Heyyo, I really like this one! It’s a huge improvement over the initial draft, so props for taking it so far. The first thing that really stands out to me is the art. The use of color splashes really brings the page to life in a way I’ve not seen done often and I adore it. The layout is also nicely done -it’s clean and easy to read, which is no small task with the amount of information included in this trifold.
A few notes on things that could be improved:
- I like the NPCs, but think that S4vant may be at risk of falling into exposition-dump territory. I’d think about ways some of the information that S4vant provides could be distributed organically across the locations/characters so that there’s not one principal point of information.
- I really like the various myths that you’ve chosen here, and they’re clearly the focal point of the module. However, because they take up so much space it doesn’t leave much room for your actual adventure. I’d think about ways that some of the myth descriptions could be slimmed down to fit on a single panel or where you could compress other descriptions to give the locations a little more space.
- I wonder if it’s necessary to include individual wounds/health for the various mythic creatures considering the Curator’s health is tied to the pillars. If the only way to defeat the Curator is to destroy the pillars, then it basically gives the Curator W: 5 (60). Also, minor nitpick, but armor in Mothership is designated AP, not A (e.g. Talos would read C:86 I:60 AP:10).
- Aesthetically, the only panel that doesn’t work is Panel 5 (Locations), and that is just because of the background grid. It makes it really hard to read the text on this page, so I’d personally get rid of the grid and leave a nice, clean background like the other pages. You really don’t need to add anything here.
Overall, this is a really neat module with some big ideas and beautiful art. Very impressive!