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Thanks so much!

I’ve always loved it when a story can loop itself back to the beginning in a meaningful way. I’ve done it before, but I’m definitely the most happy with these results.

OOOOOOO NICE TWIST!!!

Wasn’t the most engaged, but that last bit definitely got me back in. Fit the theme pretty well, too.

Very good!

It feels a bit of a shame that we got to hear the past-tense of what happened without actually seeing any of the characters doing anything in the present. It’s just a small gripe, but still left me wanting for more.

Plenty of fun! I’ll admit, the middle was a bit of a head scratcher.

Definitely would be served best with a sequel; the quicker, the better.

I’m a simple man.

I see space dwarf story. I click on it. I like it.

All that in mind, I really wished I was seeing it through one of the character’s eyes. It might have been intended, but it felt detached and too impersonal. I wanted to have stronger feelings for the dwarves.

I *really* liked this story. My one gripe (as far as rating goes) is the theme, which I cannot find in this.

I was tempted to write about the Kingdom of Angels myself, so I’m happy to see them well represented here.

Had a good time with this. Some of the sentence structure early on was a bit clunky, but it still held its own-

-Unlike that Battle Brother, am I right?

…

Too soon?

…

Too soon.

5stars for concept, and one of my personal favorite takes on the theme. It is held back, though, by the large chunks of exposition.

Still, a great read. I had a good time with this.

Throughout the many Jams I’ve participated in, I’ve seen several attempts at making origins for the Ratmen.

This was definitely up amongst the best. Had some lines that ring with iconic energy: 

“You asked what separates beasts from men. We learned the answer from you.”

Chef’s kiss. 🤌

Really loved the setting and internal voice. The inner monologues of characters has been spectacular this Jam.

Thanks!

Having studied the lore, from my understanding the Prime Brothers are the only ones that legitimately only live for Battle and cannot be found outside of a military environment.

Keeping that in mind, I thought it’d be interesting to study an environment caused by the Battle Brothers from the perspective of one having to live in it instead of benefiting from it.

Thank you so much! I believe your story is in my queue, so I’ll swing over to check that one next.

There were a decent amount of grammatical errors—this could’ve benefited from a second pass in editing.

Besides that, I really liked the story. Lots of quiet, introspective character work this Writing Jam.

Thank you so much!

I’m generally a fantasy writer, so this was really a step outside of my comfort zone.

 I look forward to reading your story as well!

Thanks!

I definitely could have taken longer with this story; I had to cut two parts and a flashback, as well as some trimming.

I wanted the Battle Brother’s voice to remind him of a robot legionary he saw once, but had to be cut for time.

Definitely wanted some Camus as influence, as well as Phillip K. Dick (Blade Runner reference? Who’d have thunk it?) and a huge nod to Damien Jurado, one of my favorite musicians.

Definitely hoping for a sequel!

I really liked this, but felt it was a bit much to cram on a single page. I want to know more of these characters; Dov at least. 

The indentation used for separating paragraphs is unconventional; I personally don’t like it, but it does work. I won’t remove any points for that, but there were a few cases where a new line was not indented, which did make the reading somewhat difficult.

Overall, it was really good; it just needs some more room to breathe (as a story to experience and as a story to read).

That really means a lot to me; thank you so much!

This was tons of fun. Full credit on concept; I only wish this wasn’t as brief as it ended up being.

Loving the character work! 
I’ve been seeing a really nice trend in this jam of focus on character moments over epic fights (heck, even the epic fights have been great character moments).

Some of the layout was a little unclear (having it in two rows instead of three+ not having paragraph breaks to separate spoken words from text), but it’s nothing much. I still had a heck of a time with this.

Always love a good piece of character work. It’s impressive how much you were able to convey in such a short story.

Had a few grammatical errors, but nothing egregious. Definitely one of my favorite reads so far.

I’m on record saying I haven’t encountered a spectacular villain thus far this Jam. I’ll amend that to say spectacular antagonist (not that it’s a bad thing; it’s realistic to have faceless or mundane antagonists). But Scourge definitely gets extra points for the inner monologue.

Thank you kindly 🙏 

Wanted to tackle a different form of “impossibility”.

Looking forward to reading your submission!

3/3 so far on the impossible actually being impossible and I couldn’t be happier.

Perfectly epic, and it’s only bolstered by the repetition of the last soldier’s mantra.

There were a few errors in grammar (fallen soldier’s fallen weapon, for example), but it’s very little compared to what this story brings. I was happy through and through with what I read. A proper Grimdark epic.

I was so happy to see this one as the first in my queue. Really loving the ongoing theme of quiet depravity thus far in this Jam.

Also that in 2 cases so far, what is impossible is truly impossible.

Loved the story, and especially the habitual side of the undead. Top points for originality!

Thanks so much! When I saw the prompt for “Impossible”, I originally wanted to do some epic piece about lovers escaping the Kingdom of Angels, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that impossible odds are faced less by those with the ability to fight, and more by the everyday people struggling to find a scrap to eat. It looks impossible to survive some of the conditions people live in daily, and that’s what I felt inspired to write about.

Looking forward to checking out your story!

Oh yeah, this was just what I was looking for.

Really enjoyed it; felt the theme could’ve been a little more pivotal to the story, but other than that, I really enjoyed it!

A fun romp for sure.

Other than some grammatical errors, my only real problem was that I couldn’t see a clear connection to the theme.

Wonderful set piece for such a tale. Some of the action was a bit confusing, and I’m still left wondering where the theme connects.

Other than that, I heartily enjoyed it.

Fun story with a good flow, but I’m left wondering where the connection to the theme is. If it’s hidden in subtlety, it might be hidden too well.

I may be wrong, but due to the formatting, this might be disqualified for being over a page.

It’s a shame, too. I quite enjoyed it, though it did suffer from a few grammatical errors.

Happy to provide my services *tips hat*

The first thing I want to congratulate you on is the scale of this.

You fit four stories in one, chronicling years of a secret battle. That was great!

The character work was good, but I do think the plot was a bit murky sometimes. A bit of grammatical errors also could’ve been caught on another draft.

Still though, I had a great time! One of my favorite concepts this WJ!

This is a complicated one for me.

Taking note of the accident with the copy paste and not moving my rating around too much on it, I still found a few misspellings and grammatical errors.

The story was good, but with too little explanation: I didn’t know whose story I was following.

Overall I still really liked it, but it definitely needed another draft.

The ossified undead are one of my all-time favorite factions. I love seeing some representation for them!

Unfortunately, I think the great character work did get in the way of the story. Most of the plot happens in the last third, which definitely impacts the flow and leaves the theme feeling a bit tacked on.

Still really enjoyed it, though.

Oh yeah, this was delightful.

Loved the character work and overall story, though the battle with the swordsman dragged slightly.

Definitely one of my favorites.

It’s quite a mouthful, but I heartily enjoyed it. Takes me back to Asimov stories like “The Machine that Won the War”.

It’s perhaps slightly too complex; it’s too limited by the word count and could’ve used more context, but I heartily enjoyed it.

For my last question, I was wondering if you intentionally used the antiquated word “Induvial”, or meant to use “Individual”?

Oh yeah, I really wish I could have a bunch more backstory. I find the Angelic Kingdoms to be fascinating antagonists of sorts in general, and was happy to include them here. If we had had two pages… ah, but that would miss the purpose, wouldn’t it?

Glad you liked Elnora’s villain arc! I had a lot of fun with it.

Hey, I appreciate that!

I’ve liked a lot of the ways other people tackled “Close Enough” as a theme better than mine, but i thought my approach adequate, at least.

Thanks so much!

I really liked your story, too.

My favorite use of the theme. You stuck not one, but three different interpretations of close enough in this. 
Kudos!

This is a rough one for me.

On one hand, a story that is entirely composed of inner monologue is quite the creative undertaking, and the final bitter notes ring strong. That last sentence is a great sentence.

However, it seems lacking in connection to the theme, and it definitely needed another pass on the editing.

Still I overall quite enjoyed it. Definitely worth the read.