evocative, is definitely hard to relate to and comprehend. The plot tries to operate on many different layers of interpretation, but I feel like in doing so, it loses focus on what it's thesis statement it's trying to convey. Forgive me for saying, but it almost comes across as putting the onus on the reader to place their own meaning or interpretation, as it tries it's best to make 'show don't tell' an absolute.
This is a really cool read. I love the presentation of it all, from the UI elements, to the weird audio choices, and the haunting imagery. I don't think the experience was as well done as their previous work, but I think they were trying something new, and really stretching the style that they like to write in. It gets a little bit too lost in it's own sauce. It's an enigma this one.
"Velvet Lost" is a short novella that deals with the anxieties and fears of fatherhood mixed with the anxieties and fears of being a trans-man. This visual novel takes an interesting structure of having the scenes be of conversations of the soon to be father, with his pregnant wife, and the fears and insecurities that follow with it, and then doing flash backs to the father's own lived experiences to show the source of those fears and anxieties. I'm not sure if the plot does a good job of showing the 'proper' way to handle such anxieties, but it definitely shows what I think is an 'authentic' response, one that's not entirely understanding nor sympathetic to the lived experiences of being trans. Luckily the ending is a happy one with conflicts resolved, even if it does happen to rush to that ending. The art is charming, even in its sketchy state. There's the chops here to really push for a longer form of a story, so I hope that you take that challenge and push yourself in your next project to let the scenes breathe and allow the reader to get immersed in the story.
"Tune Into You" is a bit of a meet-cute/coffee shop/late night radio mini-drama that takes an unexpected twist into a puzzle game. I admire the attempt and programing a game within a visual novel, even with the added minigames like adjusting the dials on a radio broadcasting station. The game itself, to be blunt, is unintuitive, clunky, and I think just a tiny bit buggy. The aesthetic is great, I love the cute pixel characters and style. The plot itself is one of those friendship dramas, something about reconciling a misunderstanding between the two characters. That being said, it's very non-descript in it's text. I think place holder text like 'Place, Town' are kept in, and the actual meat of the conflict between the two characters aren't ever delved into. It's also very straight forward and simple, but I also really dug the natural conversation between these two. A tip would be to do some kind of scene fade transition when going between the two character's viewpoints.
That being said, something that I think you should really pat yourself on the back for, is how good you are at setting a vibe. I felt like I was in for a treat when it started up being this forlorn longing between a radio listener and the DJ playing the tunes. The few descriptions that you had for setting up this intimate, yet far apart, relationship had me really enticed for whatever kind of story or plot you could've developed for these two characters. While I appreciate your striving to make a game-game within these VNs, I think you have the beginnings of developing and writing more than just a 'serviceable' framework for your game programs. I'm curious as to how a proper narrative coming from you would play out, without the clunkiness of the game gatekeeping the narrative. While I wouldn't want to discourage you from trying to add in some kind of 'game' element to your projects, try to make sure that the game and the story are working with each other, and not in spite of and separate from each other.
"Limelight" is a parody/homage/satire take at a classic whodunit/slasher thriller story. It's both self-aware and self-referential, yet the writing comes through as either the author hates this type of genre or is a sadist and wishes to subject readers to this story. As for positives, I think the sprites are quite attractive, though I'm surprised at the lack of variation in expressions for the characters that do exist, and the lack of sprites for characters that exist in text only. It's especially heinous since the plot loses track of how many characters there are and which characters get killed when (especially since this seems to be a first person POV and the protag is a very unreliable narrator). Even just using the provided sprites from the jam could've helped to help keep track of who is who for the named characters even with the clashing art styles from the artist (who I guess either didn't have enough time to make enough sprites for all the characters or was only commissioned for a set amount of sprites). The UI is nice enough with the film and movie theme, but some of the text boxes were long and got covered up by the menu on the bottom as well.
The writing itself is rather sloppy. Points of view changing mid-scene and getting internal monologues from the victims for apparently no other reason than to pull on heartstrings. Maybe it was a grander sense of irony being put on display. The characters aren't particularly likeable, on purpose I assume, but to what that purpose is, I don't know. 'Contrived' is the word that I would best describe how the plot plays out. When they're confronted with the killer with a knife and outnumber them, no one fights back. The plot completely forgets about the baseball team that was there in the theater at some point. I think hiding the missing body might've also been a weird oversight in logistics. The whole 'putting on the scream mask costume' also feels sloppily done (as there's usually an accomplice in these plots to help throw off the reader). Even the ending doesn't feel particularly cathartic or earned, unless the point is to get the reader to wish that the protagonist lose for how unlikable he is.
I think the hardest thing about this visual novel for me was understanding the intention and goal of the author. It's not nearly funny enough to be a full on parody, the kills aren't particularly clever or interesting enough to be a homage, and the "meta-ness" of the plot isn't subversive enough to be a satire. If this was supposed to be a comedy, then you should've really pushed more jokes and made the cast even stupider. If this was supposed to be a homage, then you could've added more spectacle to the plot (more creative kills that aren't just 'knife in the back' or 'gunshot'). If you wanted this to be more satire, then there needed to be some kind of thematic through-line through the killer's motivation that wasn't /spoilers/ "I'm in love with you" (especially when the protagonist doesn't have any redeeming qualities). Basically, this visual novel needed way more time to cook. I applaud the effort that was put into this, and I think there's some sincerity in the motivation to make this game, but it feels like the author has a personal grudge against me, the reader.
"Deer Diary" is an adorable and upbeat slice-of-life story about self-discovery and finding your place in a group. The first thing that really jumps out at you is the production and art quality. The storybook cartoon aesthetic is bright and cheerful, and all the sprites are expressive and adorable. Stuff like UI, logo, and text box really give it that innocent and youthful feel to it. I wasn't expecting the voice acting, which was a welcome surprise. The lines that were chosen to be voiced seem a little bit random, but it's great at giving some 'character' to the different characters. The writing is also just a nice tight sitcom length script, doing double duty of introducing all these cute characters and still having a simple plot of solving a crisis at the campgrounds where they work. There's light hints at romance, but nothing that would trigger any higher age ratings over general audiences which fits the overall vibe. What's nice about this VN plot is that I think it's something that young adults are going to easily relate to, the feeling of starting a new job and being extremely unsure of yourself and putting your coworkers on pedestals, only to realize that you are also capable of being a contributing member of the team. There's something familiar with navigating the social dynamics, about what is and isn't acceptable things to talk about in the workplace, and adjusting yourself to fit in with the culture. Overall, this is a really nice and sweet little package of a slice-of-life story, great as a palate cleanser from all the dark and heavy drama/horror VNs that seem to be very popular in these kinds of game jams. I'm a big fan!
"Philomot" is an atmospheric and haunting introduction into a wider tale that foreshadows mystery, tragedy and perhaps some fantasy elements. What really pops out with this demo build is just how good the atmosphere is established. Breathtaking background and sprite art, every scene is a painting. The audio design helps immerse the reader into this decidedly Victorian(?) regency aesthetic. The plot is serviceable in jumping right into the world with the classic 'taking shelter in a mansion from a storm in the woods' set up, but the writing hints that not all is as it seems to be. The Lord of the mansion being your typical aristocrat but with a heart for charity, but then straight up scenes of him having a darker side. As it's just a demo, you don't get too invested in the characters as there's hardly a lot of time to spend with them other than their brief introductions and the sudden shifts to memories and flashbacks. There's work to be done on the writing, I noticed that Jacques' name is brought up in the narration before he's properly introduced. I'm sure that with more builds and seeing how the story unfolds, you'll likely go back and adjust the order of scenes and what information is given so easily. Overall, it's a wonderful setting and the presentation is amazing, in the future builds, I'm sure that more time will be spent becoming familiar with all the character's introduced and hooking the reader into caring about these characters and the plot.
Always enjoy reading these responses to comments and feedback, cause it's a nice way to better get into the mind of the author, especially around the 'issues' that were brought up. I see you there with 'magic bureaucracy is neat' feelings, and it's interesting to find out that it's inclusion was artistically intentional and one of the things you found compelling because it gets skipped over so much in the story (that's why I thought it was just a plot device). It's one of those things that Erin doesn't bring up or talk about (likely cause he's not that much of a sharer), but indulging in a 'day at work' for Erin, or had some kind of internal monologue showing how the work affects him (especially since he's the POV) would smooth out that awkward jump of realism into fantasy. Maybe adding in a few more contemporary magical elements could also bridge that gap.
Still, glad to hear you're willing to stand up for your creative decisions! Lots of readers often have 'I want you to change this for my taste' type of comment, so it's tough to find the critique that's there to better communicate your story, and not just pandering to make the audience happy.
'Headlights' is a somber introspective musings on the difficulties of dealing with one's personal demons. The most stand out aspect of this visual novel is the aesthetic and style of the art. It's extremely contrasty, with just black, whites, and grays. The character design is simple yet extremely expressive, and adding in those bits of animation and screen flashes with the static, just helps immerse the reader into the mind of this character. The interesting part about the story is how interesting I felt as more and more details of this character are unveiled. I start to wonder if first this character might be homeless or from the verge of death, then I wonder if they're estranged from their family, since it paints such a bleak picture, but then when the reveal comes that it's actually not all that dire, but the internal demons are what's causing this breakdown is an enlightening moment. I will say it does feel odd that the game goes into a bit of a psychological horror, when it's meant to be pretty grounded in reality, but I guess it's going for a metaphor kind of thing. I think the piece has enough stylization that it could exist as just the self narration in the character's head without the more fantastical objects, but that's just subjective. It's short and personal, and is also very open-ended, to the point where it comes across more as a vent piece about spiraling. I hope that folks that come across this piece and can relate feel a bit validated knowing they're not alone.
'Broken and Mended' is a short drama/cute story about coming out to your friends and having those feelings be reciprocated. It's a quaint little visual novel that does a lot of things right for the foundations of a visual novel. It has custom made sprites, it has music, and the writing also includes branching paths and choices for the reader to make that affect how the scenes play out. The characters are cute and each have some distinct voices, and it's neat to have a main character with a bit of backbone, and it does take an different angle of being the straight best friend that wants to go gay for the friend who came out of the closet. Maybe that might've been another choice you could've added on whether the main character returns the feelings or is just supportive. As a tip for future stories you pen, try to give the main character a goal or obstacle that he has to overcome, and that'll give your characters more to do, since in this one, it feels like the main conflict was between the main character and his dad on the phone, and the subsequent drama is largely self-inflicted. Having a character with a temper is a great way to insert some tension and conflict into the story. Overall, it's a solid entry into the game jam, and you can push yourself to do a bit more on the next go around.
'MR BIG' is a crazy wild ride, a unlikely fusion of erotica and body horror, where both genres support the other. Everything in this visual novel is really stylized, and I really dug the mash up of the photos to craft the sprites, it gives that vaporwave cover aesthetic while also allowing the body horror to be just a little bit more palatable for those that aren't into the full graphical fantasy. Also, this is surprisingly graphic, but in a really good way. The sex scenes are really well paced and the descriptions are both arousing and terrifying at the same time, I really dug them. The narrative and mystery that's in this visual novel is also really good too. There's the mystery of how Carter actually got so 'big', and peppering in all the subtle hints that you go back and point out is just really fun. The effect of changing up the text box when the deciphering the mystery was really effective use of the medium. I dig how you set up a few red herrings as well. There's also quite a lot of themes explored in this story, the overt ones like weighing the pros and cons of traditional masculinity and exploring the toxic elements of it. Even the subtle ones like Raleigh exploring non-conforming gender roles, I thought were really well done.
The few issues I have with the story are stuff like text box speed, where because of some stuttering I'd accidentally click ahead so I'd have to rewind to read what I missed. There's also the clunkiness of the view point switches, since I think that while Hartland is the main character for the majority of the story, I would get disoriented since Carter becomes the POV seemingly randomly or mid-conversation, especially in the opening sequence. Lastly, I think I got a bit confused at the mechanics of the dick growing 'mechanism' and how they were supposed to function in conjunction with the hypnosis tape. Like, is the 'mechanism' always attached, or is it only on some of the time, does he secretly have it on and if so, what is up with those times that he's in pain but there's no evidence of it there? Hartland's blackouts are also a bit too convenient for horror's sake, but I get that the story needed the convenience for the climatic reveal at the end. Overall, this is a really cool story, and I'm impressed with the concept and managing to get it almost to that tight script level (could tell that that time limit really kept ya from taking that one or two more passes). Still, amazing showing, I think you exceeded what you set out do to, looking forward to more from ya.
'Hiræth' is a short story about the sorrows of a break up. It does a great job of creating a cold and sad atmosphere, the literal weather reflecting on how bad a break up became, the use of dark and moody backgrounds, and the gentle acoustic guitar music. The two characters feel like realistic portrayals of immature adults who are still developing their emotional intelligence, so, as the story reads out like a train wreck happening in slow motion, I couldn't look away. While they act like real characters, it's hard to get a grasp for who the characters are, as both are kinda just generic young adult gay dudes and no distinct personality traits beyond that. The drama itself is unusually melodramatic, since what is presented is the aftermath of a shouting match between the two characters, and it's left up to the reader to fill in the blanks themselves for just how bad it must have been for a 5 year relationship to fall apart. There's also a big emphasis on the title of the piece which is a longing for the past, yet, the reader is left to fill in the blank of what the past is between these two. Small reminiscing at several points in the story could've helped to understand what the characters were longing for, or even during the weekend town tour to see how the two might've acted before the titular fight, and why one side doesn't see the worth in keeping it. Overall, it's a solid piece of work, with lots of care and artistry put in it, but a scope that feels like it should've been pushed a little bit more.
It's kinda funny that you mention the ending choice in 2nd Shift, cause as I digested this story more, the more I thought that if the story had set it up that you choose at the final moment which direction to start walking, that would've actually really worked well. Something not having the family fight prior to driving off and having it so Redmond calls both Grace and Jacob to pick him up and neither one coming, thus leaving it even more ambiguous which direction to go. Its interesting that you mention paranormal bits, cause I didn't pick up on those at all, I was experiencing them in a sort of 'liminal space atmosphere metaphor' kind of way, so if there was any intention of the space actually being paranormal, that went right over my head. I feel ya on the time constraint thing but this is still really well crafted and love the angle you were going for (Redmond and his little cap with antler holes is probably my favorite deer this game jam).
'Sex Witch No-Gno' is a short 'n hot erotica piece that features a few surprises in the sexy parts. What's the term, 'monsterfucker'? I think that's what this erotica's is aiming for as its target audience. There a bit of bisexuality in here as well, which is a fun flavor. I want to say that for a lust-interest, Barry is really well designed and adorable. He's got that nervous cute vibe, and the sprite art really appeals in making him both adorable and terrifyingly massive once the twist comes. The characters all have very nice voices. The twist being that this is a universe where transformation magic is a thing, and the timid deer guy has a were-gnoll side to him that comes out when he's hot and bothered. I enjoyed the casual flirting in the early part, and the sex scenes were fun and arousing as well. There's a bit of cleaning up in some of the writing to be done and I think you could've played around a bit more with movement animations in the three-way scene to make up for a lack of a CG. I kind of wish there was a bit more of a set up for the main character and her 'witch' aspect, since it didn't really seem to play that much of a factor in the story. I also wish that there was at least one more scene afterwards to have some resolution between the characters, since they were having such nice chemistry. But, I think it sets out what it aims to do, which is to provide a nice bite-sized piece of action with some very nice visuals.
'Crystal Lights/Lonely Highways' is a hot and steamy romance, with all the twists and turns of an emotional thriller. It's tough enough to do a romance from one POV, but swapping it up mid-story to get the other POV as well is just really well done in this story. The prose is colorful and emotive, the dynamic between the two characters is layered and intriguing, and the erotica is arousing and hot. I love how well structured it is, because a lot of build up is just straight up visual flirting. When the two start to converse, there's a duel of wits and emotions going on, each one trying to extract honesty, truth and vulnerability from the other one while not giving it up themselves. Each reveal a card from their deck that goads the other one to match their bravery. Leading up to the climatic showdown of straight up daring each other into an exhibitionist display, just to prove their sincerity with each other. Layered by the hidden underlying motives that they each shamefully hold. Oh yeah, the sex scene is just really well written and hot. The use of music and minimal art/backgrounds is a testament to how much heavy lifting the prose does to deliver on such an immersive experience. Aside from some slight pacing issues early on where days will pass in a sentence, I have little to no notes for this one. It provides a complete experience and does an excellent job showing how to do erotica right.
'The Mighty Ken' is a short drama vignette about the angst of being a teenager and the friends that make it bearable. The plot is short, getting a first person experience in the mind of an angsty teen dealing with the stress of moving, and his best friend just being a good guy. What I think this story does well is crafting the protagonist with intention. He's abrasive, he's got opinions, and he's expressive. I applaud the creation of your own art assets, they're bold and simple (very south park).
Good job continuing to make VNs, so here's some comments to keep in mind. While I appreciate the very descriptive settings and environment details, it gets really verbose at times. Try to use detail depth to highlight what's important to your story. If everything gets a huge description, it all blends together. While you've developed a really good set of characters, there's not really a narrative happening. Eddie's has an internal conflict associated with moving, but the reader is never clued into why he's so upset about it. He doesn't seem to like school, so is it only because he'll miss Ken? If so, then that needs to be brought forward more into the plot. Stuff like delving more into the friendship of why Ken likes Eddie as a friend. To have a stronger plot, you'd want your main character to need to be able to take some kind of action to overcome the conflict. For example, maybe Eddie hasn't told Ken that he's moving, and he's building up the courage to do so. The one action in this story that Eddie does make, is whether he gets coffee or goes to have a sleepover with Ken, and those results all have wildly different outcomes which are admittedly funny and absurd (getting taunted by the anxiety rats). You've started out with a good base of character ideas, try to push the ideas a bit further on what the characters are going to do and change over the course of the story. Give them some goals and obstacles that they can overcome. You've made some good progress, keep on finding ways to improve on the next one.
'Forest of the Deer God' is a straight up spooky text-based adventure game. It's got a simple premise of a paranormal investigator gets lost in the woods and a spooky deer god shows up, and he wants to investigate it. What follows is hours of wandering around a spooky forest, a spooky cabin, and unveiling the mystery of who the deer god is and just what do you plan to do about it? The aesthetic and vibes of this game are on point, perfectly capturing that old school retro text-based adventure game vibe. There's some super fun jump scares, and going in blind, it's very much an apprehension of wandering into the dark. There are several puzzles in this game, the hint document is very helpful with figuring out the solutions. It does get a little disorienting with all the directions being cardinal directions (maybe somehow making it so once you learn the room location, it's replaced in the options? might be tedious but would help with retracing steps and exploration especially for one of the major puzzles). The story and lore itself is pretty straightforward with a few tongue-in-cheek twists, so it services the game nicely. The feat of programming a full text-game is the impressive feature of this visual novel, and if you've got a few hours to dig into it, it's quite a satisfying to beat the game.
'The Interchange Off Exit 004' is one of those dramatic introspection/flashback pieces that's a bit too heavy handed on the metaphor and symbolism, but that's kind of the point. The strongest aspect of this piece is the characterization of the main character, Redmond. He's not the expected protag for one of these 'gay-centric dramas', as he's not grappling with his sexuality in a coming out sense, but more so actually living already out, but in the transitionary period in his life if he determines if he wants to leave the comfort of his hometown or not. The piece does a good job of living in the grey, with religious undertones and family drama having an undercurrent of Redmond's lack of a stable grounding and his potential escape being rife with culture clashes and fear of commitment. The sprite work is also really charming, and I love the expressions of the characters. Presentation is also really good with the mix of real life photos, drawn in art, and the soft ambience of highway noise.
However, I find this story is slightly misaligned with all it's symbolism it's putting down. Like, Redmond is physically stuck in the interchange, which is a metaphor for his in-between life stages of staying in hometown or going to college/elsewhere. But, as the story goes on, we find out that Redmond did make that choice to commit by deciding to leave the hometown to go try to be with Jacob (though is always called friend, which I'm not sure what the waiting of the reveal of the name lent to this story). It's just that as this happens extenuating circumstances happen and he callas Jacob to come get him. Jacob doesn't come to his rescue (though never revealed why), and thus Redmond is 'punished' for the choice and just goes back home anyway tail between his legs. Maybe it's trying to convey how Redmond waited too long, just like how he waited too long in the interchange? Or maybe it's about how you can't wait for someone to rescue you, you need to rescue yourself? Also, what was up with the abandoned car, that was there to just wake Redmond up (no driver, that's kind of unexplained)? This story opts for an ambiguous-ending (which I think is starting to be a trend) so it's hard to say if it was satisfying to read through or not. I feel like this would just be a chapter in a larger story with Redmond, and would love to read that. This snapshot of a story, succeeds in it's delivery, I'm just not sure what it's trying to deliver.
'The Fountain: Prelude' is a horror story/experience with mysterious lore and a disorienting psychological aspect to get a few chills down your spine. The best part I would praise in this visual novel is the presentation and the use of the UI to instill a sense of normalcy, only to then break through that preconception and give the reader a shock. The UI work, the sprite art, and the background art is just low quality enough to evoke a familiar sense of retro graphics in a video game, but that also gets played around with, as more horror elements get introduced to the experience. I say experience, because I'm guessing that this story is a "story-within a story-within a story", at least in the way that it's presented. The visual novel is presented like watching an old VHS tape, so the characters in the main story are all just characters in a movie and reader is supposed to be a separate entity actually only watching the movie. Thus, the story is disjointed and characters don't act logically because it really does appear to be just a scripted story, and that's on purpose to mess with the reader's head and get some scares in. There's even an additional layer of meta-horror by incorporating the visual novel page and a 'Dev-Blog' to make the game itself feel like it's a cursed media that contains a cursed entity called 'the fountain man'. The dev blog-element does feel like it doesn't hit the right tone or voice that a dev log should have when trying to ground this horror, adding in a bit too much 'fiction on top of fiction', if that makes sense (would've been neat if the game files had some unused assets or developer comments that could've tied the dev log to the game more). I think the cursed cryptid element also is a bit too vague, when it's essentially a generic boogeyman that takes recognizable phrases and twists them like "I scream but have no mouth", I would've appreciated a bit more set up of the titular fountain and how that ties into everything or maybe a cryptid that had a more distinct aesthetic. The 'stick to the script' angle was cool, especially as it alludes to a horror film specific cryptid. That being said, the OOC message does explain that this is all a prelude to a larger project, so I imagine that these details and questions will be expanded upon and developed in the future project. Overall, surprisingly chilling experience, fans of horror will appreciate the tropes and references, but since it's meant to be a lead in to the bigger project, the story does end up being a bit shallow and non-conclusive.
'Utter Rubbish' is an adorable meet-cute type story between a scrapy deer guy and a robot that he repairs. A lot of things really stand out in this one. The most obvious is the generous use of animations in the art. From simple stuff like the character walking and moving about, to the abstract flow of colors to represent the sensations that the robot is feeling, this presentation is top notch and truly immerses you in this unlikely romance between a robot and a deer. Did I mention that this takes place from the POV of the robot? It's kind of a novel concept, especially since the story does a good job of trying to put the reader in the mind-set of the robot. Through short scenes, Cal free spirited personality comes through, contrasting against Buddy's more rigorously practical thought process. There were at times I felt like Buddy was a little bit too human, which cut into what was I think was the appeal, which is the contrast of the two different characters viewpoints. The world building is light on purpose, though I think more of Cal's backstory could've been given out that wasn't just as a text dump near the end. There's a little bit of accessibility warnings, like tough text color contrast on the title screen, or the spinning room effect causing dizziness, but they're minor in the greater scheme. At this point I'm just nitpicking, cause I really have very few notes for this short, but enjoyable cute-rom experience.
'Hi, Farewell' is a cute short story about the struggles of a teen deer girl as she navigates the troubles of growing up ostracized. The stand out detail in the design is the expressive and almost coloring book style of the art, it gives of a very youthful and innocent vibe. The story itself presents itself somewhere between a storybook and a diary, since it feels like it's being narrated by the main character, but talking about herself in the third person. It feels like a storybook, because it starts off with the impression that the main character is going to overcome some kind of event or roadblock in her life, but then it swaps over to a few quick time skips as she makes a friend, the friend moves away, but it led her to be able to find the internet and finding an online community where she feels like she belongs. I would say, not bad for a first attempt at a visual novel, I think its cute.
Some tips for your next visual novel. Craft a narrative that presents an obstacle that your main character can overcome, and then explore all the questions and outcomes that come from your character's actions. Give your characters motivation or agency, even if they're shut ins who just read books, having them retreat into books and fantasy worlds is an action they can take. Make sure you try to construct stories that follow a structure, a [set up > conflict > rising action > climax > falling action > resolution] type of thing. During your drafting phase, try to figure out what are the major scenes or moments that you want to show off in the story, so you have a direction that you want to go in. Every project is a learning moment to get better for the next project.
'The Bygones' is a drama that explores an early 90s interpersonal rock band dynamic that deals with all the classic vices of money, sex, and drugs. The stand out feature of this visual novel is the visual presentation and effects mixed with the custom original soundtrack. It's one of those visual novels that's straight up inspired by a genre of music, this time being that late 80s/early 90s transition between alternative rock into grunge and britpop. The genre staples of being anti-commercialism, drug use, and other social issues of the time, all topics that are explored in this visual novel. The sprites are full of character, even if the poses and expressions tend to not always convey the character's emotion, having the text do all of the heavy lifting in that department. The backgrounds are service-able and the broad strokes and shaky style adds to that grunge aesthetic, same with the paper/pencil text box. The CGs are really well done, marking significant points in the narrative. The narrative itself tackles tough topics such as being gay in the early 90s, drug use, and financial struggles for music artists, and the songs themselves are meant to immerse the viewer into this trip into the struggles of a guitarist trying to make it in a band. I get the feeling it's not meant to be an 'enjoyable' experience, but more so a snapshot or preserving of an era that would be foreign to today's generations. Stuff like having to make calls via landline phones, when CDs were the new tech, and stuff like social justice and mental health were barely concepts.
I think the story does it's job well enough in portraying these flawed and immature characters, and I think it's on purpose that we never really understand why some of the characters are the way that they are. I will say, that this story employs a 'magic technology' for the purpose of framing the story for the reader's benefit, where the whole story is actually a recording of a memory that the main character can view though decades into the future, though I find that this is a pretty clunky and inelegant way of trying to reach a some kind of 'character growth' for the main character. Despite the whole story being about this guy who was such a major part of the main character's life, all the character development and self-reflection seems to be done in a montage of bullet points of how well and successful he was in the time since the main story. I think that it's supposed to be representative of how much the guilt weighs on his mind about how shitty of a friend he was and never got proper closure, but it comes off more as an epilogue, rather than a falling action to the big climax of the story. Especially since there's a new character introduced very late into the story, and yet becomes almost integral to the main character's life after the fact. Overall, I can tell that there was a real passion and view point for the main bulk of the story, but just didn't quite know (or want) to stick the landing, leaving immediate character reactions ambiguous, and relying on the reader to finish the story in their own mind.
The classic game-jam crunch, I know it well. Though with the extra information that this is your first attempt at an non-fanfiction original work, really solid effort I must say. You probably picked up on it, but the crutch of fanfiction is the characters come pre-made, so when moving to an original work, you really have to build characters from the ground up. Same thing with having a direction that you want to take the story and making tough choices on which aspects might need to be cut or further fleshed out, especially mid-way through the drafting. Don't knock on your smut writing experience though, tap into it, especially the wildly inappropriate stuff (I loved the gag of Bryne's censored sex talk, but man if I could hear what he actually said). I agree though, I think you completed the assignment and this'll be something you'll learn from for your next project.
'One Way or Another' is a comedic slice-of-life pseudo-romance with some anime levels of happenstance and plot devices. The character designs by PaperCrease are adorable/hot and I really enjoyed each of the wildly caricatured personalities of each of them. For a comedy, this visual novel does a really good job of playing into all the ridiculous anime tropes and dead pan dialog humor. Stuff like Bryne getting absolutely demolished by a motorcycle but showing up later in full hospital gown, or the twist of the two love interests actual motivations got a chuckle out of me, or straight up god showing up and having a conversation with the protag. Adding in the unusually specific hyper fixation details and pop-furry references is a classic sitcom move, the only thing missing from this visual novel is a laugh track playing to remind me where to laugh. I feel like you really tried to milk the central conflict (misunderstanding) of the two love interests that are falling heads over heels for the protagonist, but it does start to feel like beating a dead horse (maybe on purpose?) by the time god shows up. It makes me wonder if this is a thinly veiled mouthpiece to vent the author's frustrations about being asked about being aro/ace, or if this is venting 'about' aro/ace folks who vent frustrations. What I guess I'm getting at, is that I can't pick up on the author's intent with this work or if it's just a 'not that deep, bro' scenario. There's not really any kind of character arc for anyone, and the only reason that's given for why the two love interests want the protag is because the script says so (literally being assigned by the devil/god), and thus, it fully leans into being a comedy/parody rather than trying to make any kind of larger statement around bein' aro/ace. Overall, I had a pleasant time with it, and I won't fault the author if they just wanted to make something amusing and unserious just to have a fun time writing out of pocket scenes.
'Theatre of Life' is a deceptively dystopian short story that lightly explores the condition of living and our own perceptions of it. The thing that I like about this particular short story is just how much world building is crammed into such a short time. Everything here is deliberate, from the saccharine and overtly bright colors of the simple art, to the almost annoyingly storybook music, and then you get a glimpse of the illusion breaking, the way that more detailed and rendered sprites appear to show the reader that this is one of those stories where the character's perception itself is warped. It makes the reader contemplate large ideas like pursuing happiness, the nature of existence, and questions if all the different ways of biohacking our minds and bodies to the point of literally manufacturing happiness is the right thing to do. It poses a question of, "if we reach a point of 'solving' the struggles of life, can it even be called living anymore?" This is one of those wildly compelling concepts where you could really dig into it and create a full on epic with exploring Chappy as he moves through this world and grapples with the illusion. As a stand alone experience, this is really really good. It feels like an amuse bouche to what could be a much larger experience. Whether you decide to pursue that or not is up to you, but I think this is one of those concepts that feels particularly relevant and poignant in our current society.
'Earths Last Year: 1999' is a heartwarming slice-of-life dating sim/romance visual novel, with the flavor this time being that it's the Y2K scare, and why not sex your friends if it's the end of the world. Especially for a game jam time frame, getting two different routes done for one of these classic romantic 'pick-a-husbando' is quite good. I really enjoyed the custom art, they brought forth the emotional expressions and there's even art within art, with the custom graffiti scene, and I always find that charming. Props for doing two sex scenes, I thought they were both very hot, and you gave them each their own distinct vibe (the traditional doggy style in a bed and the kinky blowjob in the back alley). I think you achieved what you set out to do with this prompt and premise, especially with how you've incorporated the game jam theme into the ticking clock that moves the plot forward. The characters each were distinct and had their own voices, Flare being the gruff realist, and Cream being the rebellious idealist.
If I were to give any critique, I think you could've squeezed in a bit more establishing the scene prior to the branching path, since you only really learn about Cedar's friendship to each of them once you're properly in their routes. Cream's route also kind of comes off across as a little bit melodramatic, but I can forgive that for this type of story. All the characters are really pleasant, so don't be afraid to give them some rough edges. Also, I think because you've chose such a classic framework for the story, you've expected the reader to come in with a lot of pre-conceived details, like, how Cedar's gay for his friends/they're gay for Cedar but they haven't made any moves in order to not risk the friendship. The idea that because there's this countdown clock till the end of the world is what spurs them to take that risk, but there should be some kind of scene to show just what it is they're risking. As a tip for these type of route based stories, if you're going to do a self-insert type of character like Cedar, try to include a couple of flavor choices to help get the player immersed into the character. Like, say with Flare he asks you what you want for dinner, or with Cream what detail you add to the graffiti. If Cedar is his own character, be sure to have his personality come out a bit, with clear points of view, goals and motivations. Also, the vanilla sex is great, thanks for not shying away from it, really fun detail about reaching climax right as it hits midnight (and that Cedar's got them white undies). Lookin' forward to how you branch out with your future VN projects.
'Project Buck' is a romance/comedy/thriller about a jealous sentient AI chat bot. Checking the user page, this appears to be your first visual novel, congrats on completing one. Some of the things that I liked about this entry were that you took the time and effort to create sprites and background assets, giving you some extra creative control. You took some big swings with this one, doing some straight up sex scenes and adding in a creative twist turning this rom-com into a thriller with the sentient AI coming for the protagonist in a jealous rage. You used an unusual aspect ratio for this VN, which makes me wonder if this was done due to the program you used to make the backgrounds only having this small of a screen, or if this was an attempt at an old-school feel with a 4:3 aspect ratio. For your next VN, I do have a few tips: While it's noble to try and create your own assets, unless there's a specific visual detail that you want to reference in your writing and have it be consistent with your sprites, try to opt for the free to use sprites and common license backgrounds. It'll save you time and effort to focus more on your story writing. What you might try to focus on in your next story is how you can immerse your reader. Try to evoke the five senses when establishing your setting by creating a mood or a tone. Like in this story, your main character is a loner NEET, what are the things that he would pay attention to as he's sitting in his computer chair? Which leads to another thing to think about when writing a story, fleshing out your characters to make them feel more 'real'. It's one thing to have a character say or do something, but there's better thing of understanding why they say or do something. When you know the 'why', then you know the 'how' to describe how they would go about doing and saying things. It's an earnest attempt, so now it's just about trying to do a little more with the next one.