Always enjoy reading these responses to comments and feedback, cause it's a nice way to better get into the mind of the author, especially around the 'issues' that were brought up. I see you there with 'magic bureaucracy is neat' feelings, and it's interesting to find out that it's inclusion was artistically intentional and one of the things you found compelling because it gets skipped over so much in the story (that's why I thought it was just a plot device). It's one of those things that Erin doesn't bring up or talk about (likely cause he's not that much of a sharer), but indulging in a 'day at work' for Erin, or had some kind of internal monologue showing how the work affects him (especially since he's the POV) would smooth out that awkward jump of realism into fantasy. Maybe adding in a few more contemporary magical elements could also bridge that gap.
Still, glad to hear you're willing to stand up for your creative decisions! Lots of readers often have 'I want you to change this for my taste' type of comment, so it's tough to find the critique that's there to better communicate your story, and not just pandering to make the audience happy.