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The Vampire Police Arrested Me for Tax Evasion's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #2 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| Overall | #3 | 4.078 | 4.078 |
| Adherence to Theme | #5 | 4.100 | 4.100 |
| Concepts & Originality | #6 | 4.133 | 4.133 |
Ranked from 30 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
So… definitely not what was advertised.
Story was legit great, but I’d work on the name for next story.
Submitted
From ShadowGreat ideas, particularly the prison serving as food storage for the vampires. You did a great job of developing a convincing relationship between the girl and the dog, especially given the word limit and time constraints. Good job!
Submitted
Of Knights and RatsThank you! That the vampires take blood from their populace on a regular basis is canon (see e.g. the sippy straw collars on the Drained models), and since prisoners would be close at hand and the vampires wouldn't need to worry about them getting too weak to work/fight, it felt natural to me that they'd be the first choice for a vampire desiring a snack.
See what you meant about the different feeling coming across from the title versus the tale, but don't think it really took anything away from it. If anything, to me, it made me more likely to read this story. Good cliffhanger ending too. Does Ivya and her new housebat ally live to talk another day? Warm (bat) fuzzies all round.
Submitted
Bitter Rain - OPR Story Jam #9I really enjoyed this one, and I think it's a very solid entry that's very well organized with a strong sense of pacing and tension. I will second the "different title would have been better" comments (though it didn't affect my rating), though, and I was really hoping for a bit more at the end - I think there's a lot of explanation and setting up front that could have been trimmed and rephrased to keep what's important while freeing you up enough words to really add a more definite ending (and maybe more paragraph breaks, to aid in readability).
Thank you! Good call about the paragraph breaks; I realize I've been using those very sparingly. Concerning the ending though, I'm honestly not sure if I would've gone further into it even if I'd had the space. Like, the development that the story focuses on is complete at that point, and I don't know if following that up with an explicit description of a vampire getting his head bitten off would've added much to the narrative as a whole. Still, I appreciate the feedback :D
I like your imaginative take on the theme. I had to read this when I saw it was a vampire story as mine is also. I enjoyed it though I am not sure of Inya's fate, though I think I do.
Submitted
All That GlittersYay, vampire gang :D
Considering the word limit, I decided against narrating the full course of events in favor of spotlighting those parts that seemed the most interesting. I hope the implication of what is going to happen immediately after the story's conclusion is somewhat clear, but anything after that had to be left to the reader's imagination.
I really liked that this wasn't like a big battle or at all a setting I would have expected. It was just a well done original take on the prompt
Submitted
The StatueVery nice read, while I agree the title makes me think of something else (which is an interesting premise all it’s own) this is a great seed for a longer story as well.
Submitted
Their Imaginary FriendsSo, I want to read how the Vampire Police arrested someone for Tax Evasion! That title is awesome, and I'd love to hear the story behind it.
As it is, your story is very well written, and probably fits the theme better than the story from your title would. I expect this to rank highly.
Submitted
Memory of Stone
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