Play book
Bitter Rain - OPR Story Jam #9's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #22 | 3.774 | 3.774 |
| Overall | #29 | 3.473 | 3.473 |
| Concepts & Originality | #31 | 3.516 | 3.516 |
| Flow & Clarity | #33 | 3.129 | 3.129 |
Ranked from 31 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I want to preface this by saying, I am not trying to hate. My intention is to give thoughtful, honest feedback so that every story I rate has something the author can walk away from and both appreciate and work on. If I sound rude that is entirely accidental, I'm only intending to give helpful, honest criticisms and praises.
The concepts are really solid. I can really understand both characters well, and believe in their team up, something most "unlikely allies" stories sometimes struggle with. Well done! Unfortunately, the grammar is really lacking. A few more proofreads would've really helped this story shine. That could be a result of the time constraint, which is understandable. I try to be honest in these reviews though, as I feel it's the only way authors can improve. Still, great story with great characters. I look forward to more adventures with Parvault and Acton.
Always love a good story centered around the Guerrillas.
Yeah, this was great. Some grammatical errors hold it back some, but this has one of the more solid “unlikely allies” premises I’ve read thus far!
I loved the the way you opened this story. You introduced compelling characters and set up a very noir standoff that I could picture in my mind (even without your fantastic cover image). I can't help but feel a little disappointed, though, that we didn't get to really dig into those characters you introduced. I got excited when the dead started to rise - how will Hallard and Dupree feel about having to (re)kill their cell members or squadmates? Will they notice their similarities as they confront this new threat? - and I would have loved to see you use some of your remaining space to play with that.
I went into this tale with the plan that 'What if these two forces were trying to finish each other off, but circumstances conspired against them at every turn?' It was then a matter of finding a plausible excuse for it to be true, and for some reason a night fight in a torrential downpour popped into my head. It's made even funnier that not long into my writing I think it started raining outside. Making them both 'sort of' the same faction (before Acton went Guerilla) also made it initially have a more 'local' scope. At least until I hinted at the possibility that the undead might be happening over a much larger scale.
Great read and well executed plus sketch is on point, well done all around!
Loving the cover image sketch!
Good take on the Dredd vs undead, I do feel it started to get a little unclear who was who in the second half though. Very Grim Dank though
Great descriptions and visuals. I'm not sure why, but I had to keep referencing back to the first few paragraphs to remember which character was which. The ending also could have used a little more "punch." Great story, though -- very grim and dark, appropriate!