itch.io

I think grammar and punctuation are really my strong points, even though it may not show. I am not an expert, but I just didn't spend enough time on it to refine it to where it needed to be. My main areas of wanting to approve is actually writing stories that keep people's interests and flows well overall. I have written stories in the past people like. Maintaining consistency is the hardest part.

Thanks for the thoughts. Some of it was just pure sloppiness on my part, being in a hurry to get something out under 1000 words. I could normally do better. Then other things are really good thoughts I appreciate. Good call-outs.

Any feedback is welcome. I find the 1000 word limit challenges me and I sometimes wnd up with awkward prose from trimming.

Much appreciated, Owlsten. I just saw my project showed completed. I am glad you told me about that.

Thanks. It is very complicated.

I can't figure out itch.io for the life of me. I've done it in the past but getting my story uploaded is not happening. Can anyone share how to get to where you create and upload your short story?

Update: I was able to upload my files and figured out I needed to change my project from a game to a book. However, I can't see any evidence it is in the submissions for the jam. It is called "Hollow Stars". Can someone please look and see if you can see it?

Hollow Stars - where the impossible is normal.

A One Page Rules Grimdark Future short story for Writing Jam #14.

I was glad to see a story centered on the Ghostly Undead. Nice story.

Okay, this is one of the best stories I have read so far. The theme adherence was brilliantly pulled off. I felt like I was watching a western movie but in the future. I like westerns, by the way. Up until the last few paragraphs, I kind of likened it to High Plains Drifter or Pale Rider with the mining claim disputes.  Those who are not into American Western history or movies might not get this quite as well as I did. After this, you then you turned it around and brought something else in out of the blue for a little twist. The only thing I may have to suggest that I was slightly disappointed in is that I expected the initial character you introduced would be more of a hero figure in some way than a bystander. Nicely done.

I was really drawn in by the idea of the story. Your storytelling is great to me. It flows smoothly and is very easy to visualize. Big points for that. I did feel that the end left me wanting to see more of a climactic moment with the consequences at least partially seen.  I did feel the thematic part for the jam was a little light and I would like to know a little more as to why the robots or the elites were performing these horrific acts. Keep up the good work as the flow is very pleasant to keep my mind engaged.

Good story. It kept me interested to rhe end. At first I thought it would be the simple consequences of the elf's acyions but at the end, it looked like the guild lord had conseques of his actions he was going to have to deal with. I liked it but being honest I had to dock some points for not following the theme os 1 page. Keep up the good work and see if you can edit your stories down to fit the format snd you are gold. That is a hard thing for me in me writing.

Thank you!

I am glad you enjoyed them. This should lead you to the full list, currently three stories about Lord Blackvayne. I did not want to create the typical vampire that are found in modern day works or just a Dracula knockoff. I wanted a vampire that was more of the true old gothic style but yet with his own identity and struggles in a gritty fantasy setting. Peacemaker1965 - itch.io

Thanks for the kind words. I draw inspiration from Fritz Leiber and Michael Moorcock.

Peacemaker1965 - itch.io this is the third story in the chronicles of Blackvayne.

Great story and your paragraphical layout is very easy on the eyes. I had to strain a little to see the consequences theme but it was in there. Maybe you could have emphasized it a little more but the story was very well told.

Spoiler Alert to those who haven't read ............ It also seems that her initial revenge to have Blackvayne infected with vampiric blight was a kneejerk reaction and that it did not satisfy her needs for revenge. He exiled himself and she could not see his suffering day to day. She needed to bring him back for one final act of vengeance to show him what his actions had caused.

I tried to rehash in a nutshell what happened in the first story. Blackvayne was a philanderer, and their relationship grew cold such that it eventually drove her insane and sought a twisted type of revenge which happened to be the consequences. It appears that his last fling was with a woman who was a friend of Tilda's but apparently some deal was made such that they conspired to set up Blackvayne to be infected by a vampiric creature. If you want to read more details, you can go back to a previous Jam and read All That Glitters. Thanks for reading and taking time to add a comment/question.

Oooooh, that's an idea.

Nice read.  Very understandable with good flow and clarity until the end. Just not clear on the last phrase.

Thanks, theme was my focus this time around.

Thanks for that. I know more about the AoF setting than I do the Grimdark.

Good original story. A couple things confused me. One, I would suggest to format your paragraphs with indents or single line spaces to make the story more user friendly. Two, I was a little confused at what was going on. Was the hooch always bad and they just realized it at the end or were they lured in and then given bad stuff. It seemed it started corrupting their minds or infecting them with some evil species of aliens. Either way, it could have just been my own ADD or something, I feel you were on the cusp of a great story and still found it an enthralling read.

Colorful style, very immersi e, but the complex wordsmithing got me a bit lost toward the end. Enjoyed the read and the attention to detail.

Thank you. I enjoy feedback.

Some of it was a bit gard to follow but my favorite story thus far. The space-time theme was great.

The story was clear and flowed well but I like to see more complex characters. That is hard to do in a short story though.

I was a little confused at the end and the pronoun injection was a big distraction. It kind of felt like authorial intrusion for a far future sci-fi setting, and created a distraction from the story, I felt.

I was a little confused at the end and the pronoun injection was a big distraction. It kind of felt like authorial intrusion for a far future sci-fi setting, and created a distraction from the story, I felt.

Superbly told. It isn't often a story can use a worn-out theme but make it sound original. You have done that.

I appreciate the honest opinion and am glad you liked it overall. I have an overarching them in mind and plan to continue to write towards it in coming jams. Jam #8 started the Blackvayne saga and #9 was a prequel so they are essentially out of order. I am thinking #10 will be in the same saga but something different than what I've done thus far. People will love it or hate it and that's okay by me.

I like good vamp stories. I write them too. That dwarf transformed quickly.  Nice read.

It will be part of a larger story. to find the theme, look not at the typical co-protagonist methodolgy, as I took a less conventional route having co-antagonists team up. It seems to throw everyone tbough. 

A top contender. I like the techinical, Grimdark point if view.

Thanks!

My choice was not to make the protagonist fit the theme, but rather the antagonist. I guess that may not have been clear to many people as much as I tried to subtly hint that without sounding cheesy.

personally, in a short format, I would have liked to seen more story and a little less battle text. Just a personal thing, but I wasn't getting drawn in with the warm and fuzzy undead personality. But, it's your story and I respect your vision.

One if the best I have read. I like the way you made allies of two rival clans rsther than the obvious two rival factions. I like your language flavor. Well done.