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Commit To Memory's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Favorability - how much do you personally like the submission? | #19 | 3.456 | 3.563 |
| Usability - How "pick up & play" is this for a Warden? | #21 | 3.274 | 3.375 |
| Theme - How well does it match the Jam's Theme? | #21 | 3.820 | 3.938 |
| Overall | #27 | 3.274 | 3.375 |
| Polish - How is the overall look/vibes/writing & design? | #35 | 2.547 | 2.625 |
Ranked from 16 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
hiya, here are some stray notes i took while reading this one!
first thought -- hell yeah, this is the kind of faustian bargain i come to mothership for. so much to sink yr teeth into.
i feel like i'd wanna luxuriate in this setting, like maybe run it not as a one-shot but let it bubble up more slowly. take time getting to know the space, the factions, the npcs, etc. maybe even have the party show up before receiving the job via comms or something. really let them think for a good long while about stepping into the memory machine.
id be curious to read more about successful playtests and how player navigate the setting, how they go about finding barbara.
fantastic concept and great tie-in to the theme on multiple levels! v cool work, enjoyed reading this one!
Great, highly original idea that doesn't quite live up to its potential due to layout and information prioritization issues.
Giant cosmic horror living in a the gas giant below? Great. Memory tendrils and stolen minds? Awesome. Sandbox setting with a lot of secondary stuff going on, love it.
So, what's not as great?
Thank you for your candid feedback, I really appreciate it. I agree that the aspects you point out could be enhanced to strengthen the adventure if they were adjusted. All of these are very valid and the entry would benefit from some changes to accommodate these. You’ve given me a lot to reflect on as I consider ways to enhance this adventure, and what to keep in mind as I develop future ones.
While I'm pretty let down by the visual treatment, I think this is some of the strongest writing and execution in the jam! The "under the surface" theme is echoed in several areas of the module, and it functions really effectively as both a narrative adventure and a primer for a full-ass shore leave destination.
You can piece together the truth in a variety of ways and there's something interesting around every corner. You've a good few sessions of sandbox play packed into this one and that's a hard bargain to beat. Cirrus Station could be plugged into any campaign and it would be well worth the detour!
Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it. I was pleased with the writing and wanted the theme to reappear on a few different levels. I agree that the visual treatment leaves something be desired. If you don’t mind me asking, which specific visual elements detracted from the overall piece?
Separately as I’ve been reviewing the other entries I’ve realized taking a graphic design class would be really beneficial. It’s definitely an area I can develop and grow into.
Happy to expand! Here's the big three for me.
Happy to chat more on solutions and stuff via DMs if you're interested!
I appreciate you highlighting these opportunities for me, thank you. I will shoot you a DM, it would be great to chat more!
A cool mechanic for players to utilize with long term implications, tied to an intriguing story to discover it.
+ Lots of details in prevelant locations, making the location feel lived in
+ A fun interpretation of the theme, using lies of the institution rather than relying on physical depictions of the theme
+ Enables an opportunity of risk-reward to learn new skills for cheap, at the long term issues of withdrawal
If you're looking for feedback, let me know and I'll expand further.
Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate it. If you have the chance to expand more I am always eager for feedback. If there are things that could be changed to enhance how the adventure hits, that is always helpful too.
Certainly. My main point of feedback is that, although there many NPCs the players can talk to, it feels difficult to determine how useful they are and how they are tied to the plot. All the NPCs seem to belong into one of three groups: PTI students, Dargan Cartel, and Cirrus Station residents. I would love to have a section that breaks each group down to establish what information/ experience they generally have with the plot, especially regarding Barbara and Sal. I feel you can open some space to do so by removing the location table (numbering the location headers instead) and the Skills table (as I'm unsure how this table is meant to be used). By establishing this information, I feel it is a lot easier for Wardens to come up with information on the spot and strengthen these tangling plot points, creating a deep mystery.
A minor point is, given the rarity to directly see the Dream Eater, I wonder if the Cosmic Nightmare table can be made to be more involved/ punishing. Also, given that, if players use the Memory Machine and leave, it would nice to know what happens when they fail to repeat the process, like withdrawal symptoms.
Overall, I feel there is great potential to create a multiple session mystery, especially once every NPCs' possessed knowledge is organized.
This is really helpful, I appreciate the depth and consideration you've given in your response. I agree that I could rearrange some information (or remove some) and give more focus to the areas you highlight. Thanks for your time putting this together, I am grateful