'Hi, Farewell' is a cute short story about the struggles of a teen deer girl as she navigates the troubles of growing up ostracized. The stand out detail in the design is the expressive and almost coloring book style of the art, it gives of a very youthful and innocent vibe. The story itself presents itself somewhere between a storybook and a diary, since it feels like it's being narrated by the main character, but talking about herself in the third person. It feels like a storybook, because it starts off with the impression that the main character is going to overcome some kind of event or roadblock in her life, but then it swaps over to a few quick time skips as she makes a friend, the friend moves away, but it led her to be able to find the internet and finding an online community where she feels like she belongs. I would say, not bad for a first attempt at a visual novel, I think its cute.
Some tips for your next visual novel. Craft a narrative that presents an obstacle that your main character can overcome, and then explore all the questions and outcomes that come from your character's actions. Give your characters motivation or agency, even if they're shut ins who just read books, having them retreat into books and fantasy worlds is an action they can take. Make sure you try to construct stories that follow a structure, a [set up > conflict > rising action > climax > falling action > resolution] type of thing. During your drafting phase, try to figure out what are the major scenes or moments that you want to show off in the story, so you have a direction that you want to go in. Every project is a learning moment to get better for the next project.