A charming game with an impressive amount of endings.
Mandy's story was my favorite.
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Marbles's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Score | #17 | 4.778 | 4.778 |
Ranked from 9 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Log Line
You're locked in the basement with four strangers during a friend's Halloween party. The offer to tell scary stories to pass the time is on the table.
Content Warnings
Swearing
Violence/Gore Depicted
Death/Bad Ends
Eye Trauma
Team Members
garbledmess - Writer, Programmer, Artist
Comments
Hey, I'm just going to leave my thoughts in here mostly unordered.
First of all, congrats on finishing this visual novel. It's super long for a one-month jam, which is even more impressive considering you did all of this yourself. This VN is very well done.
I like to leave feedback both of what I enjoyed and what could be improved. That being said, any improvements are pretty much nitpicking. The VN is great the way it is :)
The background art style is simple but effective. I like the way the unimportant background characters are drawn at the start - it saves time and fits into the background. Throughout the VN, I kept thinking to myself that the BGs are just... I don't know, artistic? I'm no artist so I can't quite pinpoint it, but I think it's the mix of the textures with the simple lines drawn on top that I like.
The way you pay attention to text presentation seems like such a small detail, but it makes a huge difference. Specifically when it stops on certain words and when you play with the font size. I remember considering doing something like that, but in the end, I lacked the time to go through with most of it.
At first, it was a bit confusing when characters interrupted each other and the textbox continued to the next lines automatically. I thought the game was bugging out, but once I figured out what was going on, it was a cool feature. Maybe you could wait a bit longer for the switch or find some other cool way to emphasize that it's someone being interrupted, although I don't have any ideas for how to do that.
If you want to work on this after the jam, I think you could benefit from some editing. It's always difficult to find your own typos since usually, the author *knows* what they wanted to say (speaking from experience here. I usually make the stupidest mistakes and am very grateful for my awesome editor). I saw some typos here and there and I'm sure a more dedicated proofreader could provide valuable assistance. Still, the few errors I saw weren't distracting. It's more of a quality of life suggestion!
I think I recognize the music from McLeod. Nicely chosen - the tracks fit the mood. Maybe you could have added a *few* more to counter ear-fatigue (mainly for the first bit), but it's always difficult to find what you need when having to scour royalty free music sites, so I feel ya, haha.
I like the complex group dynamics. Everyone feels well and distinctly characterized and the way they interact with each other is consistent. The little details like figuring out sitting arrangements work really well to drive the point home. Also, the expressions fit *so* well.
When they started drinking beer, all I could think was just that I really hope they have a bathroom down there lol. Luckily, it wasn't needed.
Looove the NVL mode with the CGs on the side. Beautiful layout. Also, packaging small spooky stories into the bigger one is neat. We used to love telling each other these type of stories on sleepovers back in school, so this was very nostalgic :)
My favorite of the small stories was Lucy's. Make of that what you want, I'm just leaving whatever feedback I have in case it helps in some way :D
When Devon started his story, the transition to the background with him at the table was very sudden. I didn't pay attention to the transitions before, so I think those weren't like that? Maybe you missed that one? When asked which story I liked best, I chose not to answer. I hope that helps you find the missing transition!
I think the ending I got was "Waking Nightmares Aren't So Bad If You Share The Trauma", unless it says that for every/multiple ending(s).
Again, this was a great ride. You conveyed the whole concept of "making friends" beautifully. I want to check out a lot of other jam games, but I'll come back to this one to hunt for different endings for sure afterwards!
Edit: and I totally forgot to tell you how much I loved the way the VN's name came into play towards the end!
Submitted
Perfection | Paper-thinThank you so much for enjoying my game!
Your nitpicks are very much appreciated because even little things can improve the game experience immensely. I have thoughts on all /your/ thoughts, but to not ramble too much, I'll just pick a few!
You're absolutely right on the interruption speed. I wasn't exactly sure how to fix that because I just learned the {nw} command and was flying through trying to get everything done, but I'm looking forward to learning more coding stuff, so I'll definitely jump in and fix that as soon as I find another way to do it! Because you're right, I could easily understand what was happening because I wrote it, but it's kinda too fast to read.
Editing was definitely on the list. I think I'm gonna not look at my game for another week or so and try to go back bit by bit to find things, reading them slowly out loud to see if I catch problems. I'm not sure where to go about getting a proofreader and my friends are busy, so I must conquer where I can, hahah!
This was my first usage of audio, so I'll definitely aspire to change it up more with future endeavors.
I know exactly where that transition is. I'll fix it soon!
That ending title is unique to that ending. That's a fun one! Friendship truly is magic, hahah! I hope you enjoy the rest of the endings if you're able to play them in the future~!
And thanks for your thoughts about the game title. I was originally thinking of changing it because I thought it might made some things too obvious early on, but... hehehe, it stuck with me.
Again, thank you so much for playing! I'm excited to play your game soon, too! <3
> I wasn't exactly sure how to fix that because I just learned the {nw} command and was flying through trying to get everything done
That typical jam feel, haha.
> I'm not sure where to go about getting a proofreader
I've been successful with the BetaReaders sub on reddit on occasion, although it's difficult to find people. Your best chances are the pinned thread where people that *want* to beta read comment that they're available.
> This was my first usage of audio
Oh wow, you did amazing with your music selection, so keep up the good work.
Good thing you kept the title. That was really just one of those "oh, *that's* where that title came from" moments, haha.
Omg, that's a lot of content! I've just seen a couple of endings and they were both really cool. I smiled at some points and freaked out a bit at others haha, good job!
Submitted
You will die in three daysOkay, so I'll try not to spoil anything here >.< I got a few different endings, but my favourite so far was the first one that I got 'We Can Go Together, Devon' x3 All the ones I saw were pretty awesome though! It's just in that one, I loved the extra attention to having the werewolf mask placed on MC! I am an absolute sucker for little details like that, hehe.
I'm trying to play at least a little of every game in the jam, even if it winds up taking me into November, so I'll have to come back and see what else happens because I feel like I'm missing out on a lot by only seeing 6 endings :3
Submitted
Limbo LineThank you so much for playing and enjoying!
That was one of my more favorite ends to work on, too! So I'm super glad it worked well.
Oh, I completely understand! There are so many good games in this jam (including yours!) and I want to play them all. I have to get on it, hahah! Please enjoy at a reasonable pace~
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