appendix Four - Five Or So Questions About Thousand Year Old Vampire
"... with the biggest difference being that a reaching back to my old studio process." - is confusing - perhaps "the biggest difference is a reaching back to my old studio process"?
"I could ingest or enjoy or experience the thing I was making it as it was made" should be "I could ingest or enjoy or experience the thing I was making as it was made"
"It was fast and amazing and it’s how I want to be." - is this what you really meant or "it's how I want it to be"?
"Journaling is a usually a thing you do alone" should be "Journaling is usually a thing you do alone"
"Eventually you run out of space for Memories, so you older Memories to a Diary" should most likely be "Eventually you run out of space for Memories, so you move older Memories to a Diary"
"You can and will lose our Diary" should be "You can and will lose your Diary"
"Eventually you have an ancient, creaky vampire who doesn’t remember that he was once a Roman emperor, or that they used to live on a glacier, or that he fell in love
two hundred years ago. But they at least know how to use a computer" - the pronouns here are inconsistent
appendix four - Thousand Year Old Vampire Arises
"The objects I made might have flaws, but the flaws became a portrait of the
making" - should probably be "The objects I made might have had flaws, but the flaws became a portrait of the making"
"I’ve started vampire’s in ancient Mesopotamia," should be "I’ve started vampires in ancient Mesopotamia,"
"This let’s a page of Prompt entries become a mini-story arc;" should be "This lets a page of Prompt entries become a mini-story arc;"
"Some Prompts make a space that can used as a point of thinking about queerness for people like me, I think." should be "Some Prompts make space that can be used as a point of thinking about queerness for people like me, I think."
" so on a train the vampire is betrayed by his immortal former wife harms him grievously" should be " so on a train the vampire is betrayed by his immortal former wife who harms him grievously"
The last page of appendix four, the text after " And this might be the greatest testament I can give my own game:" is covered by the graphic
Lovely game Tim, proofreading it was a lot of fun to do. I think I'll stop here for the time being and take a break. Hope this was useful!