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Love the clean design and usability! It looks like lots of thought was put in to make the module extremely usable - And I think its pretty genius how you combined both the map and room descriptions.

Disregard the mention of the statblock. I totally missed the Homogen description on my initial read thru (I got interrupted a couple times).

I think adding any type of foreshadowing to the relationship would be beneficial. The main issue is that you have a detailed series of events that happen, but its a lot of work for a Warden to communicate that to the players without explicitly telling them - or having NPC's lore dump the info.

Just an idea, in the "What Happened on Elsinore III?" what if you write the history as time stamped audio logs from Ophelia's perspective
"It was my first day of work at Elsinore III ...  I was brought here to help the terraforming process... I met my new boss DR.Polonius"

"I made a new friend named Laertes..."

"There was an accident today..."

It would accomplish the same thing (providing context to the module), and the players could come across the logs and piece the story together.  

I'm a professional jammer apparently!

Lol in all seriousness, just a dude with a bit of background in graphic design, an obsession with game design and a strong case of imposter syndrome. Would love to publish more stuff, but find it difficult to get the motivated outside the constraints of a jam (otherwise i would just be obsessively moving pixels back and forth and never release anything).

Thanks so much for the kind words!

I normally don't like justified text - but gave it a go trying to make it work.

Really cool art and aesthetic, and I really like the O2 mechanic and I think it work work very well during play. So after processing this adventure I just have some thoughts about what is going on, and let me know how accurate my comprehension is.

Ophelia was in love with Laertes (who has been assimilated into the Homogen) - So she plays piano for the abomination to lull it to sleep. I assume Ophelia has kind of a weird relationship with the Homogen, as it killed her love, but now her love exists within it. She probably doesn't want to see it harmed or destroyed. I think that creates some interesting tension between Ophelia and the players (and I think perhaps your intention?). But my suggestion is just be a little more explicit about Ophelia's relationship with the Homogen. Also in the security room there is a picture that hints at Ophelia's relationship with Laertes. I would try to include more things the players can find to unravel the story before they meet Ophelia (like a defaced plaque of Dr.Polonius scrated with the words "Justice for Laertes"), more elements of show, don't tell.  I would also like to see some instructions on what the Homogen does once it awakes, and a statblock.

Overall a solid adventure filled with horror and melancholy, and something I would love to run :)

Overall I love the concept - theme is great and it's super creepy. If I were to run it, I would definitely focus the  Dupli-Skin marketing  around the product being  synthetically grown 100% ethical skin, to enhance the payoff when the players reach the den.  Both NPC and room descriptions were super evocative, and would be easy to run at the table in that sense - though tracking NPC movements may be a bit complicated. I would like to see an NPC to be keen on offering a free sample - or I would try to manufacture a situation where a pc needs to get Dupli-Skinned to save their life (just to make use of your infection table). I would also love to see you play up the horror on the events table. Rather than just npcs changing locations have them doing something at the same time (like farm staff transporting a  garbage bin filled with skinless corpses for disposal). 

It was a really enjoyable read, and look forward to running it at some point :)

An incredibly fun read & I love the aesthetic.

I am a sucker for random tables and I feel like I could roll up some interesting patrons ( A clearly drunk child covered in blood hogging all the pool toys!) Looks like it would be fun to spring on the players while on vacation leave. The NPC's seem fun and flavourful. Is Mr. Hinch intended to be an adversary when he arrives or would he try to get the players to help him. Could be interesting if his objective was to just kill everyone at the park and coverup the disaster.

I think the mechanic is really cool & I just wanted to provide some thoughts.

First off, I love how its written in a conversational tone. I can see the vibe you're going for and it totally works. Its great how you included a brief summary of how the mechanics play out - but iI feel the DIVE IN section could benefit from having an infographic, or an example of how it plays in action (I had to re-read a few times before it sunk in). I love how you've included tools to scale the mechanic difficulty, and flavourful in universe items to make it easier. The main issue I noticed is as the complexity increases I could see it taking a really long time to perform a hack.  If the defender rolls a 50 and the hacker rolls a 20. They would need to node jump 10 times, to match the defender's result (and that is just 1 layer). Maybe have the Node Jump range increase with the complexity as well? 

Let me know if I overlooked something, because I feel this process could take a while and be a lot of dice rolling.

Overall it's a fun read, and I would be interested seeing it in action :)

Thanks so much for the kind words, and taking the time to provide feedback as it's super useful.

I don't think the key card thing is a you problem. It was honestly a last minute addition. There are some other places where I've implied some stuff without being super direct about it. For example Soggy Jack has a treasure map, that could lead the players to the treasure in the ocean simulator. I think maybe a little bit of this might be ok in a trifold format as your word count is limited - but too much of it might confuse the warden, and make it more difficult to run.

I think the hook / the ability to nope out is an issue with this adventure. I do think I need to flesh out the hook to better motivate the players. It's definitely something I plan on looking at.

Thanks again for the feedback, I really appreciate it :)

Thanks so much for taking the time to provide some feedback, I truly appreciate it!

You totally pointed out some of the things I struggled with. When I submitted for approval one of the notes I got back was regarding the quest hook / and how to start the adventure. Initially I made it too vague and open - Initially I included some inspiration on how the Warden could start the adventure (That was the idea behind the Now Hiring and Octocon Ads, alongside a handwritten message of warning). It was extremely unclear.  I reworded the handwritten portion on the cover to allude that a distress signal was sent out, people need saving, and there is valuable treasure on board. I get that Mothership isn't really about heroes seeking treasure so it is a pretty weak hook. Perhaps the investors of the station needs the PC's to recover some classified research in the labs? 

I did start by trying a central map - but I was having a difficult time with the layout and scrapped it as I was running out of time.  When I was envisioning the product, I had the idea of a theme park brochure, where there is sort of an abstracted, illustrated map - but I realized how hard it would be to squeeze all that detail combined with room descriptions. And you're totally right about the colors. Not really sure why I chose to make them slightly different - When I make some changes, that will likely be one of them.

Thanks again, your feedback has got already got me thinking how to improve it :) 

Yeah... if you open the PDF in a web browser it seems to display as pages regardless. The spreads file, only seems to display as spreads in adobe acrobat, or other PDF viewers. Not sure if there is something I need to change on my end to change this.

I would love to - this whole publishing thing is still pretty new to me. I will be looking into print on demand options though, or maybe doing a small print run if there is demand :)

Hahaha! It never occurred to me that Rancher Greg could be breeding Purebred Greg's, and I hope eventually someone will roll this result! Thanks for the kind words

What a great adventure, the perfect amount of salt and weirdness! The Dwarks seem like such an interesting faction to run. I love how their motivations vary throughout the adventure - I could see players having lots of fun interacting with them.  The writing was top notch, and I like how there were some helpful paragraphs with gm advice sprinkled in. Look forward to running this!

Wow! This adventure is truly amazing!! Perfectly designed around the cheese theme, with the exact amount of weirdness and fun. The layout is impressive and looks like a blast to run. I really look forward to running this as it really fits my gm style - and my group would absolutely love it too.  Amazing work

Such a fun read! I love the modular design, and anger mechanic is cool - designing the rooms to be used multiple times is really neat. The dungeon rooms are creative and interesting and layout is also super clean and accessible. Truly a railroad any adventurer would be excited to play!! Great Work

Lol, with a big glass of milk ;)

The embrace mechanic is really neat. I love how it when it progresses it provides a benefit and then the player will just accept it. Interesting how it would be in play, the -1 to all rolls seems pretty punishing and could be a slippery slope. The art, layout, iconography are all top notch! Very cool, super weird and evocative. 

Thanks so much! I used InDesign for the layout, drew the map using Illustrator, and a lot of Photoshop to edit all the images.

Hahaha, who knows, it could be him! Those spandex supervillain costumes are extremely slimming ;)

Great vibes, such a unique, weird concept. Clean design and great writing, and great use of environmental storytelling!

This is oozing with flavour! Amazing art, great ux - truly a work of art! The new classes look super fun, look forward to giving this a try.

Charming artwork and a great premise for an adventure!

Beautiful layout - The clock curse mechanic is really cool!!

Thanks for the kind words. One of my design goals was to try and make it instantly playable without any prep. There are so many adventures (from gigantic publishers) that are not table friendly and its super frustrating!