Holy wall of text, Batman. One of the criticisms of my submission was that I'd tried to pack a zine into a trifold, and you've got at least twice the amount of content that I do. I can tell that there are some extremely cool ideas here, but it's too much to absorb in this format, even for a guy who likes information density as much as I do.

I like the idea of clipping a paperclip to the physical product as a tracker, though I feel like there's enough need to flip back and forth to get all the information on this one that you'd end up knocking it inadvertently. It'd be super cool in like a zine if there was a flap inside the back cover to fold out for that.

Anyway, judging by the text at the bottom, it seems like you're mostly doing this to promote a larger commercial product, so it makes sense that there's a lot here. Maybe when you saw the theme,  you saw an opportunity to use some of the rules you were working on, but then you had to include all those rules in addition to the scenario and didn't anticipate quite how much text that would require.

I feel like to run this would require copying out all the info myself into a more usable format, and I'm not about to do that. However, I'm very curious to see the actual product.

There's a ton here to love, I think it's weird and trippy and unique in its exploration of the "under the surface" theme! I think the art is excellent and the idea of doubling the cover art as a map is wicked smart. Warden advice for portraying the dream world is very welcome and structuring the player experience into acts helps make the volume of information more digestible!

My only real issue is that the text is all far too small to be feasible. You'll want to look into some strong revisions in order to accommodate some of the limitations of print (bleed, margins, etc.). Even if it ends up expanding into a small zine, you've got a strong concept and some strong writing to make a potential jump worthwhile! Good work!

The Vibes here are excellent! I think that some reformatting of the layout and information could really help this to sing! in particular I would swap the panels 2 and 5 (top of each page read Rising Tide, Rules for Escalation and REM-86 “THE DEEP SLEEP”) this would put the section explaining what the PC’s are here for/doing up front so all the other info can be read with that context in mind!

additionally, if you plan on this being a print product I’d certainly add a bit of a margin and bleed.

This is a super cool concept and one I’d love to take my players through, so I hope you do a post Jam version and really bring it to its full potential!

I read through you jam entry. Here's my written commentary on your adventure content and layout:
---Small font size and textured background make it difficult to read, as well flow of information a little complex to follow

---Cool concept with the paperclip tracker. Very small tho, I'd need a tiny paperclip.

---I like the map and how it aligns with the text in the middle column. Many crossed lines could be avoided by adjusting text flow.

---Would benefit from some formatting to break up the text and highlight key terms. Bold, italic, and underlines

---Interesting surreal dreamscape exploration, pushes the boundaries of a traditional adventure

I really loved the theming with this one, I really enjoy how you play with a more literal interpretation, 'beneath the surface' and a more esoteric one with the dream! Here is my feedback:
+ Really evocative and interesting concept.
+ I like how you use the format itself and thought about how it would work as a physical object. I love the tracker on the side and the way the map is laid out.
- The layout itself feels a bit cramped. I think the text needs a bit more space to breathe between each paragraph.
- The flow of the document is a bit confusing; I was unclear as to where I should start reading it.
- Minor inconsistency with how the dream tide is referred to, submerged should be deep.