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I love the design on this module – the high-contract, shadowed art aligns really well with the content and looks great. Conceptually, this is a really delightful premise.

• If you’re going to be referencing the Solarian Church, it would be good to A) include a reference to A Pound of Flesh as the source of inspiration, and B) consider adding some detail on what the heretical practices of Sol Incarnate might be. They obviously do some awful shit as the module progresses, but for someone unfamiliar with the Solarian belief system, for all they know this could be standard practice.
• I gotta say, “Sol-Mate” really got me. Well done!
• It would be helpful to clarify how soon “The Long Night” begins after the players arrive. Is there a particular trigger or inflection during the module when it would be most dramatic to introduce this?
• Under the “Timeline”, things are generally well laid out, but the text under each bullet looks a little mismatched (e.g. the line for “6 months” looks particularly odd because the bold of “Sacramental Ritual” looks like it’s a continuation of “6 months” rather than the preceding sentence). I think it only looks so odd because of the gap between the timeline date and the content of that timeline entry – if you either removed that gap or aligned all the text of the timeline entries so they stacked more neatly it would look better.
• It’s not 100% necessary, but it would be help in consistency if all of the NPCs either had a stat block of their own or a universal stat block for all NPCs. It sticks out a bit that there are multiple named NPCs, but only the priests have a stat block.

Overall, I like this quite a bit. The art and contrasts are great and the layout is pretty strong. The biggest thing for me is getting the timing of events in the module clear. If you can tighten that up, I think it would really improve the whole adventure!

Hey, thanks for the feedback! Yes, the texture thing is something I was debating and ultimately didn't have time to integrate. The photograph of the moon on the cover has a lovely texture to it that is ultimately what I'd probably apply to the rest.

That is an excellent point regarding the final puzzle that I'd not really considered! My writing this time was definitely focused on vibes rather than traditional adventure design, so now that's something I can go back in and tighten up.

Hm, if you wanted a shorter myth list or just to trim space, you could consider using a d10 with ranges. So it would be 5 myth entries, each as detailed as what you originally included, but with a result range of 1-2, 3-4, etc. Just something to consider!

Heyyo, I really like this one! It’s a huge improvement over the initial draft, so props for taking it so far. The first thing that really stands out to me is the art. The use of color splashes really brings the page to life in a way I’ve not seen done often and I adore it. The layout is also nicely done -it’s clean and easy to read, which is no small task with the amount of information included in this trifold.

A few notes on things that could be improved:

• I like the NPCs, but think that S4vant may be at risk of falling into exposition-dump territory. I’d think about ways some of the information that S4vant provides could be distributed organically across the locations/characters so that there’s not one principal point of information.
• I really like the various myths that you’ve chosen here, and they’re clearly the focal point of the module. However, because they take up so much space it doesn’t leave much room for your actual adventure. I’d think about ways that some of the myth descriptions could be slimmed down to fit on a single panel or where you could compress other descriptions to give the locations a little more space.
• I wonder if it’s necessary to include individual wounds/health for the various mythic creatures considering the Curator’s health is tied to the pillars. If the only way to defeat the Curator is to destroy the pillars, then it basically gives the Curator W: 5 (60). Also, minor nitpick, but armor in Mothership is designated AP, not A (e.g. Talos would read C:86 I:60 AP:10).
• Aesthetically, the only panel that doesn’t work is Panel 5 (Locations), and that is just because of the background grid. It makes it really hard to read the text on this page, so I’d personally get rid of the grid and leave a nice, clean background like the other pages. You really don’t need to add anything here.

Overall, this is a really neat module with some big ideas and beautiful art. Very impressive!

Hey, thanks for the feedback! The threats themselves were meant to be limited as I wanted the focus to be in the feeling of the place rather than specific dangers (a sense of melancholy rather than terror). I get the feedback on the descent table - I'm not sure I'd turn what I have into a sequence of events or have a series of events with this as a modifier table.

I may expand this a bit into a zine down the line so that I can add more content while maintaining the minimalist design, but we'll see!

Fair enough! Appreciate the clarity, and that you enjoyed the concept/layout. I agree with the art on the center panel if page two - that was a last minute change that I almost instantly regretted.

A lot of this was an experiment on my part as to how minimalistic I could make an adventure and still have it be, well, a usable adventure, so there's definitely some rough corners.

Hey, thanks for the feedback! To clarify, the crust isn't 1 km thick - that's the approximate distance from the interior's surface to the ceiling above. 

Curious if you could clarify what was unclear around the Crumbling Effects?

I loved this module. I was a bit perplexed at first as I thought it was a field guide from the perspective of the insurgents upon first reading the cover, but I actually dig it more in a darkly humorous way being from the corp side. I agree with some comments that it could be a bit more humorous - the self-seriousness of fascism mixed with corporate buzzwords and such is ripe for self-parody, and I think this could do with a little Starship Troopers' style hoo-rah posturing.

Depending on how the use case you intended for this module, a bit more adventure structure could be a boon for wardens. The background and writing is all really tight, but doesn't necessarily include a lot of one-shot or adventure structure. I really dig the ambush map/layout, though some of the text could use a little more polish - there's some margin-bleed on a couple of the words within the convoy boxes. 

A very small critique, but I don't think an organization like this would ever admit to "genuinely having no idea" how the rebels got hold of anything (re: the text on the HMG). 

Overall, well-written, extremely well designed/organized, and a helluva lot of extremely bleak fun.

First off, this is beautiful. I was excited to read this from the jump when I saw the art, and the fact that you made a soundtrack is incredible - kudos!

I deeply enjoy the vibes. I think one of the things that Mothership could use more of is existential dread and the horrors of melancholia. I think that Gradient Descent is the ur-text for Mothership in that regard, and I’m getting similar vibes from this, which is the highest praise I can give in terms of emotional texture.

Content and mechanics-wise, I do have some notes:

• As expressed separately, a clear and concise summary at the top can really set the stage for the module. Some of the information from the timeline could easily be moved into the summary on the front panel, with the current first paragraph acting as the final statement of intent for the module.
• Along a similar line, refrain from redundant information or restating the same information in different ways, especially when you’ve limited space. The quotes from the NPCs could be condensed, or their motivations shifted to bulletpoints. I would only include quotes if they are flavorful, useful, and/or interesting - the quote from Claudius (“Get the Data Back-up and Black Box from the control room”) isn’t really any of the above as this info was included on the front cover. One of the bullets for Ophelia is a character action/reaction, not a quote, so I would either shift it into the main body of her summary or change the format to all bullet points.
• Minor note, but I would include info on whether diving suits have AP or the like. It’s fine if they don’t, but it’s always helpful to clarify for GMs or players that want to know. We all have that one player that will definitely ask.
• The timeline could use some context as to the actual passage of time between events. One bullet lists 12 months, but there’s no info on how long it was between Ophelia beginning the terraforming project and falling in love with Laertes.
• Some info on why the base was destroyed by flooding, specifically, would be good. Was it built partially submerged due to the planet being primarily oceanic? Is it a side-effect of the terraforming process creating large volumes of water? The O2 mechanics are very cool, but not 100% clear why they are necessary for this facility.
• For the map, I personally found the numbering confusing at first. After a bit I got it (00 being the top floor, 11 being floor 1, room 1, etc.), but I think something as simple as adding a dash to designate floor-room would make it easier to parse (e.g. instead of 21, include 2-1 for floor 2, room 1). It made me feel like I was a little crazy at first trying to figure out how we get from room 00 to room 21!
• The gray font on room text in the map blends with the background a little. It’s legible, but a little harder than it needs to be to read on a laptop.
• The map mentions a “Blow Torch” being required. Is this equivalent to the Hand Welder from the PSG? If so, I would either note the stats for it as Blow Torch (as Hand Welder) or just replace it with Hand Welder. Room 32 (Living Quarters) notes a Blow Torch floating around - it would be useful to note whether it has a full or partial charge, because that could dictate which rooms PCs may decide to try to access once they have it in hand if it doesn’t have enough juice to cut through all the locked doors.

I feel like that was a lot of critique, but it’s mostly because I can see how much love went into this and want to see it really sing. The map is far and away the most detailed part of this module, and it’s a thing of beauty. If you ever want to discuss anything in more detail, just let me know.

Thanks for this! The feedback on the typos is deeply aggravating - I specifically did a couple passes to resolve those because I instinctually kept typing "MCM" instead of "MMC"...

Thanks so much for the feedback! I would love to hear anything else you have to add. You're welcome to DM me on Discord (@Buzzahfoo).

Thanks for the feedback! I intend to revise the module after the jam, so can tighten up the language around the crash. The lack of ASA stats was intentional as they are intended to be more passive and I didn't want to waste space, but I get the critique!