Ohhh now reading this again I see I’ve misunderstood. I thought power, craft, care etc are categories. And that at some point I’ll be adding skills to those categories like potion making let’s say under craft.
Now I see that power, craft, care etc ARE the skills and the lessons are what goes in the empty space in the quadrants
Thanks. I read those sections a few times but for some reason I got confused.
I finished chapter 1 yesterday and had a fantastic time.
Just like MadMerryM below though I can't figure out how and when to add skills. The Rest at the end of the first chapter mentions writing a lesson under the relevant skill, but there was no instructions on adding skills to begin with. Is there a list of skills to choose from? How many should I add per quadrant?
I'm very confused..
agreed though the bit about the inconsistent pronouns on p114 is about consistency but also about inclusiveness. It feels to me like the game does such a fantastic job of consistently giving space to the player to choose their own genders or lack of genders so with or without a bounty I’d still defend that one 😅
appendix Four - Five Or So Questions About Thousand Year Old Vampire
"... with the biggest difference being that a reaching back to my old studio process." - is confusing - perhaps "the biggest difference is a reaching back to my old studio process"?
"I could ingest or enjoy or experience the thing I was making it as it was made" should be "I could ingest or enjoy or experience the thing I was making as it was made"
"It was fast and amazing and it’s how I want to be." - is this what you really meant or "it's how I want it to be"?
"Journaling is a usually a thing you do alone" should be "Journaling is usually a thing you do alone"
"Eventually you run out of space for Memories, so you older Memories to a Diary" should most likely be "Eventually you run out of space for Memories, so you move older Memories to a Diary"
"You can and will lose our Diary" should be "You can and will lose your Diary"
"Eventually you have an ancient, creaky vampire who doesn’t remember that he was once a Roman emperor, or that they used to live on a glacier, or that he fell in love
two hundred years ago. But they at least know how to use a computer" - the pronouns here are inconsistent
appendix four - Thousand Year Old Vampire Arises
"The objects I made might have flaws, but the flaws became a portrait of the
making" - should probably be "The objects I made might have had flaws, but the flaws became a portrait of the making"
"I’ve started vampire’s in ancient Mesopotamia," should be "I’ve started vampires in ancient Mesopotamia,"
"This let’s a page of Prompt entries become a mini-story arc;" should be "This lets a page of Prompt entries become a mini-story arc;"
"Some Prompts make a space that can used as a point of thinking about queerness for people like me, I think." should be "Some Prompts make space that can be used as a point of thinking about queerness for people like me, I think."
" so on a train the vampire is betrayed by his immortal former wife harms him grievously" should be " so on a train the vampire is betrayed by his immortal former wife who harms him grievously"
The last page of appendix four, the text after " And this might be the greatest testament I can give my own game:" is covered by the graphic
Lovely game Tim, proofreading it was a lot of fun to do. I think I'll stop here for the time being and take a break. Hope this was useful!
appendix Three - "... continue working your way around clockwise adding dots and chapter numbers as notice your responses to play and..." should be as you notice your responses to play ( also "responses to play" sounds awkward - perhaps responses to your playthrough?)
"...connect the dots with lines as you go making a chart of your play experience." - "as you go" sounds clunky - might be better to say something like "as you proceed" or as you "as you go on"
"Add dots and notes accordingly, but don’t worry if you aren’t finding your experience described on the flower - not everyone’s will be." - it's a bit clunky - perhaps "Add dots and notes accordingly, but don't worry if your experience isn't described on the flower". Or if you really want to stick to the same phrasing then - "if you can't find your experience on the flower". Another benefit is that then you can simplify the "not everyone will be" to "not everyone will".
" Play experiences in the red indicates that you should probably be aware of and steer away from these moments." should be "Play experiences in the red indicate that you should probably be aware of and steer away from these moments" or "Having play experiences in the red indicates that.."
p27 Which Character suffers and dies because your actions? should be Which Character suffers and dies because of your actions?
p28 What peril do they pull down upon you? should be What peril do they bring down upon you?
p29 You are exposed as a monster and flee to a far off land should technically be flee to a far-off land
p33 not really a correction but - "You know where the old things are" seems like a confusing prompt to me
p36 a fever dream spun of cobwebs should be a fevered dream spun of cobwebs
p38 Your whole being becomes centered in your senses and your hungers should be
Your whole being becomes centered on your senses and your hungers. (Also technically hungers should probably be hunger unless this was a conscious choice.)
p42 You remain ageless as your friends slowly curl and dry up; - I found this confusing. I figure it's a creative way of showing that these friends are aging but I think it's a bit of a strange way of expressing it
p43 "That Resource once belonged to another Character, but you had forgotten" - to be grammatically correct forget needs an object. So it should be something more like - "but you have forgotten this" or "..., a fact you had forgotten"
p94 prompt 51-You emerge from your delirium having mixed events up in your brain - sounds wrong to me, looking at the collins dictionary I can see mixed up is actually an adjective. In which case it seems the sentence should be 'having mixed up events in your brain'
p94 prompt 51 - this isn't a correction but more of a clarification question about the rules - "You find that your body and mind recover from the sickness more monstrous and powerful than before. Gain a Mark. Mark your “hazy” Memory slot as “vast”—you may now fit two additional Experiences in that Memory slot." - is this Memory slot vast and hazy - as in - do these two additional experiences have to be "hazy" ones?
p98 - You find a substitute for your current food source. How is a change in sustenance expressed in your physical appearance? - I think in this case it should be how is this change in sustenance... because it's referring to the specific change mentioned in the previous sentence.
p91 and p102 - the Alternate Ending Prompt title look slightly pixelated
p104 - Create a Mark which makes you more alike to them - I think it should be which makes you more alike or makes you more like them
p106 - The graphics partially cover the first letter of each row after "If you yet retain it as a Resource, strike it out now."
p109 - Feasting of them should be feasting on them
p109 Prompt 98 - I don't think environ is the right word here. It's apparently a verb which means to surround e.g - "the stone circle was environed by an expanse of peat soil"
p112 -..., abandoned these long many years since you yourself took refuge there. - should be either these many long years or these long years or these many years
p113 -"Awakening one evening, you find a terrified mortal bound and left by other mortals for you to feast upon" - should have a comma between mortal and bound -
Awakening one evening, you find a terrified mortal, bound and left by other mortals for you to feast upon
p114 prompt 110- "How long do they wait to descend on your leavings?" is confusing, perhaps "How long do they wait to descend upon what you left behind?"
Also p114 prompt 110 - He is pounding at some door. There is a great scrabbling of tiny feet. You hear his screams as he is overtaken by many mouths, many beaks, many fangs. - uses gendered pronouns, it's inconsistent with the rest of the book, though perhaps intentional?
p115- How do you confront this philosophical question, and this fool of bad judgment? - it's initially confusing but on a second read I realized that 'of bad judgement' is connected to the verb 'confront'. It might be easier to read if you say 'this fool of their bad judgement'
p117 prompt 123 - the graphic is partially covering the 'g' in dwelling
p117 prompt 124 - the same graphic is covering the 'n' in mistaken
p119 prompt 135 - the graphic behind the text makes the text hard to read
p85 These new vulnerabilities prove a key to learning about your nature - I think it's these new vulnerabilities prove key to learning about your nature
p85 A wrong you've long mulled you now forgive. - I think it should be mulled over - you mull wine but mull over an idea
p85 prompt 21 the graphic is almost covering the word 'dead'
p86 Rage as you watch your hard work turned the benefit of others - should be turn to the benefit of others
p86 A poet enraptures you with their art. You manipulate him and inadvertently crush their spirit, their poems are dead. - the pronouns are inconsistent - it should be ' you manipulate them' instead of him.
p87 - Snatch up those who wander in darkness. - in my mind it should be wander in the darkness because it's not a metaphorical darkness but the specific darkness beyond the fire light, but I might've misunderstood what you meant here :)
p87 - It is awkward, at the least - should be It is awkward, in the least. - These are from the collins dictionary -
p87 - Check a Skill and to fail to put them on the proper path. - I'm not sure what you mean here, Tim?
p88 - You’ve lost focused and everything burns. should be You’ve lost focus and everything burns. (Also probably not very important but the graphic is covering the page number)
p61 You confuse living mortals with the a dead Character all the time should be You confuse living mortals with a dead Character all the time
p67 Modify an old Memory to include an anachronistic use of this sort contemporary communication technology should be Modify an old Memory to include an anachronistic use of this sort of contemporary communication technology
p82 The tiny dramas played out by these creatures comes to fascinate you should be The tiny dramas played out by these creatures come to fascinate you ( because come should be conjugated to match the word 'dramas' )
p82 Create two mortal Characters with a divergent interests in this mysterious affliction should be Create two mortal Characters with divergent interests in this mysterious affliction.
p83 it's own microcosm proof against the rule of authority should be its own microcosm proof against the rule of authority.
p86 You discover a technological principle or invention far before it's time should be
You discover a technological principle or invention far before its time.
Appendix IV - Because TYOV is a solo game it’s making was a self-contained process,
should be Because TYOV is a solo game its making was a self-contained process,
also - piece that becomes a record of it’s own making should be piece that becomes a record of its own making
also - if it’s best form happens to be a book should be its best form happens to be a book
p52 - the beauty of the dawn - I think it probably should be "the beauty of dawn"
p55 - remain in shadows - I think it should be "remain in the shadows"
p56 - as to it's purpose should be as to its purpose
p57 - You are brought to the site of one your oldest crimes should be You are brought to the site of one of your oldest crimes.
