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Spooktober 3rd Annual Visual Novel Jam by DevTalk

Hosted by Nai @ MakeVisualNovels · #SpooktoberVNJam

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A jam submission

KohanaView game page

Once close, now far apart. What should be done to close the distance?

Submitted by Mushroomallow (@mushroomallow_), NSAID (@mad_scientist92) — 2 hours, 13 minutes before the deadline

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Kohana's itch.io page

Results

Criteria	Rank	Score*	Raw Score
Score	#14	4.786	4.786

Ranked from 42 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

Log Line
Once close, now far apart. What should be done to close the distance?

Content Warnings
Light descriptions of violence, including death, grief, and blood. Please be cautious if you're sensitive to these things.

Team Members
Leader, Artist: Mushroomallow
Story writer : Nami
Editor, Proofreader : clover-zero
UI design, Ren’Py Scripter : MadScientist (nsaid)
Guest Composer : Jasson Prestiliano
Guest Composer : Ford Audio Design

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Comments

laleelaloo2 years ago(+1)

I tend to prefer VN's with some voice acting (just generally helps to keep me focused), but I could not ignore the beautiful art in this and I really loved it! The sprites and backgrounds were all very clean looking and gorgeous!! Very sweet story, and I went through different choices to see the different endings as well. I do agree with some of what UltraShiko said below about the writing needing a little more depth, but you guys still have so much other great things to show for a game made in a month! There are also a couple of minor grammatical errors as well, but not too bad.

I really appreciated the pop-up meanings of certain words during gameplay and also liked that I could go through and listen to the music tracks in the menu afterwards - they're so nice, so it was great to listen to them outside of playing!

Can't wait to see what else you guys make in the future - very promising talent all around <3

Gaming Variety PotatoSubmitted2 years ago (1 edit)

This entire VN is strikingly beautiful! Everything from the cohesive Japanese culture theme with the art, UI, music and the story. It is also a genuine visual delight where it looks even better in motion than mere in-game screenshots. The character art and backgrounds are already eye-popping, but it's even more enhanced with the special effects: such as the fire sparks, moving clouds in the background, and animated colour filters for mist - and the creative use with the black screen transitions: for example the imitation of an eye blink, sliding door, and lamellas.

Sound department is top-notch. You've got the immersive sound effects like the paper sound for UI, door slides and footsteps in the scenes, however what really stood out is the relaxing lofi OST with Japanese instrumental touch to it.

It's a fascinating story amidst the youkai backdrop to see if the characters will ever succeed at reconciling with each other. I have a soft spot for flower meaning, and I've never seen this kind of symbolism applied to food before, which makes it an interesting read to learn more about them. I love how in "Kohana" they can sway the emotions of Iroha to change the outcome of the story (unrelated: the art for the sweets look so good I want to try them out!). It didn't immediately click to me when I played the game but while I was writing this review, the sudden thought dawned to me: Is the strong focus on confectionery to fit the 'candies' prompt of the jam? This is a genius move to fill in multiple prompts!

Due to all the efforts put in the UI, I enjoyed clicking the various screens like reading the glossary list. Really random detail I noticed: I've never seen a save slot UI before with a small textual description of the scene. I'm just surprised about the programming and polish that went into this game.

Submitted

Wolfskin's Curse

Melancholy MarionetteSubmitted2 years ago(+1)

The art is absolutely breathtaking :3 I don't even have the words to describe just how gorgeous it is. And I love this sort of story in general, so I was already pretty sure I was gonna enjoy this, haha. It's got a beautiful bittersweetness to it ^-^

The little animated bits here and there really add to the atmosphere, and I adore the change in music on the title screen upon reaching an ending. It's something I've started doing in my own projects because little things like that give me so much joy :3 The ability to unlock and listen to music + read stuff in the glossary is also much appreciated!

Submitted

MushroomallowDeveloper2 years ago(+1)

Thank you so much! So happy to hear that you enjoy Kohana! ^^

TotalLeeAwesome2 years ago(+1)

One thing I thought was innovative about the game was how small lore tidbits were placed around certain words to help us understand the world and culture. I would love to learn how to do the same for future projects

The art and compositions are phenomenal! They were both very fitting to the theme and tone of your piece. They really captured the beauty we've come to admire from japanese pieces.

Though, I found the overall story a little confusing. Especially since Ren was trying to make amends, but I felt that "him abandoning her" should've had more depth to it and presented earlier. Maybe I just didn't notice it, but I wasn't sure why Koharu was so hostile to him.

I also felt that the reparation bit was a tad to succinct. I liked the "big revelation" arc, but it felt unearned, at least in my opinion. I think had the riceball scene had more depth put into it, it would've sold me.

That said, please don't take my critiques too harshly. We all only had a month to forge a script and a game. I don't criticize to be mean or nasty, but because I would want the same done to my pieces so that I may learn. This was a solid read and you should be proud regardless of what others had to say.

MushroomallowDeveloper2 years ago(+1)

No offense taken at all. We actually thank you for taking your time to write such thorough feedback! We got several feedback that have similar context to yours, and we’ve actually discussed making an extended version with the team a few days ago, but we’ve decided to cancel it due to some circumstances with the team members.

Regardless, we’ll definitely take note of your feedback for our next project. We hope you’ll enjoy our future visual novels too!

EnteleKeySubmitted2 years ago(+1)

Very wonderful! Loved how a little use of particles can make your game so much more alive.

Submitted

The Silveriver family

MushroomallowDeveloper2 years ago (1 edit) (+1)

Thank you! All those pretty particles were thanks to Madscientist's (NSAID) hard work. ^^

NSAIDDeveloper2 years ago(+1)

Thank you! I did some experiment with the movement and it took me longer than it should (haha) but glad it's worth it!

PotatsAway2 years ago(+3)

Likes	- pop-up explanations - cohesive art, music and UI - nice art style - lovely music
Dislikes	- pop-up explanations don't persist throughout the game and only appear once - noticeable amount of typos and mistakes
Extra nitpick	- inconsistent text styling. Are sound effects meant to be italicized or not? - grammar, diction and punctuation issues throughout the game - clunky sentences, more obviously seen in the first line of the game - speaking indicators aren't conventional or more obvious (current ver: having a name vs no name. usual: quotation marks or italics) fortunately, the line between thought and narration is so blurred that it doesn't feel off
Extra love	- beautiful CGs - textures are amazing

MushroomallowDeveloper2 years ago

Thank you for your feedbacks! If you press the 'index' button, you'll find a glossary for all of the Japanese words that we used in the game and it can be accessed anytime. We're all Indonesian and by the time we submitted the game, we didn't have enough time to ask English-speaker editor to check our script, but we'll make sure to fix the mistakes in the next update. ^^

NSAIDDeveloper2 years ago(+2)

Heya, I'm the one who is responsible for programming here. I intentionally disabled the popup after one appears, because I think it would be annoying to see the same definition of the same word. You can always access the definition on the "Index" menu. Let me know if you have something bothers you again!

Sᴜɴʀɪsᴇ OᴀᴛʜSubmitted2 years ago(+2)

(Tim) I really enjoyed this one. It feels like there is still a lot of room for this story to be developed further, which is something I would definitely look forward to.

Between this and EDDA Cafe, I have come to expect high quality visual novels from Mushroomallow :)

Submitted

PROJECT: Halloween

NSAIDDeveloper2 years ago(+1)

Thank you for the feedback Tim! I expect high quality VN from Studio Madeleine Chai too!

Asakara Yoruto2 years ago (3 edits) (+3)

Attention: This comment is written with bad grammar.
Kohana, I believe that means "Small Flower".
Playing some visual novels can make you feel that the story is too short.
Knowing this is version 1.1. This game has potential if it ever got to at least 2 hours long.

If the storywriter can drag the story more and put more development to the characters, it will be more interesting. Put more lines of agony, put more of Ren's feelings when he confront someone else.
Even though the Ren is somewhat emotional, it is not enough to make reader relate with his decision. His character is not that hateable, but not likeable either.

What I can see changing from this story is only Iroha. Iroha had a grim background like Inuyasha, being hated by both sides. If this can be conveyed better and Ren had more actions to explore Iroha's circumstances, we can see how cool Ren is to be able to do something to help her surpass her complex.

What I want to say is, even though both are main characters, the amount of time they spent to know each other and develop in the current timeline in the main story are so few. Met, then part. Met, then part. Met, then will part according to the last choice.

The events after the last choice felt too sudden and rushed. The amount I spent on the climax felt like less than the prologue until before Ren entered Kohana. We are in Visual Novel world, and people appreciates word counts too. Since Kohana uses first person PoV, it will be easier to write how Ren feels add more dramatization to make the player knows how Ren feels and made him more relateable.

I love the name decision. I believe this Ren is written as 蓮 (Lotus), and Iroha is 花 (Flower). The using of Japanese references are great in the story. I hope the next version will be a great.

For the art, I think this webtoon anime style is pretty nice.

For music, I think the "Before Story" and "Credit" felt a bit off of the story content. It's spooky, but I didn't feel the story is spooky at all. For the others, I really like how all of them had "traditional japanese" attributes.

NSAIDDeveloper2 years ago (1 edit)

Thank you for the detailed feedback about the story and art in general! You are right about the origin of the name, glad someone picked it up :)

MushroomallowDeveloper2 years ago

Thank you so much for taking your time to write such thorough feedbacks! We do hope that we can flesh out the story more, but due to real life circumstances and our aim to fully release the game in 1 month development time, this is the best we can do. The extended version of the game has already been discussed with the team and when the writer finally get the chance to write again, we'll hopefully continue the development and we'll definitely take notes on everything you've said. ^^

Hans2 years ago(+1)

Bantuin om JP

NSAIDDeveloper2 years ago(+1)

Yes JP Soundworks has contributed 6 OST for this VN!

Hans2 years ago

He is a maestro in video game music world

JP Soundworks2 years ago(+5)

This game is a form where beautiful artworks meet beautiful story,
I really excited when I am composing the songs for this game.
I hope this game will bring some great time to you.
Cheers.

NSAIDDeveloper2 years ago

Thank you for your beautiful contribution! Without the OST Kohana wouldn't feel the same :)

MushroomallowDeveloper2 years ago

Your music really boost the mood of the game and we just can't thank you enough for your generous help, Jasson! Thank you again! ^^