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Da Winged Fury and the Alpha Frog Mage OPR writing Jam #9's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concepts & Originality | #25 | 3.727 | 3.727 |
| Adherence to Theme | #27 | 3.636 | 3.636 |
| Overall | #33 | 3.364 | 3.364 |
| Flow & Clarity | #47 | 2.727 | 2.727 |
Ranked from 22 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I enjoyed how the frog mage manipulated the orcs--also loved how he was so enamored of the orcs, and how annoyed the orcs were with that. :) As others have said, it's a pity about the misspellings and tense changes. Also, centering all the paragraphs made it kind of challenging to read. But I did enjoy the arc of the story!
Thank you for taking the time to comment. i always imagined omnipotent (real or perceived) would be very whimsical and childlike.
Was a fan, though it probably could’ve used some more editing.
Main error I saw was jumped from past tense to present tense too much. It made it somewhat confusing.
Had a good time, though.
thank you for taking time to comment.
that is a super helpful thing to point out. Thank you. It was made in a rush but I didn’t notice(obviously ) that I had done that.
Hey, it’s a simple mistake I used to make all the time.
And despite that, it was still a fun story! That means something for sure!
thank you for taking the time to comment.
The tense gets me if I am honeet I have some dyslexia and a sprinkling of adhd and I just dident have as much time as I would have liked. I turned it into an audio drama that is live on TikTok and premiers on YouTube tomorrow lmao.
Make sure to link the YouTube Link on discord so we can check it out tomorrow!
I posted it just now in the one page rule, writing jam thank you for having any interest in it all actually
I feel like there is a good story here, I am just not the target audience. I had a hard time reading this, I would suggest reading it out loud next time during editing to assist with how it flows. I do appreciate this was fun and not what I normally read.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment.
It was designed to be an opposite in almost every way conversation. With the Orcs communications leaning into the more absurd and the Starhost being wildly amused.
this is the first of these jams I have ever done and in total transparency this ended up being a very busy weekend and I didn’t realize how much I was going to need to do to get a passable story board.
Still thou thank you for the consideration especially considering it’s not ur type of content, it takes substantial more effort to have something to say when that is the situation.
Shame some of the words are words that sound like the right word but aren't and some typos here and there too. Managed to enjoy the intent of it though, as I do love a good cockney Ork. Kururu made me think of the master turtle from Kung Fu Panda, which was an extra treat, and the last paragraph lore add idea was something I'd love to be made canon.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I had a design to make with how I wanted the Orc to be. Whether lean into the silly English adjacent talking style and quote them or type their words correctly and try and imply there unusual talking method.
It was and is an easy choice for me thou, I needed them to be shown as they are(in my head cannon) with all the silly and unusual talking methods on full display. I did hope to show that there intelligence is not based on there talking patterns thou.
Kururu being like Oogway(I think that is how it’s spelled) tickles me as a thought. I imagine that the older frog mages would be very strange to observe and would be in stark ck contrast to there Star Host kin.
Could have used another pass or two to tighten up the writing, but I never expected to read a Sgt. Frog fanfic today so that was a surprise.
Thank ou for taking time out to comment. I don’t know how to take the Sgt Frog fanfic part. In my head cannon, the Frog mages and the elder mages would be tremendously powerful and kinda like in eastern Mythos the Omni powerful god like beings act in a very happy kid way. similar to how the little blue guy acts in dragon ball super.
like this is all just interesting stuff to interact with, like toys almost.